Random Notes
Saurabh Bansal Austin Rashmi Reading Running Statistics ProcessorsTuesday, December 02, 2008
Where I want to be Vs How I want to reach there and other Randoms
My wife and I turned 28 a few months back. And both of us now realize that the days of blissful carelessness are gone now. We are past the stage where we could think, "Oh, we will figure it out" or "We will do it when the time comes". This is the right time for everything that needs to be done, or needs to be started on.
This is no longer the time to try for that promotion or that job with single focus. Our lives have moved past that stage, and now incorporates family and friends significantly.
I always wanted to have a happy house. Now is the time to create that happiness.
I always wanted to have a comfortable job, and come back home on time everyday and spend time with family. Now is the time to get that job quickly and have that routine.
I always wanted to live with my parents for a while, now is the time to invite them over before it is too late. My father is 65 years old and may not have many years with him.
I met a nice live wire over the weekend. The lady is full of life, elegant and very very nice. Unfortunately, things are not that good at her domestic front. I kept wondering what a jackass her husband is to let go of her. But then, we all seek something different, and sometimes do not recognize a diamond when all we ever wanted was a twinkling quartz. Marriage is what we make of it, nothing more, nothing less - a lesson learnt.
My wife and I turned 28 a few months back. And both of us now realize that the days of blissful carelessness are gone now. We are past the stage where we could think, "Oh, we will figure it out" or "We will do it when the time comes". This is the right time for everything that needs to be done, or needs to be started on.
This is no longer the time to try for that promotion or that job with single focus. Our lives have moved past that stage, and now incorporates family and friends significantly.
I always wanted to have a happy house. Now is the time to create that happiness.
I always wanted to have a comfortable job, and come back home on time everyday and spend time with family. Now is the time to get that job quickly and have that routine.
I always wanted to live with my parents for a while, now is the time to invite them over before it is too late. My father is 65 years old and may not have many years with him.
I met a nice live wire over the weekend. The lady is full of life, elegant and very very nice. Unfortunately, things are not that good at her domestic front. I kept wondering what a jackass her husband is to let go of her. But then, we all seek something different, and sometimes do not recognize a diamond when all we ever wanted was a twinkling quartz. Marriage is what we make of it, nothing more, nothing less - a lesson learnt.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Randoms
1. There are folks who are just plain good to me and I don't know why. But I like it, and I hope I am able to show through words and actions that I appreciate their care.
2. There are folks who are just mean to me and I don't know why. But I do believe that they have their reasons that I will never know of. What I struggle with often is how to not reciprocate their hatred with mine.
3. There are folks who evaluate me on face, and say nice things. I hope they say the truth. There are folks who evaluate me on face, and don't say nice things. I hope I learn to take their criticism nicely.
4. There are folks who can share with me evaluations of others folks of me. I am scared to poke the former folks, because I don't want to know if the latter folks do not think highly of me. I seek solace in my ignorance, and probably for good.
5. There are folks who have been really patient with me, through my incompetence and brazenness. I hope I give them enough nice moments too.
6. I know that I will meet all above kinds of folks, and I hope that I learn something from these folks. But I realize that I will keep moving on in my life. So, here is my final hope that supersedes all;
I hope I have a nice home to go back to everyday.
1. There are folks who are just plain good to me and I don't know why. But I like it, and I hope I am able to show through words and actions that I appreciate their care.
2. There are folks who are just mean to me and I don't know why. But I do believe that they have their reasons that I will never know of. What I struggle with often is how to not reciprocate their hatred with mine.
3. There are folks who evaluate me on face, and say nice things. I hope they say the truth. There are folks who evaluate me on face, and don't say nice things. I hope I learn to take their criticism nicely.
4. There are folks who can share with me evaluations of others folks of me. I am scared to poke the former folks, because I don't want to know if the latter folks do not think highly of me. I seek solace in my ignorance, and probably for good.
5. There are folks who have been really patient with me, through my incompetence and brazenness. I hope I give them enough nice moments too.
6. I know that I will meet all above kinds of folks, and I hope that I learn something from these folks. But I realize that I will keep moving on in my life. So, here is my final hope that supersedes all;
I hope I have a nice home to go back to everyday.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Girly Movies and the Feel Good Factor
I recently watched two "girly" movies and really liked them! Another advantage of marriage: you get exposed a different kind of cinema that you didn't know you would like!
1. Legally Blonde : I love Reese Witherspoon. I loved her in Walk The Line and I loved her Oscar speech. It was a speech that showed her humility and a "small girl in big town" feeling!
Coming to the movie, her character was this really sort of "focused" girl who didn't think bad of others, didn't wish them bad, and just wanted to try her best to get what she wanted. She played fair, and she was a good person!
2. My Best Friend's Wedding : I love Julia Roberts as well. Come to think of it, I love Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johansson, Jessica Alba, the lady in Relic Hunter and Cameron Diaz as well.
But coming to the movie. I saw the movie and I realized how I decided over a period of time that I wanted to marry my wife. The movie had a very touching scene when the guy asked his fiancee Cameron Diaz to sing in a bar. She is reluctant because she sings horribly. But the guy insists and she starts singing. She sings terribly, but sings with all her heart. All people in the bar and her man realize that she is going through all of the humiliation just for her man. She was willing to risk her self esteem to do something that he wanted her to do.
I remember a time when I asked my wife to show up at my home. She had never been to my home, had every reason to believe that the reception at my home may be cold. But she showed up. And she tried to show to everybody how much she cared for them. And she did it again and again. Each time she took the risk of unpleasant situations just to show my folks that she cared for me.
Really, those were the times, when I realized that I couldn't probably put myself through what I asked her to. I am a cancerian, I fell for her the day I realized she loves my folks as much as I do.
I recently watched two "girly" movies and really liked them! Another advantage of marriage: you get exposed a different kind of cinema that you didn't know you would like!
1. Legally Blonde : I love Reese Witherspoon. I loved her in Walk The Line and I loved her Oscar speech. It was a speech that showed her humility and a "small girl in big town" feeling!
Coming to the movie, her character was this really sort of "focused" girl who didn't think bad of others, didn't wish them bad, and just wanted to try her best to get what she wanted. She played fair, and she was a good person!
2. My Best Friend's Wedding : I love Julia Roberts as well. Come to think of it, I love Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johansson, Jessica Alba, the lady in Relic Hunter and Cameron Diaz as well.
But coming to the movie. I saw the movie and I realized how I decided over a period of time that I wanted to marry my wife. The movie had a very touching scene when the guy asked his fiancee Cameron Diaz to sing in a bar. She is reluctant because she sings horribly. But the guy insists and she starts singing. She sings terribly, but sings with all her heart. All people in the bar and her man realize that she is going through all of the humiliation just for her man. She was willing to risk her self esteem to do something that he wanted her to do.
I remember a time when I asked my wife to show up at my home. She had never been to my home, had every reason to believe that the reception at my home may be cold. But she showed up. And she tried to show to everybody how much she cared for them. And she did it again and again. Each time she took the risk of unpleasant situations just to show my folks that she cared for me.
Really, those were the times, when I realized that I couldn't probably put myself through what I asked her to. I am a cancerian, I fell for her the day I realized she loves my folks as much as I do.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Randoms Facts
To which I have resigned.
1. I love TV. I could spend rest of my life as a couch potato.
2. I love pickled things. Like pickled eggs, or cucumbers. I am easy to tempt :(
3. My attraction for star wars is fading, but becoming stronger for star trek.
Oh! My TV!
You and my biwi!
Are two centers of my life!
Yes, you, and my wife!
She suspects as of now,
but has no clue as to how,
you came six months after her,
but still landed up in center,
of my life,
especially during the days
without my wife.
It is our little secret,
she doesn't know it yet,
how it was first that law and order,
my dinner time distraction and mental fodder,
then came the monday night star treks,
that left me tuesday morning wrecks.
Soon followed MASH,
I know it was rash,
3 hours of war in korea,
and then eating at Magnolia,
coming back to see Texas Ranger,
I felt bad, never saw the danger.
Until one day,
when I woke up on floor,
and my hand roled,
and the remote switched you on,
and another glorious day of TV was on,
with so many free channels,
I am all yours, ears and eyes,
all in my flannels....
To which I have resigned.
1. I love TV. I could spend rest of my life as a couch potato.
2. I love pickled things. Like pickled eggs, or cucumbers. I am easy to tempt :(
3. My attraction for star wars is fading, but becoming stronger for star trek.
Oh! My TV!
You and my biwi!
Are two centers of my life!
Yes, you, and my wife!
She suspects as of now,
but has no clue as to how,
you came six months after her,
but still landed up in center,
of my life,
especially during the days
without my wife.
It is our little secret,
she doesn't know it yet,
how it was first that law and order,
my dinner time distraction and mental fodder,
then came the monday night star treks,
that left me tuesday morning wrecks.
Soon followed MASH,
I know it was rash,
3 hours of war in korea,
and then eating at Magnolia,
coming back to see Texas Ranger,
I felt bad, never saw the danger.
Until one day,
when I woke up on floor,
and my hand roled,
and the remote switched you on,
and another glorious day of TV was on,
with so many free channels,
I am all yours, ears and eyes,
all in my flannels....
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
If
As I grow old, I realize that the measure of a man is best summarized by If. As I face more of more situations described by the poem, I realize that I fail at many places, and succeed at many. And probably it will take a life time to succeed at all of them.
[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, 0
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too, 1
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 1
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, 0
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, 1
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: 1
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, 1
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; 0
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same; 0
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 1
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: 0
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 0
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;0
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone, 0
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" 1
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 0
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, 1
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; 0
If all men count with you, but none too much, 0
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, 0
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
As I grow old, I realize that the measure of a man is best summarized by If. As I face more of more situations described by the poem, I realize that I fail at many places, and succeed at many. And probably it will take a life time to succeed at all of them.
[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, 0
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too, 1
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 1
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, 0
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, 1
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: 1
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, 1
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; 0
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same; 0
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 1
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: 0
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 0
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;0
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone, 0
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" 1
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 0
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, 1
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; 0
If all men count with you, but none too much, 0
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, 0
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
Friday, July 25, 2008
Some Random Comments on Teaching
I was reading students' ratings for professors at UT. I know many of these folks and know how they teach. I am also aware of the ratings they were expecting and what ratings they eventually got. And in many cases, there is a great disparity between the kind of ratings the instructors expected and the ratings they eventually got.
Here are my 2 cents based on my experience. My views, I will emphasize emphatically, do not form any kind of a definitive advice as an instructor. I have a feeling that I wouldn't do as well as I did if I ever have to teach the same class twice. My views, however, as a student who has rated instructors for 10 years probably have more credibility.
1. Balance between "easy" and "difficult". If students find a class too easy, it means that the professor didn't push them enough, or that the professor just didn't teach the difficult part in all details. Students love it during the semester, but look back at the end of the semester and realize that they "didn't learn a lot".
If a class is too difficult, the students would feel that the professor did a lousy job of teaching the material. And rightly so. In 10 years of undergrad-grad school, there was just 3 classes where I thought I hit my intellectual ceiling and couldn't understand the material. For the remainder, by and large, I thought that the instructor could have taught better.
2. Balance between "friendly" and "aloof". A friendly instructor is good, students feel more comfortable in asking questions in class or in showing up in the office hours. However, too much friendliness removes the facade of "the proff knows more than me" and sometimes students just lose respect for the instructor. Aloof is plainly bad because the students think the proff doesn't care at all.
I think the best balance is where the students do not think that the proff is at the level of the students, but that the professor is willing to come down to the level of students and empathize.
3. Balance between "rigidity" and "flexibility". Running a tight ship is good because many students love it. But too much rigidity about homeworks, format of works etc ends up being unfair with many students in some rare situations. Too much flexibility almost guarantees that some students will try to play around with the system to their advantage. And both extremes lose students' respect.
4. Balance between "dressed too well" and dressed "shabbily". If a professor dresses up too well but teaches bad, students resent it. They believe that the professor is putting in time in selecting clothes than in selecting examples for class. This is not a factor if the professor also teaches well. All students love well-taught classes by well dressed professors. All professional look.
Shabbily dressed professors lose some points in the beginning. And they can recoup that by teaching well. However, if they don't even teach well, then it all works against them. Students think that the professor as a person doesn't care about anything. And that shows up in final ratings.
I guess teaching well has way too many things that need to be done right. It is an active engagement than a passive one.
Again, all this must be taken with a pinch of salt. I am no expert as a teacher, but probably have a significantly longer experience in ranking professors ;)
I was reading students' ratings for professors at UT. I know many of these folks and know how they teach. I am also aware of the ratings they were expecting and what ratings they eventually got. And in many cases, there is a great disparity between the kind of ratings the instructors expected and the ratings they eventually got.
Here are my 2 cents based on my experience. My views, I will emphasize emphatically, do not form any kind of a definitive advice as an instructor. I have a feeling that I wouldn't do as well as I did if I ever have to teach the same class twice. My views, however, as a student who has rated instructors for 10 years probably have more credibility.
1. Balance between "easy" and "difficult". If students find a class too easy, it means that the professor didn't push them enough, or that the professor just didn't teach the difficult part in all details. Students love it during the semester, but look back at the end of the semester and realize that they "didn't learn a lot".
If a class is too difficult, the students would feel that the professor did a lousy job of teaching the material. And rightly so. In 10 years of undergrad-grad school, there was just 3 classes where I thought I hit my intellectual ceiling and couldn't understand the material. For the remainder, by and large, I thought that the instructor could have taught better.
2. Balance between "friendly" and "aloof". A friendly instructor is good, students feel more comfortable in asking questions in class or in showing up in the office hours. However, too much friendliness removes the facade of "the proff knows more than me" and sometimes students just lose respect for the instructor. Aloof is plainly bad because the students think the proff doesn't care at all.
I think the best balance is where the students do not think that the proff is at the level of the students, but that the professor is willing to come down to the level of students and empathize.
3. Balance between "rigidity" and "flexibility". Running a tight ship is good because many students love it. But too much rigidity about homeworks, format of works etc ends up being unfair with many students in some rare situations. Too much flexibility almost guarantees that some students will try to play around with the system to their advantage. And both extremes lose students' respect.
4. Balance between "dressed too well" and dressed "shabbily". If a professor dresses up too well but teaches bad, students resent it. They believe that the professor is putting in time in selecting clothes than in selecting examples for class. This is not a factor if the professor also teaches well. All students love well-taught classes by well dressed professors. All professional look.
Shabbily dressed professors lose some points in the beginning. And they can recoup that by teaching well. However, if they don't even teach well, then it all works against them. Students think that the professor as a person doesn't care about anything. And that shows up in final ratings.
I guess teaching well has way too many things that need to be done right. It is an active engagement than a passive one.
Again, all this must be taken with a pinch of salt. I am no expert as a teacher, but probably have a significantly longer experience in ranking professors ;)
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Randoms
1. If I ever become a proff, I hope I could become as good as my proff. More than professionally, I hope I can be as much of a nice person as my proff is.
2. My friend, who is teaching a class, had an interesting issue today. She is not 100% happy with how her class is responding, and she is wondering if she should make changes to her class.
I have this feeling that if a professor tries to change the teaching style without getting clear input from the students, the students can easily sense the real reason for the change. And that somehow affect how must confidence they put in the instructor's ability. Eventually, I think, these things are reflected in the final ratings.
However, if the instructor just takes a small survey, and then use it as a pretext to make the same changes to the class, the student reaction is unbelievably good......
One of those things where you "feel" and react. There is no exact science to it.
1. If I ever become a proff, I hope I could become as good as my proff. More than professionally, I hope I can be as much of a nice person as my proff is.
2. My friend, who is teaching a class, had an interesting issue today. She is not 100% happy with how her class is responding, and she is wondering if she should make changes to her class.
I have this feeling that if a professor tries to change the teaching style without getting clear input from the students, the students can easily sense the real reason for the change. And that somehow affect how must confidence they put in the instructor's ability. Eventually, I think, these things are reflected in the final ratings.
However, if the instructor just takes a small survey, and then use it as a pretext to make the same changes to the class, the student reaction is unbelievably good......
One of those things where you "feel" and react. There is no exact science to it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Randoms
1. "So why did you start out to do it?"
"I wanted to learn more. I thought it will be nice and interesting, I was doing it for myself."
"So why do you care now what other people think?"
Wifey's gentle support helped me through my dilemma over my graduation date. It is important to remember the real motivation for doing something, the motivation that I gave to myself when I started doing it.
2. The recent confidence vote in India was interesting, and promising. Atleast there are a few politicians who cared about the power situation in India, took note of the ground reality, crossed party lines and voted for the best choice available.
3. Academia is almost as political as professional world. Only that it is more subtle. As a student, I am protected from all political issues, however I was recently exposed to a pleasant process. Professors are selecting a paper for a prestigious award my field. I was facilitating the process. Since the beginning, all four folks had different choices. But surprisingly, some one from outside the committee nominated one paper in some journal that i had not even heard of. Almost all folks on the committee read the paper and agreed that it was the best. None of them tried to push through their previous favorite. I am glad that folks in academia still have that integrity and honesty.
4. My friend is teaching a class and she is struggling a bit. I am sure that she will eventually come at the top of it, but I am reminded that teaching a full class takes quiet a bit of effort. In hindsight, I was doing many right things when I was teaching. And probably different things stroked a chord with different folks and resulted in a nice rating.
Bottom line: Probably, it takes many right things, to get a nice rating, and almost any one thing can screw you up.
5. My friend v2 left for Michigan. Six years after coming here, finally, my umbalicial cord from the yesteryears has snapped. I am truely on my own in Austin now.
1. "So why did you start out to do it?"
"I wanted to learn more. I thought it will be nice and interesting, I was doing it for myself."
"So why do you care now what other people think?"
Wifey's gentle support helped me through my dilemma over my graduation date. It is important to remember the real motivation for doing something, the motivation that I gave to myself when I started doing it.
2. The recent confidence vote in India was interesting, and promising. Atleast there are a few politicians who cared about the power situation in India, took note of the ground reality, crossed party lines and voted for the best choice available.
3. Academia is almost as political as professional world. Only that it is more subtle. As a student, I am protected from all political issues, however I was recently exposed to a pleasant process. Professors are selecting a paper for a prestigious award my field. I was facilitating the process. Since the beginning, all four folks had different choices. But surprisingly, some one from outside the committee nominated one paper in some journal that i had not even heard of. Almost all folks on the committee read the paper and agreed that it was the best. None of them tried to push through their previous favorite. I am glad that folks in academia still have that integrity and honesty.
4. My friend is teaching a class and she is struggling a bit. I am sure that she will eventually come at the top of it, but I am reminded that teaching a full class takes quiet a bit of effort. In hindsight, I was doing many right things when I was teaching. And probably different things stroked a chord with different folks and resulted in a nice rating.
Bottom line: Probably, it takes many right things, to get a nice rating, and almost any one thing can screw you up.
5. My friend v2 left for Michigan. Six years after coming here, finally, my umbalicial cord from the yesteryears has snapped. I am truely on my own in Austin now.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Morality and Legality
Before starting on our Austin-SFO drive out, Rashmi and I agreed that we'd stick to the speed limit on the way, and try to not get any speeding ticket. We reached SFO without any ticket and yesterday we were talking about it. I told her that my major motivation to drive within the speed limit was to avoid a hefty penalty for speeding. She revealed that she agreed to the initial deal because that'd make us good folks- following the rules.
While my wife was driving her car in SFO, I had reminded several times to stick to the speed limit because "the speed limit marks the maximum speed at which you could travel safely". This apparent dichotomy of reasons to follow the posted speed limit rendered both reasons as opportunistic.
So, in my defence, here is the deal.
The difference between the two reasons is similar to the difference between morality and legality. It is immoral to sleep with your neighbor's wife (Thou shall not covet what belongs to your neighbor). But it is not illegal. It could be a sufficient ground for a divorce for the offended husband, but the act per se is not illegal.
While traveling on a back street or negotiating a sharp turn, following the speed sign is useful because the reduced speed protects the lives of people living around, kids playing, or just the driver's own life lest he tries to negotiate the turn in a rush and gets off-tracked. The reason here is safety, and probably morality in regard to our responsibility towards other folks. Trust the government's sign to drive safely.
However, while driving on a highway, cars are usually spaced apart, and sometimes the roads are so straight and the traffic so thin that it is apparent that there is no rick for anyone involved even if the driver exceeds the speed. Not always, but sometimes. There is a subjectivity here, and the understanding of this varies from driver to driver. Some of these speeding drivers make bad decisions, some of them good. Some speed when they should, and some when they should not. To keep the second kinds of folks from making a mistake, the government ensures that no-one travels faster than a certain limit.
Experienced drivers would find these limits restrictive, and might be tempted to break them. And the financial penalty of speeding acts like a just enough deterrent to speeding.
So, wifey, my defence is, it is about safety on the back streets. On the highway, it is about money, honey.
Before starting on our Austin-SFO drive out, Rashmi and I agreed that we'd stick to the speed limit on the way, and try to not get any speeding ticket. We reached SFO without any ticket and yesterday we were talking about it. I told her that my major motivation to drive within the speed limit was to avoid a hefty penalty for speeding. She revealed that she agreed to the initial deal because that'd make us good folks- following the rules.
While my wife was driving her car in SFO, I had reminded several times to stick to the speed limit because "the speed limit marks the maximum speed at which you could travel safely". This apparent dichotomy of reasons to follow the posted speed limit rendered both reasons as opportunistic.
So, in my defence, here is the deal.
The difference between the two reasons is similar to the difference between morality and legality. It is immoral to sleep with your neighbor's wife (Thou shall not covet what belongs to your neighbor). But it is not illegal. It could be a sufficient ground for a divorce for the offended husband, but the act per se is not illegal.
While traveling on a back street or negotiating a sharp turn, following the speed sign is useful because the reduced speed protects the lives of people living around, kids playing, or just the driver's own life lest he tries to negotiate the turn in a rush and gets off-tracked. The reason here is safety, and probably morality in regard to our responsibility towards other folks. Trust the government's sign to drive safely.
However, while driving on a highway, cars are usually spaced apart, and sometimes the roads are so straight and the traffic so thin that it is apparent that there is no rick for anyone involved even if the driver exceeds the speed. Not always, but sometimes. There is a subjectivity here, and the understanding of this varies from driver to driver. Some of these speeding drivers make bad decisions, some of them good. Some speed when they should, and some when they should not. To keep the second kinds of folks from making a mistake, the government ensures that no-one travels faster than a certain limit.
Experienced drivers would find these limits restrictive, and might be tempted to break them. And the financial penalty of speeding acts like a just enough deterrent to speeding.
So, wifey, my defence is, it is about safety on the back streets. On the highway, it is about money, honey.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Regrets?
I had a rough flight back home on the weekend. As the plane took off, I was looking at the shaking ground, and was thinking "What if this is my last flight?" I started jotting down mentally the regrets that I would die with if my plane crashed, and was shocked to realize that I had a long list.
After landing down, I called up my wife and asked her what were the things on her regret list. She simply said, "I try to not fight with you before taking a flight. Then I do not have any regrets".
She patiently listened to my outrage and suggested that I better start crossing out things on my list. As I started to wonder how to cross off these things, with my 28 years complete and my mortality being visible with an incremental increase in speed and decrease in the time that I have, I also tried to figure out how those things actually landed on my regret list.
1. I regret that I am not as good a husband as I thought I could be, or as I know I can be. I am working on it right from the first day of my marriage, but I do slip by every now and then. The climb back is not easy.
2. Some professional things are on the list just because I chose something out of many options, and that something didn't pan out as I expected. I have moved on, but I regret those choices. I do realize that the decisions I made were right, the outcomes were wrong. I wish that I get another opportunity to work on those things in future.
3. I do not have a clear conscience. About many things. This includes feeling jealous about tons of things to not helping people with my 100% heart. There were times I helped folks reluctantly, and I regret that.
4. Somewhere in a corner, I regret that I wouldn't ever go back and settle in Jaipur as my folks always wanted to. I know it is just plain infeasible, but a regret it is.
On the plane, I also thought of the pleasant things that I'd have in my mind in my last moments. Surprisingly, list is short: just the images of my folks and my wife. I have known love through them, and it has been beautiful.
On a final random note, this September would mark the 6 years of my blog. I wonder if my kids will find it interesting to read through it, and know me as their father in much better way than how I know my father.
I had a rough flight back home on the weekend. As the plane took off, I was looking at the shaking ground, and was thinking "What if this is my last flight?" I started jotting down mentally the regrets that I would die with if my plane crashed, and was shocked to realize that I had a long list.
After landing down, I called up my wife and asked her what were the things on her regret list. She simply said, "I try to not fight with you before taking a flight. Then I do not have any regrets".
She patiently listened to my outrage and suggested that I better start crossing out things on my list. As I started to wonder how to cross off these things, with my 28 years complete and my mortality being visible with an incremental increase in speed and decrease in the time that I have, I also tried to figure out how those things actually landed on my regret list.
1. I regret that I am not as good a husband as I thought I could be, or as I know I can be. I am working on it right from the first day of my marriage, but I do slip by every now and then. The climb back is not easy.
2. Some professional things are on the list just because I chose something out of many options, and that something didn't pan out as I expected. I have moved on, but I regret those choices. I do realize that the decisions I made were right, the outcomes were wrong. I wish that I get another opportunity to work on those things in future.
3. I do not have a clear conscience. About many things. This includes feeling jealous about tons of things to not helping people with my 100% heart. There were times I helped folks reluctantly, and I regret that.
4. Somewhere in a corner, I regret that I wouldn't ever go back and settle in Jaipur as my folks always wanted to. I know it is just plain infeasible, but a regret it is.
On the plane, I also thought of the pleasant things that I'd have in my mind in my last moments. Surprisingly, list is short: just the images of my folks and my wife. I have known love through them, and it has been beautiful.
On a final random note, this September would mark the 6 years of my blog. I wonder if my kids will find it interesting to read through it, and know me as their father in much better way than how I know my father.
Monday, July 14, 2008
To a Cutie
Dear Cutie,
I fell in love the moment I saw you. I never thought they made it as good as you. But was I wrong! You had all the right curves, and were all rosy in all the right places. You moved liked a witch, and really made your man proud of you! I have no idea why he was not happy with you, I think you had a great attitude and looks! Probably, you are high maintenance, but oh well! I can understand now why folks seem determined to afford high maintenance mistresses.
We had a long run together, we eloped to CA from all the way to Austin, and we had four days and three lovely nights together. But alas! I will now press you in my deary wifey's service now.
Oh my - no- her Miata, serve her well! I'll see you when I visit her next.
Dear Cutie,
I fell in love the moment I saw you. I never thought they made it as good as you. But was I wrong! You had all the right curves, and were all rosy in all the right places. You moved liked a witch, and really made your man proud of you! I have no idea why he was not happy with you, I think you had a great attitude and looks! Probably, you are high maintenance, but oh well! I can understand now why folks seem determined to afford high maintenance mistresses.
We had a long run together, we eloped to CA from all the way to Austin, and we had four days and three lovely nights together. But alas! I will now press you in my deary wifey's service now.
Oh my - no- her Miata, serve her well! I'll see you when I visit her next.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The Five Year Itch
Varun Sekhri, my friend in Seattle got interested in astrology a few years back, read a bunch of books on it, and became really good at it. He is a very smart guy, and combined with his intuition, was able to interpret hand-lines quiet nicely. I am not sure if there is a science to astrology or not, but probably intuition has some role in astrological predictions and he had a good chunk of that intuition.
So, for kicks sake, I showed him my hand one day. And he told me a very interesting thing, "You'd never settle down professionally. Every five years or so, you'd just completely change your tracks and start afresh in something else." I never thought much into his five year itch prophecy until now.
Right after undergrad, I was keen to work in decision analysis. Around the time of MS, I moved into engineering risk analysis. Five years into my PhD, my work took an operations management slant. I started with an intention of joining academia. Five years down, I am becoming more inclined to join industry. I have been working on a problem since last 6 months, and I have a few results, but it will take another 3-4 months to polish up everything and wind up. On the other hand, my wife designs a new product for her company every 6 weeks and finishes the development in 6 weeks. Research is a path to self-realization and discovery, industry encourages to accomplish things quickly and to move on.
Five years back, I thought I wouldn't be averse to work 12 hours a day and get paid tons. I am not too sure now. I value my personal time a whole lot more now, and wouldn't mind being paid less for a 8-5 job.
Five years back, I thought I had the patience to join a firm as a recent graduate and move my way up. I am not sure now. I'd rather work at a small firm and go good work. Five years back, I thought a lot about my money-primarily due to my financial insecurity. Now, I realize that having money but no time to spend it is no good either.
Five years back, I never thought I'd do something on my own. I just plain hated business. Now, I am more open to the idea of starting a skill-based business. Heck, sometimes I also have this new five year itch to grow figs and oranges and sell them for a living. If I ever join teaching, probably that is what I'll do for summers.
Varun Sekhri, my friend in Seattle got interested in astrology a few years back, read a bunch of books on it, and became really good at it. He is a very smart guy, and combined with his intuition, was able to interpret hand-lines quiet nicely. I am not sure if there is a science to astrology or not, but probably intuition has some role in astrological predictions and he had a good chunk of that intuition.
So, for kicks sake, I showed him my hand one day. And he told me a very interesting thing, "You'd never settle down professionally. Every five years or so, you'd just completely change your tracks and start afresh in something else." I never thought much into his five year itch prophecy until now.
Right after undergrad, I was keen to work in decision analysis. Around the time of MS, I moved into engineering risk analysis. Five years into my PhD, my work took an operations management slant. I started with an intention of joining academia. Five years down, I am becoming more inclined to join industry. I have been working on a problem since last 6 months, and I have a few results, but it will take another 3-4 months to polish up everything and wind up. On the other hand, my wife designs a new product for her company every 6 weeks and finishes the development in 6 weeks. Research is a path to self-realization and discovery, industry encourages to accomplish things quickly and to move on.
Five years back, I thought I wouldn't be averse to work 12 hours a day and get paid tons. I am not too sure now. I value my personal time a whole lot more now, and wouldn't mind being paid less for a 8-5 job.
Five years back, I thought I had the patience to join a firm as a recent graduate and move my way up. I am not sure now. I'd rather work at a small firm and go good work. Five years back, I thought a lot about my money-primarily due to my financial insecurity. Now, I realize that having money but no time to spend it is no good either.
Five years back, I never thought I'd do something on my own. I just plain hated business. Now, I am more open to the idea of starting a skill-based business. Heck, sometimes I also have this new five year itch to grow figs and oranges and sell them for a living. If I ever join teaching, probably that is what I'll do for summers.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Six Years and Counting
1. A correction. I made a rather uncomfortable typo in the last post that deserves a mention.
My last post read that my proff got a nice fellowship based on my work. That was a typo. My proff got me a nice fellowship based on my work last year. He has been very kind all these years. True, I became something like his groupie. But his groupie I can be, because that's the best way to learn all little things in academia. All these years, he has taken very good care of me financially. He also encouraged me to find my own "path to graduation" when my research interests seemed to diverge from his.
It's not often that one finds an adviser who is this good a human being. Heck, I could have graduated in three years if I had not wasted two years on a problem that finally proved intractable in all analytical/optimization frameworks.
So to cut the chase, it was a bad typo, and belied my proff's nice persona.
2. Wifey and I are going on a road trip this weekend. We bought a cute little Miata for her in Austin, and we'll drive it back to California. It is 1800 miles, and quite hot weather. Hopefully, we'll make it safe there.
3. We had a nice little lunch for our first anniversary. Last one year has been adventurous. Some random opinions, with the disclaimer that I am still learning the ropes and the following should be taken with a inch of salt:
a) There is a difference between marrying a strong person and a meek person. The difference is like between a thriller, drama laced movie and a cricket match where you already know who will win. The second one is quite easy on eyes and mind; the first one is emotionally draining but at the end of it, probably worth it.
b) Marriage needs work almost every day. Because even in a marriage, the "communal" memory is for the last 2-3 weeks. What both did for each other in last 2-3 weeks, how both treated each other in last 2-3 weeks. So, neither of the two can afford to behave like a jackass for 2-3 weeks.
c) It runs on sorries. And thank yous. Refer to observation b for the reason.
d) It makes a huge difference how the spouses get along well with each others families. I expect respect from my wife's family, and I try to earn the respect by caring for them. My wifes expects affection from my folks, and she earns it by genuinely caring for them...
e) I'd have to be blind if I ignored all nice pretty women around me in univ. But I'd be naive to do something about it. I can't help thinking that some one is attractive. But I can sure do something about not doing anything about it.
1. A correction. I made a rather uncomfortable typo in the last post that deserves a mention.
My last post read that my proff got a nice fellowship based on my work. That was a typo. My proff got me a nice fellowship based on my work last year. He has been very kind all these years. True, I became something like his groupie. But his groupie I can be, because that's the best way to learn all little things in academia. All these years, he has taken very good care of me financially. He also encouraged me to find my own "path to graduation" when my research interests seemed to diverge from his.
It's not often that one finds an adviser who is this good a human being. Heck, I could have graduated in three years if I had not wasted two years on a problem that finally proved intractable in all analytical/optimization frameworks.
So to cut the chase, it was a bad typo, and belied my proff's nice persona.
2. Wifey and I are going on a road trip this weekend. We bought a cute little Miata for her in Austin, and we'll drive it back to California. It is 1800 miles, and quite hot weather. Hopefully, we'll make it safe there.
3. We had a nice little lunch for our first anniversary. Last one year has been adventurous. Some random opinions, with the disclaimer that I am still learning the ropes and the following should be taken with a inch of salt:
a) There is a difference between marrying a strong person and a meek person. The difference is like between a thriller, drama laced movie and a cricket match where you already know who will win. The second one is quite easy on eyes and mind; the first one is emotionally draining but at the end of it, probably worth it.
b) Marriage needs work almost every day. Because even in a marriage, the "communal" memory is for the last 2-3 weeks. What both did for each other in last 2-3 weeks, how both treated each other in last 2-3 weeks. So, neither of the two can afford to behave like a jackass for 2-3 weeks.
c) It runs on sorries. And thank yous. Refer to observation b for the reason.
d) It makes a huge difference how the spouses get along well with each others families. I expect respect from my wife's family, and I try to earn the respect by caring for them. My wifes expects affection from my folks, and she earns it by genuinely caring for them...
e) I'd have to be blind if I ignored all nice pretty women around me in univ. But I'd be naive to do something about it. I can't help thinking that some one is attractive. But I can sure do something about not doing anything about it.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Randoms
1. The first generation folks like me seem to be in an interesting situation. We criticize everything in India - the politics, the beurocracy, the society, and the infrastructure in general. Maybe we presume that we can justify our migration to a "better" place by pointing out the relatively weaker points of India.
But in the next breath, we also grumble about the medical system here, the social values, and militarist attitude of country as a whole. All this criticism is probably just a self defence mechanism to convince ourselves that we are still Indian at heart and that this country is no good.
But I think, the bottom line is that we are reluctant to go back, and we are reluctant to openly admit that this country has been very very good to us. One instinct is to actually address the Indian reality but the second instinct is to not lose our Indian connection by choice.
It takes courage to admit something like this, and let go of loyalties that might be weaker than what we are willing to admit.
2. One of these days, I have to tell me adviser that I have had enough of grad school, and I want to get out. I think I have had enough of academia. 6 years into grad school have made me realize finally that I am more application oriented person than most folks in the program. If something works 95% of times numerically, it is good enough for me. If it makes intuitive sense, and some data supports it, it should be good.
It will be a difficult conversation to have; he got me a nice research fellowship for the next year based on my research work, but I think I have had my set of epiphanies. I miss my wife, and I do not particularly enjoy the pressure of churning out papers even if they do not have a good message. I am also getting tired of realizing that even nice results are useless if they are not "significant analytical addition to literature". Finally, I think I want to give my wife the option of not working after we have kids.
3. My wife recently told me:
You love things in this order "Star Trek, Me, Cereal Bar".
I am glad she is not aware of star war movies and TV ;)
1. The first generation folks like me seem to be in an interesting situation. We criticize everything in India - the politics, the beurocracy, the society, and the infrastructure in general. Maybe we presume that we can justify our migration to a "better" place by pointing out the relatively weaker points of India.
But in the next breath, we also grumble about the medical system here, the social values, and militarist attitude of country as a whole. All this criticism is probably just a self defence mechanism to convince ourselves that we are still Indian at heart and that this country is no good.
But I think, the bottom line is that we are reluctant to go back, and we are reluctant to openly admit that this country has been very very good to us. One instinct is to actually address the Indian reality but the second instinct is to not lose our Indian connection by choice.
It takes courage to admit something like this, and let go of loyalties that might be weaker than what we are willing to admit.
2. One of these days, I have to tell me adviser that I have had enough of grad school, and I want to get out. I think I have had enough of academia. 6 years into grad school have made me realize finally that I am more application oriented person than most folks in the program. If something works 95% of times numerically, it is good enough for me. If it makes intuitive sense, and some data supports it, it should be good.
It will be a difficult conversation to have; he got me a nice research fellowship for the next year based on my research work, but I think I have had my set of epiphanies. I miss my wife, and I do not particularly enjoy the pressure of churning out papers even if they do not have a good message. I am also getting tired of realizing that even nice results are useless if they are not "significant analytical addition to literature". Finally, I think I want to give my wife the option of not working after we have kids.
3. My wife recently told me:
You love things in this order "Star Trek, Me, Cereal Bar".
I am glad she is not aware of star war movies and TV ;)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Randoms Again!
I like my woman to fight. I like her not to give in to troubles easily, but i would also prefer her not to be so egoist to refuse any help that I can offer. Check
I like my woman to not accept every word that i say; i would prefer that she reason out things with me, but i would also like her to keep my respect and dignity. Check
I like my woman to put up a strong opposition if she thinks that i am wrong. But i would also prefer that she understands that what binds us is more deeper, more stronger than what any differences can break. Check
I like my woman to be the heart of my home, but i also would like her to listen to the head of the home. ( Pun Intended )Check
I like my woman to be a like a plum. She should be very sweet, juicy from the outside, but her core should be strong, rock solid, impervious to problems. She should be soft to create ripples of joy in my life, but i would also like her to be strong as an anchor in my life.Check
I am glad I married a nice woman.
A shout-out.
To the Mahabharata King
If you want to marry a strong woman, then be prepared for a few intense arguments every now and then. A strong woman is a woman who doesn't take crap from anyone. And that includes you - her husband. You can't marry a strong woman and expect her to be strong to the outside world, and whimper in front of you. Get over with the idea.
I like my woman to fight. I like her not to give in to troubles easily, but i would also prefer her not to be so egoist to refuse any help that I can offer. Check
I like my woman to not accept every word that i say; i would prefer that she reason out things with me, but i would also like her to keep my respect and dignity. Check
I like my woman to put up a strong opposition if she thinks that i am wrong. But i would also prefer that she understands that what binds us is more deeper, more stronger than what any differences can break. Check
I like my woman to be the heart of my home, but i also would like her to listen to the head of the home. ( Pun Intended )Check
I like my woman to be a like a plum. She should be very sweet, juicy from the outside, but her core should be strong, rock solid, impervious to problems. She should be soft to create ripples of joy in my life, but i would also like her to be strong as an anchor in my life.Check
I am glad I married a nice woman.
A shout-out.
To the Mahabharata King
If you want to marry a strong woman, then be prepared for a few intense arguments every now and then. A strong woman is a woman who doesn't take crap from anyone. And that includes you - her husband. You can't marry a strong woman and expect her to be strong to the outside world, and whimper in front of you. Get over with the idea.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Randoms
My first wedding anniversary is in two weeks.
1. Men really think about food and sex only!
2. It is good to come back home to a smiley face.
3. Twenty eight years down the line, I am learning the importance of sorry and thank you.
4. No matter how well you know a person before marriage, there is always so much more know. My wife still surprises me with her views on many things; she is more radical than me; I am glad she did not join the naxalite movement. These folks may had actually won under her.
5. Like any couple, we have our issues. What I am quite sure of is that we are doing one right thing: saying those sorries and thank yous.
6. Men always wonder about the different facets of their wifes- caring, strong, neurotic, soft, sensitive- and then they wonder "Why". Probably the reason is that men like to be kids half of the time and need motherly affection. Sometimes, they come back with their tails between their legs and need a strong caring wife. Sometimes they are jerks, and trigger the strong and willful persona in their wifes. And very rarely, when men do behave like grownup men, they make their wifes feel comfortable to behave like a sensitive soul.
So really, it is men who encourage/coax/coerce women in taking so many different roles!
My first wedding anniversary is in two weeks.
1. Men really think about food and sex only!
2. It is good to come back home to a smiley face.
3. Twenty eight years down the line, I am learning the importance of sorry and thank you.
4. No matter how well you know a person before marriage, there is always so much more know. My wife still surprises me with her views on many things; she is more radical than me; I am glad she did not join the naxalite movement. These folks may had actually won under her.
5. Like any couple, we have our issues. What I am quite sure of is that we are doing one right thing: saying those sorries and thank yous.
6. Men always wonder about the different facets of their wifes- caring, strong, neurotic, soft, sensitive- and then they wonder "Why". Probably the reason is that men like to be kids half of the time and need motherly affection. Sometimes, they come back with their tails between their legs and need a strong caring wife. Sometimes they are jerks, and trigger the strong and willful persona in their wifes. And very rarely, when men do behave like grownup men, they make their wifes feel comfortable to behave like a sensitive soul.
So really, it is men who encourage/coax/coerce women in taking so many different roles!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Baby
The baby of my batch is taking up a professorship at IIT Kanpur in September. Hats off to him! He had the courage to stick to what he always wanted to do, and go back.
The baby of my batch is taking up a professorship at IIT Kanpur in September. Hats off to him! He had the courage to stick to what he always wanted to do, and go back.
Yet More on Courage
I was busy working for AMD this Fall. In March, I was interviewed for a factory simulation project, and I had refused to take up the assignment because it wouldn't have helped me in my research. Then one fine day in May, a person (now my ex-manager) called me up and asked me if I wanted to work on an open ended yield engineering position. I said yes, and I was sent the offer letter the next day.
So this Fall, I was looking at various yield methods and running a whole bunch of simulations. The work was very nice and I enjoyed it, especially when I had to extract data from terabyte files and compare results from real data with simulation results. The work might help me in future in research, but one thing bothered me while I was there. I realized that my profile was becoming more of a Industrial Engineer. Nothing wrong with that, I am an IE by undergrad and grad school training. However, after spending 5 years in Business PhD program, I am more keen to work on business problems or at least policy making issues. Sure I can run some very complicated simulations, but I am not sure if I want to just keep on running simulations for folks for a living.
On the last day, I was given a very nice review. I had to juggle a class and candidacy paper, and driving lessons and a new marriage along with the job and I wasn't too happy with what I accomplished at work. I could have done better if it was the only thing that I was doing. But, they were happy, and I guess, all's well that ends well.
So this Fall, I realized that I can actually work at a company, set my own deadlines, and meet them comfortably. Last Spring I had taught a class and realized that I can prepare teaching material for a quant-based class and teach it reasonably well.
And this realization actually complicates things. I realize that I can easily read through all quantitative finance books well enough to code up everything for finance firms. And that will give me tons of money. I look at folks raking in huge bonuses at these firms and the lure is almost irresistible. I can make big optimization models to run factories or run simulations or figure out cheapest transportation routes or help firms analyze their customer data to figure out the kinds of customers that come to them often. And this sort of wide range also makes it difficult to stop looking at all opportunities in different areas and just focus on one thing that I like.
It will take me a lot of courage to ignore the lures of money and keep on looking for a job that will give me satisfaction.
I was busy working for AMD this Fall. In March, I was interviewed for a factory simulation project, and I had refused to take up the assignment because it wouldn't have helped me in my research. Then one fine day in May, a person (now my ex-manager) called me up and asked me if I wanted to work on an open ended yield engineering position. I said yes, and I was sent the offer letter the next day.
So this Fall, I was looking at various yield methods and running a whole bunch of simulations. The work was very nice and I enjoyed it, especially when I had to extract data from terabyte files and compare results from real data with simulation results. The work might help me in future in research, but one thing bothered me while I was there. I realized that my profile was becoming more of a Industrial Engineer. Nothing wrong with that, I am an IE by undergrad and grad school training. However, after spending 5 years in Business PhD program, I am more keen to work on business problems or at least policy making issues. Sure I can run some very complicated simulations, but I am not sure if I want to just keep on running simulations for folks for a living.
On the last day, I was given a very nice review. I had to juggle a class and candidacy paper, and driving lessons and a new marriage along with the job and I wasn't too happy with what I accomplished at work. I could have done better if it was the only thing that I was doing. But, they were happy, and I guess, all's well that ends well.
So this Fall, I realized that I can actually work at a company, set my own deadlines, and meet them comfortably. Last Spring I had taught a class and realized that I can prepare teaching material for a quant-based class and teach it reasonably well.
And this realization actually complicates things. I realize that I can easily read through all quantitative finance books well enough to code up everything for finance firms. And that will give me tons of money. I look at folks raking in huge bonuses at these firms and the lure is almost irresistible. I can make big optimization models to run factories or run simulations or figure out cheapest transportation routes or help firms analyze their customer data to figure out the kinds of customers that come to them often. And this sort of wide range also makes it difficult to stop looking at all opportunities in different areas and just focus on one thing that I like.
It will take me a lot of courage to ignore the lures of money and keep on looking for a job that will give me satisfaction.
Growing up? Or Mellowing Down?
I went to my wife's uncle's place for a short stay few days back. They are a family of three, parents and the son living together. I loved it. I have had a difficult time putting my finger on what was nice there, and what follows is a set of jumbled observations.
Love
This is the essence of my life as I know if it today. I am all but a connection between yesterday's generation and the tomorrow's generation that is to come. I do not know my grandfather's name, and my great grand kids will know nothing about me. My life span will be maybe 50-60 years and my influence span through my kids will be a little longer.
Within this short span, I have to live and try to live a life that makes me happy.
I do not long for a bigger home, as long as there is space for everyone to live in it comfortably and happily. I do long for a home like my wife's uncle that is filled with love and where the family means the world.
I do not long for more money as long as both of us are earning enough to live comfortably, and send our kids to college. Beyond this, I realize there will no end to desires. I'd want to go to Peru one year and maybe space the other year. There is no upper limit to it. And I am not keen to try to reach a facsimile of the limit.
I went to my wife's uncle's place for a short stay few days back. They are a family of three, parents and the son living together. I loved it. I have had a difficult time putting my finger on what was nice there, and what follows is a set of jumbled observations.
Love
This is the essence of my life as I know if it today. I am all but a connection between yesterday's generation and the tomorrow's generation that is to come. I do not know my grandfather's name, and my great grand kids will know nothing about me. My life span will be maybe 50-60 years and my influence span through my kids will be a little longer.
Within this short span, I have to live and try to live a life that makes me happy.
I do not long for a bigger home, as long as there is space for everyone to live in it comfortably and happily. I do long for a home like my wife's uncle that is filled with love and where the family means the world.
I do not long for more money as long as both of us are earning enough to live comfortably, and send our kids to college. Beyond this, I realize there will no end to desires. I'd want to go to Peru one year and maybe space the other year. There is no upper limit to it. And I am not keen to try to reach a facsimile of the limit.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Grad Clutter
I talked to a friend in Berkeley few days back. He sounded frustrated with grad school and hoped to move on after finishing it. We were talking about different things and realized that grad school needs as much luck to succeed as in finding a golden pebble in sand. True, many times, "luck" is just an excuse for many things that one was unable to do. It is just 1% of the whole deal, rest 99% is talent or perseverance. But in an occupation where less than 10% folks find job that they like, and less than 30% of these folks can get a tenure appointment, luck plays a significant role, at least in a few cases.
Grad school is humbling in many ways. First and foremost, you need four signs to graduate. And you need to make sure that the four people who'll give their signs are happy with what you have done. "Happy" implies your work is what/how they like it. The notion of quality may not necessarily appear here. You might do something that you think is cool. But is is not good enough if they don't agree with you. You might think that you have done enough. They may not. And there is no way you can argue with them. You just hope that they are supportive enough to let you go once you have done enough.
This brings to the second point. Grad school should teach people to be humble. The student is at the professor's disposal through out the grad school. A harsh adviser can make life miserable very quickly. A nice adviser makes the 5 year duration enjoyable. And as a student, you always wish that your adviser will give you some respect, and some consideration just for being another human being. Hopefully, this feeling is reflected in how the students go and treat other folks other folks. I have learnt tons of things in grad school. But i have also become acutely aware of how much lies just beyond my horizons of understanding and awareness. And this awareness has become more strong with each passing year. I have learnt to say "I don't know" in all honesty without feeling embarrassed, and I have also found the confidence to say, "But I can find out and do it".
Finally, grad school is a small part of life. It is an important part, but it is not complete life. There is life beyond it. Marriage, kids, their nurturing, parents' demise, kids' college, and personal fun between all this. Grad school is 5 years, and that is about it.
Some Random Shouts
1. NGO San Diego Post: I hope that you can come back to grad school to do what you always wanted to do.
2. Sleepless in Berkley: I hope you find a girl who sticks to you in your difficult time. She will be the right one for you. Look for a girl who is willing to put up with your stress in grad school, willing to squeeze in your student salary and not feel bad about it. Look for a girl who is with you when everything is going right with her; if she is with you when everything is going wrong with her just to get her problems solved and then goes to her merry way then maybe she is using you. You can still marry her, but you'll be alone when you are in a mess. And every one, sooner or later, for one thing or another, lands up in a mess. Personal or professional.
The test of your own character is when you are in trouble. How firm can you stand up to it. The test of a spouse's character is both when you are in a mess and when she is in a mess. You want her to stand up to her problems, and you also want her to stand by you while you fight out your battles.
3. Sleepless in Chicago: Ditto for you.
4. GG: Let's plan to meet this summer. Let me know where you are, I'll come over.
I talked to a friend in Berkeley few days back. He sounded frustrated with grad school and hoped to move on after finishing it. We were talking about different things and realized that grad school needs as much luck to succeed as in finding a golden pebble in sand. True, many times, "luck" is just an excuse for many things that one was unable to do. It is just 1% of the whole deal, rest 99% is talent or perseverance. But in an occupation where less than 10% folks find job that they like, and less than 30% of these folks can get a tenure appointment, luck plays a significant role, at least in a few cases.
Grad school is humbling in many ways. First and foremost, you need four signs to graduate. And you need to make sure that the four people who'll give their signs are happy with what you have done. "Happy" implies your work is what/how they like it. The notion of quality may not necessarily appear here. You might do something that you think is cool. But is is not good enough if they don't agree with you. You might think that you have done enough. They may not. And there is no way you can argue with them. You just hope that they are supportive enough to let you go once you have done enough.
This brings to the second point. Grad school should teach people to be humble. The student is at the professor's disposal through out the grad school. A harsh adviser can make life miserable very quickly. A nice adviser makes the 5 year duration enjoyable. And as a student, you always wish that your adviser will give you some respect, and some consideration just for being another human being. Hopefully, this feeling is reflected in how the students go and treat other folks other folks. I have learnt tons of things in grad school. But i have also become acutely aware of how much lies just beyond my horizons of understanding and awareness. And this awareness has become more strong with each passing year. I have learnt to say "I don't know" in all honesty without feeling embarrassed, and I have also found the confidence to say, "But I can find out and do it".
Finally, grad school is a small part of life. It is an important part, but it is not complete life. There is life beyond it. Marriage, kids, their nurturing, parents' demise, kids' college, and personal fun between all this. Grad school is 5 years, and that is about it.
Some Random Shouts
1. NGO San Diego Post: I hope that you can come back to grad school to do what you always wanted to do.
2. Sleepless in Berkley: I hope you find a girl who sticks to you in your difficult time. She will be the right one for you. Look for a girl who is willing to put up with your stress in grad school, willing to squeeze in your student salary and not feel bad about it. Look for a girl who is with you when everything is going right with her; if she is with you when everything is going wrong with her just to get her problems solved and then goes to her merry way then maybe she is using you. You can still marry her, but you'll be alone when you are in a mess. And every one, sooner or later, for one thing or another, lands up in a mess. Personal or professional.
The test of your own character is when you are in trouble. How firm can you stand up to it. The test of a spouse's character is both when you are in a mess and when she is in a mess. You want her to stand up to her problems, and you also want her to stand by you while you fight out your battles.
3. Sleepless in Chicago: Ditto for you.
4. GG: Let's plan to meet this summer. Let me know where you are, I'll come over.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Are we alone?
Arther C. Clark celebrated his 90th birthday recently. When asked for three things that he hopes to see before he dies, he said that he wanted a contact with an alien civilization.
Last semester I was working at AMD, and I had many discussions on this issue with my manager. Some interesting thoughts from those conversations:
1. There is so much talk, and historical anecdotal evidence of UFO sightings that it is difficult for anyone to completely reject the possibility.
2. Just like in the movie Alien Vs Predator, what happens if we realize that 'God' exists, and he happens to be an alien, or rather a complete alien race?
The business of religious folks will be doomed, people will stop fighting in the name of religion, and maybe humanity will move towards a practical code of moral conduct rather than the current divine code of scriptures...
3. Just in case we want to communicate with these alien folks, English will be a terrible language to use. English traces its origins to at least half a dozen languages in its current form, and I am sure no alien folks will be able to understand the six languages first, and figure out how distorted words from these languages came together to make English.
4. Who would teach them how to spell DO and GO. For that matter who would teach them to spell WHO and HO.
5. Many pure languages could be in trouble as well. Many languages such as Hindi and French assume two genders. Now what happens when the new alien civilization has say three genders or say just one?
I can't wait to see an alien ship landing on earth and the ensuing massive language issues erupting :)
Just curious, would those folks consider humans equivalent to animals? Maybe they'd figure out ways to communicate with a few animal species earlier than with humans; if that happens, we sure will be in trouble....
Arther C. Clark celebrated his 90th birthday recently. When asked for three things that he hopes to see before he dies, he said that he wanted a contact with an alien civilization.
Last semester I was working at AMD, and I had many discussions on this issue with my manager. Some interesting thoughts from those conversations:
1. There is so much talk, and historical anecdotal evidence of UFO sightings that it is difficult for anyone to completely reject the possibility.
2. Just like in the movie Alien Vs Predator, what happens if we realize that 'God' exists, and he happens to be an alien, or rather a complete alien race?
The business of religious folks will be doomed, people will stop fighting in the name of religion, and maybe humanity will move towards a practical code of moral conduct rather than the current divine code of scriptures...
3. Just in case we want to communicate with these alien folks, English will be a terrible language to use. English traces its origins to at least half a dozen languages in its current form, and I am sure no alien folks will be able to understand the six languages first, and figure out how distorted words from these languages came together to make English.
4. Who would teach them how to spell DO and GO. For that matter who would teach them to spell WHO and HO.
5. Many pure languages could be in trouble as well. Many languages such as Hindi and French assume two genders. Now what happens when the new alien civilization has say three genders or say just one?
I can't wait to see an alien ship landing on earth and the ensuing massive language issues erupting :)
Just curious, would those folks consider humans equivalent to animals? Maybe they'd figure out ways to communicate with a few animal species earlier than with humans; if that happens, we sure will be in trouble....
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I ain't the only stupid one
Sometimes my proff tells me that he cannot follow me because "At least one of us is not thinking straight".
I am pretty sure that I am thinking straight, at least at the level of a 8 year old guy, and still cannot understand what Tom Cruise is saying....He seems to speak sentences that sound great in themselves, but just do not connect with each other...
I have watched a bunch of his interviews and he has always always been incoherent.
On the other hand, Bill Clinton has always been coherent, and immensely effective at communicating his views.....
Dang it! Why can't he run again???
On a different note, the silver lining of my grad life is that I have a loving wife to go back to at the end of the day when things do not seem to go anywhere....
Sometimes my proff tells me that he cannot follow me because "At least one of us is not thinking straight".
I am pretty sure that I am thinking straight, at least at the level of a 8 year old guy, and still cannot understand what Tom Cruise is saying....He seems to speak sentences that sound great in themselves, but just do not connect with each other...
I have watched a bunch of his interviews and he has always always been incoherent.
On the other hand, Bill Clinton has always been coherent, and immensely effective at communicating his views.....
Dang it! Why can't he run again???
On a different note, the silver lining of my grad life is that I have a loving wife to go back to at the end of the day when things do not seem to go anywhere....
Saturday, January 12, 2008
What I want to be
When I graduate from the grad school in another one year or couple of years, I hope I graduate as a humble and down-to-earth person. I hope I do not judge people on the basis of their clothes, professional success or monetary status. I hope I like them for their character and virtuosity.
I hope I never lose respect for people like Paul Potts even before they become a success.
Why does this video touch people? Maybe because it suggests that the light of hope burns eternal. Maybe because it reassures us that even common people have amazing talents. Maybe because it suggests that people always appreciate honesty and sincerity. And maybe because it suggests that life is bigger than our little worries, jealousies and disappointments.
I hope Rashmi and I live as the guy lives with his wife, and find happiness with one another.
When I graduate from the grad school in another one year or couple of years, I hope I graduate as a humble and down-to-earth person. I hope I do not judge people on the basis of their clothes, professional success or monetary status. I hope I like them for their character and virtuosity.
I hope I never lose respect for people like Paul Potts even before they become a success.
Why does this video touch people? Maybe because it suggests that the light of hope burns eternal. Maybe because it reassures us that even common people have amazing talents. Maybe because it suggests that people always appreciate honesty and sincerity. And maybe because it suggests that life is bigger than our little worries, jealousies and disappointments.
I hope Rashmi and I live as the guy lives with his wife, and find happiness with one another.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I do not know what you think of me;
And I don't want to know either
Scrubs has one episode where Dr. Cox asks him to write how own evaluation. And J.D. finds himself in a conundrum. He does not want to blow his own trumpet, but he does not want to under evaluate himself because this will hurt him. Between both these extremes, he is also curious to know his supervisor, Dr. Cox actually thinks of him.
I had a similar situation few days back, when I had to turn in an application for something, and required a proff's recommendation. The proff agreed and asked me to meet him in his office. I was waiting for him in his secretary's office. The secy is a nice and jovial person, and we started talking. She said, "I think he will ask you to at least prepare a draft for him that he could modify".
I wasn't keen on the idea because of the same concern as JD's, and I told her that I wouldn't be interested in that. She said that in that case, the proff is likely to show me the recommendation before sending it in. I again said that I wasn't keen on that. Two reasons. First, the recommendation is supposed to be secret. I do know that since the professor agreed to give me a recommendation, he will naturally give me a good one. But secondly, "How Good" is the question, and I didn't want to know.
There are a few times when I wish that I could understand what this proff or my proff thinks of me, but I realize that it is a blessing that I do not know it.
I really do not want to know what my parents, my wife, my friends, my colleagues and my supervisors think of me. Because I fear that :
1. I may not take their criticism nicely.
2. I may get offended that they do not understand my situation, or just recognize the difference in our opinions about things.
3. I like to think that I am a conscientious person and their true opinion may contradict it.
But apart from all these reasons, I think the bottom line is that I chose to interact with all these people, and live with all these people because I do not expect these people to evaluate me. I wish to be accepted by these people as a person that I am, with all my strengths and foibles, and still feel loved and cared for. I do realize that as individuals, they will hold certain opinions about me, and these will be mixed opinions. But as long as they love me and are on my side, I am happy.
No, I really do not need to know what they think of me. I just want them to be on my side.
Shout
Amin Khan, I am still hanging in there, within you radar, and wish for my life that I knew how to write a better sop.
And I don't want to know either
Scrubs has one episode where Dr. Cox asks him to write how own evaluation. And J.D. finds himself in a conundrum. He does not want to blow his own trumpet, but he does not want to under evaluate himself because this will hurt him. Between both these extremes, he is also curious to know his supervisor, Dr. Cox actually thinks of him.
I had a similar situation few days back, when I had to turn in an application for something, and required a proff's recommendation. The proff agreed and asked me to meet him in his office. I was waiting for him in his secretary's office. The secy is a nice and jovial person, and we started talking. She said, "I think he will ask you to at least prepare a draft for him that he could modify".
I wasn't keen on the idea because of the same concern as JD's, and I told her that I wouldn't be interested in that. She said that in that case, the proff is likely to show me the recommendation before sending it in. I again said that I wasn't keen on that. Two reasons. First, the recommendation is supposed to be secret. I do know that since the professor agreed to give me a recommendation, he will naturally give me a good one. But secondly, "How Good" is the question, and I didn't want to know.
There are a few times when I wish that I could understand what this proff or my proff thinks of me, but I realize that it is a blessing that I do not know it.
I really do not want to know what my parents, my wife, my friends, my colleagues and my supervisors think of me. Because I fear that :
1. I may not take their criticism nicely.
2. I may get offended that they do not understand my situation, or just recognize the difference in our opinions about things.
3. I like to think that I am a conscientious person and their true opinion may contradict it.
But apart from all these reasons, I think the bottom line is that I chose to interact with all these people, and live with all these people because I do not expect these people to evaluate me. I wish to be accepted by these people as a person that I am, with all my strengths and foibles, and still feel loved and cared for. I do realize that as individuals, they will hold certain opinions about me, and these will be mixed opinions. But as long as they love me and are on my side, I am happy.
No, I really do not need to know what they think of me. I just want them to be on my side.
Shout
Amin Khan, I am still hanging in there, within you radar, and wish for my life that I knew how to write a better sop.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Randoms
1. Good guys are those who speak well of others even behind their backs. Kind and good guys are those who speak well of others' smallest virtues at their backs.
And I am amazed everyday how many good and kind guys UT has.
2. Sree and I were having our usual round of lunch banter today when we concluded that it takes perseverance to cultivate a good relationship with anyone - proff, spouse, friend. And that it takes perseverance to stick to a thing and finish it up.
Seems like perseverance is the answer to most of the things in personal and professional life.
3. What is the secret of people whom seem to exude a positive energy all the time. Many answers are possible...My favorite is that they look inward to find joys in their lives. They do not look at others, do not compare themselves with others and do not try to beat others in the race of life. They look at what they are doing, they try to do it to the best of their ability, and stay happy with it. Lesson learnt from a generous and kind hearted wife.
1. Good guys are those who speak well of others even behind their backs. Kind and good guys are those who speak well of others' smallest virtues at their backs.
And I am amazed everyday how many good and kind guys UT has.
2. Sree and I were having our usual round of lunch banter today when we concluded that it takes perseverance to cultivate a good relationship with anyone - proff, spouse, friend. And that it takes perseverance to stick to a thing and finish it up.
Seems like perseverance is the answer to most of the things in personal and professional life.
3. What is the secret of people whom seem to exude a positive energy all the time. Many answers are possible...My favorite is that they look inward to find joys in their lives. They do not look at others, do not compare themselves with others and do not try to beat others in the race of life. They look at what they are doing, they try to do it to the best of their ability, and stay happy with it. Lesson learnt from a generous and kind hearted wife.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Courage
As I am trying to figure out how to graduate and what to do after it, I am realizing the enormity of the risk that four of my friends took when they were looking for jobs.
A. Vishal graduated after three years of school. It was a tough time to graduate with the industry slow down and all, and he found a position after looking hard for 5-6 months. He was working at Houston with this startup when he called me up one day and told me that he was leaving the position. He said he wasn't happy there and the work wasn't something that he wanted to do.
I was tempted to tell him to hang in there, get his H1 and then change his job. But he was pretty firm about his not being happy about the work. And he quit. He again looked for a position for 5-6 months before finding his current position.
Leaving his job was a huge risk that he took. None of us were sure whether it will pay off. And he was under immense economic pressure when he left the first position. But he took the risk because he wanted to find something that he would be happy doing the rest of his life. I hope I have the same courage to keep looking for a suitable job that will make me happy.
B. Ripple looked for jobs around the time he graduated. He had a self-imposed deadline. When the deadline passed and he didn't have any offer, he talked to his former manager at Motorola, and then flew back to India.
I always thought that Ripple took a massive risk financially, and more importantly mentally. Four years back, people didn't look kindly to folks coming back to India to "find" a job. The perception was that if you couldn't find a job after MS, then maybe something was wrong with you. There was this immense pressure of being classified as "a poor judge of situation" or possibly even failure.
But Ripple had the strength to not care about what other people thought of him and figure out what was best for him. I am sure it was difficult for him to go back with his student loan and leaving Krithika behind, and these two things made his choice even more braver.
I hope I have his courage to look inside myself and figure out what I want to do, and not care care about what others may think of my choices when I look for a job.
3. My Friend in Pittsburgh looked for a job for a long time before she found one. Her name appeared in my blog some time back, and I could always figure out which companies she was interviewing for based on the searches that the folks of these companies did when they considered her resume. And these were numerous companies. East coast, and west coast both.
Her qualifications made her suitable for getting software positions as well as design positions. But her heart was in hardware positions. That is what she wanted to do.
She looked for nearly an year before she was able to find a position that meets her requirement. It takes an immense courage to wait for the right thing when people around you think that you are waiting for something that may never materialize or when you should just settle down with what life is offering you. I hope I have her courage to look for a position that I want and wait for it long enough.
I am happy that she has found love with her "Besotted" friend in Risky business, and I wish her the best :)
4. The Ray of Sun has often told me that she was happy with her position in Jaipur when she got a chance to come here and work. She was earning enough to support two families in Jaipur, and money was never an issue with her choice to come here.
But she liked someone, and she thought that she had a fighting chance of meeting the guy at a regular basis. is she came here. I am not surprised that she married the one she wanted to, because her mind really has just 2-3 things. And these things take turn in keeping her mind occupied. When you have so much focus about something and a good heart to go along with, things have a way of sorting out by themselves.
I hope I am able to focus on my work with that single mindedness for the next 6 months.
As I am trying to figure out how to graduate and what to do after it, I am realizing the enormity of the risk that four of my friends took when they were looking for jobs.
A. Vishal graduated after three years of school. It was a tough time to graduate with the industry slow down and all, and he found a position after looking hard for 5-6 months. He was working at Houston with this startup when he called me up one day and told me that he was leaving the position. He said he wasn't happy there and the work wasn't something that he wanted to do.
I was tempted to tell him to hang in there, get his H1 and then change his job. But he was pretty firm about his not being happy about the work. And he quit. He again looked for a position for 5-6 months before finding his current position.
Leaving his job was a huge risk that he took. None of us were sure whether it will pay off. And he was under immense economic pressure when he left the first position. But he took the risk because he wanted to find something that he would be happy doing the rest of his life. I hope I have the same courage to keep looking for a suitable job that will make me happy.
B. Ripple looked for jobs around the time he graduated. He had a self-imposed deadline. When the deadline passed and he didn't have any offer, he talked to his former manager at Motorola, and then flew back to India.
I always thought that Ripple took a massive risk financially, and more importantly mentally. Four years back, people didn't look kindly to folks coming back to India to "find" a job. The perception was that if you couldn't find a job after MS, then maybe something was wrong with you. There was this immense pressure of being classified as "a poor judge of situation" or possibly even failure.
But Ripple had the strength to not care about what other people thought of him and figure out what was best for him. I am sure it was difficult for him to go back with his student loan and leaving Krithika behind, and these two things made his choice even more braver.
I hope I have his courage to look inside myself and figure out what I want to do, and not care care about what others may think of my choices when I look for a job.
3. My Friend in Pittsburgh looked for a job for a long time before she found one. Her name appeared in my blog some time back, and I could always figure out which companies she was interviewing for based on the searches that the folks of these companies did when they considered her resume. And these were numerous companies. East coast, and west coast both.
Her qualifications made her suitable for getting software positions as well as design positions. But her heart was in hardware positions. That is what she wanted to do.
She looked for nearly an year before she was able to find a position that meets her requirement. It takes an immense courage to wait for the right thing when people around you think that you are waiting for something that may never materialize or when you should just settle down with what life is offering you. I hope I have her courage to look for a position that I want and wait for it long enough.
I am happy that she has found love with her "Besotted" friend in Risky business, and I wish her the best :)
4. The Ray of Sun has often told me that she was happy with her position in Jaipur when she got a chance to come here and work. She was earning enough to support two families in Jaipur, and money was never an issue with her choice to come here.
But she liked someone, and she thought that she had a fighting chance of meeting the guy at a regular basis. is she came here. I am not surprised that she married the one she wanted to, because her mind really has just 2-3 things. And these things take turn in keeping her mind occupied. When you have so much focus about something and a good heart to go along with, things have a way of sorting out by themselves.
I hope I am able to focus on my work with that single mindedness for the next 6 months.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Midlife Crisis - I
Why do men (and women) have a midlife crisis at the age of 30s? Because they realize that what they do at work doesn't matter. it doesn't matter if they increased productivity by 30%. It doesn't matter if they got a big tender for the firm, or if they developed something new for the company. Because, most of the times, none of these things has been done for the first or the last time.
And if people have routinely done what these men (and women) are doing, then what is the point of doing all these things?
People start working at the age of 22 or 25 thinking that they will be moving mountains and making a name for themselves, but realize by their 30s that it does not matter afterall. They could be the big fish in their pond, but no one really knows them in the neighbouring pond. The happiness that should have originated from the neighbouring ponds doesn't come. And they realize that they might not be visible to these ponds. Ever.
After a bout a depression the realization downs that the real happiness comes from their own pond, taking care of it and tending it well. And then life becomes better because it achieves a greater purpose - making the pond better than just making a name in all the ponds of the world.
So what is the point of this wild analogy?
The point is that as I inch towards my graduation (still 2 years to go, but for real hopefully), I realize that the options I have after graduation should be evaluated without paying attention to what others may think of those options. Because, I will (may) never get a staisfaction from their thoughts about me.
I may take up a research position so that people will think highly of me. But then, how many of them will really know the travails of tanure-track proffs and the sacrifices that these guys make? The general perception outside academic community is that proffs are paid too much for what they do. Within academic community, competition and politics is rife and ego issues determine a large fraction of issues. UT interviewed proffs from Stanford,NYU and other good schools but didn't take many strong candidates. Because even though the proffs at UT are good and modest and recognise a good researcher when they meet one, they didn't want cocky and agressive people as their peers. Which leads me to believe that research matters but only as long as it is accompanied with a humility. Else, no one is indispensible.
I may take up a teaching position, and people might think that I have it easy. Or they might think that I am doing a boring job. Or I may disappoint everyone and take an industry position. Some people will think that I am wasting a degree, others will think that industry "stole" me from academia.
I will find people who will agree/disagree with my choice every day. And they will feel it their right to expression their opinions.
But the right choice for me will be the one for which I could say, "I wanted this, I am doing this, I am loving this. That is all what matters, really."
Why do men (and women) have a midlife crisis at the age of 30s? Because they realize that what they do at work doesn't matter. it doesn't matter if they increased productivity by 30%. It doesn't matter if they got a big tender for the firm, or if they developed something new for the company. Because, most of the times, none of these things has been done for the first or the last time.
And if people have routinely done what these men (and women) are doing, then what is the point of doing all these things?
People start working at the age of 22 or 25 thinking that they will be moving mountains and making a name for themselves, but realize by their 30s that it does not matter afterall. They could be the big fish in their pond, but no one really knows them in the neighbouring pond. The happiness that should have originated from the neighbouring ponds doesn't come. And they realize that they might not be visible to these ponds. Ever.
After a bout a depression the realization downs that the real happiness comes from their own pond, taking care of it and tending it well. And then life becomes better because it achieves a greater purpose - making the pond better than just making a name in all the ponds of the world.
So what is the point of this wild analogy?
The point is that as I inch towards my graduation (still 2 years to go, but for real hopefully), I realize that the options I have after graduation should be evaluated without paying attention to what others may think of those options. Because, I will (may) never get a staisfaction from their thoughts about me.
I may take up a research position so that people will think highly of me. But then, how many of them will really know the travails of tanure-track proffs and the sacrifices that these guys make? The general perception outside academic community is that proffs are paid too much for what they do. Within academic community, competition and politics is rife and ego issues determine a large fraction of issues. UT interviewed proffs from Stanford,NYU and other good schools but didn't take many strong candidates. Because even though the proffs at UT are good and modest and recognise a good researcher when they meet one, they didn't want cocky and agressive people as their peers. Which leads me to believe that research matters but only as long as it is accompanied with a humility. Else, no one is indispensible.
I may take up a teaching position, and people might think that I have it easy. Or they might think that I am doing a boring job. Or I may disappoint everyone and take an industry position. Some people will think that I am wasting a degree, others will think that industry "stole" me from academia.
I will find people who will agree/disagree with my choice every day. And they will feel it their right to expression their opinions.
But the right choice for me will be the one for which I could say, "I wanted this, I am doing this, I am loving this. That is all what matters, really."
Monday, December 10, 2007
Being Good: Practical or Moral?
1. "There is a grace in not saying a few things", my friend Sree told me a few days when I was fuming to give a piece of my mind to some one.
As I thought more about it, the more I realized that it is probably a big reason why she is so content in her life even though everything does not go her way always. Same is true with Smiley or Vishal or Ripple or Rashmi or my Lovely Friend in Pittsburgh. All of these are good people, I mean geniuinely good people, who think well of others and do not hold any malice for others. They do recognise when people are taking them for a ride, but once they realize that, they find in themselves a deep ocean of forgiveness or condonity (is this a word?) and just remove themselves from the disturbing people....
And then they are back to their happy ways.
2. I have always believed that all morality is just a practical way to make life simple and happier. For example,
1. "There is a grace in not saying a few things", my friend Sree told me a few days when I was fuming to give a piece of my mind to some one.
As I thought more about it, the more I realized that it is probably a big reason why she is so content in her life even though everything does not go her way always. Same is true with Smiley or Vishal or Ripple or Rashmi or my Lovely Friend in Pittsburgh. All of these are good people, I mean geniuinely good people, who think well of others and do not hold any malice for others. They do recognise when people are taking them for a ride, but once they realize that, they find in themselves a deep ocean of forgiveness or condonity (is this a word?) and just remove themselves from the disturbing people....
And then they are back to their happy ways.
2. I have always believed that all morality is just a practical way to make life simple and happier. For example,
- Saying truth saves a lot of embarrasment and heartache later on.
- Honesty keeps your mind at peace.
- Integrity makes you feel proud of yourself, and people trust you with important things.
- Generosity makes other people help/respect/like you more.
- Kindness makes you feel good about yourself, and keeps you happy.
- Forgiveness makes you at peace with yourself.
I wonder why aren't kids taught moral values this way. This is a hard way, but as I have learnt from my wife, this a way certainly worth going.
3. I like to quote this conversation that some one once had with with Deepak Chopra. The person asked Deepak Chopra if cheating in an exam or a golf game is wrong even if when the outcome would not hurt anyone. Deepak Chopra replied that cheating sets a karma in motion. The person who cheated becomes so conscious of what he did that he is not able to focus on what he is doing, and end up messing up the next few things. So the overall result is not much different, plus the perpetuator has a residual guilt.
And really, it makes sense. In a very minute way, cheating disrupts the natural peace of mind, and distracts it in subtle ways. These subtle ways then affect a few next things and end game is overall same or worse...
4. Personally, when I am jealous or mad or trying to find fault in others or being judgemental about others, I am digging a few guilty holes for myself that I keep on falling in subconsciously while doing the next few things that I'll do. My mind keeps on reverting to all my negative thoughts and chides me or disapproves of me subconsciously. And it won't be a surprise if I can't do these things as well as I could do with a clean mind and heart...
But then, saying that we shouldn't be jealous or manipulative is easy. Following it is hard. But try we must.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
The Exception
I usually do not post songs, but had to make an exception.
The song is at:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6JPzi1Su9T4
Lyrics follow:
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
I usually do not post songs, but had to make an exception.
The song is at:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6JPzi1Su9T4
Lyrics follow:
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
My Enlightenment
I went to Pittsburgh last year roughly around this time of the year. I went for a professional conference, and met up with my first crush in school. We never got to spend a lot of time together in school or undergrad, and I always wondered if we actually connected on intellectual level. Rather, i always wished that we connected, but didn't know if we did.
And so we were talking about life in general, and whether we should take it easy, or beat the hell out of life. I opined that we do not take a lot with us when we die, so maybe we should stop and smell the roses. "Listen to the Sunscreen song; it has a clear message that is so true", I said. "Isn't that compromise when you really want to run and be the first person to finish up?" she asked.
So while I realized that while both of us think highly of each other and probably are intrigued by each other, our outlook towards life is different....
One year later, I am reminiscing that conversation and wondering if the issue is that easily settled in black and white colors.
I have my implicit definition of "balance" in life. A balance between working and not working; between worrying about a few things and letting go a few things; running hard on some days, and enjoying a leisurely tennis on others; reading something really technical some days and something very trashy on other days.
And till the time that my balance is not in danger, I take it easy. But when it is under threat, I sit up and take notice. My work with IBM hasn't really gone anywhere but I do not seem to care. The univ here asked me to teach 3 classes next semester and my advisor asked me to not teach, and I do not like it because I wanted to. The first incidence keeps me in my "do not care" zone and is fine. The second upsets my apple cart, my comfort zone and my strength, and I am bugged by it.
And now comes the interesting insight. Do I let it go, because I should take out time to smell the roses, or should I insist on getting things done in my way?
I'll be 28 next year. Six years back I thought that I was unique. I am not. Five years back, I thought that what people think of me matters. Except for a few people, it does not. Four year back, i thought that I would do good research and people will dance around me. No, they would not. Three years back, i realized that intelligent people get away with being rude. They seem to, at first. But they soon get into fights with everyone and are left alone. Two years back I wanted to do a few things because I wanted to prove a point. Now I realize that no one really cares whether I prove it or not. One year back, I thought that I exercise a significant control over my life. Now I realize I do not.
Between the good and the bad of six years, between doing a few good things and a few shameful things, i have realized that I will have my share of failures, disappointments and embarrassments. And in these bad situations, it is best to handle them gracefully, salvage what I can, and then move on.
I went to Pittsburgh last year roughly around this time of the year. I went for a professional conference, and met up with my first crush in school. We never got to spend a lot of time together in school or undergrad, and I always wondered if we actually connected on intellectual level. Rather, i always wished that we connected, but didn't know if we did.
And so we were talking about life in general, and whether we should take it easy, or beat the hell out of life. I opined that we do not take a lot with us when we die, so maybe we should stop and smell the roses. "Listen to the Sunscreen song; it has a clear message that is so true", I said. "Isn't that compromise when you really want to run and be the first person to finish up?" she asked.
So while I realized that while both of us think highly of each other and probably are intrigued by each other, our outlook towards life is different....
One year later, I am reminiscing that conversation and wondering if the issue is that easily settled in black and white colors.
I have my implicit definition of "balance" in life. A balance between working and not working; between worrying about a few things and letting go a few things; running hard on some days, and enjoying a leisurely tennis on others; reading something really technical some days and something very trashy on other days.
And till the time that my balance is not in danger, I take it easy. But when it is under threat, I sit up and take notice. My work with IBM hasn't really gone anywhere but I do not seem to care. The univ here asked me to teach 3 classes next semester and my advisor asked me to not teach, and I do not like it because I wanted to. The first incidence keeps me in my "do not care" zone and is fine. The second upsets my apple cart, my comfort zone and my strength, and I am bugged by it.
And now comes the interesting insight. Do I let it go, because I should take out time to smell the roses, or should I insist on getting things done in my way?
I'll be 28 next year. Six years back I thought that I was unique. I am not. Five years back, I thought that what people think of me matters. Except for a few people, it does not. Four year back, i thought that I would do good research and people will dance around me. No, they would not. Three years back, i realized that intelligent people get away with being rude. They seem to, at first. But they soon get into fights with everyone and are left alone. Two years back I wanted to do a few things because I wanted to prove a point. Now I realize that no one really cares whether I prove it or not. One year back, I thought that I exercise a significant control over my life. Now I realize I do not.
Between the good and the bad of six years, between doing a few good things and a few shameful things, i have realized that I will have my share of failures, disappointments and embarrassments. And in these bad situations, it is best to handle them gracefully, salvage what I can, and then move on.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Tolerating me
About an year back, I was talking to Anurag Kanchal - a friend from Roorkee. He was getting married at the time and I was kidding him about it. I was asking him about what tricks did he have to use to convince a woman to marry him.
And he answered it with a good humor. As the conversations dragged along, we became more serious, and then he said this gem of a statement, "You know, I thought I would never found anyone who could tolerate me. I thought I was a weird, idiosyncratic and cynical person. I thought that any woman will get fed up of my eccentricities. But this one does not. I have asked her many times what she will do if i act weirdly like I always did in Roorkee, and she always says that she will tolerate it. I thought she was kidding, but I have been talking to her since a few months, and boy! she has tolerated me so well. That is the reason I am marrying her."
In hindsight, that was a pretty good observation. After living alone for 8-9 years, we have been used to get our own way, and manage our life defined largely by our eccentricities. We need a life partner to share our things, but more than that we basically need some one to be with us despite of all our shortcoming and eccentricities.
As time passes, I realize that probably my wife also has to put up with a lot of weirdness - be it my craze about gym that comes and goes, my ever changing professional choices, my fleeting temper or just a few vacillating opinions about how we should spend our lives. I realize that I am weird, unreasonable and often difficult to live with.
And that is why, like Kanchal, I am glad I found a woman who puts up with me. Hopefully, I will mellow down soon........
About an year back, I was talking to Anurag Kanchal - a friend from Roorkee. He was getting married at the time and I was kidding him about it. I was asking him about what tricks did he have to use to convince a woman to marry him.
And he answered it with a good humor. As the conversations dragged along, we became more serious, and then he said this gem of a statement, "You know, I thought I would never found anyone who could tolerate me. I thought I was a weird, idiosyncratic and cynical person. I thought that any woman will get fed up of my eccentricities. But this one does not. I have asked her many times what she will do if i act weirdly like I always did in Roorkee, and she always says that she will tolerate it. I thought she was kidding, but I have been talking to her since a few months, and boy! she has tolerated me so well. That is the reason I am marrying her."
In hindsight, that was a pretty good observation. After living alone for 8-9 years, we have been used to get our own way, and manage our life defined largely by our eccentricities. We need a life partner to share our things, but more than that we basically need some one to be with us despite of all our shortcoming and eccentricities.
As time passes, I realize that probably my wife also has to put up with a lot of weirdness - be it my craze about gym that comes and goes, my ever changing professional choices, my fleeting temper or just a few vacillating opinions about how we should spend our lives. I realize that I am weird, unreasonable and often difficult to live with.
And that is why, like Kanchal, I am glad I found a woman who puts up with me. Hopefully, I will mellow down soon........
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Advantages of Marriage
1. You get a friend, a teaser, a cheer group, a groupie, a confession receiver, a sorrow sharer, a joy multiplier all rolled into one.
2. You feel you are one step closer to having kids and raising them, like your ancestors have done for thousands of years.
3. Your circle of life is complete. Next time you'll see this circle complete again will be when your children will get married.
4. You marry and then within six months you realize that you believe that you were meant to be together. Even atheists have to believe that something bigger and more powerful is at work behind the scenes.
5. You can stop chasing the proverbial golden goose of professional success and realize that personal life is rewarding too.
1. You get a friend, a teaser, a cheer group, a groupie, a confession receiver, a sorrow sharer, a joy multiplier all rolled into one.
2. You feel you are one step closer to having kids and raising them, like your ancestors have done for thousands of years.
3. Your circle of life is complete. Next time you'll see this circle complete again will be when your children will get married.
4. You marry and then within six months you realize that you believe that you were meant to be together. Even atheists have to believe that something bigger and more powerful is at work behind the scenes.
5. You can stop chasing the proverbial golden goose of professional success and realize that personal life is rewarding too.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Full Life Father?
My father called me up. We talked about a few things and then all of a sudden he started on a tangential topic.
"You know, I met some one recently. He said a very nice thing. Marriage is about different things for man and woman. For woman, it is about sacrifice. Sacrificing people whom she liked, sacrificing her habits, and her carefree attitude. For a man, it is about adjustment. Adjustment with the new life, adjustment with the reality that he cannot mete out any treatment to his wife, and that his wife expects him to be a grown up at times."
And he continued..."I hope you two live with love for each other. I want you two to live with love. That is the only way to be really happy."
My father always uses the word "love". He never tells me, "live peacefully" or "live happily". He always says "live with love for each other".
If I am asked to take just one lesson from his 33 years of married life, I will take this one. 33 years cannot be wrong.
On another note, he was my father when I was born, when i went to school and when I went to college. Now that i am married and far away from him, he still cares for me and is generous to call me up and help me with his wisdom about marital live. Non intrusive advice that comes straight from heart. Just like two decades back.
Being a father is a lifelong occupation - to advice and hold hands of kids who have just started walking on their feet in their life, education or married life.
My father called me up. We talked about a few things and then all of a sudden he started on a tangential topic.
"You know, I met some one recently. He said a very nice thing. Marriage is about different things for man and woman. For woman, it is about sacrifice. Sacrificing people whom she liked, sacrificing her habits, and her carefree attitude. For a man, it is about adjustment. Adjustment with the new life, adjustment with the reality that he cannot mete out any treatment to his wife, and that his wife expects him to be a grown up at times."
And he continued..."I hope you two live with love for each other. I want you two to live with love. That is the only way to be really happy."
My father always uses the word "love". He never tells me, "live peacefully" or "live happily". He always says "live with love for each other".
If I am asked to take just one lesson from his 33 years of married life, I will take this one. 33 years cannot be wrong.
On another note, he was my father when I was born, when i went to school and when I went to college. Now that i am married and far away from him, he still cares for me and is generous to call me up and help me with his wisdom about marital live. Non intrusive advice that comes straight from heart. Just like two decades back.
Being a father is a lifelong occupation - to advice and hold hands of kids who have just started walking on their feet in their life, education or married life.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
School Reopening
The school opens on Wednesday again. The roads around the campus are littered with cars parked in the side lanes, on the curbs and near trees, stuffed with stuff. Stuff that parents think will be useful for their kids' education. Stuff that kids think is utter useless and plan to throw under beds soon after the parents leave. Stuff like small white boards, or thick stack of books or an ironing board.
1. I wonder if I would think that I know all about schools when I'll come to leave my kids for college for the first time. I wonder if I would be as gullible as most of these parents and think that my children will be well behaved, chivalrous, virgin youngsters when they graduate out of college.
2. An interesting question: So do all these parents really believe that their kids will have nice relationships in college or they know that their kids will sleep around but they just do not want to think about it and pretend that they are not aware of the possibility?
3. I wonder how will I react if my kids will tell me three years into college that they are majoring in English. Or Drama. Or Latin. Would I tell them that it is fine by me or will I try to change their minds?
4. I wonder if these parents realize that they are seeing their kids for the last time as their kids. The kids will never be really back home. They will go around the world in vacation, and do internships and then take up jobs in distant cities after graduation.
5. Every now and then parents "show up" to meet their kids living in dorms. And I wonder if my kids feel embarrassed about their "self confessed old fashioned out dated obsolete" dad when wifey and I will show up to meet them.
6. I was eating dinner one night last semester when one of my students entered the cafe with her parents. She noticed me and said "Hi". I was watching her as she was showing her parents around. She was slightly embarrassed and slightly conscious.
Why do we feel embarrassed at us being seen with our parents? Is it because we are just embarrassed that we have parents after all? Or is it that we think we are very different at home and school, when the folks at school see who we are at home when our parents come to see us?
So she came over to talk, and I said, "Hey it must be difficult to behave like a nice girl after all."
She said, "Shut Up!", and I continued, "You have to pretend that you do not drink beer and that you study sincerely and you pretend that you are an ideal kid."
She laughed nervously, talked a bit and left. She was a lovely kid, and probably the most intelligent in my class too.
7. Another student crossed me yesterday. She was walking with her parents. Her family reminded me of Parijat Jain, we were in school together and his was the most closely knit family I have ever seen in my life. Parijat and his parents would always be found laughing when they were together. While growing up, every one in my class shared the view that his parents had a "special bond" and that he was really a lucky guy!
So this student said "Hello, how are you" and I was embarrassed. More like I felt shy. I prefer to live in my own world and do not feel comfortable when some one talks to me when I am thinking about things in my head, or am just minding my own business. So i gave a cursory reply, and hurried on my way. As I went by, i heard her saying, "He is my Stat professor......".
And I felt odd. I was a stat professor once. Last semester. That was a different world. I am no longer teaching. This is a different world. And some how I do not like going back to that world and reliving the role of a Stat professor whenever a student stops me. I guess, I am happy just being a regular guy on the street.
BTW. she wrote really nice comment for me on pickaprof. I was concerned about my teaching evaluation in the last few weeks of semester and her comment helped me figure out that I was doing the right things.
The school opens on Wednesday again. The roads around the campus are littered with cars parked in the side lanes, on the curbs and near trees, stuffed with stuff. Stuff that parents think will be useful for their kids' education. Stuff that kids think is utter useless and plan to throw under beds soon after the parents leave. Stuff like small white boards, or thick stack of books or an ironing board.
1. I wonder if I would think that I know all about schools when I'll come to leave my kids for college for the first time. I wonder if I would be as gullible as most of these parents and think that my children will be well behaved, chivalrous, virgin youngsters when they graduate out of college.
2. An interesting question: So do all these parents really believe that their kids will have nice relationships in college or they know that their kids will sleep around but they just do not want to think about it and pretend that they are not aware of the possibility?
3. I wonder how will I react if my kids will tell me three years into college that they are majoring in English. Or Drama. Or Latin. Would I tell them that it is fine by me or will I try to change their minds?
4. I wonder if these parents realize that they are seeing their kids for the last time as their kids. The kids will never be really back home. They will go around the world in vacation, and do internships and then take up jobs in distant cities after graduation.
5. Every now and then parents "show up" to meet their kids living in dorms. And I wonder if my kids feel embarrassed about their "self confessed old fashioned out dated obsolete" dad when wifey and I will show up to meet them.
6. I was eating dinner one night last semester when one of my students entered the cafe with her parents. She noticed me and said "Hi". I was watching her as she was showing her parents around. She was slightly embarrassed and slightly conscious.
Why do we feel embarrassed at us being seen with our parents? Is it because we are just embarrassed that we have parents after all? Or is it that we think we are very different at home and school, when the folks at school see who we are at home when our parents come to see us?
So she came over to talk, and I said, "Hey it must be difficult to behave like a nice girl after all."
She said, "Shut Up!", and I continued, "You have to pretend that you do not drink beer and that you study sincerely and you pretend that you are an ideal kid."
She laughed nervously, talked a bit and left. She was a lovely kid, and probably the most intelligent in my class too.
7. Another student crossed me yesterday. She was walking with her parents. Her family reminded me of Parijat Jain, we were in school together and his was the most closely knit family I have ever seen in my life. Parijat and his parents would always be found laughing when they were together. While growing up, every one in my class shared the view that his parents had a "special bond" and that he was really a lucky guy!
So this student said "Hello, how are you" and I was embarrassed. More like I felt shy. I prefer to live in my own world and do not feel comfortable when some one talks to me when I am thinking about things in my head, or am just minding my own business. So i gave a cursory reply, and hurried on my way. As I went by, i heard her saying, "He is my Stat professor......".
And I felt odd. I was a stat professor once. Last semester. That was a different world. I am no longer teaching. This is a different world. And some how I do not like going back to that world and reliving the role of a Stat professor whenever a student stops me. I guess, I am happy just being a regular guy on the street.
BTW. she wrote really nice comment for me on pickaprof. I was concerned about my teaching evaluation in the last few weeks of semester and her comment helped me figure out that I was doing the right things.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Books etc.
1. Wifey and I were talking the other day when we concluded that some books are popular just because people are scared to say that those books suck. For example, people say all the time that The God of Small Things is a nice book. But I have seen many of them privately admitting that they do not see the point of the book. A book has to have a point. Either it tells you something real, or it weaves a nice spellbinding yarn. In either case, you feel content after reading the book. The God of Small Things is horrible in both ways.
But maybe people are intimidated by the fact that the book got a Booker Prize. "The book must be good, but probably I am not able to get all of it. But why tell that to others?"
And so the book becomes " a good read".
2. Another of those books is "A curious incident of dog at midnight". I didn't like the book overall, though there were flashes of brilliance in it. But the story soon wanders and loses focus on the little man. True, it is the first book written from an Autistic kid's point of view. But that isn't enough for it to be an overall good read. I wonder why that book was on best seller's list.
3. One gem from the book is compelling though. It says something to the effect that....
People are scared of death. They do not know what happens after death. And so they are scared of it. And they find it frightening that there may not be a logical reason for their birth, and that they may die and then simply cease existing in all dimensions. This thought scares them, and then to console themselves, they start believing in afterbirth and heaven and spirit and ghosts. Just something to console them that they will not end up as a random collection of molecules that came together purely by chance without a higher purpose.
That, I think, is a very logical reason to explain the origin of religions.
4. Overall, Booker prize is usually awarded to dark and depressing books. You read one and you are sad for days, rather disturbed. But read any Pultizer award winner and you feel refreshed. Interesting how different selection committees have almost predictable characteristics.
5. Finally, people do dissertation on Role of women in Shakespeare's works and so on. They take one obscure part of the play, or a character and then try to understand that character. And then they write yarns on it. And I often wonder if any of the authors actually gave that much conscious though to these aspects when they were writing the book. Most of the books focus on 1-2 prime aspects of characters. If you try to extend the list, you will have to start analyzing what the character ate, drank slept with and start "constructing" his "character" based on these things. When the author had initially written these details, maybe he was just trying to give a complete physical picture, not a panaromic view inside the character's moral values. I wonder how much of what we believe about Caesar of Shakespeare etc is actually what the bard wanted to convey.
1. Wifey and I were talking the other day when we concluded that some books are popular just because people are scared to say that those books suck. For example, people say all the time that The God of Small Things is a nice book. But I have seen many of them privately admitting that they do not see the point of the book. A book has to have a point. Either it tells you something real, or it weaves a nice spellbinding yarn. In either case, you feel content after reading the book. The God of Small Things is horrible in both ways.
But maybe people are intimidated by the fact that the book got a Booker Prize. "The book must be good, but probably I am not able to get all of it. But why tell that to others?"
And so the book becomes " a good read".
2. Another of those books is "A curious incident of dog at midnight". I didn't like the book overall, though there were flashes of brilliance in it. But the story soon wanders and loses focus on the little man. True, it is the first book written from an Autistic kid's point of view. But that isn't enough for it to be an overall good read. I wonder why that book was on best seller's list.
3. One gem from the book is compelling though. It says something to the effect that....
People are scared of death. They do not know what happens after death. And so they are scared of it. And they find it frightening that there may not be a logical reason for their birth, and that they may die and then simply cease existing in all dimensions. This thought scares them, and then to console themselves, they start believing in afterbirth and heaven and spirit and ghosts. Just something to console them that they will not end up as a random collection of molecules that came together purely by chance without a higher purpose.
That, I think, is a very logical reason to explain the origin of religions.
4. Overall, Booker prize is usually awarded to dark and depressing books. You read one and you are sad for days, rather disturbed. But read any Pultizer award winner and you feel refreshed. Interesting how different selection committees have almost predictable characteristics.
5. Finally, people do dissertation on Role of women in Shakespeare's works and so on. They take one obscure part of the play, or a character and then try to understand that character. And then they write yarns on it. And I often wonder if any of the authors actually gave that much conscious though to these aspects when they were writing the book. Most of the books focus on 1-2 prime aspects of characters. If you try to extend the list, you will have to start analyzing what the character ate, drank slept with and start "constructing" his "character" based on these things. When the author had initially written these details, maybe he was just trying to give a complete physical picture, not a panaromic view inside the character's moral values. I wonder how much of what we believe about Caesar of Shakespeare etc is actually what the bard wanted to convey.
Friday, August 10, 2007
So where to next?
In a candid conversation 2 weeks back, my professor said that he will be okay if I finally decide to go and work for industry.
I have been grappling with this issue since 2 years now, and have thought about the three options available to me: Research based university, teaching based university, and industry position. Since my research emphasis, at least officially, is decision analysis, a decision analysis of all the options is in order.
1. What are my options? The stated three.
2. What are my criteria? Issues that I'll work on, flexibility to spend time with family/kids, relative flexibility to do some research, preferably work on diverse issues (consultancy?), opportunity to teach, peace of mind, money.
3. What is my utility function over these? Pretty much linear over a small range. For now, I'll just give a score on a scale of 0-10 on a constructed scale.
4. How do I weigh all these criteria? I'll pass it for now. These will change over time.
5. How do all alternatives perform on each criteria?
Research Based position
Too much headache to get a tenure position. Do the monkey business of publishing. (Peace of mind: 2)
Good flexibility to spend time with kids after tenure. (Flexibility for family 7)
Good opportunity to teach. (Teaching 10)
Opportunity to work on diverse issues. (Issues diversity 8)
Opportunity to work on what I like (Preference 10)
Money (10)
Teaching Based Position
Peace of Mind (10)
Flexibility to spend time at home (10)
Good opportunity to teach (10)
Opportunity to work on different issues. (6)
Opportunity to work on what I like (10)
Money (5-8)
Industry Position
Peace of Mind (5)
Flexibility to spend time at home (4)
Opportunity to teach (2)
Opportunity to work on different issues (9)
Opportunity to work on what I like (3)
Money (9)
Hmmm.....Even in the absence of weights, the first two options seem to outweigh the third one.
In a candid conversation 2 weeks back, my professor said that he will be okay if I finally decide to go and work for industry.
I have been grappling with this issue since 2 years now, and have thought about the three options available to me: Research based university, teaching based university, and industry position. Since my research emphasis, at least officially, is decision analysis, a decision analysis of all the options is in order.
1. What are my options? The stated three.
2. What are my criteria? Issues that I'll work on, flexibility to spend time with family/kids, relative flexibility to do some research, preferably work on diverse issues (consultancy?), opportunity to teach, peace of mind, money.
3. What is my utility function over these? Pretty much linear over a small range. For now, I'll just give a score on a scale of 0-10 on a constructed scale.
4. How do I weigh all these criteria? I'll pass it for now. These will change over time.
5. How do all alternatives perform on each criteria?
Research Based position
Too much headache to get a tenure position. Do the monkey business of publishing. (Peace of mind: 2)
Good flexibility to spend time with kids after tenure. (Flexibility for family 7)
Good opportunity to teach. (Teaching 10)
Opportunity to work on diverse issues. (Issues diversity 8)
Opportunity to work on what I like (Preference 10)
Money (10)
Teaching Based Position
Peace of Mind (10)
Flexibility to spend time at home (10)
Good opportunity to teach (10)
Opportunity to work on different issues. (6)
Opportunity to work on what I like (10)
Money (5-8)
Industry Position
Peace of Mind (5)
Flexibility to spend time at home (4)
Opportunity to teach (2)
Opportunity to work on different issues (9)
Opportunity to work on what I like (3)
Money (9)
Hmmm.....Even in the absence of weights, the first two options seem to outweigh the third one.
Friday, July 20, 2007
A Bunch
1. STA 309 The Closure
This is the closure for the STA 309 chapter. I was pretty happy with the way I taught, and i got exactly the same ratings that I wanted. Long long back, I sat in a civil engineering class and wondered if I will ever able to teach as well as the slightly limping professor. I am glad that I was able to do almost that. My ratings were just a decimal point shy of what that professor got in our graduate class, and quite higher than all other professors teaching the same class this semester.
The university has offered me to teach again. I may teach again, if my professor allows me to. Else I will teach when I start working. I understood what it took to teach an undergrad stat class well, and will be keen to teach the same course to MBAs.
2. Marriage
I got married to Rashmi on 27th June. I have known her since 3-4 years, and am still in the process of knowing her. Junta routinely asks me about how things have changed after marriage. And I always say that mostly things haven't changed. But there is a certain finality to it all. There is a bit more pressure to make up quickly after a fight, and probably a bit more pressure to be more patient and tolerant than before.
And as I have always believed, small things need to be worked on more as compared to the huge issues. The little things come innumerable times every day and leave just a tiny scratch of bitterness. But the bitterness 'sores up' quiet rapidly with the next little thing and then it tends to precipitate an ugly showdown rather suddenly. The big things are usually so big that both people in marriage approach it with greater caution and make sure to not leave any trace of dissatisfaction afterwards.
So interestingly, little things lead to disharmony while big things are sorted out rather wisely.
3. AMD
One fine day in May, I received an email from a person from AMD asking me if I wanted to work for them for a semester. One phone call later, it was settled that I will work for them for 1 semester and see if I like doing industry research or not. This was the fourth time in my life that I had received a work offer from a company. Almost all times, the offer was extended after 5-10 minutes of casual conversation. Probably it was the ease of whole process that made me take it for granted every time. From the first day of placement in undergrad to the last interview in business school few months back, the ease of it all made it easier to skip all those job opportunities.
This time, for a change, I think I will go and work for a while.
4. Research
Between teaching and getting married and thinking about AMD, my research has been affected. After a hiatus of nearly 6-7 months, I can look back at my work and confidently say that most of it has been just okay so far. Some of it is interesting, but rather straight forward. It needs more intensity and more depth.
I believe that this will always be the case. As we grow wiser and older, we can always see possibilities of improvements in our past work. Hopefully, the realizations of this hiatus will be helpful in future.
1. STA 309 The Closure
This is the closure for the STA 309 chapter. I was pretty happy with the way I taught, and i got exactly the same ratings that I wanted. Long long back, I sat in a civil engineering class and wondered if I will ever able to teach as well as the slightly limping professor. I am glad that I was able to do almost that. My ratings were just a decimal point shy of what that professor got in our graduate class, and quite higher than all other professors teaching the same class this semester.
The university has offered me to teach again. I may teach again, if my professor allows me to. Else I will teach when I start working. I understood what it took to teach an undergrad stat class well, and will be keen to teach the same course to MBAs.
2. Marriage
I got married to Rashmi on 27th June. I have known her since 3-4 years, and am still in the process of knowing her. Junta routinely asks me about how things have changed after marriage. And I always say that mostly things haven't changed. But there is a certain finality to it all. There is a bit more pressure to make up quickly after a fight, and probably a bit more pressure to be more patient and tolerant than before.
And as I have always believed, small things need to be worked on more as compared to the huge issues. The little things come innumerable times every day and leave just a tiny scratch of bitterness. But the bitterness 'sores up' quiet rapidly with the next little thing and then it tends to precipitate an ugly showdown rather suddenly. The big things are usually so big that both people in marriage approach it with greater caution and make sure to not leave any trace of dissatisfaction afterwards.
So interestingly, little things lead to disharmony while big things are sorted out rather wisely.
3. AMD
One fine day in May, I received an email from a person from AMD asking me if I wanted to work for them for a semester. One phone call later, it was settled that I will work for them for 1 semester and see if I like doing industry research or not. This was the fourth time in my life that I had received a work offer from a company. Almost all times, the offer was extended after 5-10 minutes of casual conversation. Probably it was the ease of whole process that made me take it for granted every time. From the first day of placement in undergrad to the last interview in business school few months back, the ease of it all made it easier to skip all those job opportunities.
This time, for a change, I think I will go and work for a while.
4. Research
Between teaching and getting married and thinking about AMD, my research has been affected. After a hiatus of nearly 6-7 months, I can look back at my work and confidently say that most of it has been just okay so far. Some of it is interesting, but rather straight forward. It needs more intensity and more depth.
I believe that this will always be the case. As we grow wiser and older, we can always see possibilities of improvements in our past work. Hopefully, the realizations of this hiatus will be helpful in future.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Of Men and Women
1. A student in my class : I realized a few days back that a 19 year old guy in my stat class will always be richer than me. He will go way way further than me in life. And that is okay with me. At 27 with 5 years in grad school and 2 more to go, life suddenly appears too short to waste my time in comparing myself with others.
I will be better than a few people. A few will be better than me. For billions others, we will be oblivious of each others. And that is the way it will be.
2. A fellow grad student : He has a cheesy sense of humor and I have seen him often schoomozing with women. I didn't like him since two years, and didn't like him till few weeks back. Then I went to a meeting where he resolved some major differences among the PhD students using wit and sincerity. The next day, he patiently explained the whole process of taking permission from the university to do empirical work and offered to sneak in my questions in the questionnaire of another professor in psychology.
So yes, he is still cheesy, and has a corny sense of humor. But yes, now I am also aware of the sincere side of him that is good.
3. A fellow student's father : A very good friend told me the other day that her father is going senile. She was sad when she said this, and it hit a weird nerve in me. Somehow I am seeing the end of things. Probably 30 years more and my kids will be thinking that I am going senile. 30 years is a long time? No it is not! It is just 6 times how much time I have spent in Austin sleeping in sleeping bags. It is just over 3 times the time I have spent out of high school. And let me tell you, when I meet friends from high school, we always say that none of us has changed a bit!
4. Wait for 25. I know a bunch of people who say happily "I am not 25 yet". Well, I too was there just 2 years back and I also said the same thing. But that elusive 25 does comes around finally, and when it does, you cannot boast anymore.
Then suddenly something changes and you calm down. The race of life seems to slow down and you are keen to give it one final shot - that MBA you wanted to do, or MS that you thought you would love - and then settle down.
As you come close to 30 - you realise you are halfway through the mark of 60 - your productive life period, and you will never (you are not supposed to) fall in love with another woman, never have friends as good as you had till now, and live life as burden free as before.
5. Marriage - The single advice that people give me is "Listen to her, and do as she says". All men who give this advice are 50 years or more. Younger ones just shrug their shoulders. Why? Probably because the older ones have learnt it well, while the younger ones are still learning it the hard way, or haven't given up (as my adviser suggested today).
"Small people talk about people, and big people think about ideas" ????
Go back and read the first point. I am 27 years old, not many years more to live, why do I care if I am a small bloke talking about people or an intellectual talking about grandiose ideas.
1. A student in my class : I realized a few days back that a 19 year old guy in my stat class will always be richer than me. He will go way way further than me in life. And that is okay with me. At 27 with 5 years in grad school and 2 more to go, life suddenly appears too short to waste my time in comparing myself with others.
I will be better than a few people. A few will be better than me. For billions others, we will be oblivious of each others. And that is the way it will be.
2. A fellow grad student : He has a cheesy sense of humor and I have seen him often schoomozing with women. I didn't like him since two years, and didn't like him till few weeks back. Then I went to a meeting where he resolved some major differences among the PhD students using wit and sincerity. The next day, he patiently explained the whole process of taking permission from the university to do empirical work and offered to sneak in my questions in the questionnaire of another professor in psychology.
So yes, he is still cheesy, and has a corny sense of humor. But yes, now I am also aware of the sincere side of him that is good.
3. A fellow student's father : A very good friend told me the other day that her father is going senile. She was sad when she said this, and it hit a weird nerve in me. Somehow I am seeing the end of things. Probably 30 years more and my kids will be thinking that I am going senile. 30 years is a long time? No it is not! It is just 6 times how much time I have spent in Austin sleeping in sleeping bags. It is just over 3 times the time I have spent out of high school. And let me tell you, when I meet friends from high school, we always say that none of us has changed a bit!
4. Wait for 25. I know a bunch of people who say happily "I am not 25 yet". Well, I too was there just 2 years back and I also said the same thing. But that elusive 25 does comes around finally, and when it does, you cannot boast anymore.
Then suddenly something changes and you calm down. The race of life seems to slow down and you are keen to give it one final shot - that MBA you wanted to do, or MS that you thought you would love - and then settle down.
As you come close to 30 - you realise you are halfway through the mark of 60 - your productive life period, and you will never (you are not supposed to) fall in love with another woman, never have friends as good as you had till now, and live life as burden free as before.
5. Marriage - The single advice that people give me is "Listen to her, and do as she says". All men who give this advice are 50 years or more. Younger ones just shrug their shoulders. Why? Probably because the older ones have learnt it well, while the younger ones are still learning it the hard way, or haven't given up (as my adviser suggested today).
"Small people talk about people, and big people think about ideas" ????
Go back and read the first point. I am 27 years old, not many years more to live, why do I care if I am a small bloke talking about people or an intellectual talking about grandiose ideas.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
STA 309 Final comments -2
Yes, I can do that. I can have a post titled "Final Comments" and then have this post "Final Comments 2" right after it. I have handed out handouts of three power point presentations in class that were titled "Final Presentation 1", "Final Presentation 2" and "Final Presentation 3". So I guess if I could do it in class, I could do it here as well.
Anyway, the class appears to be in a soup. My class average will be 3.75 or so. The department is bugging me to pull it down to 3.2. There is no frigging way that I could bring it that low. All students did very well in the class and I do not see how I could give Bs to good guys. So it appears that I might not get another chance to teach again because my class average is too high, and university hates it.
Many professors are using my material for exams, and for classes next semester. It is good, and it is bad. It is good to know that I was doing at least a few right things. The bad thing is that I myself will not get to use it again.
Finally, I have no clue what it takes to get a good evaluation from students. Jeff told me today that he got quiet nice comments throughout the semester and then the final rating was a dot 4. Pretty disappointing if the students said all semester along that they were happy with the class.
And again finally (I told you I can do it), I have to make a horribly difficult exam so that my students do not get a good grade on the finals. The world is unfair.
Yes, I can do that. I can have a post titled "Final Comments" and then have this post "Final Comments 2" right after it. I have handed out handouts of three power point presentations in class that were titled "Final Presentation 1", "Final Presentation 2" and "Final Presentation 3". So I guess if I could do it in class, I could do it here as well.
Anyway, the class appears to be in a soup. My class average will be 3.75 or so. The department is bugging me to pull it down to 3.2. There is no frigging way that I could bring it that low. All students did very well in the class and I do not see how I could give Bs to good guys. So it appears that I might not get another chance to teach again because my class average is too high, and university hates it.
Many professors are using my material for exams, and for classes next semester. It is good, and it is bad. It is good to know that I was doing at least a few right things. The bad thing is that I myself will not get to use it again.
Finally, I have no clue what it takes to get a good evaluation from students. Jeff told me today that he got quiet nice comments throughout the semester and then the final rating was a dot 4. Pretty disappointing if the students said all semester along that they were happy with the class.
And again finally (I told you I can do it), I have to make a horribly difficult exam so that my students do not get a good grade on the finals. The world is unfair.
Monday, May 07, 2007
STA 309 Final Comments
I had my final class of the semester. Overall, I think I did an okay job with a Statistics class. I had a lot of examples, and hopefully that made the class interesting.
However, unlike Mei's or Tayfun's class, not many people showed up say thank you for the "nice class". I asked many of them if they enjoyed the class and most of them said that they did learn stuff in the class. I pondered on it for a while; and figured out a few reasons with Rashmi's help about why my students were not very vocal about their opinion for the class.
1. I do not come across as a soft guy. Long time back, one American classmate told me that she was shocked when I first cracked a joke in the class. She always thought that I came to class, I sat, I listened and I went back. She didn't think that I could crack a joke in class.
I think a same thing happened in my teaching class. I came across as a guy who knew his stuff but wasn't friendly enough for small chit chat. Other people probably talked about regular personal stuff in class and came across as more human than me. Maybe I came across as a person who didn't want to engage in personal conversation, though he was willing to talk about medical studies involving erectile dysfunction (an example that I gave in class.)
2. Not many people showed up in my office hours. Just 9-10 people showed up in my office hours in the whole semester. Still, all students scored very well in class. Now while it is good that they understood everything in class, it deprived me an opportunity to interact with the students on a one to one basis.
3. I have a very dry sense of humor. And many times the jokes were wayy too flat for the students. In later classes, I stopped trying to be funny and just focussed on teaching well.
I took a class in computational finance from a greek professor two years back. Now thinking back, he taught the class in exactly the same manner as I did. He was curt and nice enough to teach the material very well. And I immensely liked his class. Everyone liked his class, and realized that he was teaching very well. But he was a bit distant. That didn't affect his final ratings that came out to be an amazing 4.8. But maybe some students did think that he was not "dude like" like many other professors.
Anyway I think I did reasonably well for the first attempt at teaching. The ratings will come in June, but I am happy with my effort and the response I got in anonymous feedback forms.
Now some good points.
1. I prepared my own stuff for teaching the class. I prepared my own in-class exercises that I discussed in class in lectures. Students seemed to love it. Some recent journal papers and news articles that i circulated in class also were well received by the students. When I complied everything at the end of semester, the course bundle came as a 250 page bundle. I wish I get another chance to reuse all the stuff.
2. I am darn sure now I can teach any undergrad class that needs quantitative analysis. Simulation, Statistics, Decision Analysis, Financial Optimization, Management Science, LP, IP, and Regression.
3. It was an excellent confidence building exercise.
I had my final class of the semester. Overall, I think I did an okay job with a Statistics class. I had a lot of examples, and hopefully that made the class interesting.
However, unlike Mei's or Tayfun's class, not many people showed up say thank you for the "nice class". I asked many of them if they enjoyed the class and most of them said that they did learn stuff in the class. I pondered on it for a while; and figured out a few reasons with Rashmi's help about why my students were not very vocal about their opinion for the class.
1. I do not come across as a soft guy. Long time back, one American classmate told me that she was shocked when I first cracked a joke in the class. She always thought that I came to class, I sat, I listened and I went back. She didn't think that I could crack a joke in class.
I think a same thing happened in my teaching class. I came across as a guy who knew his stuff but wasn't friendly enough for small chit chat. Other people probably talked about regular personal stuff in class and came across as more human than me. Maybe I came across as a person who didn't want to engage in personal conversation, though he was willing to talk about medical studies involving erectile dysfunction (an example that I gave in class.)
2. Not many people showed up in my office hours. Just 9-10 people showed up in my office hours in the whole semester. Still, all students scored very well in class. Now while it is good that they understood everything in class, it deprived me an opportunity to interact with the students on a one to one basis.
3. I have a very dry sense of humor. And many times the jokes were wayy too flat for the students. In later classes, I stopped trying to be funny and just focussed on teaching well.
I took a class in computational finance from a greek professor two years back. Now thinking back, he taught the class in exactly the same manner as I did. He was curt and nice enough to teach the material very well. And I immensely liked his class. Everyone liked his class, and realized that he was teaching very well. But he was a bit distant. That didn't affect his final ratings that came out to be an amazing 4.8. But maybe some students did think that he was not "dude like" like many other professors.
Anyway I think I did reasonably well for the first attempt at teaching. The ratings will come in June, but I am happy with my effort and the response I got in anonymous feedback forms.
Now some good points.
1. I prepared my own stuff for teaching the class. I prepared my own in-class exercises that I discussed in class in lectures. Students seemed to love it. Some recent journal papers and news articles that i circulated in class also were well received by the students. When I complied everything at the end of semester, the course bundle came as a 250 page bundle. I wish I get another chance to reuse all the stuff.
2. I am darn sure now I can teach any undergrad class that needs quantitative analysis. Simulation, Statistics, Decision Analysis, Financial Optimization, Management Science, LP, IP, and Regression.
3. It was an excellent confidence building exercise.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Some more rant
What people just do not seem to get is the fact that each PhD is a final product of university's policy, professor's work, his work style, and finally the student's work.
As you can see, student is just a small factor.
Some universities have a lower standard for giving PhD, some have high. Iowa State requires a defense of a master's thesis while you do not even have to show up for any defense for your doctorate at Berkley. You can go when you adviser signs off your dissertation.
In OM dep at UT, you do not need to give a proposal at all, while in many others you have give a second year paper, a candidacy paper, a proposal defense and a dissertation defence.
Some professors gives specific problems to their students to work on, and also layout a series of steps that have to be carried out. The student can follow those steps, finish up the work and graduate. I have also known many professors who actually write the student's code and let *her* graduate. On the other hand, some professors have a clear agenda - "Find a good problem, solve it in 2 years, and graduate". The student asks "What if I cannot solve the problem?". The answer is, "Too bad, find another problem". 2 years gone to waste by a "too bad".
Some professors think that conference papers are a good thing to have, and they encourage students to have conference papers every year. Some professors think that it is a waste of time and that the student should focus on journal papers.
At the top of all these puzzles, the student has to constantly juggle between a lousy personal life in basement, his TA appointments every semester, and making sure that his work still interests his professor. Else he would be entirely on his own.
And then almost every week, someone makes a call saying that "My friend has 5 papers, how come you have none.", "My sister graduated in 1.5 years, why did you take 2?" "Are you enjoying too much in school?"
What people just do not seem to get is the fact that each PhD is a final product of university's policy, professor's work, his work style, and finally the student's work.
As you can see, student is just a small factor.
Some universities have a lower standard for giving PhD, some have high. Iowa State requires a defense of a master's thesis while you do not even have to show up for any defense for your doctorate at Berkley. You can go when you adviser signs off your dissertation.
In OM dep at UT, you do not need to give a proposal at all, while in many others you have give a second year paper, a candidacy paper, a proposal defense and a dissertation defence.
Some professors gives specific problems to their students to work on, and also layout a series of steps that have to be carried out. The student can follow those steps, finish up the work and graduate. I have also known many professors who actually write the student's code and let *her* graduate. On the other hand, some professors have a clear agenda - "Find a good problem, solve it in 2 years, and graduate". The student asks "What if I cannot solve the problem?". The answer is, "Too bad, find another problem". 2 years gone to waste by a "too bad".
Some professors think that conference papers are a good thing to have, and they encourage students to have conference papers every year. Some professors think that it is a waste of time and that the student should focus on journal papers.
At the top of all these puzzles, the student has to constantly juggle between a lousy personal life in basement, his TA appointments every semester, and making sure that his work still interests his professor. Else he would be entirely on his own.
And then almost every week, someone makes a call saying that "My friend has 5 papers, how come you have none.", "My sister graduated in 1.5 years, why did you take 2?" "Are you enjoying too much in school?"
Friday, April 27, 2007
8 things to never ask to a grad student
1. "So, when are you finishing up?"
He really wishes every day that he knew. He has been planning to graduate in two years since last two years, but things never seem to go as he planned.
Every alternate week, he wonders if he has it in him to finish it up. He wonders if he bit more than what he can chew. Then, after some introspection, he steels himself to give it his best shot. And he tries to do his best before the next bout of self doubt kicks in two weeks later.
Asking about his graduation date has only two interpretations:
a) You want him to graduate early. This is frustrating because he has little control over when he can graduate.
b) You are asking, "You have been in school since a long time. Why aren't you done yet? I think it is more difficult than what you can handle."
2. "So, where will you work after graduation?"
He wishes he knew. Consider this. Professors insist that their students join research universities. But the selection rate in good universities is at max 1%. The poor guy wishes that he really knew if he will be good enough after two years to be in that 1% in any university where he may want to go. But the reality is that he does not know.
And he is scared as well. Because the thought of 1% selection raises the next question : "So what happens if you do not get an academic position?". The obvious answer is to go to industry. And that scares the hell out of him. Because he did not stay in grad school and sacrifice many things just to go back to industry. He could have done well without a PhD in that case.
3. "So when will you know where you will be working after graduation?"
Dude, you just rolled the first two questions together. And you expect him to answer it pleasantly?
4. "So how many papers have you got? Just one? None? My friend in UNC has five."
Yes, that asshole has 5. In all crappy journals. Or maybe in good ones. Good for him. Good for you. Now bug off. And never talk to me about my work again.
5. "So how is your paper writing coming along?"
Professors never like what their students like. Never. By asking the question, you risk a long sermon on why the professor is being unreasonable; and why the student thinks that something is wrong with himself. Self doubt comes into picture and the question of graduation (question 1 above) again surfaces.
I have rewritten a paper 51 times once, and even though the final outcome was good I am not looking forward to do it again. I know I have to do it, but knowing that I have to do it does not make it any more bearable.
6. "How are you getting along with your professor?"
Fairly good chance that there will be friction. Poor guy is frustrated with his professor over something. But he feels bad about bitching about his proff. So when you ask that question, he goes through the agony of mentally replaying all crappy things that he has heard from his professor. And then, he has to just shrug off and say, "I guess okay."
7. "So what do you work on?"
He wishes that he could say it clearly. Rather in most cases, he doesn't care anymore. He just wants to graduate. And which area he is working on does not matter anymore. But if you must know, he is working in new product development using some theory used extensively in finance, and he is trying to prove some statistical results. Did you get it, now please explain it back to me. I want to know your views.
8. "Did you get your work done today?"
90% chance that he did not get it done. Because he was stuck at something that he had not foreseen. And in the three hours that he spent on it, he could not think of a way to resolve it. And samething similar happened yesterday, and three days back, and a week back as well. Because Research is about solving a problem that other people have not solved yet. Which means that there must be something to it that is tricky or difficult. People working in industries just do not get it. Writing code, or supervising a machine is much different from sitting all day and banging your head alone to figure out something that no one knows about in your department.
What is being supportive to a grad student implies?
Being supportive to a grad student does not imply bugging him every day about his graduation date. Being supportive implies saying "Take your time. Do what you have to do.", or as v2 always says, "Ho jaayega dude. Just hang in there." Being supportive implies doing little things for him to ease his life of all small distractions that come everyday and sap away all mental energy. Being supportive implies giving him 1-2 hours of pleasant diversions if you can.
1. "So, when are you finishing up?"
He really wishes every day that he knew. He has been planning to graduate in two years since last two years, but things never seem to go as he planned.
Every alternate week, he wonders if he has it in him to finish it up. He wonders if he bit more than what he can chew. Then, after some introspection, he steels himself to give it his best shot. And he tries to do his best before the next bout of self doubt kicks in two weeks later.
Asking about his graduation date has only two interpretations:
a) You want him to graduate early. This is frustrating because he has little control over when he can graduate.
b) You are asking, "You have been in school since a long time. Why aren't you done yet? I think it is more difficult than what you can handle."
2. "So, where will you work after graduation?"
He wishes he knew. Consider this. Professors insist that their students join research universities. But the selection rate in good universities is at max 1%. The poor guy wishes that he really knew if he will be good enough after two years to be in that 1% in any university where he may want to go. But the reality is that he does not know.
And he is scared as well. Because the thought of 1% selection raises the next question : "So what happens if you do not get an academic position?". The obvious answer is to go to industry. And that scares the hell out of him. Because he did not stay in grad school and sacrifice many things just to go back to industry. He could have done well without a PhD in that case.
3. "So when will you know where you will be working after graduation?"
Dude, you just rolled the first two questions together. And you expect him to answer it pleasantly?
4. "So how many papers have you got? Just one? None? My friend in UNC has five."
Yes, that asshole has 5. In all crappy journals. Or maybe in good ones. Good for him. Good for you. Now bug off. And never talk to me about my work again.
5. "So how is your paper writing coming along?"
Professors never like what their students like. Never. By asking the question, you risk a long sermon on why the professor is being unreasonable; and why the student thinks that something is wrong with himself. Self doubt comes into picture and the question of graduation (question 1 above) again surfaces.
I have rewritten a paper 51 times once, and even though the final outcome was good I am not looking forward to do it again. I know I have to do it, but knowing that I have to do it does not make it any more bearable.
6. "How are you getting along with your professor?"
Fairly good chance that there will be friction. Poor guy is frustrated with his professor over something. But he feels bad about bitching about his proff. So when you ask that question, he goes through the agony of mentally replaying all crappy things that he has heard from his professor. And then, he has to just shrug off and say, "I guess okay."
7. "So what do you work on?"
He wishes that he could say it clearly. Rather in most cases, he doesn't care anymore. He just wants to graduate. And which area he is working on does not matter anymore. But if you must know, he is working in new product development using some theory used extensively in finance, and he is trying to prove some statistical results. Did you get it, now please explain it back to me. I want to know your views.
8. "Did you get your work done today?"
90% chance that he did not get it done. Because he was stuck at something that he had not foreseen. And in the three hours that he spent on it, he could not think of a way to resolve it. And samething similar happened yesterday, and three days back, and a week back as well. Because Research is about solving a problem that other people have not solved yet. Which means that there must be something to it that is tricky or difficult. People working in industries just do not get it. Writing code, or supervising a machine is much different from sitting all day and banging your head alone to figure out something that no one knows about in your department.
What is being supportive to a grad student implies?
Being supportive to a grad student does not imply bugging him every day about his graduation date. Being supportive implies saying "Take your time. Do what you have to do.", or as v2 always says, "Ho jaayega dude. Just hang in there." Being supportive implies doing little things for him to ease his life of all small distractions that come everyday and sap away all mental energy. Being supportive implies giving him 1-2 hours of pleasant diversions if you can.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Randoms
1. I lost my temper in class today. On a football player. In front of everyone.
The person doesn't show up for classes regularly, and flirts with women whenever he shows up. That is fine with me. Women like football players, and that is also fine and dandy. But the dude keeps on talking throughout the class and the girls keep on giggling. And that bothers me a lot.
I lost my temper today when they didn't stop after 10 minutes. I was speaking standing in the middle of the class, I stopped and grew quiet. I felt my face flushing and i said "Not Good". And then I kept looking at the guy. Finally he broke down the stare and stammered, "She was talking to me" and pointed to his neighbor.
He was alert and quiet in the remainder of the class, and was avoiding eye contact.
So, was it a good idea or bad idea to do it? First, it was so spontaneous that I do not think i could have controlled it anyway. Second, I think I should not have lost my temper in front of everyone. I need to talk to that guy in next class and ensure that he is not feeling humiliated. Third, I need to start going to gym again. I have anger issues if I do not go to gym.
2. I asked a favor from a person today and he refused quiet rudely. It came as a shock because I always thought of him as a congenial person. But his refusal on email was quiet rude. And it hurt. Badly.
I always thought that I will become more immune to these things as I grow up. But I realize every now and then that pachyderms are genetic not adapted.
3. Semester is coming to an end. Teaching for one semester gave me the confidence that I can teach quantitative subjects to undergads and grad students quiet well. I developed 25 handouts with in-class exercises, and pretty much developed a teaching style that makes me comfortable. I still need to learn how to patch in embarrassing pauses with little stories, but I guess that comes with experience.
4. A really random thought. We think that things change after marriage. Maybe they do not. We think that we will be "us" than individual "i"s. But definitely not. The two "i"s in a marriage always exist prominently, and the challenge is to make sure that the two "i"s do not grow apart either too little or too much. One obliterates personal space, the other kills affection.
Marriage is what we make out of it. This day, tomorrow, this week, this month, next month, this year, next year, and the year after, and the year after....
1. I lost my temper in class today. On a football player. In front of everyone.
The person doesn't show up for classes regularly, and flirts with women whenever he shows up. That is fine with me. Women like football players, and that is also fine and dandy. But the dude keeps on talking throughout the class and the girls keep on giggling. And that bothers me a lot.
I lost my temper today when they didn't stop after 10 minutes. I was speaking standing in the middle of the class, I stopped and grew quiet. I felt my face flushing and i said "Not Good". And then I kept looking at the guy. Finally he broke down the stare and stammered, "She was talking to me" and pointed to his neighbor.
He was alert and quiet in the remainder of the class, and was avoiding eye contact.
So, was it a good idea or bad idea to do it? First, it was so spontaneous that I do not think i could have controlled it anyway. Second, I think I should not have lost my temper in front of everyone. I need to talk to that guy in next class and ensure that he is not feeling humiliated. Third, I need to start going to gym again. I have anger issues if I do not go to gym.
2. I asked a favor from a person today and he refused quiet rudely. It came as a shock because I always thought of him as a congenial person. But his refusal on email was quiet rude. And it hurt. Badly.
I always thought that I will become more immune to these things as I grow up. But I realize every now and then that pachyderms are genetic not adapted.
3. Semester is coming to an end. Teaching for one semester gave me the confidence that I can teach quantitative subjects to undergads and grad students quiet well. I developed 25 handouts with in-class exercises, and pretty much developed a teaching style that makes me comfortable. I still need to learn how to patch in embarrassing pauses with little stories, but I guess that comes with experience.
4. A really random thought. We think that things change after marriage. Maybe they do not. We think that we will be "us" than individual "i"s. But definitely not. The two "i"s in a marriage always exist prominently, and the challenge is to make sure that the two "i"s do not grow apart either too little or too much. One obliterates personal space, the other kills affection.
Marriage is what we make out of it. This day, tomorrow, this week, this month, next month, this year, next year, and the year after, and the year after....
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The Good
1. I gave recommendation letters to three students in my class. All three of them got admission for the study abroad program, the fellowship offer/the mentor ship job that they had applied for. It feels nice. I am in grad school because my previous teachers gave me good recommendations. I get some fellowship every now and then because my adviser still puts in a good word for me.
I am happy that I have passed on the karma to others.
2. Sreelata's son's jhoola ceremony was a few days back. I was holding the little one when I realized that something was nibbling at my chest. The little one was trying to latch on to my nipple slightly outlined from beneath the T-Shirt. It was amusing to see that babies have such good instincts for locating breasts, male or female :)
The Bad
"I am sorry, I am not much interested in this position."
"You are saying that you do not want this position with AMD?"
"I am sorry, I cannot work in Fall, I need to focus on my research."
"Well, too bad."
Well, actually it is too bad. i have given job interviews just three times in my life - after undergrad, after MS and recently. And all these three times, I had to reject the offer because I had something else on a higher priority.
The Good
1. I gave recommendation letters to three students in my class. All three of them got admission for the study abroad program, the fellowship offer/the mentor ship job that they had applied for. It feels nice. I am in grad school because my previous teachers gave me good recommendations. I get some fellowship every now and then because my adviser still puts in a good word for me.
I am happy that I have passed on the karma to others.
2. Sreelata's son's jhoola ceremony was a few days back. I was holding the little one when I realized that something was nibbling at my chest. The little one was trying to latch on to my nipple slightly outlined from beneath the T-Shirt. It was amusing to see that babies have such good instincts for locating breasts, male or female :)
The Bad
"I am sorry, I am not much interested in this position."
"You are saying that you do not want this position with AMD?"
"I am sorry, I cannot work in Fall, I need to focus on my research."
"Well, too bad."
Well, actually it is too bad. i have given job interviews just three times in my life - after undergrad, after MS and recently. And all these three times, I had to reject the offer because I had something else on a higher priority.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Randoms
1. This guy is amazing:
http://www.stat.ufl.edu/~casella/
He has a nice publication record, he offers some very good classes, and he writes the best textbooks in Statistics (in my opinion).
His textbooks are lovely. I fell in love with Statistics after reading his "Statistical Inference" textbook. The book starts with the basic elements and concludes with some very hard problems. By the time I was done with the semester, I had read the book cover to cover at least a dozen times. The beauty of the book was that even the 12th time, I could see yet more pieces of Statistics coming together.
A theory is beautiful when you see its various pieces fitting together nicely. The book shows the beauty of Statistics by showing how different pieces from different chapters fit together.
Subsequently, I got hold of another textbook of his- "Monte Carlo Statistical Methods" - and it also was mind blowing. I started reading it in the morning, and wasn't able to put in down till that evening. I could spend whole weeks just reading this book, and using the simulation stuff that he has discussed.
2. On a different note, I sometimes find it intriguing that after so many years in engineering, I have realized that my natural inclination is towards applied statistics.
And that kind of makes a mess. Because the engineer inside me refuses to die. It is still attracted by design/testing/manufacturing problems. The challenging issue is to find engineering problems that need statistical modeling.
1. This guy is amazing:
http://www.stat.ufl.edu/~casella/
He has a nice publication record, he offers some very good classes, and he writes the best textbooks in Statistics (in my opinion).
His textbooks are lovely. I fell in love with Statistics after reading his "Statistical Inference" textbook. The book starts with the basic elements and concludes with some very hard problems. By the time I was done with the semester, I had read the book cover to cover at least a dozen times. The beauty of the book was that even the 12th time, I could see yet more pieces of Statistics coming together.
A theory is beautiful when you see its various pieces fitting together nicely. The book shows the beauty of Statistics by showing how different pieces from different chapters fit together.
Subsequently, I got hold of another textbook of his- "Monte Carlo Statistical Methods" - and it also was mind blowing. I started reading it in the morning, and wasn't able to put in down till that evening. I could spend whole weeks just reading this book, and using the simulation stuff that he has discussed.
2. On a different note, I sometimes find it intriguing that after so many years in engineering, I have realized that my natural inclination is towards applied statistics.
And that kind of makes a mess. Because the engineer inside me refuses to die. It is still attracted by design/testing/manufacturing problems. The challenging issue is to find engineering problems that need statistical modeling.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Strengths and Weaknesses?
I have been watching previous episodes of Scrubs. I like the show, it is half funny and half philosophical, and I love the blend how funny gives way to philosophical and vice versa. Like many people, I like to imagine that I am JD - a good guy, who cares a lot about what he does and what other people think of him and who is quite good at his work.
But that is what I like to imagine; what is reality?
In one episode, Dr. Cox asks JD to fill his own evaluation form. And JD is in a fix. He does not want to fill in a report that appears cocky, but he does not want to undersell himself. Ultimately he gets frustrated and shouts at Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox tells JD that JD was asked to fill in his own report so that JD could objectively evaluate himself, and see how he can improve himself because:
"You do not have to answer to the hospital, you do not have to answer to your patients, the only person whom you will ever answer is you. You."
And here is the crux of our life. Do we do things that make us feel better answering ourselves, or to others?
I meet my professor every week or alternate week. I like it when he is nice to me. But I know that his being nice is not an objective evaluation of my performance. I like him to be objective. But I am scared too. Because at some level in my mind I am well aware of the things that I don't do right. Just that, sometimes I try to downplay those weaknesses and pretend to believe that I still have the right balance. I am comfortable in my own deception. A part of me wants an honest feedback, but another part thinks that an objective feedback from my professor may shatter my illusion and send me in a tizzy.
And maybe my professor realizes the situation. He knows that I will feel down if he ever tells me all my weaknesses. So every time I go to talk to him, he says, "Sounds interesting. Things are taking shape", and leaves me to figure where exactly I stand and how I can improve.
It is the self evaluation that needs real guts, and to accept all foibles and work on them. I hope as I take steps towards entering professional life, I find it in myself to be objective with myself.
I have been watching previous episodes of Scrubs. I like the show, it is half funny and half philosophical, and I love the blend how funny gives way to philosophical and vice versa. Like many people, I like to imagine that I am JD - a good guy, who cares a lot about what he does and what other people think of him and who is quite good at his work.
But that is what I like to imagine; what is reality?
In one episode, Dr. Cox asks JD to fill his own evaluation form. And JD is in a fix. He does not want to fill in a report that appears cocky, but he does not want to undersell himself. Ultimately he gets frustrated and shouts at Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox tells JD that JD was asked to fill in his own report so that JD could objectively evaluate himself, and see how he can improve himself because:
"You do not have to answer to the hospital, you do not have to answer to your patients, the only person whom you will ever answer is you. You."
And here is the crux of our life. Do we do things that make us feel better answering ourselves, or to others?
I meet my professor every week or alternate week. I like it when he is nice to me. But I know that his being nice is not an objective evaluation of my performance. I like him to be objective. But I am scared too. Because at some level in my mind I am well aware of the things that I don't do right. Just that, sometimes I try to downplay those weaknesses and pretend to believe that I still have the right balance. I am comfortable in my own deception. A part of me wants an honest feedback, but another part thinks that an objective feedback from my professor may shatter my illusion and send me in a tizzy.
And maybe my professor realizes the situation. He knows that I will feel down if he ever tells me all my weaknesses. So every time I go to talk to him, he says, "Sounds interesting. Things are taking shape", and leaves me to figure where exactly I stand and how I can improve.
It is the self evaluation that needs real guts, and to accept all foibles and work on them. I hope as I take steps towards entering professional life, I find it in myself to be objective with myself.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Why is it so difficult
1. To do the right thing?
A Chinese person yesterday asked for the handouts that I made for my Statistics class. He will be teaching at a university starting from Fall. Even though I had made up my mind that I will give material to anyone who asks, I had a few seconds of resistance and I had to push myself to give stuff to him.
And here is another associated question. When you are doing something because that is the right thing to do and not necessarily because you like it, should you pretend that you are doing it because you like doing it? Or staying quiet on the reason is the best way out?
I took the third option yesterday.
2. To keep your head cool when things are moving too fast.
I have so many things going around me that I always seem to be in fire fighting mode. I hope I can find a way to keep a balance between teaching, research, more research, gym and my personal life.
3. A sensible woman is worth her weight in gold. The more as they get old.
1. To do the right thing?
A Chinese person yesterday asked for the handouts that I made for my Statistics class. He will be teaching at a university starting from Fall. Even though I had made up my mind that I will give material to anyone who asks, I had a few seconds of resistance and I had to push myself to give stuff to him.
And here is another associated question. When you are doing something because that is the right thing to do and not necessarily because you like it, should you pretend that you are doing it because you like doing it? Or staying quiet on the reason is the best way out?
I took the third option yesterday.
2. To keep your head cool when things are moving too fast.
I have so many things going around me that I always seem to be in fire fighting mode. I hope I can find a way to keep a balance between teaching, research, more research, gym and my personal life.
3. A sensible woman is worth her weight in gold. The more as they get old.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Growing Old
As the count of white hair on my head increases, I wonder if I am becoming more sensible with age.
Probably yes. Some things that bothered me till no end do not affect me any more. Because I have learnt that some things will be beyond my ability, and the best way to deal with this fact is to come to at peace with it, and then do the best that I can within my ability.
Probably yes. I have learnt that human needs evolve by themselves sequentially. As a kid, we yearn for the independence of teenage. As a teenager, we yearn for the liberty of college students. As college students, we want that job that will make us settled. In job, we look for the perfect match that will make us happy ever after. And 3 years into marriage, we need kids to keep our marriage interesting and fulfilling.
I have learnt that as you reach one stage, the desire to reach the next stage comes automatically, and that is how things will always be. A constant change with ever-changing targets with no stop.
I have learnt that a part of me will always be alone. I will get married, but a part of me will like to keep my identity as "me" than "us". I will need my own space in the same house, and I will need some friends just for myself to share a few dirty jokes with.
I have learnt that I will keep on meeting interesting women, and how happy I am in my married life depends entirely on whether I give in to the temptation. I have learnt that a woman's heart is a treasure that is all yours when you possess it, but it leaves you a pauper if you shoo it away.
But maybe there is still a kid in me.
A kid that liked to play with little cars, and loves jelly beans, and spicy mustard. A kid who is still happy to wake up in the morning and look at the sunshine.
A kid that is scared of a number of things, needs approval of elders/superiors and needs words of encouragement from family and friends every now and then.
A kid that still feels lazy to call back some people and cleaning after own stuff.
But maybe, at any time, my maturity and childlikeness are transient. Maybe I am kid in a few things and an adult in other things today. Maybe this allocation will change tomorrow based on where I am, and what I am.
Maybe all through our lives, we try to keep on balancing ourselves according to what we must do/want to do/where we are at.
As the count of white hair on my head increases, I wonder if I am becoming more sensible with age.
Probably yes. Some things that bothered me till no end do not affect me any more. Because I have learnt that some things will be beyond my ability, and the best way to deal with this fact is to come to at peace with it, and then do the best that I can within my ability.
Probably yes. I have learnt that human needs evolve by themselves sequentially. As a kid, we yearn for the independence of teenage. As a teenager, we yearn for the liberty of college students. As college students, we want that job that will make us settled. In job, we look for the perfect match that will make us happy ever after. And 3 years into marriage, we need kids to keep our marriage interesting and fulfilling.
I have learnt that as you reach one stage, the desire to reach the next stage comes automatically, and that is how things will always be. A constant change with ever-changing targets with no stop.
I have learnt that a part of me will always be alone. I will get married, but a part of me will like to keep my identity as "me" than "us". I will need my own space in the same house, and I will need some friends just for myself to share a few dirty jokes with.
I have learnt that I will keep on meeting interesting women, and how happy I am in my married life depends entirely on whether I give in to the temptation. I have learnt that a woman's heart is a treasure that is all yours when you possess it, but it leaves you a pauper if you shoo it away.
But maybe there is still a kid in me.
A kid that liked to play with little cars, and loves jelly beans, and spicy mustard. A kid who is still happy to wake up in the morning and look at the sunshine.
A kid that is scared of a number of things, needs approval of elders/superiors and needs words of encouragement from family and friends every now and then.
A kid that still feels lazy to call back some people and cleaning after own stuff.
But maybe, at any time, my maturity and childlikeness are transient. Maybe I am kid in a few things and an adult in other things today. Maybe this allocation will change tomorrow based on where I am, and what I am.
Maybe all through our lives, we try to keep on balancing ourselves according to what we must do/want to do/where we are at.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Vacation et.al.
The Spring Break was a welcome change in the schedule because of many reasons. First, I went to stay with my fiancee in Bay area. A stay with her always cheers me up even though we end up fighting ;). Second, I needed some time to look back and see what I should be doing in next few months. Third, I prepared 2 weeks of classes. So I am set for the next two weeks.
Some random thoughts from vacation:
1. I have put in a huge amount of time in preparing my own teaching material for the Statistics class that I am teaching this semester. Now that the semester is coming to an end, I am quite happy with the teaching material that I developed. But I also feel that it will be difficult for me to give away the material to other people who'd teach the class in next semester.
To be fair, I took help from two professors a lot, and they are using my examples in their classes and exams. And I do not mind that. They helped me to teach well, so they can use the material that I prepared. But for other guys.....Well, I guess I need to understand that just like these two professors were generous and gave me free access to their material that I didn't use because of my enthusiasm to make my own material, I should be supportive to other people.
I guess it is a favor that I need to pass on.
2. Surprisingly though, in the beginning of the semester, all professors were skeptic of my idea of using worksheets to teach material. I persisted because my sophomore year is still fresh in my mind when i did really bad in the same class because we never seemed to solve examples in the class. I also persisted because the professor in my best stat classes used the handout method, and it worked amazingly well for me.
I am glad that the students' feedback has vindicated my opinion. Interestingly, when i showed the feedback forms to professors, one of them commented that it was good that I figured a way of teaching that I liked and that I could pull off comfortably with students.
3. Now the flip side is that students have written in the feedback that they love working on problems. The bad thing is that I am running out of good examples and I need more time now to think of good examples. I am covered for March for now. I'll start regression in April and then I will have to spend more time on preparing material.
4. Finally, I wish I could teach every semester, but that does not seem possible. I guess I will show up for the audition of the Operations Management class next Fall and teach that if they let me.
The Spring Break was a welcome change in the schedule because of many reasons. First, I went to stay with my fiancee in Bay area. A stay with her always cheers me up even though we end up fighting ;). Second, I needed some time to look back and see what I should be doing in next few months. Third, I prepared 2 weeks of classes. So I am set for the next two weeks.
Some random thoughts from vacation:
1. I have put in a huge amount of time in preparing my own teaching material for the Statistics class that I am teaching this semester. Now that the semester is coming to an end, I am quite happy with the teaching material that I developed. But I also feel that it will be difficult for me to give away the material to other people who'd teach the class in next semester.
To be fair, I took help from two professors a lot, and they are using my examples in their classes and exams. And I do not mind that. They helped me to teach well, so they can use the material that I prepared. But for other guys.....Well, I guess I need to understand that just like these two professors were generous and gave me free access to their material that I didn't use because of my enthusiasm to make my own material, I should be supportive to other people.
I guess it is a favor that I need to pass on.
2. Surprisingly though, in the beginning of the semester, all professors were skeptic of my idea of using worksheets to teach material. I persisted because my sophomore year is still fresh in my mind when i did really bad in the same class because we never seemed to solve examples in the class. I also persisted because the professor in my best stat classes used the handout method, and it worked amazingly well for me.
I am glad that the students' feedback has vindicated my opinion. Interestingly, when i showed the feedback forms to professors, one of them commented that it was good that I figured a way of teaching that I liked and that I could pull off comfortably with students.
3. Now the flip side is that students have written in the feedback that they love working on problems. The bad thing is that I am running out of good examples and I need more time now to think of good examples. I am covered for March for now. I'll start regression in April and then I will have to spend more time on preparing material.
4. Finally, I wish I could teach every semester, but that does not seem possible. I guess I will show up for the audition of the Operations Management class next Fall and teach that if they let me.
Monday, March 05, 2007
STA 309- 12
Yet another set of interesting observations from the class.
1. I had another feedback form filled up by the students. Apparently, they love the class even though they appear very sleepy. So here is an interesting question: Do you believe what they write in an anonymous survey or do you read their faces and figure it out.
2. I learnt and fell in love with Statistics in just one semester - when I took Maths Stat from Mary Parker. She gave the intuition and then made us solve a bunch of problems in the class. That worked wonders for my self-confidence and I started solving all problems at the back of the book. By the end of the semester, I had my own solution key to the book. She always gave problems from the back of the book in the exam, and I was always out in 1 hour from the exam.
I try to do things in the same way, and so far, it has been good.
3. Realistically, I do not see many more ways to improve. I could have figured out firm days for allocating homeworks, and I could have updated the course plan more regularly. But I have realized that I improvise quite a lot as I go, and so I am slow. And therefore cannot stick to the class schedule. I guess teaching a class for the first time comes with some prerogatives. Changing the homework due dates is one of them.
4. I am slow according to my own scale and according to the 7-8 smart people in my class. For remaining, I am fast. And this is another interesting puzzle. When to side with the smart guys and move fast, and when to take the remaining ones together and go slow.
Recently, I have started calling the weaker students on the blackboard. I have observed that their confidence is improving and they appear to be more happy in the class now that they answer questions correctly.
5. Finally, the eternal question: How much of this good feedback will translate into good ratings?
Teaching is nice. Because of one big reason. If you prepare well and read well before going to class, the class goes smoothly. And observing those "Aha! I got it now" moments in students' eyes are very satisfactory moments. Unlike research, where you take one step front and almost one backwards and finish your PhD through an asymptotic rate.
Yet another set of interesting observations from the class.
1. I had another feedback form filled up by the students. Apparently, they love the class even though they appear very sleepy. So here is an interesting question: Do you believe what they write in an anonymous survey or do you read their faces and figure it out.
2. I learnt and fell in love with Statistics in just one semester - when I took Maths Stat from Mary Parker. She gave the intuition and then made us solve a bunch of problems in the class. That worked wonders for my self-confidence and I started solving all problems at the back of the book. By the end of the semester, I had my own solution key to the book. She always gave problems from the back of the book in the exam, and I was always out in 1 hour from the exam.
I try to do things in the same way, and so far, it has been good.
3. Realistically, I do not see many more ways to improve. I could have figured out firm days for allocating homeworks, and I could have updated the course plan more regularly. But I have realized that I improvise quite a lot as I go, and so I am slow. And therefore cannot stick to the class schedule. I guess teaching a class for the first time comes with some prerogatives. Changing the homework due dates is one of them.
4. I am slow according to my own scale and according to the 7-8 smart people in my class. For remaining, I am fast. And this is another interesting puzzle. When to side with the smart guys and move fast, and when to take the remaining ones together and go slow.
Recently, I have started calling the weaker students on the blackboard. I have observed that their confidence is improving and they appear to be more happy in the class now that they answer questions correctly.
5. Finally, the eternal question: How much of this good feedback will translate into good ratings?
Teaching is nice. Because of one big reason. If you prepare well and read well before going to class, the class goes smoothly. And observing those "Aha! I got it now" moments in students' eyes are very satisfactory moments. Unlike research, where you take one step front and almost one backwards and finish your PhD through an asymptotic rate.
Labels: Class, Research, STA 309, UT
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Thoughts on marriage
Apart of being scared of getting married, and worried about how I am doing in my class, I take out some time to have some nice chat sessions with a bunch of friends. It is interesting to see how their views on marriage agree/differ from mine.
1. I was talking to Fehmi yesterday when he asked, "Dude, how did you figure out that she was the right one for you?"
Many people have asked me this question before and now I have the answer ready.
"She was there whenever I was in deep shit."
He replied, "Yes!!!!".
He then articulated his thoughts and my thoughts very succinctly, "See, I wanted to get married before I finish up my PhD. Because after I finish my PhD, I will be very well settled. I will have a house, nice income and all. So I want to make sure that the woman I marry is not marrying me because of all these things. If she marries me expecting a smooth life, I am not sure how much support I will get from her when I am in trouble. But if she marries me right now, when I am in trouble trying to figure out how to finish up my PhD and how to survive in a limited salary, then I think she is the right one for me."
2. The second take on the issue came from an old person that I know. Co-incidently he started working in the week that I was born in. So he is quite old to me. I told him I was getting married, and he said, "I wish I had married late. I wish I had married when I was settled and knew how much I am going to earn for the rest of my life. I decided early and I wish I hadn't."
So his view is drastically opposite.
I am not sure which one is right and which is wrong. I just hope that things turn out fine.
3. Finally, I went to an Irani place yesterday with Tayfun. He had to buy a few jackets. So while he was looking for clothes, I was talking to the store keeper. He asked me if I was from Turkey. I said no. Then we talked about a few things and finally he asked, "Are you married?". I said no.
He said, "Do not marry.". Coming from a 50 year old man, that was surprising. Then he said, "If you have to marry, marry in India and then stay in India. Do not marry and bring your wife here. You get married to a different woman in India. Then she comes here, and in 5 years she is more American than you. And then you feel that you do not know the person you got married to any more. "
I can see what he is saying. Living in a different country, the lady has to wear different clothes, has to be more outgoing and probably adapt in many ways that the man may not like. Plus, the man was Irani. Maybe his wife discovered freedom after coming here.
Hmmm....So the bottom line is, it doesn't matter how you get married, where you get married, or when you get married. You still need to put in a lot of effort in your marriage.
Apart of being scared of getting married, and worried about how I am doing in my class, I take out some time to have some nice chat sessions with a bunch of friends. It is interesting to see how their views on marriage agree/differ from mine.
1. I was talking to Fehmi yesterday when he asked, "Dude, how did you figure out that she was the right one for you?"
Many people have asked me this question before and now I have the answer ready.
"She was there whenever I was in deep shit."
He replied, "Yes!!!!".
He then articulated his thoughts and my thoughts very succinctly, "See, I wanted to get married before I finish up my PhD. Because after I finish my PhD, I will be very well settled. I will have a house, nice income and all. So I want to make sure that the woman I marry is not marrying me because of all these things. If she marries me expecting a smooth life, I am not sure how much support I will get from her when I am in trouble. But if she marries me right now, when I am in trouble trying to figure out how to finish up my PhD and how to survive in a limited salary, then I think she is the right one for me."
2. The second take on the issue came from an old person that I know. Co-incidently he started working in the week that I was born in. So he is quite old to me. I told him I was getting married, and he said, "I wish I had married late. I wish I had married when I was settled and knew how much I am going to earn for the rest of my life. I decided early and I wish I hadn't."
So his view is drastically opposite.
I am not sure which one is right and which is wrong. I just hope that things turn out fine.
3. Finally, I went to an Irani place yesterday with Tayfun. He had to buy a few jackets. So while he was looking for clothes, I was talking to the store keeper. He asked me if I was from Turkey. I said no. Then we talked about a few things and finally he asked, "Are you married?". I said no.
He said, "Do not marry.". Coming from a 50 year old man, that was surprising. Then he said, "If you have to marry, marry in India and then stay in India. Do not marry and bring your wife here. You get married to a different woman in India. Then she comes here, and in 5 years she is more American than you. And then you feel that you do not know the person you got married to any more. "
I can see what he is saying. Living in a different country, the lady has to wear different clothes, has to be more outgoing and probably adapt in many ways that the man may not like. Plus, the man was Irani. Maybe his wife discovered freedom after coming here.
Hmmm....So the bottom line is, it doesn't matter how you get married, where you get married, or when you get married. You still need to put in a lot of effort in your marriage.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
500th post
1. I drink very strong coffee. Coffee that is really bitter. And I can sleep right after drinking it. Half of the world would sigh at the waste of coffee. And the rest half will envy me. :)
2. So I was talking to Sinan today when something strike me hard in my forehead, speared my head and then lodged itself in my brain. I hope it stays there.
3. I had a crappy class today. I had never thought that confidence interval will be such a difficult class to teach. But it was.
4. I have to see a proff tomorrow and I didn't get a chance to read through anything. :( I could be in trouble tomorrow.
1. I drink very strong coffee. Coffee that is really bitter. And I can sleep right after drinking it. Half of the world would sigh at the waste of coffee. And the rest half will envy me. :)
2. So I was talking to Sinan today when something strike me hard in my forehead, speared my head and then lodged itself in my brain. I hope it stays there.
3. I had a crappy class today. I had never thought that confidence interval will be such a difficult class to teach. But it was.
4. I have to see a proff tomorrow and I didn't get a chance to read through anything. :( I could be in trouble tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
STA 309 - 12
Things to improve
1. Teach a bit fast. I realized in the middle of the last class that many people were not paying attention. I am not sure if that was the case because I asked a question too abruptly or because they were just asleep.
2. Be more particular about posting stuff on Blackboard. There are a few students who do not show up for classes, and they end up missing the handouts that I give in the class.
3. Prepare more material in the Spring break. I had prepared material till this class before the semester started. Now I will have to improvise as I go, and that takes a lot of time. So I better use the Spring break and at least think about how I will teach the remainder of the semester.
4. Get a sincere feedback from students. They are doing exceptionally well in the class. I would imagine that it is because they are quiet smart and that hopefully I am teaching reasonably well. Feedback will help make it better.
5. Tomorrow I will teach confidence interval. In a way tomorrow is the pinnacle of the difficulty level in the class. The material will only become easier from the next class when I start discussing t-distribution etc.
6. Focus on research. It pays to recognize that my proff is just an adviser. I have to work to graduate. He would not work on my part.
Things to improve
1. Teach a bit fast. I realized in the middle of the last class that many people were not paying attention. I am not sure if that was the case because I asked a question too abruptly or because they were just asleep.
2. Be more particular about posting stuff on Blackboard. There are a few students who do not show up for classes, and they end up missing the handouts that I give in the class.
3. Prepare more material in the Spring break. I had prepared material till this class before the semester started. Now I will have to improvise as I go, and that takes a lot of time. So I better use the Spring break and at least think about how I will teach the remainder of the semester.
4. Get a sincere feedback from students. They are doing exceptionally well in the class. I would imagine that it is because they are quiet smart and that hopefully I am teaching reasonably well. Feedback will help make it better.
5. Tomorrow I will teach confidence interval. In a way tomorrow is the pinnacle of the difficulty level in the class. The material will only become easier from the next class when I start discussing t-distribution etc.
6. Focus on research. It pays to recognize that my proff is just an adviser. I have to work to graduate. He would not work on my part.
Labels: Class, Research, STA 309, UT
Thursday, February 22, 2007
STA 309 - 11
I gave the exam to students on Wednesday.
1. The front page had the following advice:
Unfortunately, no one got the right answer to this one.
3. On a serious note, one student started crying after the exam. He spent too much time on the objective problems and did not have enough time do the subjective ones. When I took his exam copy from him, he had not attempted two problems worth 20 points out of total 50 points.
He looked at me in tears and said, "I need more time", and started shaking his head.
Situations like these are big puzzles. You do not want to be brutal and just ignore the person. But giving extra time to this student could be unfair to other students. I am sure there are better ways of doing it, but that day I couldn't see him crying and gave him 10 extra minutes.
Hopefully I will learn to handle these situations better.
I gave the exam to students on Wednesday.
1. The front page had the following advice:
"Plan your time you must.
13 questions in this exam there are, and minutes remaining are 50 by far.
Careful you must be, and fast. Swiftly moves time in the time of exam.
May the Force be with you."
~ Yoda the instructor
The Return of the Statistician
Brownie Point Question
You need to know :
Unfortunately, no one got the right answer to this one.
3. On a serious note, one student started crying after the exam. He spent too much time on the objective problems and did not have enough time do the subjective ones. When I took his exam copy from him, he had not attempted two problems worth 20 points out of total 50 points.
He looked at me in tears and said, "I need more time", and started shaking his head.
Situations like these are big puzzles. You do not want to be brutal and just ignore the person. But giving extra time to this student could be unfair to other students. I am sure there are better ways of doing it, but that day I couldn't see him crying and gave him 10 extra minutes.
Hopefully I will learn to handle these situations better.
Monday, February 19, 2007
STA 309 - 10
1. I had a review session today in class, and it was as much boring as it could get. Personally, I never attended any review sessions for any class that I have been enrolled in. But I have been told that undergrads love it. So I did it. It was boring. But I guess you got to do what you got to do.
2. No one is coming to my office hours. No one. The number of people coming to my office hours is less than one tenth of the people who came to my office hours when I was a TA. And I am aware that many people didn't come to see me and just went to see the proff. So, in brief, only 1% fraction of people are showing up in my office hours as compared to other sections.
Either I am teaching well, or I am teaching so badly that people do not care. I'll find out when I grade the exams.
3. The exam is on Wednesday. I plan to have 3 numerical problems and 10 objective problems. I'll make every problem from a real phenomenon. Hopefully it will make the exams interesting. I remember the best exams that I gave in undergrad were in Numerical Methods where each question was based on an actual design problem. All of us loved working on that exam even though we thought that the proff did not teach too well.
Marriage
I am getting married, and I am scared. This is the biggest thing that I will ever do in my life. I hope I do it right. I hope both of us can put our marriage before our egos. I hope we stay senile and happy together.
1. I had a review session today in class, and it was as much boring as it could get. Personally, I never attended any review sessions for any class that I have been enrolled in. But I have been told that undergrads love it. So I did it. It was boring. But I guess you got to do what you got to do.
2. No one is coming to my office hours. No one. The number of people coming to my office hours is less than one tenth of the people who came to my office hours when I was a TA. And I am aware that many people didn't come to see me and just went to see the proff. So, in brief, only 1% fraction of people are showing up in my office hours as compared to other sections.
Either I am teaching well, or I am teaching so badly that people do not care. I'll find out when I grade the exams.
3. The exam is on Wednesday. I plan to have 3 numerical problems and 10 objective problems. I'll make every problem from a real phenomenon. Hopefully it will make the exams interesting. I remember the best exams that I gave in undergrad were in Numerical Methods where each question was based on an actual design problem. All of us loved working on that exam even though we thought that the proff did not teach too well.
Marriage
I am getting married, and I am scared. This is the biggest thing that I will ever do in my life. I hope I do it right. I hope both of us can put our marriage before our egos. I hope we stay senile and happy together.
Labels: Class, Marriage, STA 309, UT
Sunday, February 18, 2007
STA 309 - 9
I started Hypothesis Testing on Friday and was surprised at the ease with which the stuff flew by. Hypothesis testing is the most difficult concept to teach at the undergrad stat level because it brings together a lot of daily intuition, decision making and Statistics. I think I came up with a right example to motivate hypothesis testing.
But for every nice lecture, a lot of thought and effort goes into preparing the lecture and thinking ahead about the questions that students might ask. I hope my effort is translated into good teaching ratings as well. I need to be careful and keep on preparing well for the class.
I am trying to put in some real life examples in the class. I use a bunch of IBM examples that are a simplified version of what I am trying to do at IBM, and mostly students like it. It took me a while to realize that using real life examples is a wise strategy for more than the simple reason that they give a feel of use of theory in practice. I think when you use real examples, you have to explain the context of the problem, and more often than not, the bigger context makes the Statistical concept just a small part of the analysis. When the students are forced to look at the bigger picture, the statistical concept looks easy because psychologically they are trying to deal with a bunch of bigger ideas. The maths looks easy, and that is when it stays in their mind more longer.
Also, they also learn to identify the situations where different concepts could be useful. For example, I was talking about one sided lower side alternate hypothesis in class when a student asked, "How would we know that the alternate hypothesis is of the lower side form?". An excellent question, from a sophomore, and an excellent challenge for the instructor to develop this ability in students.
In my next class, I will use a case study type example that will illustrate how to identify different kinds of alternate hypothesis.
Finally, I have to admit - I have performance anxiety about the class. I wish some one had taught me Statistics in undergrad the way I am teaching in my class, but I am aware that there are a few students in class who are lagging behind, and I am not sure if I can/could pull them ahead with me.
Also, I have to admit that my research is taking a beating because of teaching.
I started Hypothesis Testing on Friday and was surprised at the ease with which the stuff flew by. Hypothesis testing is the most difficult concept to teach at the undergrad stat level because it brings together a lot of daily intuition, decision making and Statistics. I think I came up with a right example to motivate hypothesis testing.
But for every nice lecture, a lot of thought and effort goes into preparing the lecture and thinking ahead about the questions that students might ask. I hope my effort is translated into good teaching ratings as well. I need to be careful and keep on preparing well for the class.
I am trying to put in some real life examples in the class. I use a bunch of IBM examples that are a simplified version of what I am trying to do at IBM, and mostly students like it. It took me a while to realize that using real life examples is a wise strategy for more than the simple reason that they give a feel of use of theory in practice. I think when you use real examples, you have to explain the context of the problem, and more often than not, the bigger context makes the Statistical concept just a small part of the analysis. When the students are forced to look at the bigger picture, the statistical concept looks easy because psychologically they are trying to deal with a bunch of bigger ideas. The maths looks easy, and that is when it stays in their mind more longer.
Also, they also learn to identify the situations where different concepts could be useful. For example, I was talking about one sided lower side alternate hypothesis in class when a student asked, "How would we know that the alternate hypothesis is of the lower side form?". An excellent question, from a sophomore, and an excellent challenge for the instructor to develop this ability in students.
In my next class, I will use a case study type example that will illustrate how to identify different kinds of alternate hypothesis.
Finally, I have to admit - I have performance anxiety about the class. I wish some one had taught me Statistics in undergrad the way I am teaching in my class, but I am aware that there are a few students in class who are lagging behind, and I am not sure if I can/could pull them ahead with me.
Also, I have to admit that my research is taking a beating because of teaching.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
STA 309 - 8
I am realizing that how I teach in class is largely governed by what habits I liked in my professors.
Following are some examples in a random order.
1. I remember that the sweetest moment in class in grad school was when a professor in civil engineering came to class with his wife and kids and brought donuts for all students. I liked it because I felt that I was not just another student in his "yet another class". Knowing him on a tiny personal level made a huge difference to how I felt about the class.
To develop a similar feeling in my students, I thought I'll take something in class for the Valentine's day. I told them in last class that I may bring some cookies to class today. As soon as I was done, some women squeaked that they would like cookies from Tiff's Treats. In the class of 28 students, there are 21 girls, and I figured that taking something that they like would be wise. The cookies cost $33, but they were nice indeed.
So I took cookies today and it was fun listening to them praising the cookies like I praise Star war light sabers :)
Rashmi and I also plan to take donuts and coffee to class in April.
2. The women who suggested the idea of getting cookies Tiff's treats actually came up with the idea accidentally. In the last class, I had asked them to pick one of seven survey problems that I had displayed on board and figure out good sampling strategies for surveys.
These women were smart. They said that they would like to figure out "which is the most loved cookie at UT campus", a problem that was not on blackboard. Then they went on to conclude that Tiff's treats is the place for best cookies, and so they can simply call up the shop and ask them about the most sold cookie.
Now what they did was nice, because I was able to reinforce the point that "if you do not need to do a survey, then do not do it. If you have to, do it smartly".
And then when I mentioned cookies in class, they were ready with a recommendation.
I have always loved a class where the professor actually did something based on my suggestion. Once a professor asked me an example in the beginning of the class and he used it throughout the class. That class is still etched in my mind.
3. One other professor was always available after class, and outside the class. I loved it, and I try to do the same.
4. Finally, in last 5 years in grad school, I have received just two unasked emails from professor informing me about my performance in exam, and suggesting ways to improve. Even though both instructors were not great teachers, I gave them full rating because I thought they cared.
I also try to send email to people if their homeworks are sloppy and ask them if I could help somewhere. Hopefully they can see that I care about my class.
Why do I put so much time and energy in teaching? Because I enjoy it, and I know I may be able to do well on it. And thirdly, if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well.
I am realizing that how I teach in class is largely governed by what habits I liked in my professors.
Following are some examples in a random order.
1. I remember that the sweetest moment in class in grad school was when a professor in civil engineering came to class with his wife and kids and brought donuts for all students. I liked it because I felt that I was not just another student in his "yet another class". Knowing him on a tiny personal level made a huge difference to how I felt about the class.
To develop a similar feeling in my students, I thought I'll take something in class for the Valentine's day. I told them in last class that I may bring some cookies to class today. As soon as I was done, some women squeaked that they would like cookies from Tiff's Treats. In the class of 28 students, there are 21 girls, and I figured that taking something that they like would be wise. The cookies cost $33, but they were nice indeed.
So I took cookies today and it was fun listening to them praising the cookies like I praise Star war light sabers :)
Rashmi and I also plan to take donuts and coffee to class in April.
2. The women who suggested the idea of getting cookies Tiff's treats actually came up with the idea accidentally. In the last class, I had asked them to pick one of seven survey problems that I had displayed on board and figure out good sampling strategies for surveys.
These women were smart. They said that they would like to figure out "which is the most loved cookie at UT campus", a problem that was not on blackboard. Then they went on to conclude that Tiff's treats is the place for best cookies, and so they can simply call up the shop and ask them about the most sold cookie.
Now what they did was nice, because I was able to reinforce the point that "if you do not need to do a survey, then do not do it. If you have to, do it smartly".
And then when I mentioned cookies in class, they were ready with a recommendation.
I have always loved a class where the professor actually did something based on my suggestion. Once a professor asked me an example in the beginning of the class and he used it throughout the class. That class is still etched in my mind.
3. One other professor was always available after class, and outside the class. I loved it, and I try to do the same.
4. Finally, in last 5 years in grad school, I have received just two unasked emails from professor informing me about my performance in exam, and suggesting ways to improve. Even though both instructors were not great teachers, I gave them full rating because I thought they cared.
I also try to send email to people if their homeworks are sloppy and ask them if I could help somewhere. Hopefully they can see that I care about my class.
Why do I put so much time and energy in teaching? Because I enjoy it, and I know I may be able to do well on it. And thirdly, if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Dang it.
1. My Stat class is going fine. I teach slow, and I think I will have to practice every now and then to keep up the pace deliberately. But hopefully, students will appreciate that slow is better than "so fast that everything was a blur".
2.I have observed that I always teach better when I rehearse before the class. Of course that is a no-brainer. Practice makes a man better. I guess I'll practice every now and then to keep up the pace of the class.
3. My research is going in circles, and I've got to work on it now soon.
4. It is funny that the times when men are really grateful to their spouses are when they are in trouble and their spouses support them. It is difficult times that bond a couple and let them enjoy the good times together.
Man, I am glad that I found a nice one, who I can lean on in my difficult patches.
5. I am getting married. To Rashmi. I have been courting her since 4 years. There are a bunch of posts here dating back to sep 2003 addressed to R.S. Cistems, or Ray of Light or just some random comments with a signature of StoneheadedDumbbloke. All these are were for her. R.S. Cistems stands for her initials and the name of her company. Ray of light stands for her name. StoneheadedDumbBloke was a name that I adopted to indicate to her that I do not understand what is in her mind until she tells me.
6. Grad school is really a confidence shattering experience. Every time my research takes a setback, i wonder if I am at all qualified to do something. But soon something happens that tells me that I can still do a few things after all. For example, I lost hope last September, and then I did something with SAP and another company in SA. That was nice. Now I am teaching stats, and I realise that there are people in school that just teach the same class 3 times and take home a reasonable paycheck. Essentially, I can do what I am doing just three times over and get a reasonable salary.
Hmmm....that is a nice thought now :)
1. My Stat class is going fine. I teach slow, and I think I will have to practice every now and then to keep up the pace deliberately. But hopefully, students will appreciate that slow is better than "so fast that everything was a blur".
2.I have observed that I always teach better when I rehearse before the class. Of course that is a no-brainer. Practice makes a man better. I guess I'll practice every now and then to keep up the pace of the class.
3. My research is going in circles, and I've got to work on it now soon.
4. It is funny that the times when men are really grateful to their spouses are when they are in trouble and their spouses support them. It is difficult times that bond a couple and let them enjoy the good times together.
Man, I am glad that I found a nice one, who I can lean on in my difficult patches.
5. I am getting married. To Rashmi. I have been courting her since 4 years. There are a bunch of posts here dating back to sep 2003 addressed to R.S. Cistems, or Ray of Light or just some random comments with a signature of StoneheadedDumbbloke. All these are were for her. R.S. Cistems stands for her initials and the name of her company. Ray of light stands for her name. StoneheadedDumbBloke was a name that I adopted to indicate to her that I do not understand what is in her mind until she tells me.
6. Grad school is really a confidence shattering experience. Every time my research takes a setback, i wonder if I am at all qualified to do something. But soon something happens that tells me that I can still do a few things after all. For example, I lost hope last September, and then I did something with SAP and another company in SA. That was nice. Now I am teaching stats, and I realise that there are people in school that just teach the same class 3 times and take home a reasonable paycheck. Essentially, I can do what I am doing just three times over and get a reasonable salary.
Hmmm....that is a nice thought now :)
Sunday, February 04, 2007
STA 309 - 6
The class is going fine. I had a formal feedback last week, and all students seem to be happy with the class. There are some issues with "the speed with which" I speak, and I'll address that in future classes.
Tomorrow, I'll introduce the concepts of distribution of samples means.
Most of the people are doing reasonably well, and I am happy the way people are responding. Here is a catch 22 of teaching a class. You want all people to understand everything, but you also want to be able to differentiate between A students and B students at the end of the semester. The best balance appears to be where students are happy with the course no matter what grade they get. And that, my friend, is a difficult thing to achieve.
Other Randoms
I am "sick as a dog since a few days, so will post rest later. "
The class is going fine. I had a formal feedback last week, and all students seem to be happy with the class. There are some issues with "the speed with which" I speak, and I'll address that in future classes.
Tomorrow, I'll introduce the concepts of distribution of samples means.
Most of the people are doing reasonably well, and I am happy the way people are responding. Here is a catch 22 of teaching a class. You want all people to understand everything, but you also want to be able to differentiate between A students and B students at the end of the semester. The best balance appears to be where students are happy with the course no matter what grade they get. And that, my friend, is a difficult thing to achieve.
Other Randoms
I am "sick as a dog since a few days, so will post rest later. "
Thursday, January 25, 2007
STA 309 - 5
Painfully Slow
"Dude, you are painfully slow!". Tian told me today after my rehearsal for tomorrow's class. "You are spending way too much time on tiny details".
At the end of my last class, I had a feeling that my class was not listening to me attentively, and I thought that could be because I was slow. I am aware that i teach really slow, and that might become boring at times. I think I am very clear when I teach, but then the question is, "Would students stay awake if the proff explains everything nicely but is very very slow."
Anyway, so at the end of the class, I asked if I was going slow, and 3 people raised their hands. So I'll try to pace up tomorrow and come quickly to normal distribution where the real fun starts.
I think I should have asked the professors teaching this course what to expect from students. Maybe they find this segment slow because most of them already know this stuff. But I do not know that they do, and if they do.
So here is the first unknown unknown of the course that tripped me. I need to get the balance tomorrow.
Interesting Conversation
I was talking to a professor about getting married and she asked, "So, why do you want to get married?". I said, "Well, I have to stay in a hotel every time she comes or I visit. So it is better to get married."
"Well, that sounds like an okay reason. But really, why do you want to get married?"
"Maybe for the security it brings, and companionship, and for kids."
"So in India people marry, and they marry through arranged marriages because they want kids and security?"
"Yes, that is pretty much it. No one is thinking about love in India when they are getting married."
"Hmm, interesting. We always marry for love."
"Yeah, it is interesting. Indians do not have "love" anywhere in mind when they marry. Yet their marriages last. But Americans marry for love. Yet their marriages break apart left and right!"
"Yes, that is because love comes and goes. Stability is forever!"
Interesting insight indeed. No wonder even today indians marry through arranged marriage.
Painfully Slow
"Dude, you are painfully slow!". Tian told me today after my rehearsal for tomorrow's class. "You are spending way too much time on tiny details".
At the end of my last class, I had a feeling that my class was not listening to me attentively, and I thought that could be because I was slow. I am aware that i teach really slow, and that might become boring at times. I think I am very clear when I teach, but then the question is, "Would students stay awake if the proff explains everything nicely but is very very slow."
Anyway, so at the end of the class, I asked if I was going slow, and 3 people raised their hands. So I'll try to pace up tomorrow and come quickly to normal distribution where the real fun starts.
I think I should have asked the professors teaching this course what to expect from students. Maybe they find this segment slow because most of them already know this stuff. But I do not know that they do, and if they do.
So here is the first unknown unknown of the course that tripped me. I need to get the balance tomorrow.
Interesting Conversation
I was talking to a professor about getting married and she asked, "So, why do you want to get married?". I said, "Well, I have to stay in a hotel every time she comes or I visit. So it is better to get married."
"Well, that sounds like an okay reason. But really, why do you want to get married?"
"Maybe for the security it brings, and companionship, and for kids."
"So in India people marry, and they marry through arranged marriages because they want kids and security?"
"Yes, that is pretty much it. No one is thinking about love in India when they are getting married."
"Hmm, interesting. We always marry for love."
"Yeah, it is interesting. Indians do not have "love" anywhere in mind when they marry. Yet their marriages last. But Americans marry for love. Yet their marriages break apart left and right!"
"Yes, that is because love comes and goes. Stability is forever!"
Interesting insight indeed. No wonder even today indians marry through arranged marriage.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
The Inheritance of Loss
I was talking to Varun in Seattle, when we figured out how we relate to the Booker award winning book, "The Inheritance of Loss". Varun said that we have become quiet here. He said, "We do not like hanging out just with Indian people because we fear that the Americans will think that we don't mingle. But when we talk to Americans, we do not know what to talk about. So mostly we keep to ourselves, quiet."
I think there is yet another glaring issue here. "The problem is that we do not feel comfortable talking about American politics. Two reasons. First, we cannot vote, we are not a citizen here so we have no moral right to comment on American policy. We are scared that if we make any comment, some American might point at our citizenship status and ask us to shut up. And second, we feel guilty when we realize that we *might* be more in touch with the American politics than Indian policy."
The even bigger problem is that we are very much out of touch with Indian politics as well. Or for those people who are still in touch, they have a way of detaching themselves from the slime of Indian politics by saying that, "Well, I am here, why should I sweat so much about what is happening there".
So we do not talk about American things because we don't feel entitled to talk about them. And we do not feel comfortable talking about Indian things as well because we are out of touch, or we just want to close our eyes to the many/few slimy news that come from there.
So the puzzle is: What do we talk about? Cricket? A game that I stopped playing? Football? A game that I have started liking but my feeling that "I will become completely American if I start following football" stops me everytime. Hillary Clinton's election? Maybe not because I am not going to vote. As a person who has no authority to vote, the republican and democrat policies are same to me. Or the coming elections in India? Maybe not because I have no clue what is the local status there, or why are people still willing to give votes for building a temple or giving reservations.
Indeed, we inherit a loss when we come here. A loss of belonging. A loss of topics to to talk about. A loss of being either this side or that side in our minds.
We inherit an emotional loss and and step into a limbo.
STA 309 - 5
Bloopers
1. I made a few spelling/grammatical mistakes in the emails that I sent to students.
2. I had to print the course schedule four times. First time, I forgot to write the class room number. The second time I wrote it wrong. The third time, i had to correct the class timing that I had put in incorrectly.
3. I have no clue what they think of the class.
I was talking to Varun in Seattle, when we figured out how we relate to the Booker award winning book, "The Inheritance of Loss". Varun said that we have become quiet here. He said, "We do not like hanging out just with Indian people because we fear that the Americans will think that we don't mingle. But when we talk to Americans, we do not know what to talk about. So mostly we keep to ourselves, quiet."
I think there is yet another glaring issue here. "The problem is that we do not feel comfortable talking about American politics. Two reasons. First, we cannot vote, we are not a citizen here so we have no moral right to comment on American policy. We are scared that if we make any comment, some American might point at our citizenship status and ask us to shut up. And second, we feel guilty when we realize that we *might* be more in touch with the American politics than Indian policy."
The even bigger problem is that we are very much out of touch with Indian politics as well. Or for those people who are still in touch, they have a way of detaching themselves from the slime of Indian politics by saying that, "Well, I am here, why should I sweat so much about what is happening there".
So we do not talk about American things because we don't feel entitled to talk about them. And we do not feel comfortable talking about Indian things as well because we are out of touch, or we just want to close our eyes to the many/few slimy news that come from there.
So the puzzle is: What do we talk about? Cricket? A game that I stopped playing? Football? A game that I have started liking but my feeling that "I will become completely American if I start following football" stops me everytime. Hillary Clinton's election? Maybe not because I am not going to vote. As a person who has no authority to vote, the republican and democrat policies are same to me. Or the coming elections in India? Maybe not because I have no clue what is the local status there, or why are people still willing to give votes for building a temple or giving reservations.
Indeed, we inherit a loss when we come here. A loss of belonging. A loss of topics to to talk about. A loss of being either this side or that side in our minds.
We inherit an emotional loss and and step into a limbo.
STA 309 - 5
Bloopers
1. I made a few spelling/grammatical mistakes in the emails that I sent to students.
2. I had to print the course schedule four times. First time, I forgot to write the class room number. The second time I wrote it wrong. The third time, i had to correct the class timing that I had put in incorrectly.
3. I have no clue what they think of the class.
Friday, January 19, 2007
STA-309 Part 4
So I had the first day of my class today. A bunch of things went awry. My laptop died on me just 10 minutes before the class (I was able to restart it after a few trials), the projector died in the middle of the class, and as I suspected, only the enrolled 28 students showed up.
But rest of the things went fine. I just had introductions, talked about how statistics is used in daily and professional lives and talked about the syllabus of the course.
I gave my quick introduction. I had debated last night if I should tell them about BTech Industrial Roorkee, MS Mech Engg, MS, Stat and ongoing PhD in Risk Analysis. I thought that while this description would obviously determine me to be a suitable person to teach Stats, it could also sound quiet boastful. I hate to talk about my acads until I absolutely have to.
After a long thought, I twisted it as following, "I can give you a bunch of examples from different industries. I did undergrad in Industrial Engg, MS in Mech Eng. I also did MS in Stats, and my current research is in Risk Management that requires a lot of Statistics." This seemed to satisfy them. I also talked about some industrial projects that I have worked on using Statistics, and that was also well received, I think. At the beginning of the class, I also noticed the look of "You're so young!!!!" in their eyes. Hopefully once I introduced myself, they figured that I am at least 8 years older to them.
Now that I am teaching a class on Statistics and have to find daily life examples to show the uses of Statistics, I realized that Statistics is used ubiquitously. I gave a few examples in the class from daily lives and talked about some situations in industries where Statistics is useful. Hopefully I persuaded them enough to be more receptive for the class.
I think I had a very nice class. I am surprised that it went so well, absolutely without any hiccup. But a part of me also recognizes that it is because I could be pretty good at teaching, and I just need to polish it up if and where necessary.
Finally a question. Tian and Tayfun sat in my class and they both loved the class. However I am not sure if the students liked it or not. So the puzzle is : How can I figure out what they think about the class? How do I discern the difference between a stare of concentration and a stare of indifference?
To Do: Memorize their names soon.
So I had the first day of my class today. A bunch of things went awry. My laptop died on me just 10 minutes before the class (I was able to restart it after a few trials), the projector died in the middle of the class, and as I suspected, only the enrolled 28 students showed up.
But rest of the things went fine. I just had introductions, talked about how statistics is used in daily and professional lives and talked about the syllabus of the course.
I gave my quick introduction. I had debated last night if I should tell them about BTech Industrial Roorkee, MS Mech Engg, MS, Stat and ongoing PhD in Risk Analysis. I thought that while this description would obviously determine me to be a suitable person to teach Stats, it could also sound quiet boastful. I hate to talk about my acads until I absolutely have to.
After a long thought, I twisted it as following, "I can give you a bunch of examples from different industries. I did undergrad in Industrial Engg, MS in Mech Eng. I also did MS in Stats, and my current research is in Risk Management that requires a lot of Statistics." This seemed to satisfy them. I also talked about some industrial projects that I have worked on using Statistics, and that was also well received, I think. At the beginning of the class, I also noticed the look of "You're so young!!!!" in their eyes. Hopefully once I introduced myself, they figured that I am at least 8 years older to them.
Now that I am teaching a class on Statistics and have to find daily life examples to show the uses of Statistics, I realized that Statistics is used ubiquitously. I gave a few examples in the class from daily lives and talked about some situations in industries where Statistics is useful. Hopefully I persuaded them enough to be more receptive for the class.
I think I had a very nice class. I am surprised that it went so well, absolutely without any hiccup. But a part of me also recognizes that it is because I could be pretty good at teaching, and I just need to polish it up if and where necessary.
Finally a question. Tian and Tayfun sat in my class and they both loved the class. However I am not sure if the students liked it or not. So the puzzle is : How can I figure out what they think about the class? How do I discern the difference between a stare of concentration and a stare of indifference?
To Do: Memorize their names soon.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
STA 309 - 3
It does not rain enough in Texas. So the snow in last two days was out of the blue. The University closed down for two days and students had an extended vacation. I was scheduled to teach my first class on Wednesday, and it did not take place. So I'll be first teaching on Friday.
1. A few phd students are teaching classes this Spring. I usually exchange notes about teaching with Mei and Tayfun. All three of us are preparing for the classes quite seriously and hope to do a nice job on it.
2. I realize that I have three motivations for teaching well. First, I think I teach quite well, especially when I have to teach with numbers. I wish that I was so clear about my research, but that is for another day. I think I explain statistics pretty well, and I will feel bad if I do not pay enough attention to teaching and feel guilty later on. If I can do something well, I better do it well and get happy about it :)
The second reason is more selfish. Teaching the class well and getting a good rating may help me later down the line.
And finally, as Mei wrote in her blog, it feels nice when you teach a class well and students thank you. The fact that they learnt something useful from the class and they realize it is quite an elating feeling.
3. The number of students in my class is falling quickly. From 32 students, I am down to 26. Now maybe they are not interested in a morning class when they have an option to enroll in afternoon classes. Or maybe they are still waiting to see if they can enroll in some other class and will register on the fourth day of the class, I am not sure about it yet.
4. Mei has a facebook profile, and her students can read her thoughts about her class on her profile. I am wondering how good or bad that could be. This blog of mine happens to be quite unknown to people. I do not put it anywhere in my correspondence or mention it in my orkut/facebook profile. But I still think I need to be somewhat careful about names etc.
5. Finally, I was talking to a new faculty member from NYU. She won the best AI award at NYU and she told me that "you should make students feel that you care." In the next sentence, she gave me a jewel of infinite wisdom, "You should care and you should make them realize that you care. Remember that they see you for 3 just hours every week. It is a short period for them to feel your care. If you do not make efforts to show your concern about their status in class, they will think that you do not care. And you caring from them but they caring for you is not good. So, care for them, and tell them and show them that you care."
And I was wondering that this advice is pertinent for teaching a 3 hour-a-week class. But it is even so much more pertinent to 7-days a week-52 months a year- a lifetime of marriage- together.
Caring for some one is good. Making him/her realize that you care is what makes it all worthful.
It does not rain enough in Texas. So the snow in last two days was out of the blue. The University closed down for two days and students had an extended vacation. I was scheduled to teach my first class on Wednesday, and it did not take place. So I'll be first teaching on Friday.
1. A few phd students are teaching classes this Spring. I usually exchange notes about teaching with Mei and Tayfun. All three of us are preparing for the classes quite seriously and hope to do a nice job on it.
2. I realize that I have three motivations for teaching well. First, I think I teach quite well, especially when I have to teach with numbers. I wish that I was so clear about my research, but that is for another day. I think I explain statistics pretty well, and I will feel bad if I do not pay enough attention to teaching and feel guilty later on. If I can do something well, I better do it well and get happy about it :)
The second reason is more selfish. Teaching the class well and getting a good rating may help me later down the line.
And finally, as Mei wrote in her blog, it feels nice when you teach a class well and students thank you. The fact that they learnt something useful from the class and they realize it is quite an elating feeling.
3. The number of students in my class is falling quickly. From 32 students, I am down to 26. Now maybe they are not interested in a morning class when they have an option to enroll in afternoon classes. Or maybe they are still waiting to see if they can enroll in some other class and will register on the fourth day of the class, I am not sure about it yet.
4. Mei has a facebook profile, and her students can read her thoughts about her class on her profile. I am wondering how good or bad that could be. This blog of mine happens to be quite unknown to people. I do not put it anywhere in my correspondence or mention it in my orkut/facebook profile. But I still think I need to be somewhat careful about names etc.
5. Finally, I was talking to a new faculty member from NYU. She won the best AI award at NYU and she told me that "you should make students feel that you care." In the next sentence, she gave me a jewel of infinite wisdom, "You should care and you should make them realize that you care. Remember that they see you for 3 just hours every week. It is a short period for them to feel your care. If you do not make efforts to show your concern about their status in class, they will think that you do not care. And you caring from them but they caring for you is not good. So, care for them, and tell them and show them that you care."
And I was wondering that this advice is pertinent for teaching a 3 hour-a-week class. But it is even so much more pertinent to 7-days a week-52 months a year- a lifetime of marriage- together.
Caring for some one is good. Making him/her realize that you care is what makes it all worthful.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Work and Blog
I read a shocking statistic few days back : More than 45% recruiters admitted that they visit the myspace profiles or blogs of the candidates that apply for jobs. Two questions are pertinent here: 1) What are these recruiters looking for? and 2) What precautions should people take knowing that their profiles could be visited by recruiters.
1. Why are recruiters here.
One reason could be that maybe they are just checking the candidate before they visit with him, just like the candidates usually do a Google search before going for an interview. Maybe the recruiters just want to check out if something is grossly disturbing about the candidate, and not call the candidate for interview if that is the case. A second reason could be that the recruiters might want to corroborate the information given in the resume. For example, if I say that i published a paper, the recruiters might be interested in ensuring that I actually did published the paper, and in some cases, they might want to read it as well.
And finally, here is a very weird thought. Maybe they just want to see how discreet the potential employee is. Maybe some employers prefer that the employees do not disparage their company on open forums or share sensitive information (both quite reasonable expectations). Maybe they want to check out how the candidate talks about his current job on a public forum. How he discusses his issues with boss, and his grievances with the current employer.
2. What can candidates do?
In my opinion, the candidates are somewhat in a fix here. The forum is theirs and so they should be able to express their opinions freely. They should be able to express their opinions on political developments, racial issues and their sexual preferences. But they also face the danger that their opinions on completely personal issues might run contrary to those of potential recruiters and might lose interview opportunities. For example, I may have my own views on gay marriage, but I realize that liberal views on the issue are not welcome in Texas. Another example could be that a friend of mine just joined a Jesuit university as a faculty member. I am pretty sure that if he had expressed support for gay marriage openly and the opinion was known to the university, he might not have been hired.
One option could be to write a blog anonymously. A second option could be present both sides of issue and gently putting forward own's point of view. This appears to be the safest route, the one that I usually prefer to take.
Some other tips that I learnt over time.
1. Never write something about some one that you cannot say on his face. It saves a lot of embarrassing situations.
2. Never write racist or highly chauvinist comments. Even people who chuckle on chauvinist jokes are not that chauvinist usually.
3. Never write things about your boss that he might not like reading. It could be okay to write that "I was asked to put in more effort at work", but writing "The boss does not appreciate my effort" is slightly bad business. Spinning the grievance and writing "I need to communicate that I am putting in effort" is better.
4. No porn links or porn photos. Again, same reason as racist comments. Maybe everyone has watched it some time. But no one wants to hire a person who takes out 30 minutes of his sane time to write about porn.
Any more thoughts?
I read a shocking statistic few days back : More than 45% recruiters admitted that they visit the myspace profiles or blogs of the candidates that apply for jobs. Two questions are pertinent here: 1) What are these recruiters looking for? and 2) What precautions should people take knowing that their profiles could be visited by recruiters.
1. Why are recruiters here.
One reason could be that maybe they are just checking the candidate before they visit with him, just like the candidates usually do a Google search before going for an interview. Maybe the recruiters just want to check out if something is grossly disturbing about the candidate, and not call the candidate for interview if that is the case. A second reason could be that the recruiters might want to corroborate the information given in the resume. For example, if I say that i published a paper, the recruiters might be interested in ensuring that I actually did published the paper, and in some cases, they might want to read it as well.
And finally, here is a very weird thought. Maybe they just want to see how discreet the potential employee is. Maybe some employers prefer that the employees do not disparage their company on open forums or share sensitive information (both quite reasonable expectations). Maybe they want to check out how the candidate talks about his current job on a public forum. How he discusses his issues with boss, and his grievances with the current employer.
2. What can candidates do?
In my opinion, the candidates are somewhat in a fix here. The forum is theirs and so they should be able to express their opinions freely. They should be able to express their opinions on political developments, racial issues and their sexual preferences. But they also face the danger that their opinions on completely personal issues might run contrary to those of potential recruiters and might lose interview opportunities. For example, I may have my own views on gay marriage, but I realize that liberal views on the issue are not welcome in Texas. Another example could be that a friend of mine just joined a Jesuit university as a faculty member. I am pretty sure that if he had expressed support for gay marriage openly and the opinion was known to the university, he might not have been hired.
One option could be to write a blog anonymously. A second option could be present both sides of issue and gently putting forward own's point of view. This appears to be the safest route, the one that I usually prefer to take.
Some other tips that I learnt over time.
1. Never write something about some one that you cannot say on his face. It saves a lot of embarrassing situations.
2. Never write racist or highly chauvinist comments. Even people who chuckle on chauvinist jokes are not that chauvinist usually.
3. Never write things about your boss that he might not like reading. It could be okay to write that "I was asked to put in more effort at work", but writing "The boss does not appreciate my effort" is slightly bad business. Spinning the grievance and writing "I need to communicate that I am putting in effort" is better.
4. No porn links or porn photos. Again, same reason as racist comments. Maybe everyone has watched it some time. But no one wants to hire a person who takes out 30 minutes of his sane time to write about porn.
Any more thoughts?
Friday, January 12, 2007
STA 309 -2
I realize that the first lecture is where half the teaching ratings are determined, and where most of the student make up their mind about how smart the instructor is, and whether they will come to class regularly or not.
So I will try to be funny and sincere, genial but upright, and interesting enough but not flippant. I'll also try to pique their interest in statistics by showing some examples where Statistics is used in daily life.
I found some amusing videos for Statistics classes on Youtube. In most of them, either students are sleeping or applying makeup while the professor is busy in his own world. Hopefully, the students will see the humor in it. I'll also promise to keep the class interesting "unlike the class in the videos".
The puzzle for today is to figure out:
1. If I should ask their names first or should I do that after I have talked about the syllabus? My instinct is to ask their names first to put them at ease. I'll make up my mind in bath tub tomorrow where usually I sort out all my research issues and teaching problems.
2. How much to talk. I was giving a mock lecture yesterday when I found myself cracking a bunch of jokes that I didn't plan for at all. I am usually quiet comfortable at the front of students, and grab whatever creative ideas come to my mind. While this is good, balancing the impromptu act and covering the planned material will be necessary.
3. Finally, the sanctioned class strength is 70 students. But only 30 enrolled. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? One reason for the low registration could be that my class is right in the morning and students have options to enroll for later sections also. I am not sure if there is any other reason. In any case, small class is good because I can interact with students in a better way.
I realize that the first lecture is where half the teaching ratings are determined, and where most of the student make up their mind about how smart the instructor is, and whether they will come to class regularly or not.
So I will try to be funny and sincere, genial but upright, and interesting enough but not flippant. I'll also try to pique their interest in statistics by showing some examples where Statistics is used in daily life.
I found some amusing videos for Statistics classes on Youtube. In most of them, either students are sleeping or applying makeup while the professor is busy in his own world. Hopefully, the students will see the humor in it. I'll also promise to keep the class interesting "unlike the class in the videos".
The puzzle for today is to figure out:
1. If I should ask their names first or should I do that after I have talked about the syllabus? My instinct is to ask their names first to put them at ease. I'll make up my mind in bath tub tomorrow where usually I sort out all my research issues and teaching problems.
2. How much to talk. I was giving a mock lecture yesterday when I found myself cracking a bunch of jokes that I didn't plan for at all. I am usually quiet comfortable at the front of students, and grab whatever creative ideas come to my mind. While this is good, balancing the impromptu act and covering the planned material will be necessary.
3. Finally, the sanctioned class strength is 70 students. But only 30 enrolled. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? One reason for the low registration could be that my class is right in the morning and students have options to enroll for later sections also. I am not sure if there is any other reason. In any case, small class is good because I can interact with students in a better way.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Stat 309-1
I'll be teaching a Statistics class this coming semester. MWF 9-10am. The department had a little gig audition and they figured that I may be able to teach well. But as Tayfun and I were talking yesterday, giving a 10 minute lecture and preparing material for a semester of classes are two different ballgames.
So this week, I have been running around preparing material, getting them photocopied and preparing handouts. I have a few ideas about how Statistics should be taught interactively, and I plan to use the ideas in my teaching. But the caveat is that I need to prepare a lot of material to do that.
1. I will have a handout for almost all classes. In each class, I will first present a problem and ask them to think how they will solve it. Usually the problems will be selection problems. For example, if you have to select one of the two players for your basketball team, where one players scores well only a few times while the other person scores lower points consistently, how would you decide which person to select.
2. Based on the discussion from the class, I hope to underline the need for the statistical concept that I plan to discuss that day in class. For example, for the basketball player, i would give them 9 scores for both players and ask them to make a decision. Then I will ask the reason for their choice. I am hoping that *if* I can lead the discusson properly, I will identify and point out the notions of "average" and "standard deviation" from the students' decision making rationale.
3. Next, I will dicuss the mathematical formula for the concepts and work through the same first example that they had to make a decision for without any mathematics.
4. Finally I will do an industry example, and assign a similar homework problem.
5. I also plan to show some funny videos from Youtube. There are many hilarious videos on Statistics on Youtube, and a few of them could be useful in keeping the class sporty.
6. I'll have two guest lectures. The first will be from a person in Dell. He will talk about quality control. The second will be from the president of a company for which I did a little consultancy gig last winter.
Now comes the list of my concerns:
1. I started loving Statistics when I took Mary Parker's class M 384C,D. She taught in a similar manner. The catch is, all those classes were grad classes. Jags told me that undergrads may not be very receptive of a similar teaching style.
2. I teach very slowly. I think I do a reasonably fine job of teaching, but I am just too slow. Untill I think that I have been as much clear as possible, i just keep on giving examples. So I mag lag behind my planned schedule.
3. I have been told me half a dozen people to pretend to be "not as nice as you are". "You let students push you too much", said a chinese friend the other day. I wish I could be more strict. When 20 year olds come to you for help, I find it difficult to say no :(
4. And finally, it is all about my evaluation. As much as I know that I wil enjoy the teaching in class, the objective is to get a good rating in class so that I could apply for statistical academic position. I know that if I put in effort and teach well, half the work is done. But it is the other half that makes me worry. That is, I worry about the unknown unkowns that will come along as I teach.
Digressions:
Deadlines are good :) They force you to keep a schedule and finish things on time.
I'll be teaching a Statistics class this coming semester. MWF 9-10am. The department had a little gig audition and they figured that I may be able to teach well. But as Tayfun and I were talking yesterday, giving a 10 minute lecture and preparing material for a semester of classes are two different ballgames.
So this week, I have been running around preparing material, getting them photocopied and preparing handouts. I have a few ideas about how Statistics should be taught interactively, and I plan to use the ideas in my teaching. But the caveat is that I need to prepare a lot of material to do that.
1. I will have a handout for almost all classes. In each class, I will first present a problem and ask them to think how they will solve it. Usually the problems will be selection problems. For example, if you have to select one of the two players for your basketball team, where one players scores well only a few times while the other person scores lower points consistently, how would you decide which person to select.
2. Based on the discussion from the class, I hope to underline the need for the statistical concept that I plan to discuss that day in class. For example, for the basketball player, i would give them 9 scores for both players and ask them to make a decision. Then I will ask the reason for their choice. I am hoping that *if* I can lead the discusson properly, I will identify and point out the notions of "average" and "standard deviation" from the students' decision making rationale.
3. Next, I will dicuss the mathematical formula for the concepts and work through the same first example that they had to make a decision for without any mathematics.
4. Finally I will do an industry example, and assign a similar homework problem.
5. I also plan to show some funny videos from Youtube. There are many hilarious videos on Statistics on Youtube, and a few of them could be useful in keeping the class sporty.
6. I'll have two guest lectures. The first will be from a person in Dell. He will talk about quality control. The second will be from the president of a company for which I did a little consultancy gig last winter.
Now comes the list of my concerns:
1. I started loving Statistics when I took Mary Parker's class M 384C,D. She taught in a similar manner. The catch is, all those classes were grad classes. Jags told me that undergrads may not be very receptive of a similar teaching style.
2. I teach very slowly. I think I do a reasonably fine job of teaching, but I am just too slow. Untill I think that I have been as much clear as possible, i just keep on giving examples. So I mag lag behind my planned schedule.
3. I have been told me half a dozen people to pretend to be "not as nice as you are". "You let students push you too much", said a chinese friend the other day. I wish I could be more strict. When 20 year olds come to you for help, I find it difficult to say no :(
4. And finally, it is all about my evaluation. As much as I know that I wil enjoy the teaching in class, the objective is to get a good rating in class so that I could apply for statistical academic position. I know that if I put in effort and teach well, half the work is done. But it is the other half that makes me worry. That is, I worry about the unknown unkowns that will come along as I teach.
Digressions:
Deadlines are good :) They force you to keep a schedule and finish things on time.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
How much do you know your friends?
Jags and I were shopping groceries to stuff Vishal's fridge when we realised that we know tons of weird things about Vishal that no one else would notice.
For example:
1. We know that he eats blueberry muffins but not banana nut.
2. He loves Orange juice with some pulp. Not a lot of pulp, not not pulp. Just some pulp.
3. He does not eat apple but eats banana.
4. He likes the cereal with rasins.
5. He likes the wheat tortilla over the corn ones.
The point of this list is that when you like some one, and care enough for him, you usually know his small things because you want to know these things and make these available to him again and again.
Few years back, a program started on TV in India. 4 couples would be invited to a talk show. Each couple would have been married for 4-5 years. Then they took all men aside and asked for their spouse's favourite color, game, food, reading habits etc. The answers were matched with the correct ones given by the women.
Then they did the same with women.
It always came as a surprise to me that most of the couples did not know wnough about each other. Not even about if she likes milk sweet or not sweet. And I always wondered that being married and supposedly in love, shouldn't they know these little things about each other?
In hindsight, what does such little knowledge convey? Indifference to spouses in general? Or the state of individual marriages?
Jags and I were shopping groceries to stuff Vishal's fridge when we realised that we know tons of weird things about Vishal that no one else would notice.
For example:
1. We know that he eats blueberry muffins but not banana nut.
2. He loves Orange juice with some pulp. Not a lot of pulp, not not pulp. Just some pulp.
3. He does not eat apple but eats banana.
4. He likes the cereal with rasins.
5. He likes the wheat tortilla over the corn ones.
The point of this list is that when you like some one, and care enough for him, you usually know his small things because you want to know these things and make these available to him again and again.
Few years back, a program started on TV in India. 4 couples would be invited to a talk show. Each couple would have been married for 4-5 years. Then they took all men aside and asked for their spouse's favourite color, game, food, reading habits etc. The answers were matched with the correct ones given by the women.
Then they did the same with women.
It always came as a surprise to me that most of the couples did not know wnough about each other. Not even about if she likes milk sweet or not sweet. And I always wondered that being married and supposedly in love, shouldn't they know these little things about each other?
In hindsight, what does such little knowledge convey? Indifference to spouses in general? Or the state of individual marriages?
Monday, January 08, 2007
Surprises?
You realise that people around you are terribly smart when:
1. You are sitting in a conference, and the speaker introduces your independent study proff as, "He is among the top 5 people in Discrete Event simulation in the world." And you wonder, "Really! But he is such an easy going, nice guy."
The irony of the situation is that people expect smart professors to have some attitude. But when they see a professor with an attitude, they promptly dismiss him as, "Another intelligent person who is not worth caring for because he is smart and arrogant, and I do not care about arrogant people no matter how smart they are!".
2. You are registering people for a conference, and you are expecting a real old guy to show up. Then suddenly a young guy strolls in the room and introduces himself. The supposedly old guy turns out to be a 51 year young guy, and all his works that you have been reading since last three years turn out to be work of his BA thesis at the age of 23.
3. Some one asks you who you work for, you tell them, and then their eyes go wide till the eyeballs are about to pop out and drop down. You are just too embarrased to admit that yes, you do work for the same guy, but you still have a long way to go in your program.
4. You listen to a presentation, and think that it looks right. Then one of the professors in OB starts discussing why the presentation's regression results have a methodological issue and you realise that a professor who did not ever formally study regression can so easily predict the error structure in data based on the industry from which the data was collected.
You realise that people around you are terribly smart when:
1. You are sitting in a conference, and the speaker introduces your independent study proff as, "He is among the top 5 people in Discrete Event simulation in the world." And you wonder, "Really! But he is such an easy going, nice guy."
The irony of the situation is that people expect smart professors to have some attitude. But when they see a professor with an attitude, they promptly dismiss him as, "Another intelligent person who is not worth caring for because he is smart and arrogant, and I do not care about arrogant people no matter how smart they are!".
2. You are registering people for a conference, and you are expecting a real old guy to show up. Then suddenly a young guy strolls in the room and introduces himself. The supposedly old guy turns out to be a 51 year young guy, and all his works that you have been reading since last three years turn out to be work of his BA thesis at the age of 23.
3. Some one asks you who you work for, you tell them, and then their eyes go wide till the eyeballs are about to pop out and drop down. You are just too embarrased to admit that yes, you do work for the same guy, but you still have a long way to go in your program.
4. You listen to a presentation, and think that it looks right. Then one of the professors in OB starts discussing why the presentation's regression results have a methodological issue and you realise that a professor who did not ever formally study regression can so easily predict the error structure in data based on the industry from which the data was collected.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Randoms
1. Vishal got married. Jags, Rashmi and I went over to his place before he came back from India and decorated his place. The idea of decoration was conceptualized in two phases. In the first phase, Jags and I thought a lot about what decoration we could do, and finally stumbled on the idea that we should stock up Vishal's refridgerator. That was our first idea of giving a "good welcome". Then Rashmi flared up on our idea and suggetsed that we think about "decorating" for a change, and stop thinking about "food" all the time. "Food is not decoration" she said. We found it difficult to believe but we were persuaded strongly.
So Jags and I went to Walmart, bought a bunch of garlands, and light bulbs and other trinkets and decorated Vishal's house.
He loved both pieces of decoration. To be precise, I think his wife liked the decoration more, he liked the food more :)
2. Now comes the more complicated part. I called up Vishal for coffee and for the first time in last 5 years that I have known him, he said, "Dude, I need to get dressed". Get dressed? What?
He continued, "I am supposed to dress up now and then go to someone's place. Now that I am married and all...."
Yeah, right. Life changes after marriage. Just that it will take me some time to get used to the idea that my friend "needs" to dress up to come to my place when neither of us like him dressing up to come for coffee.
3. We went out for dinner, him with his wife, and me with Rashmi. On our way to the hotel, I realized that I was replying to many questions that he was actually asking his wife. I just could not get it first but understood it slowly when he repeated his questions and his wife answered.
I am trying to figure out how much of it changes between us now that he is married. And how much of it remains the same? Would he still show up for dinner at Thai Kitchen? Would he still come when I call him because I am depressed? I would hate to be judgmental about his wife, but is there a way to not be exactly that? She is a nice person, and I hope Vishal stays happy with her. But what if she and I do not get along well?
It is interesting that so many questions come up when one of the friend gets married. I'll find out answers to my questions with time.
For now, here's hoping that Vishal and his wife have a life long time of happiness and joys together :).
1. Vishal got married. Jags, Rashmi and I went over to his place before he came back from India and decorated his place. The idea of decoration was conceptualized in two phases. In the first phase, Jags and I thought a lot about what decoration we could do, and finally stumbled on the idea that we should stock up Vishal's refridgerator. That was our first idea of giving a "good welcome". Then Rashmi flared up on our idea and suggetsed that we think about "decorating" for a change, and stop thinking about "food" all the time. "Food is not decoration" she said. We found it difficult to believe but we were persuaded strongly.
So Jags and I went to Walmart, bought a bunch of garlands, and light bulbs and other trinkets and decorated Vishal's house.
He loved both pieces of decoration. To be precise, I think his wife liked the decoration more, he liked the food more :)
2. Now comes the more complicated part. I called up Vishal for coffee and for the first time in last 5 years that I have known him, he said, "Dude, I need to get dressed". Get dressed? What?
He continued, "I am supposed to dress up now and then go to someone's place. Now that I am married and all...."
Yeah, right. Life changes after marriage. Just that it will take me some time to get used to the idea that my friend "needs" to dress up to come to my place when neither of us like him dressing up to come for coffee.
3. We went out for dinner, him with his wife, and me with Rashmi. On our way to the hotel, I realized that I was replying to many questions that he was actually asking his wife. I just could not get it first but understood it slowly when he repeated his questions and his wife answered.
I am trying to figure out how much of it changes between us now that he is married. And how much of it remains the same? Would he still show up for dinner at Thai Kitchen? Would he still come when I call him because I am depressed? I would hate to be judgmental about his wife, but is there a way to not be exactly that? She is a nice person, and I hope Vishal stays happy with her. But what if she and I do not get along well?
It is interesting that so many questions come up when one of the friend gets married. I'll find out answers to my questions with time.
For now, here's hoping that Vishal and his wife have a life long time of happiness and joys together :).
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Philosophies?
1. I sometimes feel that people's lives have a natural rhythm. And the rhythm is unique to each person. Some people's lives seem to be very turbulent. Things fall in place for them for a short duration, and then an upheaval follows that turns upside everything down. And these people have to painstaking work through everything to bring back life to normal. Then, again a short period of tranquility follows before the next upheaval strikes.
But I know people who still stand out, strong and radiant, amidst all the turbulence - like my lovely friend in Pittsburgh.
Then some people's lives are so smooth that you can't help marvel or even envy. Things just keep on falling in place for them forever as if a guarding angel works overtime for them to make sure that everything works out fine for them.
Over a long period of time, I have realized while our habits and thought process and work ethics and our aptitude and attitude may also have a hand in determining the rhythm of our life, quite a large part of the rhythm is unexplained. Sometimes just acknowledging the rhythm and keeping a hope helps. And sometimes being humble about a good rhythm helps.
2. I sometimes feel that I am mentally slow. By two years. As in, I am as smart or as mature as a 24 year old person. The books that I am reading now, I should have read two years back. The thought process that I have now would have been beneficial to me two years back.
I wonder if I would ever feel updated with time!
3. My gang here had extensive discussions about life, its meaning, and the "justice of life". Some opine that life is fair, while some say that there is a greater meaning to life. I try to understand all arguments but all of them fail against a simple question that Rashmi asked me a few days back, "What can justify the death of my mother? What can justify the pain that I had to go through."
And really, no spiritual explanation of life suffices.
Or maybe, there is a deeper meaning somewhere that I am not aware of.
1. I sometimes feel that people's lives have a natural rhythm. And the rhythm is unique to each person. Some people's lives seem to be very turbulent. Things fall in place for them for a short duration, and then an upheaval follows that turns upside everything down. And these people have to painstaking work through everything to bring back life to normal. Then, again a short period of tranquility follows before the next upheaval strikes.
But I know people who still stand out, strong and radiant, amidst all the turbulence - like my lovely friend in Pittsburgh.
Then some people's lives are so smooth that you can't help marvel or even envy. Things just keep on falling in place for them forever as if a guarding angel works overtime for them to make sure that everything works out fine for them.
Over a long period of time, I have realized while our habits and thought process and work ethics and our aptitude and attitude may also have a hand in determining the rhythm of our life, quite a large part of the rhythm is unexplained. Sometimes just acknowledging the rhythm and keeping a hope helps. And sometimes being humble about a good rhythm helps.
2. I sometimes feel that I am mentally slow. By two years. As in, I am as smart or as mature as a 24 year old person. The books that I am reading now, I should have read two years back. The thought process that I have now would have been beneficial to me two years back.
I wonder if I would ever feel updated with time!
3. My gang here had extensive discussions about life, its meaning, and the "justice of life". Some opine that life is fair, while some say that there is a greater meaning to life. I try to understand all arguments but all of them fail against a simple question that Rashmi asked me a few days back, "What can justify the death of my mother? What can justify the pain that I had to go through."
And really, no spiritual explanation of life suffices.
Or maybe, there is a deeper meaning somewhere that I am not aware of.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Randoms
1. A lady in my undergrad class told me that she required an 88 to get an A on the course and stay in the Business Honors course. I thought for a while about how much to help her. She had scored 82 on the exam and needed 6 more points to make an A. After much thought, I went back through her exam and increased her scored to 87. Then I explained to my proff her situation, and he said that he will be sympathetic.
I do not get to see the final grades, but I think she made it finally :)
2. Many PhD students, including me, think that I have a great opportunity next year to teach a class. Especially after the dep had a teaching competition and they offered both classes to me, everyone wants me to put in effort to teach it well. I love teaching and will try to do good as well.
But here in comes an interesting thing. My advisor and my proff friend from Ohio State made it a point to tell me that I should not worry too much about the class. "Focus on research, give minimal time to class" has been their clear message. My advisor went on to say that "The position of AI is jinxed. People who win the best AI award never get a tanure".
So, I can work around their concerns by:
1. Preparing for the class in 3 hours flat. Not more than that.
2. Assigning homeworks just every fornight.
3. Teaching reasonably well, but not amazingly well :)
Hopefully that will give me some time for research.
3. I have an option for which I need to make a decision relatively soon. Before i finish grad school, I can either get a MS in Risk Analysis and Decision Making, or in Statistics. I am tempted to get it in Stats since I am amused by it, and I think I can teach stats. The marketeability of statistics is better than the corny sounding "Risk Analysis" but hey! you never know, maybe banks prefer risk analysis people.
The catch is that to get MS in stats, I need to take regression and ANOVA class. I could sleep through Regression course after TAing for it last 2 semesters. But ANOVA will be new. At the same time, ANOVA gets me to learn design of experiments. So that is good too.
Finally, I think Rashmi's father will feel better if I did something in Statistics. So i guess, I will do it in Statistics.
4. I have a regret that I won't be able to learn stochastic programming and bayesian statistics before I graduate.
1. A lady in my undergrad class told me that she required an 88 to get an A on the course and stay in the Business Honors course. I thought for a while about how much to help her. She had scored 82 on the exam and needed 6 more points to make an A. After much thought, I went back through her exam and increased her scored to 87. Then I explained to my proff her situation, and he said that he will be sympathetic.
I do not get to see the final grades, but I think she made it finally :)
2. Many PhD students, including me, think that I have a great opportunity next year to teach a class. Especially after the dep had a teaching competition and they offered both classes to me, everyone wants me to put in effort to teach it well. I love teaching and will try to do good as well.
But here in comes an interesting thing. My advisor and my proff friend from Ohio State made it a point to tell me that I should not worry too much about the class. "Focus on research, give minimal time to class" has been their clear message. My advisor went on to say that "The position of AI is jinxed. People who win the best AI award never get a tanure".
So, I can work around their concerns by:
1. Preparing for the class in 3 hours flat. Not more than that.
2. Assigning homeworks just every fornight.
3. Teaching reasonably well, but not amazingly well :)
Hopefully that will give me some time for research.
3. I have an option for which I need to make a decision relatively soon. Before i finish grad school, I can either get a MS in Risk Analysis and Decision Making, or in Statistics. I am tempted to get it in Stats since I am amused by it, and I think I can teach stats. The marketeability of statistics is better than the corny sounding "Risk Analysis" but hey! you never know, maybe banks prefer risk analysis people.
The catch is that to get MS in stats, I need to take regression and ANOVA class. I could sleep through Regression course after TAing for it last 2 semesters. But ANOVA will be new. At the same time, ANOVA gets me to learn design of experiments. So that is good too.
Finally, I think Rashmi's father will feel better if I did something in Statistics. So i guess, I will do it in Statistics.
4. I have a regret that I won't be able to learn stochastic programming and bayesian statistics before I graduate.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
More TA issues
1. An OM professor asked me to proctor an exam for him. A Turkish friend of mine works with the professor. My friend is visiting Turkey and he asked me to get in touch with his proff for proctoring the exam.
Just before we went to the class room, he told me, "Keep an eye on students. Do not let them cheat." That was a shocking thing for me. I always thought that atleast at MBA level, the academic system is largely honor based. But maybe not.
2. The professor has a policy that at any time, only one student could go to use bathroom. I had to ask many students to "wait till the other student comes back." It was quite discomforting for the student and me both. I was uncomfortable because every time I said that to a student, I indirectly implied that I think that he could cheat if he met any other student in bathroom.
What happened to honor system? Is this thing pervasive in grad schools or it was specific to the professor?
3. I would prefer to be a "Grade Nazi" and grade strictly if I believe that students have cheated on their exams. But I would not like to put so many restrictions on the students especially when they are giving exams.
4. The professor actually checked the cheat sheet of all the students to ensure that they had just one piece of paper. Again, I would have just trusted students on the issue.
Am I too gullible? Or is it that I just do not care enough????
5. I was proctoring another exam today. Three out of 12 ladies threw up multiple times. I am not sure if that was because of their cycle or because of exam tension. I asked them if they would like to sit out in open and give their exams. They appeared to be more comfortable writing exam outside.
It is weird that I instinctively knew that the three girls were sick because they went to bathroom twice in an hour. What is even more surprising is that they understood that I understood that they had hormonal issues.
6. A nice lady from the undergrad class - who almost looked like a 15 year old kid - wrote me an email saying that she is in business honors program, but must get an A in the course to stay and graduate in the Honors program. She said that she had a 92 on first exam and that she must get a 88 on the final to get an A.
Now since I am grading the exams, I am tempted to help her. But then the other side of my brain kicks in. She did not turn in 3-4 assignments on time. She never showed up in my office hours. So maybe she didn't work hard for the course.
But then, is it a too much of a big thing to help a student graduate with honors when she is so close to it?
The funny thing about all these issues is that they are really small issues. A non-academic person might as well think that these are petty issues. Maybe as petty as deciding if you should fire the current janitor because she did not show up for 2 weeks in a row.
But then behind every small issue lies a person who is directly or indirectly affected by our decisions. And that person matters. That janitor juggling two jobs and supporting a large family matters. The MBAs whom we decide to trust or not trust matter. A young lady in the UT's business honors program with a single working mother matters. Three 21 years old women who are younger than my youngest sisters matter. Finally, if I decide to trust people or become a skeptic, matters, for myself.
7. I went to eat at a Subway right about when it was about to close. The guy there gave me the sandwich and then just took $4 instead of regular $4.32. I could not understand why he did not take the full money.
As I was coming back, I thought that maybe I looked tired and those 32 cents were his random act of kindness for the day.
I reached school when I realised that he did not open register for my sales. Which means that his random act of kindness was more of an exercise in pocketing some money.
Am I naive or just plain stupid?
Finally:
Stage 1 : Act 1:
Chasing Dreams
Stage 1 : Act 2:
Chaing Dreams, Hope Reigns.
Stage 1: Act 3:
Chasing Dreams
Stage 2: Act 4:
Hope Reigns, Amen!!!
What's wrong with chirpy women?
1. An OM professor asked me to proctor an exam for him. A Turkish friend of mine works with the professor. My friend is visiting Turkey and he asked me to get in touch with his proff for proctoring the exam.
Just before we went to the class room, he told me, "Keep an eye on students. Do not let them cheat." That was a shocking thing for me. I always thought that atleast at MBA level, the academic system is largely honor based. But maybe not.
2. The professor has a policy that at any time, only one student could go to use bathroom. I had to ask many students to "wait till the other student comes back." It was quite discomforting for the student and me both. I was uncomfortable because every time I said that to a student, I indirectly implied that I think that he could cheat if he met any other student in bathroom.
What happened to honor system? Is this thing pervasive in grad schools or it was specific to the professor?
3. I would prefer to be a "Grade Nazi" and grade strictly if I believe that students have cheated on their exams. But I would not like to put so many restrictions on the students especially when they are giving exams.
4. The professor actually checked the cheat sheet of all the students to ensure that they had just one piece of paper. Again, I would have just trusted students on the issue.
Am I too gullible? Or is it that I just do not care enough????
5. I was proctoring another exam today. Three out of 12 ladies threw up multiple times. I am not sure if that was because of their cycle or because of exam tension. I asked them if they would like to sit out in open and give their exams. They appeared to be more comfortable writing exam outside.
It is weird that I instinctively knew that the three girls were sick because they went to bathroom twice in an hour. What is even more surprising is that they understood that I understood that they had hormonal issues.
6. A nice lady from the undergrad class - who almost looked like a 15 year old kid - wrote me an email saying that she is in business honors program, but must get an A in the course to stay and graduate in the Honors program. She said that she had a 92 on first exam and that she must get a 88 on the final to get an A.
Now since I am grading the exams, I am tempted to help her. But then the other side of my brain kicks in. She did not turn in 3-4 assignments on time. She never showed up in my office hours. So maybe she didn't work hard for the course.
But then, is it a too much of a big thing to help a student graduate with honors when she is so close to it?
The funny thing about all these issues is that they are really small issues. A non-academic person might as well think that these are petty issues. Maybe as petty as deciding if you should fire the current janitor because she did not show up for 2 weeks in a row.
But then behind every small issue lies a person who is directly or indirectly affected by our decisions. And that person matters. That janitor juggling two jobs and supporting a large family matters. The MBAs whom we decide to trust or not trust matter. A young lady in the UT's business honors program with a single working mother matters. Three 21 years old women who are younger than my youngest sisters matter. Finally, if I decide to trust people or become a skeptic, matters, for myself.
7. I went to eat at a Subway right about when it was about to close. The guy there gave me the sandwich and then just took $4 instead of regular $4.32. I could not understand why he did not take the full money.
As I was coming back, I thought that maybe I looked tired and those 32 cents were his random act of kindness for the day.
I reached school when I realised that he did not open register for my sales. Which means that his random act of kindness was more of an exercise in pocketing some money.
Am I naive or just plain stupid?
Finally:
Stage 1 : Act 1:
Chasing Dreams
Stage 1 : Act 2:
Chaing Dreams, Hope Reigns.
Stage 1: Act 3:
Chasing Dreams
Stage 2: Act 4:
Hope Reigns, Amen!!!
What's wrong with chirpy women?
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Are we there yet?
1. A proff from Tulane asked me to read a paper and run some simulations for him. Now this paper builds on a previous paper in 2001. I had tried to read the previous paper many many times, but I had never been able to understand all of it. I knew the maths that he was using, but it was not clear to me why he was using it. Now that I have to run simulations for the improved version of the paper, I will have to sit down and figure it out.
2. I have a LP exam coming soon but I do not want to study. Not an iota. I was thinking that I would be more enthusiastic to learn it if I had to teach that class. For example, I do not keep Bayesian statistics at the top of my head. But my proff asked me to teach a tutorial on Bayesian. So I have to learn it in a day and teach to others. And that appears to be a much better motivation than giving my own exam.
So the best way to force yourself to learn something is 1) Replicate the results like in this case, or 2) Teach a course on it.
3. Watch the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJehVbe7Cxs
Tayfun and I were talking about Star Trek when we realised that we forgot the name of a civilization in Star Trek. But Tayfun remembered this song in which the name appears in the lyrics. We watched the song and figured out the name.
BTW, the song is based on a nerd who desrcibes the things that he is proud of. Star Trek, soldering iron, power tools and probability are just some of the things mentioned in the song.
1. A proff from Tulane asked me to read a paper and run some simulations for him. Now this paper builds on a previous paper in 2001. I had tried to read the previous paper many many times, but I had never been able to understand all of it. I knew the maths that he was using, but it was not clear to me why he was using it. Now that I have to run simulations for the improved version of the paper, I will have to sit down and figure it out.
2. I have a LP exam coming soon but I do not want to study. Not an iota. I was thinking that I would be more enthusiastic to learn it if I had to teach that class. For example, I do not keep Bayesian statistics at the top of my head. But my proff asked me to teach a tutorial on Bayesian. So I have to learn it in a day and teach to others. And that appears to be a much better motivation than giving my own exam.
So the best way to force yourself to learn something is 1) Replicate the results like in this case, or 2) Teach a course on it.
3. Watch the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJehVbe7Cxs
Tayfun and I were talking about Star Trek when we realised that we forgot the name of a civilization in Star Trek. But Tayfun remembered this song in which the name appears in the lyrics. We watched the song and figured out the name.
BTW, the song is based on a nerd who desrcibes the things that he is proud of. Star Trek, soldering iron, power tools and probability are just some of the things mentioned in the song.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Starwars and Startrek and Stargate
My turkish friend Tayfun and I discussed science fiction for almost half a day today and reached the following conclusion:
Star trek is much better than starwar and stargate series.
The reasons being the following:
1. Story Line
Starwars depict the traditional story of good versus evil. When you think really deep about it, you realize that you hate the evil empire just because the handsome Jedi are not on its side. But apart from this, the dark side appear to rule the world as good or as bad as the enlighted side.
StarGate is more strategic in nature. A bunch of guys have a "door" to different galaxies that they use to travel and make alliances with other civilizations. Most of these civilizations are under "threat" and the earthlings save these other civilizations. Interestingly enough, even though all civilizations are very advanced technologically, they still live in open.
Star Trek, now that is a different ballgame altogether. The basic premise is quite human. "To go boldly where no man has never gone before". No declaration that we are on the good side. No declaration that we are out to save the world. No classification between black and white. Just an implicit recognition that there is a continuum of shades of grey and that humanity has one shade of grey. Other civilizations will have different shades. No point in saying that their shades are bad. Deal with it. Make friends if possible, and keep your integrity.
Of the three, Star Trek seems to have a solid background for the world of 23rd century. Star wars sometimes becomes fantasy, and stargate is comical at best.
2. Character Details
Jedi were infallible. They did all the right things. Some people just show up, do their bit in the story and then vanish or get killed. Stargate does not even seem to have any human traits outlined clearly. All the guys could have been robots as well.
Star Trek on the other hand, has very well defined characters. Spock, Chekov, Captain kirk - you can actually describe their character in more than a few words, and you can predict how they will react in certain situations!
3. Acting
Star wars has horrible acting. Even when Harrison Ford was in the movie, other characters acted so bad! Stargate is again not up to mark. But Star trek again stands out. All characters act so well, and quite convincingly!
Finally, I will claim that the biggest reason why I like Star Trek is that I wish I had a skull like Patrick Stewart and that I am amused by the feminish gait of William Shatner. :)
End of story.
My turkish friend Tayfun and I discussed science fiction for almost half a day today and reached the following conclusion:
Star trek is much better than starwar and stargate series.
The reasons being the following:
1. Story Line
Starwars depict the traditional story of good versus evil. When you think really deep about it, you realize that you hate the evil empire just because the handsome Jedi are not on its side. But apart from this, the dark side appear to rule the world as good or as bad as the enlighted side.
StarGate is more strategic in nature. A bunch of guys have a "door" to different galaxies that they use to travel and make alliances with other civilizations. Most of these civilizations are under "threat" and the earthlings save these other civilizations. Interestingly enough, even though all civilizations are very advanced technologically, they still live in open.
Star Trek, now that is a different ballgame altogether. The basic premise is quite human. "To go boldly where no man has never gone before". No declaration that we are on the good side. No declaration that we are out to save the world. No classification between black and white. Just an implicit recognition that there is a continuum of shades of grey and that humanity has one shade of grey. Other civilizations will have different shades. No point in saying that their shades are bad. Deal with it. Make friends if possible, and keep your integrity.
Of the three, Star Trek seems to have a solid background for the world of 23rd century. Star wars sometimes becomes fantasy, and stargate is comical at best.
2. Character Details
Jedi were infallible. They did all the right things. Some people just show up, do their bit in the story and then vanish or get killed. Stargate does not even seem to have any human traits outlined clearly. All the guys could have been robots as well.
Star Trek on the other hand, has very well defined characters. Spock, Chekov, Captain kirk - you can actually describe their character in more than a few words, and you can predict how they will react in certain situations!
3. Acting
Star wars has horrible acting. Even when Harrison Ford was in the movie, other characters acted so bad! Stargate is again not up to mark. But Star trek again stands out. All characters act so well, and quite convincingly!
Finally, I will claim that the biggest reason why I like Star Trek is that I wish I had a skull like Patrick Stewart and that I am amused by the feminish gait of William Shatner. :)
End of story.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Friends and Distance
I had an interesting talk with Rashmi few days back. She said that she would expect to be equally good friends with her friend's husband. And I said that I would never call up my friend's wife untill I had something very specific and purposeful to talk to her.
I was wondering if our difference in opinion is due to differnce in our perception of friendship, or is it just due to our nature. I couldn't reach a conclusion.
Here is my side of arguement:
Distances are essential in any relationship. In four years of undergrad, I fifured out that living in the same room as your best friend is not a wise move. Live close, but not too close. High proxility engenders interference. And no matter how close friends are, they do get buggsed when some one interferes in their affairs.
The flip side of the arguement is that it is prudent to keep just a tiny bit of distance with your roommate if he was not friend when both roommates initialy moved in the same apartment. The tiny distance ensures that none of the roomies has the perception of being pushed around. Too much of a distance is not good; it gives the feeling that the roommate does not care.
So, like so many things, balance is essential.
But, back to the issue of friend's spouse. Three reasons why I will avoid calling their wives:
1. I have nice friends, and I do not think that they will think otherwise if I call up their wives. But, even if there is a one in a million chance that our conversations could be misinterpreted, I am not willing to take that chance.
2. I have seen that couples fight sometimes because the husband thinks something, and his friend thinks something else, and the wife happens to agree with the friend. Seemingly innocous situation, but it goes downhill pretty quickly.
3. Finally, I always fear that if I get too cosy with my friend's wife, and she says something offending to me in humor, I would not be able to reply back. That would be a catch 22 situation : I do not like what she said, but I cannot give a reply.
I had an interesting talk with Rashmi few days back. She said that she would expect to be equally good friends with her friend's husband. And I said that I would never call up my friend's wife untill I had something very specific and purposeful to talk to her.
I was wondering if our difference in opinion is due to differnce in our perception of friendship, or is it just due to our nature. I couldn't reach a conclusion.
Here is my side of arguement:
Distances are essential in any relationship. In four years of undergrad, I fifured out that living in the same room as your best friend is not a wise move. Live close, but not too close. High proxility engenders interference. And no matter how close friends are, they do get buggsed when some one interferes in their affairs.
The flip side of the arguement is that it is prudent to keep just a tiny bit of distance with your roommate if he was not friend when both roommates initialy moved in the same apartment. The tiny distance ensures that none of the roomies has the perception of being pushed around. Too much of a distance is not good; it gives the feeling that the roommate does not care.
So, like so many things, balance is essential.
But, back to the issue of friend's spouse. Three reasons why I will avoid calling their wives:
1. I have nice friends, and I do not think that they will think otherwise if I call up their wives. But, even if there is a one in a million chance that our conversations could be misinterpreted, I am not willing to take that chance.
2. I have seen that couples fight sometimes because the husband thinks something, and his friend thinks something else, and the wife happens to agree with the friend. Seemingly innocous situation, but it goes downhill pretty quickly.
3. Finally, I always fear that if I get too cosy with my friend's wife, and she says something offending to me in humor, I would not be able to reply back. That would be a catch 22 situation : I do not like what she said, but I cannot give a reply.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Which came first?
My advisor asked to "finish up and graduate". By finishing up, he implied that "narrow down on a topic" and graduate.
Now the catch is that even though I have worked on many things, none of them is advanced enough to finish up in 6 months and graduate. So I need to plan more and work harder. Hopefully from summer, when I am not TAing for 3 courses anymore, I will be able to find more time for research.
After my conversation with him, I was doing some introspection when I realized the irony/conundrum of the PhD life and dissertation effort.
1. What come first? Industrial example or a prescriptive model? Most business papers start with a few examples that say, "X company did so and so and our motivation is to figure out why do they do it". And the conclusion is that "Our model shows that the actions of company X are optimal". I have never come across a sentence in any paper saying that, "Company X did a wrong thing....".
So my puzzle about business papers is following: If firms already know what they are doing, then what is the point of developing an intricate model and showing that what they are doing is right? The objective of research is usually to come up with prescriptive models, but by putting forward the examples first, aren't we making descriptive models? If yes, then isn't it exactly opposite of how it should be?
2. What is PhD really? I was wondering about what kinds of jobs would one might want after PhD? This leads to even a more basic question: Is the objective of a PhD to gain in-depth knowledge of something or is to to know a bunch of things? If it is former, then you go to academia/industry and realize that you do not know anything beyond your small field. If it is latter, then you know so many things when you graduate and you almost never use even half of them.
So which one is right? Or is the right balance somewhere in the middle? Or is the objective of PhD is to develop the ability to read a new thing, understand it and apply it?
3. Finally, who cares! There are three options after PhD. One, go to indusrty. If you have to go to industry then what exactly is the point of doing PhD? Self-satisfaction?
Second, you can go to a teaching university. But is teaching same class year after year really what you want to do? Again, what's up with all the knowledge that you gained in the PhD life?
Finally, you can go to a research university. And then stay under the pressure for 4 years to produce 5 papers in order to get a tanure. After PhD, that is hell of a life.
So the third puzzle is, how does a man figure out what is best for him?
My advisor asked to "finish up and graduate". By finishing up, he implied that "narrow down on a topic" and graduate.
Now the catch is that even though I have worked on many things, none of them is advanced enough to finish up in 6 months and graduate. So I need to plan more and work harder. Hopefully from summer, when I am not TAing for 3 courses anymore, I will be able to find more time for research.
After my conversation with him, I was doing some introspection when I realized the irony/conundrum of the PhD life and dissertation effort.
1. What come first? Industrial example or a prescriptive model? Most business papers start with a few examples that say, "X company did so and so and our motivation is to figure out why do they do it". And the conclusion is that "Our model shows that the actions of company X are optimal". I have never come across a sentence in any paper saying that, "Company X did a wrong thing....".
So my puzzle about business papers is following: If firms already know what they are doing, then what is the point of developing an intricate model and showing that what they are doing is right? The objective of research is usually to come up with prescriptive models, but by putting forward the examples first, aren't we making descriptive models? If yes, then isn't it exactly opposite of how it should be?
2. What is PhD really? I was wondering about what kinds of jobs would one might want after PhD? This leads to even a more basic question: Is the objective of a PhD to gain in-depth knowledge of something or is to to know a bunch of things? If it is former, then you go to academia/industry and realize that you do not know anything beyond your small field. If it is latter, then you know so many things when you graduate and you almost never use even half of them.
So which one is right? Or is the right balance somewhere in the middle? Or is the objective of PhD is to develop the ability to read a new thing, understand it and apply it?
3. Finally, who cares! There are three options after PhD. One, go to indusrty. If you have to go to industry then what exactly is the point of doing PhD? Self-satisfaction?
Second, you can go to a teaching university. But is teaching same class year after year really what you want to do? Again, what's up with all the knowledge that you gained in the PhD life?
Finally, you can go to a research university. And then stay under the pressure for 4 years to produce 5 papers in order to get a tanure. After PhD, that is hell of a life.
So the third puzzle is, how does a man figure out what is best for him?
Monday, December 04, 2006
The Meltdown of a PhD student
I went to see a friend in the first year of the program today. I knocked on the door and a lady from the second year opened the door. We work together for a professor and often present our research work together.
I was talking to her when I realized that she is upset. I asked her why, and she started crying. It took me five minutes or so to console her ask and her what's wrong. She said that she had to turn in a course project in 7 days and the last two topics that she chose have been "beaten to death" by previous researchers, but she realized it too late both times. She said she was frustrated, sad, and felt incapable.
These are the typical symptoms of a PhD's student's meltdown.
I have had three meltdowns so far in the program and my hunch is that the next one is about to come soon. The first one was when I showed up in my qualifying exam prepared for a different exam. For three months I cursed myself, kicked myself mentally and wondered how much more stupid could I get. The second one was when my proff gave me a good piece of his mind about my intuition not being right. The third one was in October when I had to scrap a paper after working for 6 months on it.
Every time I lost it, I felt horrible. I think the first feeling is that "I am incompetent. All people are working on something and I am not making any progress anywhere." The second feeling is that "Maybe I am not suited for doing research. Maybe I am just a smart student, and can learn things quickly. But research is not my cup of tea". The final feeling is that, "Fine, let me just finish up my dissertation and get out. No point of trying to complete a great dissertation when coming up with just one good idea is difficult."
And slowly things change. Vacations are helpful. Going back home is helpful. Doing good in a class is helpful. Anything that boosts confidence is helpful. And I guess three months later, the meltdown looks like a bad phase that came and went by....
Why?
I have often tried to figure out why grad students like me have meltdowns, and I came up with many many reasons:
Professor - I think the largest factor is professor. If the professor is not helpful, the meltdown comes a whole lot faster. I know a few advisors who do not give any research ideas, and ask the student to come up with his own research ideas. Now that is tough. Three years into the program, I still do not have a good idea about what constitutes a good/bad idea. I know a few deps where the proff gives the idea and the students code it and get their work done pretty fast. And those guys are usually happy in that their research does not have a great uncertainty about where they are headed to.
On the other hand, the same professors expect a whole lot of work since they are giving their ideas to students. They expect students to crank out results fast and publish papers fast.
So there is a trade-off: between a proff who helps intellectually and a proff who lets you take a breath.
Student
This is a real controversial statement. I think we Indians do not understand what intelligence means. Maybe the Chinese also do not understand it. Intelligence does not imply that a person can do anything. It simply means that a person is gifted in a field and can do excellent in it if he chooses to put his heart into it.
Intelligence in my context implies that I can sit in a class, learn a model more quickly than others and apply it to a new problem. But it does not imply that I could do all algebra that was required to come up with the final model.
And herein lies the key. On a scale of 0-10, I would give myself an 8. Smart, but not smart enough to dazzle people. Hard working, but not persevering to get everything done as I planned to. But my cultural perception dictates that I can do everything. So while I come to grad school and try to do my best, I still try to find my strengths and excel in them.
And when I realize that my strengths are not as required by academia, the meltdowns are quick.
Here's hoping that the lady from the fifth floor feels better soon, and cooks some Baklava for me soon:)
I went to see a friend in the first year of the program today. I knocked on the door and a lady from the second year opened the door. We work together for a professor and often present our research work together.
I was talking to her when I realized that she is upset. I asked her why, and she started crying. It took me five minutes or so to console her ask and her what's wrong. She said that she had to turn in a course project in 7 days and the last two topics that she chose have been "beaten to death" by previous researchers, but she realized it too late both times. She said she was frustrated, sad, and felt incapable.
These are the typical symptoms of a PhD's student's meltdown.
I have had three meltdowns so far in the program and my hunch is that the next one is about to come soon. The first one was when I showed up in my qualifying exam prepared for a different exam. For three months I cursed myself, kicked myself mentally and wondered how much more stupid could I get. The second one was when my proff gave me a good piece of his mind about my intuition not being right. The third one was in October when I had to scrap a paper after working for 6 months on it.
Every time I lost it, I felt horrible. I think the first feeling is that "I am incompetent. All people are working on something and I am not making any progress anywhere." The second feeling is that "Maybe I am not suited for doing research. Maybe I am just a smart student, and can learn things quickly. But research is not my cup of tea". The final feeling is that, "Fine, let me just finish up my dissertation and get out. No point of trying to complete a great dissertation when coming up with just one good idea is difficult."
And slowly things change. Vacations are helpful. Going back home is helpful. Doing good in a class is helpful. Anything that boosts confidence is helpful. And I guess three months later, the meltdown looks like a bad phase that came and went by....
Why?
I have often tried to figure out why grad students like me have meltdowns, and I came up with many many reasons:
Professor - I think the largest factor is professor. If the professor is not helpful, the meltdown comes a whole lot faster. I know a few advisors who do not give any research ideas, and ask the student to come up with his own research ideas. Now that is tough. Three years into the program, I still do not have a good idea about what constitutes a good/bad idea. I know a few deps where the proff gives the idea and the students code it and get their work done pretty fast. And those guys are usually happy in that their research does not have a great uncertainty about where they are headed to.
On the other hand, the same professors expect a whole lot of work since they are giving their ideas to students. They expect students to crank out results fast and publish papers fast.
So there is a trade-off: between a proff who helps intellectually and a proff who lets you take a breath.
Student
This is a real controversial statement. I think we Indians do not understand what intelligence means. Maybe the Chinese also do not understand it. Intelligence does not imply that a person can do anything. It simply means that a person is gifted in a field and can do excellent in it if he chooses to put his heart into it.
Intelligence in my context implies that I can sit in a class, learn a model more quickly than others and apply it to a new problem. But it does not imply that I could do all algebra that was required to come up with the final model.
And herein lies the key. On a scale of 0-10, I would give myself an 8. Smart, but not smart enough to dazzle people. Hard working, but not persevering to get everything done as I planned to. But my cultural perception dictates that I can do everything. So while I come to grad school and try to do my best, I still try to find my strengths and excel in them.
And when I realize that my strengths are not as required by academia, the meltdowns are quick.
Here's hoping that the lady from the fifth floor feels better soon, and cooks some Baklava for me soon:)
Friday, December 01, 2006
So much and Lovely
Lovely
I went to the CMU campus few weeks back. The campus is lovely. Not amazing, not beautiful - Pure Lovely. I wasn't in awe of it, I wasn't amazed by anything there. I just fell in love with it.
The campus has a cozy school feeling with it. Not like the UCB or UT campus where buildings just jut up from ground, and they keep on jutting up for a long distance. The CMU campus is very small, almost like a school. The main mall is walled by two buildings that have corridors with high ceilings. The third side has a bunch of really old buildings. Maybe a hundred years old. And the age is written all over the buildings - in the old oak trees that are lined up on the sidewalk, and the huge gargoyles on the buildings, and the lovely French widows. I wish I had an office there! The fourth side has nice tennis courts.
If I get to teach, I will love to teach in a campus like CMU.
So much for courses
1. I am taking an asset pricing course. It is a required course, that is, I am supposed to know the CAPM models etc. My exam is on next Thursday, and this week is the first time when I will seriously start reading the financial models for the course. So much for the courses that are not related to research in any way.
2. I am taking a LP class. I was supposed to take it 4 years back. But I didn't want to. Now I teach some LP in my TA classes, and do comfortably. This semester I took LP class formally and realised that I know pretty much everything that I need to learn. The other theoretical details are what do not interest me. So much for taking classes that you already know.
3. I am taking a teaching class. It is an one hour class each week. It is supposedly the most useless but required class. But I got a chance to practice for my class next semester! I also came to know a person who can help me teaching my class next semester. So much for "useless and stupid" classes.
4. I am TAing for a course in regression. Regression that I never studied in great detail. But the two introductory grad classes from statistics dep that I took last year helped me read a 500 book and figure out everything in 3 days. And then one of the students gave me a consulting assignment, again based on regression. And it turned out fine.
Five years back, if some one had told me that I will love statistics enough to do it in my head while on a plane, I would have laughed. So much for "I know my interests".
5. I am TAing for 2 undergrad classes. The homeworks have simulations. Again, never took a class on it.
But as I said before, running simulations is like a religious experience. It is like watching the components of your tiny world interacting with each other, and slowly the bigger picture emerges. Pretty much like Isaac Asimov says in his Foundation series. End of digression.
Few days back, my Chinese friend asked me to show him some simulations. And I was surprised. I thought you just "think" about simulations for a while. And everything makes sense. Maybe not. Maybe teaching simulation to people simulations was a good enough class for me! So much for the "futility of being a TA".
6. Few months back, V2 bought a new Dell laptop. The screen resolution was awful. Jags, V2 and I tried for more than 2 days to fix it but we could not. Finally v2 sent it back and got a Toshiba instead. Yesterday, I was cribbing to Tayfun about the same problem in my office laptop. He right clicked on the screen, went into the utility for power saver mode and changed the "On Battery" settings to "Maximum Screen" from "Power Saver". And the darn thing works splendidly now.
So much for the engineer in me and v2 and jags!
Lovely
I went to the CMU campus few weeks back. The campus is lovely. Not amazing, not beautiful - Pure Lovely. I wasn't in awe of it, I wasn't amazed by anything there. I just fell in love with it.
The campus has a cozy school feeling with it. Not like the UCB or UT campus where buildings just jut up from ground, and they keep on jutting up for a long distance. The CMU campus is very small, almost like a school. The main mall is walled by two buildings that have corridors with high ceilings. The third side has a bunch of really old buildings. Maybe a hundred years old. And the age is written all over the buildings - in the old oak trees that are lined up on the sidewalk, and the huge gargoyles on the buildings, and the lovely French widows. I wish I had an office there! The fourth side has nice tennis courts.
If I get to teach, I will love to teach in a campus like CMU.
So much for courses
1. I am taking an asset pricing course. It is a required course, that is, I am supposed to know the CAPM models etc. My exam is on next Thursday, and this week is the first time when I will seriously start reading the financial models for the course. So much for the courses that are not related to research in any way.
2. I am taking a LP class. I was supposed to take it 4 years back. But I didn't want to. Now I teach some LP in my TA classes, and do comfortably. This semester I took LP class formally and realised that I know pretty much everything that I need to learn. The other theoretical details are what do not interest me. So much for taking classes that you already know.
3. I am taking a teaching class. It is an one hour class each week. It is supposedly the most useless but required class. But I got a chance to practice for my class next semester! I also came to know a person who can help me teaching my class next semester. So much for "useless and stupid" classes.
4. I am TAing for a course in regression. Regression that I never studied in great detail. But the two introductory grad classes from statistics dep that I took last year helped me read a 500 book and figure out everything in 3 days. And then one of the students gave me a consulting assignment, again based on regression. And it turned out fine.
Five years back, if some one had told me that I will love statistics enough to do it in my head while on a plane, I would have laughed. So much for "I know my interests".
5. I am TAing for 2 undergrad classes. The homeworks have simulations. Again, never took a class on it.
But as I said before, running simulations is like a religious experience. It is like watching the components of your tiny world interacting with each other, and slowly the bigger picture emerges. Pretty much like Isaac Asimov says in his Foundation series. End of digression.
Few days back, my Chinese friend asked me to show him some simulations. And I was surprised. I thought you just "think" about simulations for a while. And everything makes sense. Maybe not. Maybe teaching simulation to people simulations was a good enough class for me! So much for the "futility of being a TA".
6. Few months back, V2 bought a new Dell laptop. The screen resolution was awful. Jags, V2 and I tried for more than 2 days to fix it but we could not. Finally v2 sent it back and got a Toshiba instead. Yesterday, I was cribbing to Tayfun about the same problem in my office laptop. He right clicked on the screen, went into the utility for power saver mode and changed the "On Battery" settings to "Maximum Screen" from "Power Saver". And the darn thing works splendidly now.
So much for the engineer in me and v2 and jags!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Some TA puzzles
1. I had a few office hours today. The class is a honors class for management science with some optimization, some simulation, some decision analysis thrown in together. The professor is nice, and the students are quiet sharp. So it doesnt come as a surprise that the students usually sleep in class.
So many of them land up in my office hours. Interestigly enough, most of them are women. I have observed this trend in last 4 years. Women show up in office hours more than men. Atleast in my office hours. Two possible reasons: First, they think that they can flirt with me and get the final answers. Second, women are just more sincere than men.
Whatever the reason is, I usually see more women in my office hours. And today's Indian lady was one of them.
The lady is quiet tall and attractive. She sat down and asked a real simple question. I kid her about "some one sleeping in the class", and she laughed. Five minutes down, I realise that there is a lot of flirting going on. Even more, I realised that I was the one who was doing it more. As I restrained myself, I realised that she was actually about to ask me to solve the problem. So I changed my tone. Within 2 sentences she realised the change and was back to her normal self.
Why was this observation interesting?
First, I realised that I can be a flirt when I want to. I have to be in a right mood however. Second, I realised that my first observation could be wrong at times because many times the student could be just playing along to get her answers.
So here comes the moral question:
Is it wrong to flirt with a 22 year old student. "Oh yes", would be the first response. Really?? Harmless flirt is wrong? "Yeah, I guess so". Hmmmm. But where do you draw a line between being a funny and jolly natured guy and being a flirt?
2. I am grading homeworks for a MBA class. And I have tons of grading. I mean 200 homeworks every week. I am tired of it, and I am giving 9 or 10 to everyone now. Is that wrong? Isn't grading supposed to be a way to give feedback to the students?
1. I had a few office hours today. The class is a honors class for management science with some optimization, some simulation, some decision analysis thrown in together. The professor is nice, and the students are quiet sharp. So it doesnt come as a surprise that the students usually sleep in class.
So many of them land up in my office hours. Interestigly enough, most of them are women. I have observed this trend in last 4 years. Women show up in office hours more than men. Atleast in my office hours. Two possible reasons: First, they think that they can flirt with me and get the final answers. Second, women are just more sincere than men.
Whatever the reason is, I usually see more women in my office hours. And today's Indian lady was one of them.
The lady is quiet tall and attractive. She sat down and asked a real simple question. I kid her about "some one sleeping in the class", and she laughed. Five minutes down, I realise that there is a lot of flirting going on. Even more, I realised that I was the one who was doing it more. As I restrained myself, I realised that she was actually about to ask me to solve the problem. So I changed my tone. Within 2 sentences she realised the change and was back to her normal self.
Why was this observation interesting?
First, I realised that I can be a flirt when I want to. I have to be in a right mood however. Second, I realised that my first observation could be wrong at times because many times the student could be just playing along to get her answers.
So here comes the moral question:
Is it wrong to flirt with a 22 year old student. "Oh yes", would be the first response. Really?? Harmless flirt is wrong? "Yeah, I guess so". Hmmmm. But where do you draw a line between being a funny and jolly natured guy and being a flirt?
2. I am grading homeworks for a MBA class. And I have tons of grading. I mean 200 homeworks every week. I am tired of it, and I am giving 9 or 10 to everyone now. Is that wrong? Isn't grading supposed to be a way to give feedback to the students?
Saturday, November 25, 2006
My Wish list
When I start working, I will buy the following things. Else, you may decide to gift me one of these things:
1. A light saber.. Blue color.
2. A Darth Vader costume.
3. 100lbs of jelly belly.
4. 100 lbs of spicy mustard.
5. 100 lbs of bitter coffee beans.
6. All equipment in UT gym.
When I start working, I will buy the following things. Else, you may decide to gift me one of these things:
1. A light saber.. Blue color.
2. A Darth Vader costume.
3. 100lbs of jelly belly.
4. 100 lbs of spicy mustard.
5. 100 lbs of bitter coffee beans.
6. All equipment in UT gym.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Trumpet
Finally my long time wish has come true.
I have been seeing Dr. Morton's room and wondering how cool would it feel to have 2 laptop and 2 desktops in your office!
The dean sent email saying that the dep will give me a laptop to teach the class next semester. So finally, I will have 3 laptops and 1 desktop in my office!
:D
:D
:D
1 HP 2.4GHz 17"monitor laptop
1 Toshiba 1.6GHz 15.4 " laptop
1 Dell 4.6GHz 15.4" laptop
1 Dell Optron 17" Flat screen desktop.
:D
:D
:D
Man, I think I may be owning the whole world!
Finally my long time wish has come true.
I have been seeing Dr. Morton's room and wondering how cool would it feel to have 2 laptop and 2 desktops in your office!
The dean sent email saying that the dep will give me a laptop to teach the class next semester. So finally, I will have 3 laptops and 1 desktop in my office!
:D
:D
:D
1 HP 2.4GHz 17"monitor laptop
1 Toshiba 1.6GHz 15.4 " laptop
1 Dell 4.6GHz 15.4" laptop
1 Dell Optron 17" Flat screen desktop.
:D
:D
:D
Man, I think I may be owning the whole world!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The life changes
This is to document the following:
1. Vishal, Jags and I had the last dinner of our communal bachelorhood together two days back. Vishal will get married to his lovely bride Shivani on December 2. Vishal and I had been through some tough times together. To be fair, he has been through more than me. He has always stood my side through thick and thin, and I tried to do the same. I have seen the last shimmers of hope dying in his eyes, and I have cried with him over a pitcher of beer while watching Shawshank Redemption.
And through all this, we have always hoped that we will have a strong spouse, a spouse who will be cheerful but will take life seriously. Someone who will be our rock in life. I am glad he has found his, and I have found mine.
Four and a half years back, I met him the first time. He loved cold milk with cereal and I loved to cook. He was keen to do research, and I thought that maths was not my cup of tea. Today, I am still in school realising that i cannot do anything till it has maths in it, while he is using all the research he did to build machines for making computer chips. And he still loves cereal with cold milk, and I still cook the best food in the world :)
Here is all my hope, all my wish, and al my blessing that V2 and Shivani will have a enriching married life together. I hope they stay happily married as one, yet keep their individuality. I hope they grow spiritually as the opposite halves of humanity, yet find peace and solace in each other. I hope they have a nice cozy house full of love and affection.
This is to document the following:
1. Vishal, Jags and I had the last dinner of our communal bachelorhood together two days back. Vishal will get married to his lovely bride Shivani on December 2. Vishal and I had been through some tough times together. To be fair, he has been through more than me. He has always stood my side through thick and thin, and I tried to do the same. I have seen the last shimmers of hope dying in his eyes, and I have cried with him over a pitcher of beer while watching Shawshank Redemption.
And through all this, we have always hoped that we will have a strong spouse, a spouse who will be cheerful but will take life seriously. Someone who will be our rock in life. I am glad he has found his, and I have found mine.
Four and a half years back, I met him the first time. He loved cold milk with cereal and I loved to cook. He was keen to do research, and I thought that maths was not my cup of tea. Today, I am still in school realising that i cannot do anything till it has maths in it, while he is using all the research he did to build machines for making computer chips. And he still loves cereal with cold milk, and I still cook the best food in the world :)
Here is all my hope, all my wish, and al my blessing that V2 and Shivani will have a enriching married life together. I hope they stay happily married as one, yet keep their individuality. I hope they grow spiritually as the opposite halves of humanity, yet find peace and solace in each other. I hope they have a nice cozy house full of love and affection.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
2 Books
I recently read two dark books: The Namesake and The Kiterunner. Both books are interesting; interesting but sad and dark. In the first book, the first protaganist is a lady who marries a NRI and adjusts to the foreign land here; the second protaganist is her son who grows while trying to find his true identity and roots. In the second book, the protaganist is a young afgan man who narrates the story of his chidlhood and how he repays some moral debts accumulated over years.
And all three protaganists in the two books are sad and brooding. Mostly they are pensive about what happened in the past and what better could have happened. But while the misery of the central characters comes as very real, I cannot avoid thinking about something: "The authors gave a dark personality to their novels by restricting themselves to just the misery of the protaganists."
I am sure that some issues could have been written in much more cheerful way as well. And that would have changed the complete feel of the book! For example, Jhumpa Lahiri writes at one place: Aashima is sad. She works at the library, comes back to an empty house, cooks for herself and eats cold food.
Instead the paragraph as well might have been,
"Aashima never thought that she would be so happy after losing everything. She works at the library and meets with her friends. Friends who have issues with kids at home, and they listen to what Aashima has to say, because she has seen it all. Occasionally she goes out for movies with them. She does not have go rush back home to cook anymore. Instead she eats out where and when she has a desire. She even baby sits for kids just for fun without bothering how it will affect her family's reputation. Her husband's little nest egg allows her the luxury of going to India every summer and catching with her past. This year, for a change, she is planning to go to Singapur. She has heard that the beaches are beautiful there. Sonia drops by sometimes with her kids and her husband. The grandkids are nice. They look amused by the stories that Aashima has to narrate from her childhood. But they are nice kids. Just like the man Aashima's daughter married. Aashima is happy, and she is surprised that she is so happy."
Similarly, life may not have been very pleasant for Nikhil, but maybe it was for Sonia. What did she think about when she was growing up? Whom did she first kiss? Did she love him? Did she have her heart broken before she finally found her husband?
How about Ashoke? The man who started it all? He taught at a nice college. Did he enjoy the professional atmosphere in the US? Did he have a nice married life? What did he think when he was living alone in Ohio?
I am looking for a movie or a novel that focusses on just one incidence but from different people's perspectives. How beautiful it will be to look at the same thing through so many different lenses!
I recently read two dark books: The Namesake and The Kiterunner. Both books are interesting; interesting but sad and dark. In the first book, the first protaganist is a lady who marries a NRI and adjusts to the foreign land here; the second protaganist is her son who grows while trying to find his true identity and roots. In the second book, the protaganist is a young afgan man who narrates the story of his chidlhood and how he repays some moral debts accumulated over years.
And all three protaganists in the two books are sad and brooding. Mostly they are pensive about what happened in the past and what better could have happened. But while the misery of the central characters comes as very real, I cannot avoid thinking about something: "The authors gave a dark personality to their novels by restricting themselves to just the misery of the protaganists."
I am sure that some issues could have been written in much more cheerful way as well. And that would have changed the complete feel of the book! For example, Jhumpa Lahiri writes at one place: Aashima is sad. She works at the library, comes back to an empty house, cooks for herself and eats cold food.
Instead the paragraph as well might have been,
"Aashima never thought that she would be so happy after losing everything. She works at the library and meets with her friends. Friends who have issues with kids at home, and they listen to what Aashima has to say, because she has seen it all. Occasionally she goes out for movies with them. She does not have go rush back home to cook anymore. Instead she eats out where and when she has a desire. She even baby sits for kids just for fun without bothering how it will affect her family's reputation. Her husband's little nest egg allows her the luxury of going to India every summer and catching with her past. This year, for a change, she is planning to go to Singapur. She has heard that the beaches are beautiful there. Sonia drops by sometimes with her kids and her husband. The grandkids are nice. They look amused by the stories that Aashima has to narrate from her childhood. But they are nice kids. Just like the man Aashima's daughter married. Aashima is happy, and she is surprised that she is so happy."
Similarly, life may not have been very pleasant for Nikhil, but maybe it was for Sonia. What did she think about when she was growing up? Whom did she first kiss? Did she love him? Did she have her heart broken before she finally found her husband?
How about Ashoke? The man who started it all? He taught at a nice college. Did he enjoy the professional atmosphere in the US? Did he have a nice married life? What did he think when he was living alone in Ohio?
I am looking for a movie or a novel that focusses on just one incidence but from different people's perspectives. How beautiful it will be to look at the same thing through so many different lenses!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Randoms
1. The bad part about working in interdisciplinary areas is that it is difficult to find someone who will push you in the job market. The OM people want to push their own students and the risk management people cannot claim that I am one of their own.
2. I graded 210 homeworks yesterday, and today I got another stack of 100 hws. I hope the semester ends soon.
3. For two years, I have been hoping for a good feedback on my research. Now i have given up. I think I will just wrap it up all.
4. My first consultancy gig was moderately successful. The client was very happy, but I thought I could have done better. I realised that his being a young guy helped me a lot.
5. I have been trying to get an intership at AMD. I may have a very good research interest match there. But either they have a different opinion or they are just very slow!
6. I have to teach a class next sem, and need to prepare a lot of material for it.
1. The bad part about working in interdisciplinary areas is that it is difficult to find someone who will push you in the job market. The OM people want to push their own students and the risk management people cannot claim that I am one of their own.
2. I graded 210 homeworks yesterday, and today I got another stack of 100 hws. I hope the semester ends soon.
3. For two years, I have been hoping for a good feedback on my research. Now i have given up. I think I will just wrap it up all.
4. My first consultancy gig was moderately successful. The client was very happy, but I thought I could have done better. I realised that his being a young guy helped me a lot.
5. I have been trying to get an intership at AMD. I may have a very good research interest match there. But either they have a different opinion or they are just very slow!
6. I have to teach a class next sem, and need to prepare a lot of material for it.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
From here, there and everywhere II
I think I was unfair in the last post towards the people whom I met. So let me set the record straight.
Anmol: I had a great time. He hosted me graciously, and I was 100% comfortable at his home. He had a busy schedule, but we still managed to get time for dinner together. I hope to meet him again in future.
Ripple: Daddu is always cheerful, and it is always a pleasure to meet such a happy soul. His devotion for Krithika is like an ideal for me, Vishal and Jaggu. Krithika was very caring. I think I was slightly shy/reserved because I was meeting her for the second time in last five years, not a very good freuqency to meet. I hope she did not take offence. And the pista ice cream was awesome!
Childhood friend: She was a fabulous host. She was cheerful, and took out a lot of time for me even when she is actively looking for a job. We had some nice conversations and we came to know many things about each other that we didn't know before. I may have had a crush on her for a long time, and maybe my affection was not requited. But there is an equal chance that all these years, she gave signals to tell me that she is taken or not interested, but I probably didn't understand them.
Even if she had an idea that I had a big crush on her, I think it was very nice of her to spend time with me and talk about our childhood and families. I am happy that by the time we waved good bye to each other, she had become a good friend. A nice, sensible, cheerful friend. I hope that I will understand her signals better in future. And that we will be good family friends and will play with our kids together.
I think I was unfair in the last post towards the people whom I met. So let me set the record straight.
Anmol: I had a great time. He hosted me graciously, and I was 100% comfortable at his home. He had a busy schedule, but we still managed to get time for dinner together. I hope to meet him again in future.
Ripple: Daddu is always cheerful, and it is always a pleasure to meet such a happy soul. His devotion for Krithika is like an ideal for me, Vishal and Jaggu. Krithika was very caring. I think I was slightly shy/reserved because I was meeting her for the second time in last five years, not a very good freuqency to meet. I hope she did not take offence. And the pista ice cream was awesome!
Childhood friend: She was a fabulous host. She was cheerful, and took out a lot of time for me even when she is actively looking for a job. We had some nice conversations and we came to know many things about each other that we didn't know before. I may have had a crush on her for a long time, and maybe my affection was not requited. But there is an equal chance that all these years, she gave signals to tell me that she is taken or not interested, but I probably didn't understand them.
Even if she had an idea that I had a big crush on her, I think it was very nice of her to spend time with me and talk about our childhood and families. I am happy that by the time we waved good bye to each other, she had become a good friend. A nice, sensible, cheerful friend. I hope that I will understand her signals better in future. And that we will be good family friends and will play with our kids together.
Friday, November 10, 2006
From here, there and everywhere
1. I went to Pittsburgh for a conference. The conference was okay. I realized that a proff from Wharton has done most of the work that I have been doing since last 6 months. What's more, he has already turned in a paper few weeks back. So that was a bummer.
But I met many nice people. I met Anmol Singh. He were in Roorkee together, and lived in the Nangu wing in the first year. We rarely talked, but meeting him after 5 years, the conversation was smooth and natural. He took very good care of me and rebolstered my faith in rookee brotherhood.
I also met a childhood friend/crush. And I realized that girls who are lovely at the age of 13 still remain as lovely as ever at the age of 24. And I realized that I will keep on meeting many charming women whom I will like. While I cannot help liking some one, setting the limit and keeping to my my marriage is what I can definitely do. And what I will do.
The lady is a mystery for me. For 9 years, I wrote her emails, called her up, asked her to come and see me, but she never seemed interested. But I felt some spark whenever we met. I wish for once I could know if she was ever interested. It would not change anything, but it will be good to know that either a) I invested a long time for a person and I have some sweet memories with her, or b) She was never interested, so I better stop thinking about it.
2. I also met Ripple and Krithika. Both of them were gracious hosts,and looked lovely together.
3. Back to the lovely lady. Tayfun is our dep's resident lady expert. I was telling him that it is so amazing that even though I have moved on and am engaged to a nice girl that I like and who is my rock, I met my childhood crush and still feel a roller coaster in my head.
Tayfun said it so succintly:
"For a long time, for pretty much all the time when you were growing up, you associated all good things in life with her. In your mental map, all good things started from her or ended at her. The issue is that when you decided to move from this woman, you changed all those tiny things, but sometimes it takes time to change that person in your mind. Maybe over the years, you swiched the image. But probably the old image did not fade away completely. A slight scratch in your memory and the old image comes back. And so now you have an issue. Which image to keep."
"You have an option. To keep on switching images, and you can do it for the rest of your life. Or to keep the image of the person who sends you emails, calls you up and has been with you all through thick and thin. The choice is yours. Do you want to chase a mirage that was never yours, or do you want a calming reality of familial security?"
I'd say my choice is clear. Any given day, between any thing and my marriage, I will choose my marriage.
While I cannot help liking people, I can definitely call up my wife and take out some extra time for bonding.
1. I went to Pittsburgh for a conference. The conference was okay. I realized that a proff from Wharton has done most of the work that I have been doing since last 6 months. What's more, he has already turned in a paper few weeks back. So that was a bummer.
But I met many nice people. I met Anmol Singh. He were in Roorkee together, and lived in the Nangu wing in the first year. We rarely talked, but meeting him after 5 years, the conversation was smooth and natural. He took very good care of me and rebolstered my faith in rookee brotherhood.
I also met a childhood friend/crush. And I realized that girls who are lovely at the age of 13 still remain as lovely as ever at the age of 24. And I realized that I will keep on meeting many charming women whom I will like. While I cannot help liking some one, setting the limit and keeping to my my marriage is what I can definitely do. And what I will do.
The lady is a mystery for me. For 9 years, I wrote her emails, called her up, asked her to come and see me, but she never seemed interested. But I felt some spark whenever we met. I wish for once I could know if she was ever interested. It would not change anything, but it will be good to know that either a) I invested a long time for a person and I have some sweet memories with her, or b) She was never interested, so I better stop thinking about it.
2. I also met Ripple and Krithika. Both of them were gracious hosts,and looked lovely together.
3. Back to the lovely lady. Tayfun is our dep's resident lady expert. I was telling him that it is so amazing that even though I have moved on and am engaged to a nice girl that I like and who is my rock, I met my childhood crush and still feel a roller coaster in my head.
Tayfun said it so succintly:
"For a long time, for pretty much all the time when you were growing up, you associated all good things in life with her. In your mental map, all good things started from her or ended at her. The issue is that when you decided to move from this woman, you changed all those tiny things, but sometimes it takes time to change that person in your mind. Maybe over the years, you swiched the image. But probably the old image did not fade away completely. A slight scratch in your memory and the old image comes back. And so now you have an issue. Which image to keep."
"You have an option. To keep on switching images, and you can do it for the rest of your life. Or to keep the image of the person who sends you emails, calls you up and has been with you all through thick and thin. The choice is yours. Do you want to chase a mirage that was never yours, or do you want a calming reality of familial security?"
I'd say my choice is clear. Any given day, between any thing and my marriage, I will choose my marriage.
While I cannot help liking people, I can definitely call up my wife and take out some extra time for bonding.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Crushed - Flat Out
My office is crushing me.
1. I am an RA. But occasionally, I also TA for a grad class. Last week, an undergrad TA dropped out of school, and I have to take her place. So, now I am TAing for three classes, while I am not a TA for any one of them.
2. My research has come to a stand-still. Partly because of my own choice, because I wanted a break after working on some thing for six months only to realise later that it did not cut the mark. But I have to start it again.
3. I have to show up with a presentation in INFORMS in November, and then for a SD conference in Early Jan, and then again for a conference for Winter simulation conference. And none of this work wil go in my dissertation. So it is bad business all along.
4. I have to teach a class next semester. Three lectures a week, and grading and all. I do not like the way the class is being taught currently, so i plan to develop my own teaching material. It will take time, but hopefully it will be worth it.
Three years back, I had never imagined that I will teach Statistics one day, but here I am.
5. They had audition for the teaching class. Four people showed up, three of them chinese. There was a chinese proff on the panel. She was pally with all three chinese students so I was apprehensive that she would select all her friends. But as it turned out, they did not like any chinese person. I have been told that the decision board of 6 professors had geniuine reasons for the three candidates- accent, familiarity with material, and a masters' degree respectively. However, the general perception now in the chinese student community is that they were discriminated against.
And many of them are giving me a cold shoulder :(
My office is crushing me.
1. I am an RA. But occasionally, I also TA for a grad class. Last week, an undergrad TA dropped out of school, and I have to take her place. So, now I am TAing for three classes, while I am not a TA for any one of them.
2. My research has come to a stand-still. Partly because of my own choice, because I wanted a break after working on some thing for six months only to realise later that it did not cut the mark. But I have to start it again.
3. I have to show up with a presentation in INFORMS in November, and then for a SD conference in Early Jan, and then again for a conference for Winter simulation conference. And none of this work wil go in my dissertation. So it is bad business all along.
4. I have to teach a class next semester. Three lectures a week, and grading and all. I do not like the way the class is being taught currently, so i plan to develop my own teaching material. It will take time, but hopefully it will be worth it.
Three years back, I had never imagined that I will teach Statistics one day, but here I am.
5. They had audition for the teaching class. Four people showed up, three of them chinese. There was a chinese proff on the panel. She was pally with all three chinese students so I was apprehensive that she would select all her friends. But as it turned out, they did not like any chinese person. I have been told that the decision board of 6 professors had geniuine reasons for the three candidates- accent, familiarity with material, and a masters' degree respectively. However, the general perception now in the chinese student community is that they were discriminated against.
And many of them are giving me a cold shoulder :(
Monday, September 25, 2006
The social "chummy" couples
For a long long time, I thought that the charming lady in my department and the michievious guy from the finance department were a couple. Till I went to the lady's house one day and saw the snaps of another guy all over the place. That guy was the lady's real boyfriend. He is in school but doing his PhD in maths department. The finance guy and the lady are just friends.
Rather, i should say that they are very good friends. They go for lunch together, go to gym together and she brings lunch for him quite often. But they are not a couple. I found it amusing for a while, but then started seeing so many similar "chummy" couples who are just very good friends; but people mistake them for regular dating couples.
For a long time, I didn't quite get it. How could these two guys be so much comfortable with each other? How can they still have a very successful personal relationship that has nothing to do with the their "best friend".
And then one day some one in office congratulated me that my best friend in grad school here is expecting. And things became clear instantly. My best friend here is an Indian girl, three years older to me, and married with a kid. She is expecting her second baby early next year. We joined the PhD program together, took a few courses together, worked on homeworks together, and have been to each others' places abunch of times. And we go to lunch together, and occasionally take lunch for each other. But since she is married, I never thought too much into it. Her being married was a big security to me that there would not be any weird business between us ever.
So we could let our guards down, and became just good friends. I baby sit for her daughter when she and her husband go for movies. She invites me for lunch every now and then. And really, it is just regular stuff that two classmates do.
But then, that day when the lady in the office asked me about the progress of pregnancy, I realised that we are also among the "very best chummy" boy and girl afterall!
For a long long time, I thought that the charming lady in my department and the michievious guy from the finance department were a couple. Till I went to the lady's house one day and saw the snaps of another guy all over the place. That guy was the lady's real boyfriend. He is in school but doing his PhD in maths department. The finance guy and the lady are just friends.
Rather, i should say that they are very good friends. They go for lunch together, go to gym together and she brings lunch for him quite often. But they are not a couple. I found it amusing for a while, but then started seeing so many similar "chummy" couples who are just very good friends; but people mistake them for regular dating couples.
For a long time, I didn't quite get it. How could these two guys be so much comfortable with each other? How can they still have a very successful personal relationship that has nothing to do with the their "best friend".
And then one day some one in office congratulated me that my best friend in grad school here is expecting. And things became clear instantly. My best friend here is an Indian girl, three years older to me, and married with a kid. She is expecting her second baby early next year. We joined the PhD program together, took a few courses together, worked on homeworks together, and have been to each others' places abunch of times. And we go to lunch together, and occasionally take lunch for each other. But since she is married, I never thought too much into it. Her being married was a big security to me that there would not be any weird business between us ever.
So we could let our guards down, and became just good friends. I baby sit for her daughter when she and her husband go for movies. She invites me for lunch every now and then. And really, it is just regular stuff that two classmates do.
But then, that day when the lady in the office asked me about the progress of pregnancy, I realised that we are also among the "very best chummy" boy and girl afterall!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Some corny realisations
That I should have had much earlier.
1. There is no point in trying to run really fast if I have flat feet. There is no point in swimming too long if I do not have stamina. Finally, there is no point in trying to play a guitar if I do not have good ears for music.
There is really no point in trying to do something unless I absolutely love doing something and I am good at it. The world is really big, and has all kinds of works that need to be done. By some one. By some one who can do them fine. And that some one is not necessarily me. Especially if I do not want to do it. Even more specially if I am not good at it.
I can try to keep doing new things hoping to leave my mark on people, or to impress people. But really, what I should be doing is what makes me feel good about myself. Anf the things that make me feel good about myself are the things that I can do well, and that I enjoy doing. BOTH.
2. We look in mirror atleast a dozen times in a day while we talk to no more than a dozen people. Then how come we try to impress all those odd dozen people but do not care enough about the bloke looking back in the mirror?
3. It takes courage to chicken out. It takes courage to admit to yourself that some things are beyond your ability that that maybe there is something else that you will be much better at. It takes courage to express this conviction in front of others and not worry about what they will think of you.
Really, at some point, each man has to figure out : How much of his life is for his own satisfaction and how much of it is to impress others.
That I should have had much earlier.
1. There is no point in trying to run really fast if I have flat feet. There is no point in swimming too long if I do not have stamina. Finally, there is no point in trying to play a guitar if I do not have good ears for music.
There is really no point in trying to do something unless I absolutely love doing something and I am good at it. The world is really big, and has all kinds of works that need to be done. By some one. By some one who can do them fine. And that some one is not necessarily me. Especially if I do not want to do it. Even more specially if I am not good at it.
I can try to keep doing new things hoping to leave my mark on people, or to impress people. But really, what I should be doing is what makes me feel good about myself. Anf the things that make me feel good about myself are the things that I can do well, and that I enjoy doing. BOTH.
2. We look in mirror atleast a dozen times in a day while we talk to no more than a dozen people. Then how come we try to impress all those odd dozen people but do not care enough about the bloke looking back in the mirror?
3. It takes courage to chicken out. It takes courage to admit to yourself that some things are beyond your ability that that maybe there is something else that you will be much better at. It takes courage to express this conviction in front of others and not worry about what they will think of you.
Really, at some point, each man has to figure out : How much of his life is for his own satisfaction and how much of it is to impress others.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
A touching 2 minute video.
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=7bdb323664c4979c78f41f4d39588d06.665845
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=7bdb323664c4979c78f41f4d39588d06.665845
Join me
And wish good luck to a lady. She is one of the most beautiful ladies that I have seen in recent months. She comes regularly to school, has a nice soft look, big eyes and a sincerety about her that touches me every time I cross her on my way to school.
Unfortunately, she is on a wheelchair.
Day in and day out, I see that lady on Speedway Street, behind the Maths department, and wonder if god was actually counting things brutally while making her. Beauty? Yes. Education? Yes. Money? Yes (from what I could make of). Atheletic ability? ....Hmmm... Maybe he didn't want her to be perfect, or maybe he wanted her to earn her perfection.
So, while I wonder about the same question everyday I see her, I was surprised yesterday when I saw her in gym. She did weights exercise for legs and then was on the bicycle machine for an hour. I noticed her legs. They are of regular size and thickness but the muscle was not prominent. She cycled for an hour and went back as quietly as she came.
Here is a little prayer that she gets what she is working for. I wish her independence from the wheelchair, and the freedom to run in rain and feel the water on her cheeks. I wish her the freedom to run in the wind and against the wind on cool summer nights. I wish her the simple joys of running after her kids; and smiling to herself. I wish her the triumph of being chased by boys on a running track.
I wish her effort gets her running soon.
And wish good luck to a lady. She is one of the most beautiful ladies that I have seen in recent months. She comes regularly to school, has a nice soft look, big eyes and a sincerety about her that touches me every time I cross her on my way to school.
Unfortunately, she is on a wheelchair.
Day in and day out, I see that lady on Speedway Street, behind the Maths department, and wonder if god was actually counting things brutally while making her. Beauty? Yes. Education? Yes. Money? Yes (from what I could make of). Atheletic ability? ....Hmmm... Maybe he didn't want her to be perfect, or maybe he wanted her to earn her perfection.
So, while I wonder about the same question everyday I see her, I was surprised yesterday when I saw her in gym. She did weights exercise for legs and then was on the bicycle machine for an hour. I noticed her legs. They are of regular size and thickness but the muscle was not prominent. She cycled for an hour and went back as quietly as she came.
Here is a little prayer that she gets what she is working for. I wish her independence from the wheelchair, and the freedom to run in rain and feel the water on her cheeks. I wish her the freedom to run in the wind and against the wind on cool summer nights. I wish her the simple joys of running after her kids; and smiling to herself. I wish her the triumph of being chased by boys on a running track.
I wish her effort gets her running soon.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I like my woman to fight. I like her not to give in to troubles easily, but i would also prefer her not to be so egoist to refuse any help that I can offer.
I like my woman to not accpet every word that i say; i would prefer that she reason out things with me, but i would also like her to keep my respect and dignity.
I like my woman to put up a strong opposition if she thinks that i am wrong. But i would also prefer that she understands that what binds us is more deeper, more stronger than what any differences can break.
I like my woman to be the heart of my home, but i also would like her to listen to the head of the home. ( Pun Intended )
I like my woman to be a like a plum. She should be very sweet, ummm juicy from the outside, but her core should be strong, rock solid, impervious to problems. She should be soft to create ripples of joy in my life, but i would also like her to be strong as an anchor in my life.
I like my woman to not accpet every word that i say; i would prefer that she reason out things with me, but i would also like her to keep my respect and dignity.
I like my woman to put up a strong opposition if she thinks that i am wrong. But i would also prefer that she understands that what binds us is more deeper, more stronger than what any differences can break.
I like my woman to be the heart of my home, but i also would like her to listen to the head of the home. ( Pun Intended )
I like my woman to be a like a plum. She should be very sweet, ummm juicy from the outside, but her core should be strong, rock solid, impervious to problems. She should be soft to create ripples of joy in my life, but i would also like her to be strong as an anchor in my life.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Of niece and daughter
The niece
Tanu, my favourite niece, has grown up now. She is 16, a far cry from the innocent 8 year kid that I met almost 8 years back. I have very sweet memories of her childhood, and I still try to find that little Tanu in her grown-up personality. But many many times i realise that maybe I should relegate my memories to a memory chest, and focus on today's Tanu; because today's Tanu is much more complex.
1. I was chatting to Tanu one day when I realised that her mother is sitting with her. Tanu and her mother are very good friends, and it a relationship so beautiful that I hope my daughter Indu and her mother will have a similar relationship. However, that day I realised that her mother is sitting with her because she is scared for her daughter being caught offguard in the world of internet.
When her mother went away, Tanu was cranky about her mother insisting on reading all our conversations. I wanted to tell Tanu that when daughters are 16, mothers should protect their daughters from all prying eyes, and sometimes they have to overdo it and protect their daughters from the family members as well, just in case. But I couldn't say all this to Tanu. Because Tanu has grown up for the world, for me and for me alone, she is still a 8 year old kid. And talking to her about lust and prying eyes is still not what I am comfortable with.
2. Another day, she was talking about friends. Friends who seem to have left her because she refused to hang around with a guy whom they thought was suitable for her. She was mad at them, but slightly mad at herself too because her heart and mind would not allow her to date some one whom she does not like.
She asked me what to do, and I was clueless. I have had numerous crushes, and all of them sort of ran out their lives in an year or so. But i never had to go out with some one because my friends were insisting on it. All I could tell Tanu was that "don't go if you don't want to", but then i also realised that losing friends at the age of 16 is not a pleasant experiance.
3. Yet another day, she was talking to me when a cousin from Philly logged in. Tanu asked me if I would like to chat in a conference call. I told Tanu that I was sort of busy and would do it some later day.
Tanu replied promptly, "You do not have to give excuses. Just say that you are not keen on talking to her". True. The reason she zeroed on was true. Just that I didn't realise that it would sound so rude in straight words, or that Tanu will be so bitter about it.
4. Tanu is taking tuitions. From an IITD guy. The person appears to be indifferent to Tanu's exams in schools and cancels classes frequently. Not a very nice way to study, but Tanu is taken by his "success". I often debate if I should ask her to be careful about it, but I also realise that changing tutors in the second year is not a wise thing to do.
So I hope. I hope that she will be fine.
The Daughter
Chaitra came yesterday to spend some time with me. Her parents wanted to go for a movie and I was glad to baby sit.
When Chaitra arrived, the rain has just finished splattering down. As soon as her parents left, Chaitra and I left on our mission, "To find a dog whom Chaitra could kiss on mouth".
1. Two blocks down, Chaitra wanted no sandals. So I took them off. Next, she ran to a big puddle in the middle of the road and started jumping in it gleefully. I watched her with her slippers in my hand. She extended her hand, pulled me in the puddle and asked me to jump with her. I was hesitant at first, but her smile did the trick. Later on we went 6 blocks down jumping in the pools of dirty water on our way.
2. While coming back, I wanted to feel the rain on my face so I stood under a tree and shook a branch. Rain drops collected on the leaves came down streaming on us, and she was happy. We did this at every tree that we came across.
3. Later on, I taught her how to pick small pieces of cotton and blow them away wafting in the air. She was sleepy a little bit later, and I sang a lullaby that Rashmi and I plan to sing for Indu.
Why all this detail?
Because I am realising each day now that I am eagerly waiting for our kids, and that simpler joys of feeding a child who is sitting in my lap is much fulfilling than working late in night in my dingy office that no one knows of anyway!
But I also realise that babies take too much energy! So they must be planned for carefully.
The niece
Tanu, my favourite niece, has grown up now. She is 16, a far cry from the innocent 8 year kid that I met almost 8 years back. I have very sweet memories of her childhood, and I still try to find that little Tanu in her grown-up personality. But many many times i realise that maybe I should relegate my memories to a memory chest, and focus on today's Tanu; because today's Tanu is much more complex.
1. I was chatting to Tanu one day when I realised that her mother is sitting with her. Tanu and her mother are very good friends, and it a relationship so beautiful that I hope my daughter Indu and her mother will have a similar relationship. However, that day I realised that her mother is sitting with her because she is scared for her daughter being caught offguard in the world of internet.
When her mother went away, Tanu was cranky about her mother insisting on reading all our conversations. I wanted to tell Tanu that when daughters are 16, mothers should protect their daughters from all prying eyes, and sometimes they have to overdo it and protect their daughters from the family members as well, just in case. But I couldn't say all this to Tanu. Because Tanu has grown up for the world, for me and for me alone, she is still a 8 year old kid. And talking to her about lust and prying eyes is still not what I am comfortable with.
2. Another day, she was talking about friends. Friends who seem to have left her because she refused to hang around with a guy whom they thought was suitable for her. She was mad at them, but slightly mad at herself too because her heart and mind would not allow her to date some one whom she does not like.
She asked me what to do, and I was clueless. I have had numerous crushes, and all of them sort of ran out their lives in an year or so. But i never had to go out with some one because my friends were insisting on it. All I could tell Tanu was that "don't go if you don't want to", but then i also realised that losing friends at the age of 16 is not a pleasant experiance.
3. Yet another day, she was talking to me when a cousin from Philly logged in. Tanu asked me if I would like to chat in a conference call. I told Tanu that I was sort of busy and would do it some later day.
Tanu replied promptly, "You do not have to give excuses. Just say that you are not keen on talking to her". True. The reason she zeroed on was true. Just that I didn't realise that it would sound so rude in straight words, or that Tanu will be so bitter about it.
4. Tanu is taking tuitions. From an IITD guy. The person appears to be indifferent to Tanu's exams in schools and cancels classes frequently. Not a very nice way to study, but Tanu is taken by his "success". I often debate if I should ask her to be careful about it, but I also realise that changing tutors in the second year is not a wise thing to do.
So I hope. I hope that she will be fine.
The Daughter
Chaitra came yesterday to spend some time with me. Her parents wanted to go for a movie and I was glad to baby sit.
When Chaitra arrived, the rain has just finished splattering down. As soon as her parents left, Chaitra and I left on our mission, "To find a dog whom Chaitra could kiss on mouth".
1. Two blocks down, Chaitra wanted no sandals. So I took them off. Next, she ran to a big puddle in the middle of the road and started jumping in it gleefully. I watched her with her slippers in my hand. She extended her hand, pulled me in the puddle and asked me to jump with her. I was hesitant at first, but her smile did the trick. Later on we went 6 blocks down jumping in the pools of dirty water on our way.
2. While coming back, I wanted to feel the rain on my face so I stood under a tree and shook a branch. Rain drops collected on the leaves came down streaming on us, and she was happy. We did this at every tree that we came across.
3. Later on, I taught her how to pick small pieces of cotton and blow them away wafting in the air. She was sleepy a little bit later, and I sang a lullaby that Rashmi and I plan to sing for Indu.
Why all this detail?
Because I am realising each day now that I am eagerly waiting for our kids, and that simpler joys of feeding a child who is sitting in my lap is much fulfilling than working late in night in my dingy office that no one knows of anyway!
But I also realise that babies take too much energy! So they must be planned for carefully.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Puzzles for fun
1. X is a PhD student in my department. He is working on something with Dr. Y that is more related to Dr. Z's research's interest. So X is interested in having Z on his committee. However, Z has given a really bad recommendation to previous students, so X wants to play safe and also have Dr. V on committee. Now the catch is that V and Z do not get along well. X feels that V can provide very useful help for finishing up the dissertation, but he cannot have V as co-chair because V is no longer at our university. So the only option is to have Z as co-chair. But if Z is co-chair, V would not agree to be on the committee.
Question: Should X choose Z, the professor who is more available ,or V- the professor who can help him graduate early.
2. When I am in bad shape, I say to myself, "Every person is different, and there is no point in comparing myself with others". But then when I find some one who is in worse shape, I immediately say, "Well, atleast I am doing better than him/her".
Is this hypocracy or just my human instinct to survive and stay happy?
3. I called up my cousin in Boston, and he caught me offguard with a real simple question, "Why do you want to get married?"
Is it because I need an emotional support? But then wouldn't a good friend suffice?
Is it because I am lonely? Again, wouldn't a friend suffice?
Is it because I am too tense? So would I still want to get married if I was more secure and cheerful?
Is it because I have clear physical needs? Is marriage the only way?
Again, the answer that I finally came up with was, "I think I will be more happy when I am married. I will have a better purpose of doing what I am doing. There will be something to look forward to. And essentially yes, I think marriage will fulfill so many needs that I have-emotional psychological and emotional. So bottom line - I am marrying because I now believe that in my age and frame of mind, I will be morehappy if I am married>"
Is that reasonable?
1. X is a PhD student in my department. He is working on something with Dr. Y that is more related to Dr. Z's research's interest. So X is interested in having Z on his committee. However, Z has given a really bad recommendation to previous students, so X wants to play safe and also have Dr. V on committee. Now the catch is that V and Z do not get along well. X feels that V can provide very useful help for finishing up the dissertation, but he cannot have V as co-chair because V is no longer at our university. So the only option is to have Z as co-chair. But if Z is co-chair, V would not agree to be on the committee.
Question: Should X choose Z, the professor who is more available ,or V- the professor who can help him graduate early.
2. When I am in bad shape, I say to myself, "Every person is different, and there is no point in comparing myself with others". But then when I find some one who is in worse shape, I immediately say, "Well, atleast I am doing better than him/her".
Is this hypocracy or just my human instinct to survive and stay happy?
3. I called up my cousin in Boston, and he caught me offguard with a real simple question, "Why do you want to get married?"
Is it because I need an emotional support? But then wouldn't a good friend suffice?
Is it because I am lonely? Again, wouldn't a friend suffice?
Is it because I am too tense? So would I still want to get married if I was more secure and cheerful?
Is it because I have clear physical needs? Is marriage the only way?
Again, the answer that I finally came up with was, "I think I will be more happy when I am married. I will have a better purpose of doing what I am doing. There will be something to look forward to. And essentially yes, I think marriage will fulfill so many needs that I have-emotional psychological and emotional. So bottom line - I am marrying because I now believe that in my age and frame of mind, I will be morehappy if I am married>"
Is that reasonable?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The same issue again
I called up Vishal two days back and we decided to have dinner together. We know each others since 4 years, and whenever we are at our breaking points, we call each other and have dinner together. And by the time we are done, we feel relaxed.
So day before yesterday I called him up, and he came down. We were eating some nice food and he surprised me with an acute statement, "So you seem to be in pressure because you wonder what will you do if you have to go back." I had to admit that this was true. Four years back, I came here with a determination that I will go back. That determination changed over time. I did try to remind myself of it in many posts here and mentally, but something gave in. Probably, it was the last visit to India when I felt out of sync with the world there. Maybe what happened was that I wanted to go back to the India that I left, and now I realize that that India has ceased to exist.
So, anyway, the next thought was, "Have I started thinking that going back to India will be a defeat of sorts?" As in, would I go back only if I am unsuccessful here? Would I prefer to stay here if I am doing well? The answer was ambivalent. Not sure. Maybe. I would prefer a stress free job. Grad school has had enough troubles for me, and if I feel that the life here would be stressful, I would rather go back, take a regular job and be happy.
So the final thought in the series was that, "Am I under stress because I cannot afford to have even one bad month at work because I am a foreinger and I am constantly being evaluated as a foreigner?" And the answer was unequivocal, loud and clear "Yes". I feel the pressure that if I am not doing good for 2-3 months, my proff may lose interest, and then what do I do? Okay, I manage through the slump and get close to graduation, and then I am in job market again. I will be again under pressure to get a job before the semester gets over. Else, my visa expires and I have to go back. On the other hand, if I had been in India, I would still have thought of looking for a job carefully before taking the first one that looks okay. I would have worried about my professor, but I would have known that if I leave him, there is still a lot more to do right there.
hmmmm. No matter how we try to make up our mind, the issue of comparing the life here and in India comes up almost weekly, and conclusions are not always the same.
I called up Vishal two days back and we decided to have dinner together. We know each others since 4 years, and whenever we are at our breaking points, we call each other and have dinner together. And by the time we are done, we feel relaxed.
So day before yesterday I called him up, and he came down. We were eating some nice food and he surprised me with an acute statement, "So you seem to be in pressure because you wonder what will you do if you have to go back." I had to admit that this was true. Four years back, I came here with a determination that I will go back. That determination changed over time. I did try to remind myself of it in many posts here and mentally, but something gave in. Probably, it was the last visit to India when I felt out of sync with the world there. Maybe what happened was that I wanted to go back to the India that I left, and now I realize that that India has ceased to exist.
So, anyway, the next thought was, "Have I started thinking that going back to India will be a defeat of sorts?" As in, would I go back only if I am unsuccessful here? Would I prefer to stay here if I am doing well? The answer was ambivalent. Not sure. Maybe. I would prefer a stress free job. Grad school has had enough troubles for me, and if I feel that the life here would be stressful, I would rather go back, take a regular job and be happy.
So the final thought in the series was that, "Am I under stress because I cannot afford to have even one bad month at work because I am a foreinger and I am constantly being evaluated as a foreigner?" And the answer was unequivocal, loud and clear "Yes". I feel the pressure that if I am not doing good for 2-3 months, my proff may lose interest, and then what do I do? Okay, I manage through the slump and get close to graduation, and then I am in job market again. I will be again under pressure to get a job before the semester gets over. Else, my visa expires and I have to go back. On the other hand, if I had been in India, I would still have thought of looking for a job carefully before taking the first one that looks okay. I would have worried about my professor, but I would have known that if I leave him, there is still a lot more to do right there.
hmmmm. No matter how we try to make up our mind, the issue of comparing the life here and in India comes up almost weekly, and conclusions are not always the same.
Friday, August 25, 2006
General Acad Notes
1. In grad school, you collect two kinds of knowledge. First, what you will need in your work, or in your research. Second, what will be more like filler material and random facts that will come to you while talking. These facts form a sub-conscious knowledge base that give you confidence when you talk about your subject.
However, the catch is, we often mistake the filler knowledge for working knowledge. All extra courses and detours in reading the literature of a different field add to the filler knowledge but eat up the time that should have gone in acquiring working knowledge.
So, I guess, the best way is to get the working knowledge on a priority basis, acquire some filler knowledge and move on. There is no end to the filler knowledge; this is what shoudl come primarily from experience.
2. I think I have two issues when it comes to research. First, I do not coax my professor hard enough to get details on what can I improve. The result is that I get feedback which is not always very helpful. The second issue is that I am over-critical when I am reviewing someone's paper but I am undercritical with my own work. I guess the role of the professor is to set the standards so high that by the time those standards are reached, the paper is ready for publication.
3. Grad school is good because it makes you realise many many things. First, what kind of a professor to be or not to be. Micro-managing students may result in good papers and their good placements but they do not learn the art of coming up with problems. But then if the student thinks of a problem himself, works on it and and gradutes, but does not find a job, then it has served no one's purpose.
Second, how to do research. Where to look for research issues and most importantly, to recognise that most of the times collaboration makes a paper much much better.
Third, the grad school gives a very good idea about whether you should take up academia or switch to industry.
Finally, you realise that no matter how smart you are, you always need a rock to lean on in the lean patches of life.
1. In grad school, you collect two kinds of knowledge. First, what you will need in your work, or in your research. Second, what will be more like filler material and random facts that will come to you while talking. These facts form a sub-conscious knowledge base that give you confidence when you talk about your subject.
However, the catch is, we often mistake the filler knowledge for working knowledge. All extra courses and detours in reading the literature of a different field add to the filler knowledge but eat up the time that should have gone in acquiring working knowledge.
So, I guess, the best way is to get the working knowledge on a priority basis, acquire some filler knowledge and move on. There is no end to the filler knowledge; this is what shoudl come primarily from experience.
2. I think I have two issues when it comes to research. First, I do not coax my professor hard enough to get details on what can I improve. The result is that I get feedback which is not always very helpful. The second issue is that I am over-critical when I am reviewing someone's paper but I am undercritical with my own work. I guess the role of the professor is to set the standards so high that by the time those standards are reached, the paper is ready for publication.
3. Grad school is good because it makes you realise many many things. First, what kind of a professor to be or not to be. Micro-managing students may result in good papers and their good placements but they do not learn the art of coming up with problems. But then if the student thinks of a problem himself, works on it and and gradutes, but does not find a job, then it has served no one's purpose.
Second, how to do research. Where to look for research issues and most importantly, to recognise that most of the times collaboration makes a paper much much better.
Third, the grad school gives a very good idea about whether you should take up academia or switch to industry.
Finally, you realise that no matter how smart you are, you always need a rock to lean on in the lean patches of life.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Two very interesting videos
Especially for those who live in the US.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5973184339332769307&q
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7828123714384920696
Especially for those who live in the US.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5973184339332769307&q
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7828123714384920696
Monday, August 14, 2006
From Daniel Kanheman
I will never know if my vocation as a psychologist was a result of my early exposure to interesting gossip, or whether my interest in gossip was an indication of a budding vocation. Like many other Jews, I suppose, I grew up in a world that consisted exclusively of people and words, and most of the words were about people. Nature barely existed, and I never learned to identify flowers or to appreciate animals. But the people my mother liked to talk about with her friends and with my father were fascinating in their complexity. Some people were better than others, but the best were far from perfect and no one was simply bad. Most of her stories were touched by irony, and they all had two sides or more.
In one experience I remember vividly, there was a rich range of shades. It must have been late 1941 or early 1942. Jews were required to wear the Star of David and to obey a 6 p.m. curfew. I had gone to play with a Christian friend and had stayed too late. I turned my brown sweater inside out to walk the few blocks home. As I was walking down an empty street, I saw a German soldier approaching. He was wearing the black uniform that I had been told to fear more than others - the one worn by specially recruited SS soldiers. As I came closer to him, trying to walk fast, I noticed that he was looking at me intently. Then he beckoned me over, picked me up, and hugged me. I was terrified that he would notice the star inside my sweater. He was speaking to me with great emotion, in German. When he put me down, he opened his wallet, showed me a picture of a boy, and gave me some money. I went home more certain than ever that my mother was right: people were endlessly complicated and interesting.
Interestingly enough, he goes on to say that he thought he was a lousy graduate student who focussed more on courses than on research, and had to work by himself in his later years to develop his research program.
I will never know if my vocation as a psychologist was a result of my early exposure to interesting gossip, or whether my interest in gossip was an indication of a budding vocation. Like many other Jews, I suppose, I grew up in a world that consisted exclusively of people and words, and most of the words were about people. Nature barely existed, and I never learned to identify flowers or to appreciate animals. But the people my mother liked to talk about with her friends and with my father were fascinating in their complexity. Some people were better than others, but the best were far from perfect and no one was simply bad. Most of her stories were touched by irony, and they all had two sides or more.
In one experience I remember vividly, there was a rich range of shades. It must have been late 1941 or early 1942. Jews were required to wear the Star of David and to obey a 6 p.m. curfew. I had gone to play with a Christian friend and had stayed too late. I turned my brown sweater inside out to walk the few blocks home. As I was walking down an empty street, I saw a German soldier approaching. He was wearing the black uniform that I had been told to fear more than others - the one worn by specially recruited SS soldiers. As I came closer to him, trying to walk fast, I noticed that he was looking at me intently. Then he beckoned me over, picked me up, and hugged me. I was terrified that he would notice the star inside my sweater. He was speaking to me with great emotion, in German. When he put me down, he opened his wallet, showed me a picture of a boy, and gave me some money. I went home more certain than ever that my mother was right: people were endlessly complicated and interesting.
Interestingly enough, he goes on to say that he thought he was a lousy graduate student who focussed more on courses than on research, and had to work by himself in his later years to develop his research program.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
pregnant
1. It appears to be the season of pregnancies. My sister is due to give birth to a little girl in October. We have named her Tanu. Atleast three women in my department are also due in October-November.
The other day, one Chinese girl brought a top as a gift for one of the pregnant ladies. While handing over the gift, she said "Here is something for your baby". Now the top was very big and the lady who received it was not sure how to use the top. So another Chinese male student volunteered to show. He spinned the top and shouted in glee as the top rotated. 4-5 other men from the nearby offices came looking. Soon, a bunch of men was standing in a circle in the PhD lounge taking turns to play with the top. The PhD lounge has glass walls. Many of us are teaching classes and I am wondering what would our students think if they had seen us playing with tops like little kids.
2. Jumpha Lahiri writes beautifully about pregnancy: "For being a foreigner, Ashima is beginning to realise, is a sort of lifelong pregnancy - a perpetual wait, a constant burden, a continuous feeling out of sorts. It is an ongoing responsibility, a parenthesis in what had once been an ordinary life, only to discover that that previous life has vanished, replaced by something more complicated and demanding. Like pregnancy, being a foreinger, Ashima believes, is something that elicits the same curiosity from strangers, the same combination of pity and respect.
How true! I came here four years back from a sleepy town of Roorkee where people attended classes in shirts and trousers with odd combination of colors. Actually, there was no combination at all because many of us didn't know the right combination of colors, or didn't understand why color combination should be important. Three people in the batch of three hundred and twenty had cellphones and that was considered a flagrant display of wealth. The chai cost 1.5 ruppees and coffee cost 2. Now when I go back, I still hope to see myelf in the current students. But I can't. They come from hostel to department on bikes, have designer clothes, sunglasses and belts with cellphone pouches.
I go back from here hoping that I will be able to catch up with my past, but I realise that my past has given way to an obscene display of wealth. I try to find the taste of 3 re coffee and I get stares from people from my head to feet. Just four years, and I have come to a limbo. All the time I am here, I tell to myself that my home is somewhere else. And when I go there, it is not home anymore. In a sense, I am another ABCD. With the differnce that I am confused not between american and indian culture, but between the two faces of the Indian culture one of which has mysteriously vanished within 4 years.
I go back hoping that I will get a chance to be myself for a while. But I realise that people expect an accent, and a show off that is expected to become a part of me. I go back and realise that how I am here is my natural self; and what i am there is a plastic version with facials of prosperity and success that I do not think I can/should boast of. I go there thinking that I am going home; but I come back realising that this is indeed the home.
And then coming back dis-oriented from India, feeling that my past has lost somewhere, and feeling guilty that I maybe I let it go when I should have hold tightly to it, I realise that I am still a foreigner here. I am more skeptic about my future here because I am a foreinger. But as skeptic as I am, I am hopeful too that things will be fine. I can see the tone of interest when people ask me from where I am in india, but I also see their enthusiasm fade out pretty soon. For a moment, I am exotic for them, and then I am again another graduate student.
I am thinking of marrying and settling down here. I am hopeful that my life will turn out to be as I dream of it. But I am also scared, "what if it is not?". I am scared, and I am hopeful. Primarily because I have to look back at each point of my life and wonder, "So how am I doing as a foreinger here? I hope things are better in future. I hope future holds good things for me."
Just like the pregnant mother in The Namesake. I am pregnant. Bearing my own hopes and skepticism of my future.
1. It appears to be the season of pregnancies. My sister is due to give birth to a little girl in October. We have named her Tanu. Atleast three women in my department are also due in October-November.
The other day, one Chinese girl brought a top as a gift for one of the pregnant ladies. While handing over the gift, she said "Here is something for your baby". Now the top was very big and the lady who received it was not sure how to use the top. So another Chinese male student volunteered to show. He spinned the top and shouted in glee as the top rotated. 4-5 other men from the nearby offices came looking. Soon, a bunch of men was standing in a circle in the PhD lounge taking turns to play with the top. The PhD lounge has glass walls. Many of us are teaching classes and I am wondering what would our students think if they had seen us playing with tops like little kids.
2. Jumpha Lahiri writes beautifully about pregnancy: "For being a foreigner, Ashima is beginning to realise, is a sort of lifelong pregnancy - a perpetual wait, a constant burden, a continuous feeling out of sorts. It is an ongoing responsibility, a parenthesis in what had once been an ordinary life, only to discover that that previous life has vanished, replaced by something more complicated and demanding. Like pregnancy, being a foreinger, Ashima believes, is something that elicits the same curiosity from strangers, the same combination of pity and respect.
How true! I came here four years back from a sleepy town of Roorkee where people attended classes in shirts and trousers with odd combination of colors. Actually, there was no combination at all because many of us didn't know the right combination of colors, or didn't understand why color combination should be important. Three people in the batch of three hundred and twenty had cellphones and that was considered a flagrant display of wealth. The chai cost 1.5 ruppees and coffee cost 2. Now when I go back, I still hope to see myelf in the current students. But I can't. They come from hostel to department on bikes, have designer clothes, sunglasses and belts with cellphone pouches.
I go back from here hoping that I will be able to catch up with my past, but I realise that my past has given way to an obscene display of wealth. I try to find the taste of 3 re coffee and I get stares from people from my head to feet. Just four years, and I have come to a limbo. All the time I am here, I tell to myself that my home is somewhere else. And when I go there, it is not home anymore. In a sense, I am another ABCD. With the differnce that I am confused not between american and indian culture, but between the two faces of the Indian culture one of which has mysteriously vanished within 4 years.
I go back hoping that I will get a chance to be myself for a while. But I realise that people expect an accent, and a show off that is expected to become a part of me. I go back and realise that how I am here is my natural self; and what i am there is a plastic version with facials of prosperity and success that I do not think I can/should boast of. I go there thinking that I am going home; but I come back realising that this is indeed the home.
And then coming back dis-oriented from India, feeling that my past has lost somewhere, and feeling guilty that I maybe I let it go when I should have hold tightly to it, I realise that I am still a foreigner here. I am more skeptic about my future here because I am a foreinger. But as skeptic as I am, I am hopeful too that things will be fine. I can see the tone of interest when people ask me from where I am in india, but I also see their enthusiasm fade out pretty soon. For a moment, I am exotic for them, and then I am again another graduate student.
I am thinking of marrying and settling down here. I am hopeful that my life will turn out to be as I dream of it. But I am also scared, "what if it is not?". I am scared, and I am hopeful. Primarily because I have to look back at each point of my life and wonder, "So how am I doing as a foreinger here? I hope things are better in future. I hope future holds good things for me."
Just like the pregnant mother in The Namesake. I am pregnant. Bearing my own hopes and skepticism of my future.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Some unanswered questions, and yes, the time changes
1. The time changes and things and people change with it. But what do you do when you realise that some one really nice and sweet, who was close to you for many many years, is slowly turning into an arrogant, full of herself, "am at the top of the world" person. Do you let her go, and collect all your affection back in your heart and tuck it away in a remote corner? Or do you wait and watch for her to turn around? Or do you argue and make her see your point. What if you decide to argue and suddenly realise that the changes happening to her and to you are largely governed by the different societies that we are living in. Do you accept this reason as a excusable justification and live with the changed person?
At what point do you move on? And foremost, should you move on?
2. The more you get out of touch from people, the more shocked you are when you see their changes. And once you decide that maybe you should move on, it is easy to take things to a minimum level of civilian contact. But then when the time comes to give a final shove and snap it completely, you suddenly realise that it is not so easy to do.
But I guess do it you must.
1. The time changes and things and people change with it. But what do you do when you realise that some one really nice and sweet, who was close to you for many many years, is slowly turning into an arrogant, full of herself, "am at the top of the world" person. Do you let her go, and collect all your affection back in your heart and tuck it away in a remote corner? Or do you wait and watch for her to turn around? Or do you argue and make her see your point. What if you decide to argue and suddenly realise that the changes happening to her and to you are largely governed by the different societies that we are living in. Do you accept this reason as a excusable justification and live with the changed person?
At what point do you move on? And foremost, should you move on?
2. The more you get out of touch from people, the more shocked you are when you see their changes. And once you decide that maybe you should move on, it is easy to take things to a minimum level of civilian contact. But then when the time comes to give a final shove and snap it completely, you suddenly realise that it is not so easy to do.
But I guess do it you must.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?
That does not sound too good. Now does that, savvy! ;)
Thursday, July 20, 2006
450th
A Motley Group
1. I turned 26. And now I feel old. Old enough to feel that just like the previous year came and went by, every year and come and go by. Every year, I will have something to look forward to, and some things to worry about. There will NOT be any year when I could sit back and tell to myself, "This is where I wanted to be, and now I will relax." And so while it is better to work for things ahead, it is equally important to stop and smell the roses today.
2. I decided that I will stay back. I will not take the citizenship here, and the reasons are just matter of convinience and not emotional.
3. I realised that I am turning inward. I do not reply to my friends' emails promptly and am slow in calling up people. Part of it is because of my busy schedule, rest is all indifference.
4. I want my own family now.
5. I have stopped chasing the illusionary golden deer and am happy with my little patch of greenary.
6. Three wonderful songs:
a) Because of you, by Kelly Clarkson. http://music.yahoo.com/ar-295638-videos--Kelly-Clarkson
b) Daughters, by John Meyer
c) A moment like this, by Kelly Clarkson.
All three of them has a nice message that tugs straight at heart.
A Motley Group
1. I turned 26. And now I feel old. Old enough to feel that just like the previous year came and went by, every year and come and go by. Every year, I will have something to look forward to, and some things to worry about. There will NOT be any year when I could sit back and tell to myself, "This is where I wanted to be, and now I will relax." And so while it is better to work for things ahead, it is equally important to stop and smell the roses today.
2. I decided that I will stay back. I will not take the citizenship here, and the reasons are just matter of convinience and not emotional.
3. I realised that I am turning inward. I do not reply to my friends' emails promptly and am slow in calling up people. Part of it is because of my busy schedule, rest is all indifference.
4. I want my own family now.
5. I have stopped chasing the illusionary golden deer and am happy with my little patch of greenary.
6. Three wonderful songs:
a) Because of you, by Kelly Clarkson. http://music.yahoo.com/ar-295638-videos--Kelly-Clarkson
b) Daughters, by John Meyer
c) A moment like this, by Kelly Clarkson.
All three of them has a nice message that tugs straight at heart.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
No sense whatsoever
1. I met a Roorkee guy after five years yesterday night. He was one senior at Roorkee and helped me in preparing for GRE. Initially i went to him often seeking help but felt later on that he was somewhat "too sure" of himself. I did not like way he treated some of the cleaning staff and waiters in restaurants. He had many many fights with his batchmates, and was quite a hot tempeted guy.
Yesterday with half of his hair invisible, and the remaining half trying to cover his head, he looked like a quietened version of the yesteryears' guy. He still has the same agggressive looks, but he talks very carefully now.
Interesting how grad school changes people.
2. Another guy was there, two years senior to us. And he was still talking like the eldest of us. "Eat sabzi", "finish up rice" and so on. Funny how after so many years, our relative status still stays the same and people live upto it.
3. I called up a cute friend in Pittsburgh. I like the way she talks and the way she tries to hold her fort against me on some trivial issue. I like it because she is keen to have her own identity, but does so pleasantly.
But I also noticed that her voice was slightly acrebic. And her initialy sentence "How are You " indicated that she is now taken.
4. I always try to figure out if people change after undergrad. Probably they change 20-25%. Rest is same. So when does a person exactly change? Probably never. Probably each of us has a basic nature when we are born. Look at young 2 year olds and you can see their distinct personality, and this personality stays along.
5. My chinese friend has an excellent problem to work on. If he can figure out that problem, he will get a tanure on the basis of that single paper. Pretty much like the Hisenberg's principle in decision making - both in conecpt and repersussions. Good luck to him :) I am getting to learn utility theory with him.
6. I figured out that I will never chase other women once I am married. Reasons?
a) I cannot stand one grumbling woman. The second will drive me to suicide.
b) Sensible women are not easy to come along.
c) I will have kids :)
d) When a nice woman is cooking for you/expects cooking from you, no point in taking some one else out for dinner.
1. I met a Roorkee guy after five years yesterday night. He was one senior at Roorkee and helped me in preparing for GRE. Initially i went to him often seeking help but felt later on that he was somewhat "too sure" of himself. I did not like way he treated some of the cleaning staff and waiters in restaurants. He had many many fights with his batchmates, and was quite a hot tempeted guy.
Yesterday with half of his hair invisible, and the remaining half trying to cover his head, he looked like a quietened version of the yesteryears' guy. He still has the same agggressive looks, but he talks very carefully now.
Interesting how grad school changes people.
2. Another guy was there, two years senior to us. And he was still talking like the eldest of us. "Eat sabzi", "finish up rice" and so on. Funny how after so many years, our relative status still stays the same and people live upto it.
3. I called up a cute friend in Pittsburgh. I like the way she talks and the way she tries to hold her fort against me on some trivial issue. I like it because she is keen to have her own identity, but does so pleasantly.
But I also noticed that her voice was slightly acrebic. And her initialy sentence "How are You " indicated that she is now taken.
4. I always try to figure out if people change after undergrad. Probably they change 20-25%. Rest is same. So when does a person exactly change? Probably never. Probably each of us has a basic nature when we are born. Look at young 2 year olds and you can see their distinct personality, and this personality stays along.
5. My chinese friend has an excellent problem to work on. If he can figure out that problem, he will get a tanure on the basis of that single paper. Pretty much like the Hisenberg's principle in decision making - both in conecpt and repersussions. Good luck to him :) I am getting to learn utility theory with him.
6. I figured out that I will never chase other women once I am married. Reasons?
a) I cannot stand one grumbling woman. The second will drive me to suicide.
b) Sensible women are not easy to come along.
c) I will have kids :)
d) When a nice woman is cooking for you/expects cooking from you, no point in taking some one else out for dinner.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
It hurts to realise that
1. When you are 26, you can see through people and you can no longer be the gullibe guy who was happy with every one. However, getting mad at people just makes life complicated, and has no benefit whatsoever.
2. When you are 25, you grow sensible enough to stop giving special treatment to beatutiful flirts. As a result, you can no longer enjoy their company and have to find reasons to avoid their company.
3. When you are 26 and four years out of undergrad, you wake up suddenly one morning and realise that no matter how much more money you make, you will use only a part of it. No matter how many people you know, you will know only a few of them. No matter how hard you work, you will have a limited success. No matter how important you are, you are worthless for most people in the world. And then the big question looms: So why am I doing what I am doing.
4. When you are 25, you sleep in the office for a week and the realise next week that the earth would not miss its place if you stop working like crazy and find some time for friends, family, and playfield. That life is going to be one long chase, with one goal after another, and unless you find time to "Stop and Stare", it will be gone in a jiffy.
5. When you are 26 and out of home for 8 years, you realise that the bonds that you had are becoming weaker and some newer bonds are becoming stronger. And then you worry if that is right or wrong.
6. When you are 26, you have to take a stand that you are responsible for your actions, and that the decisions in your life should be yours.
7. Finally, before you hit 27, you better get married.
1. When you are 26, you can see through people and you can no longer be the gullibe guy who was happy with every one. However, getting mad at people just makes life complicated, and has no benefit whatsoever.
2. When you are 25, you grow sensible enough to stop giving special treatment to beatutiful flirts. As a result, you can no longer enjoy their company and have to find reasons to avoid their company.
3. When you are 26 and four years out of undergrad, you wake up suddenly one morning and realise that no matter how much more money you make, you will use only a part of it. No matter how many people you know, you will know only a few of them. No matter how hard you work, you will have a limited success. No matter how important you are, you are worthless for most people in the world. And then the big question looms: So why am I doing what I am doing.
4. When you are 25, you sleep in the office for a week and the realise next week that the earth would not miss its place if you stop working like crazy and find some time for friends, family, and playfield. That life is going to be one long chase, with one goal after another, and unless you find time to "Stop and Stare", it will be gone in a jiffy.
5. When you are 26 and out of home for 8 years, you realise that the bonds that you had are becoming weaker and some newer bonds are becoming stronger. And then you worry if that is right or wrong.
6. When you are 26, you have to take a stand that you are responsible for your actions, and that the decisions in your life should be yours.
7. Finally, before you hit 27, you better get married.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Randoms
1. Stop. Think. Think. Act.
2. Stop using the word "rack" in front of women.
3. Focus.
1. Stop. Think. Think. Act.
2. Stop using the word "rack" in front of women.
3. Focus.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Moon,
I hope I can keep the promise that I gave to your Ray. I hope that the Ray shines brighter and more cheerfully in the times to come. I hope you bless us.
Ray,
You will make a good man out of me. I hope your bad phase ends soon, and the good one follows.
I hope I can keep the promise that I gave to your Ray. I hope that the Ray shines brighter and more cheerfully in the times to come. I hope you bless us.
Ray,
You will make a good man out of me. I hope your bad phase ends soon, and the good one follows.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Pensives
1. Every family has an albatross to carry. I will be the one for my family.
2. Albatross is a figment of imagination, constrcuted out of realities facing each household.
3. Should you believe in astrology? They tell you that your life is decided beforehand. Then how come you have a choice in so many important decisions? Or is it that I really have control over my life during those brief periods when I have to make big decisions, and rest of the times, my life is just a series of random events that have a pattern that I am oblivious of?
1. Every family has an albatross to carry. I will be the one for my family.
2. Albatross is a figment of imagination, constrcuted out of realities facing each household.
3. Should you believe in astrology? They tell you that your life is decided beforehand. Then how come you have a choice in so many important decisions? Or is it that I really have control over my life during those brief periods when I have to make big decisions, and rest of the times, my life is just a series of random events that have a pattern that I am oblivious of?
Monday, June 26, 2006
I wish
1. That all women in the world looked exactly the same. That way, nature and vibe of the person would get its right value. Right now, the tradeoff between beauty and the inner self is too lopsided, and too unfair.
2. That there was really a way to erase memories. Sometimes our dear ones say something so bitter that we are better off forgetting those things as quickly as possible. But the humans that we are, we often forget the better things said, and store up all the insults and insinuations.
3. That there was a way to go in the future and see the repercussions of today's decisions. Wistful thinking, but sometimes it seems really worthful.
4. That I had less guilt than I have now. Guilt puts you in so many impasses at times.
5. That there was something to confirm your gut feelings. That way, we woul dnot have to make huge decisions with pure speculation and gut feeling.
1. That all women in the world looked exactly the same. That way, nature and vibe of the person would get its right value. Right now, the tradeoff between beauty and the inner self is too lopsided, and too unfair.
2. That there was really a way to erase memories. Sometimes our dear ones say something so bitter that we are better off forgetting those things as quickly as possible. But the humans that we are, we often forget the better things said, and store up all the insults and insinuations.
3. That there was a way to go in the future and see the repercussions of today's decisions. Wistful thinking, but sometimes it seems really worthful.
4. That I had less guilt than I have now. Guilt puts you in so many impasses at times.
5. That there was something to confirm your gut feelings. That way, we woul dnot have to make huge decisions with pure speculation and gut feeling.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Randoms
1. Two friends, Diya and Sudeshna, are finishing up their PhDs. One took four years while the other took eight years. But now having a PhD behind them, one of them says that she had a stressful time, while the other one says that she did everything she wanted to do. It took her long by her standards, but it is fine.
We chase things day in and day out. Today it is that paper that I have been trying to finish in summer. Next week it will be the stack of homeworks to grade. These three years, it will be finishing up PhD. The next 5 years will be busy in figuring out how to get tanure. Following that kids will come. And then a vicarious chase will start. Getting them in good school, high school and college. And before I will realise it, I will be retire, have grand kids and will start looking forward to their schooling.
My whole life will be a blur unless:
I stop today and read that book that I want to read, and play all tennis that I want to play, or run on the weekend, and go for coffee with my friends in the PhD program.
I will always find things to chase, and really, no one except me will care about how well I chase them, or chase them successfully or not. The little joys of playing, laughing and connecting to people too are mine only. But while I can postpone chasing my goals by one week without any effect, I may really regret not showing up for my friend's daughter's party.
But then, I am sure many would argue, that you need to be sincere in your work. Else you waste too much time and feel crappy at the end.
This is true too.
Balance is necessary, equilibrium is a must.
2. I was talking to the sales lady yesterday in co-op when she commented on my credit card. "It looks washed out", she said. "Yeah, twice in washer". "My boyfrind is also doing it all the time". "You know, washers are not threatening, I once left my USB drive in a pocket, and it worked fine after the wash". "That is insane, that is exactly what my boyfriend did last week."
"Oh good, i feel better. I though I was the only goofy one!"
3. Princess of Malwa - Congrats for your job. I am sorry I have not been able to reply. Mistake is all mine, I apologise. Now that you are settled profesionally, and about to do so in personal life. Let me give you one advice that my HOD gave me when I graduated. Marry a man who respects you a lot and agrees to let you retain your last name. You may not really want to do the second thing, but his concurrence is an assurance that he will always want you to have your own identity. (My HOD told me, "You could not choose your parents, but you can choose your parents-in-law. Choose them wisely")
1. Two friends, Diya and Sudeshna, are finishing up their PhDs. One took four years while the other took eight years. But now having a PhD behind them, one of them says that she had a stressful time, while the other one says that she did everything she wanted to do. It took her long by her standards, but it is fine.
We chase things day in and day out. Today it is that paper that I have been trying to finish in summer. Next week it will be the stack of homeworks to grade. These three years, it will be finishing up PhD. The next 5 years will be busy in figuring out how to get tanure. Following that kids will come. And then a vicarious chase will start. Getting them in good school, high school and college. And before I will realise it, I will be retire, have grand kids and will start looking forward to their schooling.
My whole life will be a blur unless:
I stop today and read that book that I want to read, and play all tennis that I want to play, or run on the weekend, and go for coffee with my friends in the PhD program.
I will always find things to chase, and really, no one except me will care about how well I chase them, or chase them successfully or not. The little joys of playing, laughing and connecting to people too are mine only. But while I can postpone chasing my goals by one week without any effect, I may really regret not showing up for my friend's daughter's party.
But then, I am sure many would argue, that you need to be sincere in your work. Else you waste too much time and feel crappy at the end.
This is true too.
Balance is necessary, equilibrium is a must.
2. I was talking to the sales lady yesterday in co-op when she commented on my credit card. "It looks washed out", she said. "Yeah, twice in washer". "My boyfrind is also doing it all the time". "You know, washers are not threatening, I once left my USB drive in a pocket, and it worked fine after the wash". "That is insane, that is exactly what my boyfriend did last week."
"Oh good, i feel better. I though I was the only goofy one!"
3. Princess of Malwa - Congrats for your job. I am sorry I have not been able to reply. Mistake is all mine, I apologise. Now that you are settled profesionally, and about to do so in personal life. Let me give you one advice that my HOD gave me when I graduated. Marry a man who respects you a lot and agrees to let you retain your last name. You may not really want to do the second thing, but his concurrence is an assurance that he will always want you to have your own identity. (My HOD told me, "You could not choose your parents, but you can choose your parents-in-law. Choose them wisely")
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
On Beauty and Porn
I posted this link yesterday under Erotica: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7568753187332511904
And a guy left a very sweet message: thats not erotica, baby boy. stop this misinformation campaign. if this is enough to titillate you, then you really need to be pitied on.
Nice message, but totally missing the point. Tittilation is different for different people. The video looks quite innocous; a girl is running and some guys chase her due to a misunderstanding and finally the misunderstaning is resolved in a funny way. This whole description misses the moot point:The lady in the advertisement runs splendidly.
She has nice legs, and her steps are long, smooth and regular. She is almost gliding in the air. And even when she is running fast, her shoulders are straight and her face is relaxed.
You do not see runners like her every day. And when you see one, you better look at her running as much as you can. Because her running is what you'll remember on each day when you pine to run but cannot run because of injury or busy schedule.
For me, there is no high as the one you get after running. And if I can run as fluidly as she is running in the advertisement, it is an enrapture 30 minutes long.
You see, I am a kid, a baby boy! However, I do wish that you had not opened that link hoping for a hardcore porn. Really, kids look for porn on net. Real men find it in beds ;)
I posted this link yesterday under Erotica: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7568753187332511904
And a guy left a very sweet message: thats not erotica, baby boy. stop this misinformation campaign. if this is enough to titillate you, then you really need to be pitied on.
Nice message, but totally missing the point. Tittilation is different for different people. The video looks quite innocous; a girl is running and some guys chase her due to a misunderstanding and finally the misunderstaning is resolved in a funny way. This whole description misses the moot point:The lady in the advertisement runs splendidly.
She has nice legs, and her steps are long, smooth and regular. She is almost gliding in the air. And even when she is running fast, her shoulders are straight and her face is relaxed.
You do not see runners like her every day. And when you see one, you better look at her running as much as you can. Because her running is what you'll remember on each day when you pine to run but cannot run because of injury or busy schedule.
For me, there is no high as the one you get after running. And if I can run as fluidly as she is running in the advertisement, it is an enrapture 30 minutes long.
You see, I am a kid, a baby boy! However, I do wish that you had not opened that link hoping for a hardcore porn. Really, kids look for porn on net. Real men find it in beds ;)
Monday, June 19, 2006
Erotica!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7568753187332511904
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7568753187332511904
What I have learnt ....
From my relationships.
1. There is nothing as a perfect marriage - Two people are bound to have differences. These differences do not indicate an underlying problem between the couple. How the couple resolves the issues is what determines the outcome of relationship, and the strength of it.
2. Marriages stay perfect for a very short while - And then issues emerge because people are constantly changing or the dynamics of the relationship is changing contsantly. So a perfect marriage will be perfect for a few months, and then some issues will come up. If the couple can resolve the issue, the marriage again becomes good, but only until the next issue comes along.
3. Singular instances of differences do not matter - But a pattern does. If I am mad at my girl friend because I feel that I am not able to give enough time to my work, and I grumble about it in every dispute we have, clearly we need to do something about it. However what i grumbled about 4 months back, and was resolved amicably does not matter. The complete surface matters, not the individual dot on it.
4. Couples should learn to compromise - They should learn to compromise before they are married. Especially the ones who are going to have a love marriage. Couples in love often times think that they will have everything as they have dreamt of, and that none of them will ever have to make any compromise whatsoever. It is real good for a couple to have 2-3 good big fights. They will be forced to resolve it. They will come to know each other better in the process. They will realise that they have to adjust and accomodate, and probably this will happen for the rest of their lives. And finally, they will see how strong their attachment is.
5. Everything matters - Mutual respect, friendship, earning potential, sex (!) and behavioral compatability. All of them can be issues of conflict. It may not be necessary to be compatible on all of these, but atleast knowing each other on these is a good idea.
6. Remember the lesson learnt in undergrad: Extremely beautiful women soon figure out why you value them and start taking advantage of you. Marry a woman who is beautiful for you, not for every one. A woman is beautiful for you if you like her, love her, and are willing to accept her as she is.
From my relationships.
1. There is nothing as a perfect marriage - Two people are bound to have differences. These differences do not indicate an underlying problem between the couple. How the couple resolves the issues is what determines the outcome of relationship, and the strength of it.
2. Marriages stay perfect for a very short while - And then issues emerge because people are constantly changing or the dynamics of the relationship is changing contsantly. So a perfect marriage will be perfect for a few months, and then some issues will come up. If the couple can resolve the issue, the marriage again becomes good, but only until the next issue comes along.
3. Singular instances of differences do not matter - But a pattern does. If I am mad at my girl friend because I feel that I am not able to give enough time to my work, and I grumble about it in every dispute we have, clearly we need to do something about it. However what i grumbled about 4 months back, and was resolved amicably does not matter. The complete surface matters, not the individual dot on it.
4. Couples should learn to compromise - They should learn to compromise before they are married. Especially the ones who are going to have a love marriage. Couples in love often times think that they will have everything as they have dreamt of, and that none of them will ever have to make any compromise whatsoever. It is real good for a couple to have 2-3 good big fights. They will be forced to resolve it. They will come to know each other better in the process. They will realise that they have to adjust and accomodate, and probably this will happen for the rest of their lives. And finally, they will see how strong their attachment is.
5. Everything matters - Mutual respect, friendship, earning potential, sex (!) and behavioral compatability. All of them can be issues of conflict. It may not be necessary to be compatible on all of these, but atleast knowing each other on these is a good idea.
6. Remember the lesson learnt in undergrad: Extremely beautiful women soon figure out why you value them and start taking advantage of you. Marry a woman who is beautiful for you, not for every one. A woman is beautiful for you if you like her, love her, and are willing to accept her as she is.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
The Laundry
Yup, the most troublesome chore of bachelor life.
1. I had been postponing the laundry activity since a month or so. Every time I was short of clothes, I went to Old Navy and bought new clothes to last me another week, hoping that I will have enough enthu by the end of next week.
In all, I think I bought 2 jeans, 3-4 T Shirts, 2-3 shirts, a bag or socks and a box of boxers. I also bought 3-4 Tshirts from the university gym. When I went there last time, the lady there asked, "So you are out of clothes again?". It appears to me that she noticed that I was wearing the same UT Tshirt day after day and had been comin to buy the same T shirt again and again.
So I started looking for a chullu bhar pani and decided to do laundry.
2. At home I finally realized the enormity of the task. I had three trash bags full of dirty clothes. Somehow I am too lazy to buy a laundry basket, so I collect my clothes in trash bag. And three of them can contain an awful lot of clothes.
3. So I go to the laundry room and see a weird notice: "Use one fourth spoon of detergent in these washers". I looked at it, and debated what to do. It looked to me that their instruction was pretty much like how my mother explains a cooking recipe to me. "One small spoon of garam masala". My experience is that when she says one spoon, it usually means three spoons. But I figured out few days back that she knows that I increase all proportions by default so she adjusts according to that. In essence, she knows I consider her estimates conservative and over do it, so she herself is conservative and tries to under do it.
Anyway, I thought I will use my regular amount. This was a new dryer and I had to put detergent directly in a small pocket in it. So I started pouring it looking when it will get filled up. After 20 seconds, I realized that the pocket was open from the back, and probably I had put twice my regular amount, and about 8 times the amount they suggested.
4. Now here comes the deal. Inspite of this, the clothes came out fine. I mean probably they smell of soap, but I think all clothes smell of soap when they come out of washer. So I plan to take one of my sock to Vikas today. He has a great nose,he will smell the sock and tell me if I over did it.
5. They overestimate the threats of washer and dryers. I have had following things in my clothes in washer/dryer and they work fine:
My UT Icard
Credit Card
My USB drive. I was shocked that day that it worked, but :) it was good.
Loads of coins
Chewing gum
Pens
Pencils
Dollars
Yup, the most troublesome chore of bachelor life.
1. I had been postponing the laundry activity since a month or so. Every time I was short of clothes, I went to Old Navy and bought new clothes to last me another week, hoping that I will have enough enthu by the end of next week.
In all, I think I bought 2 jeans, 3-4 T Shirts, 2-3 shirts, a bag or socks and a box of boxers. I also bought 3-4 Tshirts from the university gym. When I went there last time, the lady there asked, "So you are out of clothes again?". It appears to me that she noticed that I was wearing the same UT Tshirt day after day and had been comin to buy the same T shirt again and again.
So I started looking for a chullu bhar pani and decided to do laundry.
2. At home I finally realized the enormity of the task. I had three trash bags full of dirty clothes. Somehow I am too lazy to buy a laundry basket, so I collect my clothes in trash bag. And three of them can contain an awful lot of clothes.
3. So I go to the laundry room and see a weird notice: "Use one fourth spoon of detergent in these washers". I looked at it, and debated what to do. It looked to me that their instruction was pretty much like how my mother explains a cooking recipe to me. "One small spoon of garam masala". My experience is that when she says one spoon, it usually means three spoons. But I figured out few days back that she knows that I increase all proportions by default so she adjusts according to that. In essence, she knows I consider her estimates conservative and over do it, so she herself is conservative and tries to under do it.
Anyway, I thought I will use my regular amount. This was a new dryer and I had to put detergent directly in a small pocket in it. So I started pouring it looking when it will get filled up. After 20 seconds, I realized that the pocket was open from the back, and probably I had put twice my regular amount, and about 8 times the amount they suggested.
4. Now here comes the deal. Inspite of this, the clothes came out fine. I mean probably they smell of soap, but I think all clothes smell of soap when they come out of washer. So I plan to take one of my sock to Vikas today. He has a great nose,he will smell the sock and tell me if I over did it.
5. They overestimate the threats of washer and dryers. I have had following things in my clothes in washer/dryer and they work fine:
My UT Icard
Credit Card
My USB drive. I was shocked that day that it worked, but :) it was good.
Loads of coins
Chewing gum
Pens
Pencils
Dollars
Friday, June 16, 2006
The Zillion dollar question is:
How can I eat so much!!! I cannot believe that I ate so much!
How can I eat so much!!! I cannot believe that I ate so much!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Random Notes
1. Tennis - I am passionate about it. Right from the days when I thought that Ivan Landel was the nicest guy around, and that Steffi Graph should win every match that she plays in just because she looks so innocent and sincere :)
The intriguing thing about Tennis matches is that you cannot say which of the two players is good right away. One of them hits a nice shot and you are tempted to think that it was a fluke. Then he hits another and you think that the other guy made an unforced error. It is only after looking at a dozen or so good shots that you realise that probably all those good shots were not flukes but had a pattern of quality in it.
2. It needs a seperate point to emphasise it enough. Roger Federer's movements are poetic. Beautiful. Smooth. His hands glide in air and then BAM! All of a sudden the racquet hits the ball so hard, and the hand goes back to its leisurely glide. Real beauty.
3. The racquet makes a huge difference. I play real bad when I play with my Wal Mart one, but when I borrow Rawoof's Rooster Andrew one, the game becomes much easier.
4. I need to work on my backhand. I do not have a good spatial idea in left hand motions. Also, having a good serve does not suffices untill the serve is fast. So need to work on that.
1. Tennis - I am passionate about it. Right from the days when I thought that Ivan Landel was the nicest guy around, and that Steffi Graph should win every match that she plays in just because she looks so innocent and sincere :)
The intriguing thing about Tennis matches is that you cannot say which of the two players is good right away. One of them hits a nice shot and you are tempted to think that it was a fluke. Then he hits another and you think that the other guy made an unforced error. It is only after looking at a dozen or so good shots that you realise that probably all those good shots were not flukes but had a pattern of quality in it.
2. It needs a seperate point to emphasise it enough. Roger Federer's movements are poetic. Beautiful. Smooth. His hands glide in air and then BAM! All of a sudden the racquet hits the ball so hard, and the hand goes back to its leisurely glide. Real beauty.
3. The racquet makes a huge difference. I play real bad when I play with my Wal Mart one, but when I borrow Rawoof's Rooster Andrew one, the game becomes much easier.
4. I need to work on my backhand. I do not have a good spatial idea in left hand motions. Also, having a good serve does not suffices untill the serve is fast. So need to work on that.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The goofy and the pensive
1. My proff asked me to see if the students of the class that I TA for can download some simulation software from Blackboard. Apparently all students and instructors had access to the software and should have been able to download it.
So I tried but could not do it. So I went into the system, and changed my status as the Instructor (I hope to teach a MBA class some day ;)) but I still could not download the files. Impulsively, I changed my status to "Student" and I still could not do it.
Now the crummy part is that as soon as my status changed to "Student", I am not able to go in the system and make changes to the class website. I cannot enter the system again and change my status. So I cannot post grades or solutions.
I narrated the whole incidence to my proff the other day, and he raised an eyebrow that seemed to ask, "How goofy is that?"
2. I had an exam about a month back. The first question had an article from NY Times and I had to answer some questions using the material given in the article. The first part was, "Why do you think the Federal Reserve will not change the interest rates in July". I looked through the article and the only directly related material that I could find was this sentence, "The Feds will meet in June, August and October to decide if interest rates need be changed". I was pretty sure that there was more to the solution, and I tried hard to find it but could not do it.
So finally I wrote, "The Feds do not meet in July so they cannot change the rates in July, Now can they?"
I have been told that I got the lowest grade in the class because of this answer :)
3. I forgot to renew my locker, so I went to Gym to collect my stuff - shoes and towel etc. Once the last date to renew the locker has passed, the gym people open every locker that has not been renewed, put its stuff in a big brown bag, write the locker number on it, and then keep all these bags in a room.
I went to collect my stuff from that room. The guy there asked me my locker number and I told him that. Next he looked for an hour but could not find my bag. I had a sneaking suspicion, but I didn't say it loud. I just said that I will come the next day to collect my things. He was very very apologetic, and I said "It was okay".
From there I went to my locker to confirm my suspicion, I had told the guy a wrong locker number. No doubt he could not find my stuff.
Next day, I went at a different time, peeked in the room to ensure that there was a different person there, and then quickly collected my bag and left.
4. The funny thing about men is that they think they are the Alexander of the worlds and deserve the very best. Domestically, the implications are that till the time when things are going fine for them, they will be autocratic and push their wives for everything. Home is the last place they will come back to because they can spend better time elsewhere.
But when they get into real trouble, they come back home in a straight line "with their tails tightly between their legs" (A phrase from some random book I read few days back). All swagger vanishes in a jiffy, and their wives are their anchors. It is at these times that they realize the true warmth of their wives.
5. I talked to Akhilesh Gupta few days back. He was getting married, and I thought I would call him up. We talked for a while when he said, "I really like this girl, and I had to press hard my parents to let me marry her. Now that they have agreed, I am scared. What if this one decision I took with so much thought and passion doesn't turn out to be right. What if things do not work out fine. What if we are incompatible? What if there is something in each of us that we should know? It is such a big thing, that I really hope it works out fine. I am scared, and I am hopeful."
"Dude", I am scared too.
1. My proff asked me to see if the students of the class that I TA for can download some simulation software from Blackboard. Apparently all students and instructors had access to the software and should have been able to download it.
So I tried but could not do it. So I went into the system, and changed my status as the Instructor (I hope to teach a MBA class some day ;)) but I still could not download the files. Impulsively, I changed my status to "Student" and I still could not do it.
Now the crummy part is that as soon as my status changed to "Student", I am not able to go in the system and make changes to the class website. I cannot enter the system again and change my status. So I cannot post grades or solutions.
I narrated the whole incidence to my proff the other day, and he raised an eyebrow that seemed to ask, "How goofy is that?"
2. I had an exam about a month back. The first question had an article from NY Times and I had to answer some questions using the material given in the article. The first part was, "Why do you think the Federal Reserve will not change the interest rates in July". I looked through the article and the only directly related material that I could find was this sentence, "The Feds will meet in June, August and October to decide if interest rates need be changed". I was pretty sure that there was more to the solution, and I tried hard to find it but could not do it.
So finally I wrote, "The Feds do not meet in July so they cannot change the rates in July, Now can they?"
I have been told that I got the lowest grade in the class because of this answer :)
3. I forgot to renew my locker, so I went to Gym to collect my stuff - shoes and towel etc. Once the last date to renew the locker has passed, the gym people open every locker that has not been renewed, put its stuff in a big brown bag, write the locker number on it, and then keep all these bags in a room.
I went to collect my stuff from that room. The guy there asked me my locker number and I told him that. Next he looked for an hour but could not find my bag. I had a sneaking suspicion, but I didn't say it loud. I just said that I will come the next day to collect my things. He was very very apologetic, and I said "It was okay".
From there I went to my locker to confirm my suspicion, I had told the guy a wrong locker number. No doubt he could not find my stuff.
Next day, I went at a different time, peeked in the room to ensure that there was a different person there, and then quickly collected my bag and left.
4. The funny thing about men is that they think they are the Alexander of the worlds and deserve the very best. Domestically, the implications are that till the time when things are going fine for them, they will be autocratic and push their wives for everything. Home is the last place they will come back to because they can spend better time elsewhere.
But when they get into real trouble, they come back home in a straight line "with their tails tightly between their legs" (A phrase from some random book I read few days back). All swagger vanishes in a jiffy, and their wives are their anchors. It is at these times that they realize the true warmth of their wives.
5. I talked to Akhilesh Gupta few days back. He was getting married, and I thought I would call him up. We talked for a while when he said, "I really like this girl, and I had to press hard my parents to let me marry her. Now that they have agreed, I am scared. What if this one decision I took with so much thought and passion doesn't turn out to be right. What if things do not work out fine. What if we are incompatible? What if there is something in each of us that we should know? It is such a big thing, that I really hope it works out fine. I am scared, and I am hopeful."
"Dude", I am scared too.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Was it 10 years back or 15?
I find myself saying very frequently, "I remember just 15 years back....." and then I realise how old I am. I think I have seen a lot in just 4 years that I have been out of undergrad. I think I can handle many situations that I could not earlier. I also know there are many things that are going to come with time. Yet I also feel that the experience I have is quite enriching.
And then I look at my proff, my father and other relavtives of the same age. They have been working from the time before I was born. They have seen a whole bigger lot of things than me.
And to think that I sometimes feel that they do not know enough, or that they are not connected to reality any more.
I think that my kids will never feel that I am outdated, but I also know that probably I will also end up like my father or my professor who have seen a lot of things, believe they are right, and will stick to them no matter what.
It is a cycle that I guess every one must go through. All we can do is to be open to new ideas and more receptive to the newer generation. But yet old habits die hard, and time tested belifs are so difficult to replace.
I find myself saying very frequently, "I remember just 15 years back....." and then I realise how old I am. I think I have seen a lot in just 4 years that I have been out of undergrad. I think I can handle many situations that I could not earlier. I also know there are many things that are going to come with time. Yet I also feel that the experience I have is quite enriching.
And then I look at my proff, my father and other relavtives of the same age. They have been working from the time before I was born. They have seen a whole bigger lot of things than me.
And to think that I sometimes feel that they do not know enough, or that they are not connected to reality any more.
I think that my kids will never feel that I am outdated, but I also know that probably I will also end up like my father or my professor who have seen a lot of things, believe they are right, and will stick to them no matter what.
It is a cycle that I guess every one must go through. All we can do is to be open to new ideas and more receptive to the newer generation. But yet old habits die hard, and time tested belifs are so difficult to replace.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Randoms
1. The first crush that I had was a nice girl from my school. She was three years younger to me and her maturity and lovely smile attracted me. Since then, I am always attracted by lovely smiles and sincere attitude. I wanted to marry her all through my school days and my undergrad, but she never gave me a clear indication of what was on her mind. Finally, good sense prevailed and I realised that she was darn too rich for me. I fert about money a lot, and realised that we two would be too inconguent on this issue.
Still i sometimes think that time changes so many things. I could have been married to her if she had agreed just three years back.
2. I see homeless people every day in the Dobbie mall, and every day i try to figure out if i should be feeding them. One part of my mind says, "Yes do it", the other part says, "they are here every day.". The first part replies back, "so what? Probably every day some one different buys them food. Today it is you.", the other part shouts back, "All of them can work but choose not to."
I do not have a permanent solution, sometimes one side wins, sometimes the other.
3. All of the homeless people are so much friendly to each other. They share whatever food they have, share tips on where they sleep, places where they can find sex (!) and no policemen, and ofcourse the best places to hangout for free food.
Why do they share so much? Is it because they have nothing to lose? Or they realise the importance of hsraing to survive, or both?
4. I wish I had gotten married early. A whole lot early. At the age of 23 or 24. I would have seen and experienced the phase of women when they are pretty much carefree, and have little to worry about and have frequent smiles and lot of time.
My kids will get married at age of 23 sharp.
1. The first crush that I had was a nice girl from my school. She was three years younger to me and her maturity and lovely smile attracted me. Since then, I am always attracted by lovely smiles and sincere attitude. I wanted to marry her all through my school days and my undergrad, but she never gave me a clear indication of what was on her mind. Finally, good sense prevailed and I realised that she was darn too rich for me. I fert about money a lot, and realised that we two would be too inconguent on this issue.
Still i sometimes think that time changes so many things. I could have been married to her if she had agreed just three years back.
2. I see homeless people every day in the Dobbie mall, and every day i try to figure out if i should be feeding them. One part of my mind says, "Yes do it", the other part says, "they are here every day.". The first part replies back, "so what? Probably every day some one different buys them food. Today it is you.", the other part shouts back, "All of them can work but choose not to."
I do not have a permanent solution, sometimes one side wins, sometimes the other.
3. All of the homeless people are so much friendly to each other. They share whatever food they have, share tips on where they sleep, places where they can find sex (!) and no policemen, and ofcourse the best places to hangout for free food.
Why do they share so much? Is it because they have nothing to lose? Or they realise the importance of hsraing to survive, or both?
4. I wish I had gotten married early. A whole lot early. At the age of 23 or 24. I would have seen and experienced the phase of women when they are pretty much carefree, and have little to worry about and have frequent smiles and lot of time.
My kids will get married at age of 23 sharp.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Time to Resist; and Move On
How many times has it happened with you at work that your boss is planning to staff a new "exciting" project with some people from your office. And you think that the new project would be so exciting that you have to be a part of it. Without knowing the exact details of what will have to be done, how much time will it take, and whether the project lies in your domain of knowledge or not, you tried to jump on the team. It happens with me all the time. The moment my proff mentions any new project, I am excited by the possibility of working on something new, probably something more interesting and probably something more fruitful.
The catch is, almost always I have no clue how much time will I be able to give to the new project. Almost always the feeling is, "Something new is happening, I do not want to be left behind."
But it pays to recognise the time constraints, and ability constraints. I guess, it pays to recognise that honeymoon is over, it is better to finish it up and leave soon.
How many times has it happened with you at work that your boss is planning to staff a new "exciting" project with some people from your office. And you think that the new project would be so exciting that you have to be a part of it. Without knowing the exact details of what will have to be done, how much time will it take, and whether the project lies in your domain of knowledge or not, you tried to jump on the team. It happens with me all the time. The moment my proff mentions any new project, I am excited by the possibility of working on something new, probably something more interesting and probably something more fruitful.
The catch is, almost always I have no clue how much time will I be able to give to the new project. Almost always the feeling is, "Something new is happening, I do not want to be left behind."
But it pays to recognise the time constraints, and ability constraints. I guess, it pays to recognise that honeymoon is over, it is better to finish it up and leave soon.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Four years : From Dreamer to Escapist
I remember is vividly. It was fouth year, the season was cricket season. Anupam Saha wanted to see a really horrible movie with melanie griffith, and 3 other people in the TV room in Ravindra Bhawan wanted to see the match. Just then Panicker and I entered te TV room. Anupam asked us, "Let us do a head count. What do you want to watch? Movie or Match?" I just wanted to kill time so I said, "Anything!". The three guys won in the headcount and switched on the match. Anupam started going out, reached the door, turned back and said, "Always have an opinion, else people will stop asking for it".
I was shocked but I thought I learnt the lesson well. I thought I changed to be a dreamer and a pro-active person.
But I guess age is catching up with me. I have started taking the simpler route, the escapist route.
1. Reservations: I am pretty sure I would have resented it really badly four years back. Now I have an option to escape from it, stay here and foget about reservations, and probably that is what I'll do.
2. Kashmir: I know once we start giving our parts out, everyone will line up to take Punjab and Mizoram and so on. So we need to hang on to what we have. But it is equally painful to lose people in retaining these parts. But sometimes there is a lot of operating expenses involved in maintaining lands. People might use euphisms such as sacrifice. But really, are they sacrifice?
3. I thought I was a good son. But now that I am holding fort againt my parents to marry a woman whom I like, I am wondering if I have become apathetic or I am abusing my leverage?
I remember is vividly. It was fouth year, the season was cricket season. Anupam Saha wanted to see a really horrible movie with melanie griffith, and 3 other people in the TV room in Ravindra Bhawan wanted to see the match. Just then Panicker and I entered te TV room. Anupam asked us, "Let us do a head count. What do you want to watch? Movie or Match?" I just wanted to kill time so I said, "Anything!". The three guys won in the headcount and switched on the match. Anupam started going out, reached the door, turned back and said, "Always have an opinion, else people will stop asking for it".
I was shocked but I thought I learnt the lesson well. I thought I changed to be a dreamer and a pro-active person.
But I guess age is catching up with me. I have started taking the simpler route, the escapist route.
1. Reservations: I am pretty sure I would have resented it really badly four years back. Now I have an option to escape from it, stay here and foget about reservations, and probably that is what I'll do.
2. Kashmir: I know once we start giving our parts out, everyone will line up to take Punjab and Mizoram and so on. So we need to hang on to what we have. But it is equally painful to lose people in retaining these parts. But sometimes there is a lot of operating expenses involved in maintaining lands. People might use euphisms such as sacrifice. But really, are they sacrifice?
3. I thought I was a good son. But now that I am holding fort againt my parents to marry a woman whom I like, I am wondering if I have become apathetic or I am abusing my leverage?
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Four Years, some sense and a lot of ennui
I graduated from school in 1998, and from Roorkee in May 2002. Right after that, I came here for grad school. This morning all this calculated suddenly made me realize that I have spent an equal amount of time here as in Roorkee. Four years of undergrad, and four years of grad school. Which has been better? Which was a better period? Which was more enlighening? Which made me more mature? Which made me more sensible? What is it that I realize now but didn't know in undergrad? Finally, what has the grad school done to me?
1. In last four years, I have grown more comfortable in my skin. I have realized my physical/intellectual weaknesses and limitations, and I am at peace with them. They are a part of me, and I can try to do well within my limitations. I do not fret now when I realize that some papers are beyond my understanding. My 65 year old professor routinely says "I am not sure about Maths", who am I to expect to understand everything that has ever been written.
2. Having said this, I have seen and realized that hard working people are more successful than smart people simply because they are thorough, get the work done on time, and leave a good impression on people. No one likes cocky intelligent people. No one is intelligent enough to get away with hurting other peoples' egos. I am yet to hear from some one, "He is very intelligent therefore I let him insult me". Hard working people are admired, counted as reliable and often are the first ones to be asked to join a group.
3. Every man has to answer a question, "Why does he live" at some point of life or another. I am not very sure about when women face this question. Probably at the time when they are getting married realizing that they have little choice in the matter. Probably they seek their answer in motherhood that gives a meaning to their life. For men, I know for sure, the question raises its ugly head in early 30s. Men start their career hoping to reach high. By 30s they know where they will end. They is no thrill or unpredictability. And then the question comes,"I know where I will be after 10 years. I know my life is on auto-mode now. So what is the point of spending time and working hard? I know I am going to die some day. So why should I be passionate about life when everything is going to wind up one day. Just like that. And then I, as I know myself, will cease to exist totally for ever and ever and ever, and people will forget about me in 5 years as if I never existed. So what is the point of life?"
Grad school leaves sufficient free time, puts forward this question early and provides opportunity to see the young and the oldest in the university and reflect and find an answer. Every man comes up with his answer, I think I have mine almost prepared.
4. I learnt a lot in the four years of my undergrad. And I knew what I knew. Four years in grad school, all I know is that if I do not know it, almost surely some one else does. I know that I know probably a handful of things, and there is yet a whole beach of sand yet to be explored. And I also realize that I cannot go through all interesting shells and sand on the beach. My best shot is to choose a corner, explore it thoroughly and be happy that I know something well, but acknowledge that I still know very little.
5. Women: Undergrad gave me enough time to appreciate beauty. Grad school enabled me to look beyond and beneath that. I have a hunch that all women would look and sound alike in bed when passions run high. But when you wake up in the morning and you want some one pleasant to talk to, and when you are in a fix and you need some one to just be with you as your anchor, at that time the nature of the woman is revealed. How she describes things around her, how critical is she of other people, how happy is she on the success of others determines largely how much positive energy she will send your way.
Over time, I have framed this "guiding policy"
Marry not a woman who is rich, but the one who earns.
For she will know the value of money and yet not boast of what money she has.
Marry not a beautiful woman, but the one who knows when something is beautiful,
For she will keep a beautiful house.
Marry not a woman who spends a lot on herself, but one who spends on others,
For it is love and care that you seek from marriage.
Marry not a polished and sophisticated woman, but a simple kind one,
For you have to see her when she has no makeup or pretence on,
and For kindness is the most difficult lesson learnt,
and most precious to pass on to your kids.
I graduated from school in 1998, and from Roorkee in May 2002. Right after that, I came here for grad school. This morning all this calculated suddenly made me realize that I have spent an equal amount of time here as in Roorkee. Four years of undergrad, and four years of grad school. Which has been better? Which was a better period? Which was more enlighening? Which made me more mature? Which made me more sensible? What is it that I realize now but didn't know in undergrad? Finally, what has the grad school done to me?
1. In last four years, I have grown more comfortable in my skin. I have realized my physical/intellectual weaknesses and limitations, and I am at peace with them. They are a part of me, and I can try to do well within my limitations. I do not fret now when I realize that some papers are beyond my understanding. My 65 year old professor routinely says "I am not sure about Maths", who am I to expect to understand everything that has ever been written.
2. Having said this, I have seen and realized that hard working people are more successful than smart people simply because they are thorough, get the work done on time, and leave a good impression on people. No one likes cocky intelligent people. No one is intelligent enough to get away with hurting other peoples' egos. I am yet to hear from some one, "He is very intelligent therefore I let him insult me". Hard working people are admired, counted as reliable and often are the first ones to be asked to join a group.
3. Every man has to answer a question, "Why does he live" at some point of life or another. I am not very sure about when women face this question. Probably at the time when they are getting married realizing that they have little choice in the matter. Probably they seek their answer in motherhood that gives a meaning to their life. For men, I know for sure, the question raises its ugly head in early 30s. Men start their career hoping to reach high. By 30s they know where they will end. They is no thrill or unpredictability. And then the question comes,"I know where I will be after 10 years. I know my life is on auto-mode now. So what is the point of spending time and working hard? I know I am going to die some day. So why should I be passionate about life when everything is going to wind up one day. Just like that. And then I, as I know myself, will cease to exist totally for ever and ever and ever, and people will forget about me in 5 years as if I never existed. So what is the point of life?"
Grad school leaves sufficient free time, puts forward this question early and provides opportunity to see the young and the oldest in the university and reflect and find an answer. Every man comes up with his answer, I think I have mine almost prepared.
4. I learnt a lot in the four years of my undergrad. And I knew what I knew. Four years in grad school, all I know is that if I do not know it, almost surely some one else does. I know that I know probably a handful of things, and there is yet a whole beach of sand yet to be explored. And I also realize that I cannot go through all interesting shells and sand on the beach. My best shot is to choose a corner, explore it thoroughly and be happy that I know something well, but acknowledge that I still know very little.
5. Women: Undergrad gave me enough time to appreciate beauty. Grad school enabled me to look beyond and beneath that. I have a hunch that all women would look and sound alike in bed when passions run high. But when you wake up in the morning and you want some one pleasant to talk to, and when you are in a fix and you need some one to just be with you as your anchor, at that time the nature of the woman is revealed. How she describes things around her, how critical is she of other people, how happy is she on the success of others determines largely how much positive energy she will send your way.
Over time, I have framed this "guiding policy"
Marry not a woman who is rich, but the one who earns.
For she will know the value of money and yet not boast of what money she has.
Marry not a beautiful woman, but the one who knows when something is beautiful,
For she will keep a beautiful house.
Marry not a woman who spends a lot on herself, but one who spends on others,
For it is love and care that you seek from marriage.
Marry not a polished and sophisticated woman, but a simple kind one,
For you have to see her when she has no makeup or pretence on,
and For kindness is the most difficult lesson learnt,
and most precious to pass on to your kids.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I have a soft corner
I have a soft corner for the undergrads who work and support their education. Or who work and earn their monthly expenses. When I see an undergrad working at a restaurant or in a shop somwehere, there could be three reasons why he is working there. Either he needs money to pay his tuition or he needs money to meet his montly expenses, or he wants to earn money to support himself.
1. I am sympathetic towards those who had a difficult time meeting the school fees. Having been in their situation for more than a dozen years, I can appreciate how desperate the situation is, how much is at stake; and often times the feeling is that "I am working out of need, not by choice".
2. I am also sympathetic towards those who have to earn their pocket money to pay bills. Probably their parents are trying their best to pay the school fee, and they want the student to work atleast a bit to pay his way through.
3. I have respect for those who choose to earn their money. It simply indicates that they have self respect,a nd they want to really earn the right to spend the money that they spend.
Having said all this, I will say that there is nothing wrong with using parents' money in going to school. If my parents had money, I would have done that. My kids may end up going the same way. If some one has money, that cannot be basis of prejudice, but if some one does not have money to got school and he takes up the challange, THAT definately is worth commending.
I specifically admire those students who work in stores or coffee shops within the campus. It requires a lot of guts and self respect to sit in one class with some one and then ask him in the evening, "What would you like to have Sir?" or tell him, "Have a good night Sir". Many immature classmates may be tempted to comment on the situation, and the student working in the coffee shop himself may feel embarrased. But at the back of his mind, he knows that he has to show up again in the evening so that he can be in college next semester. Knowing that the embarrassment is a long and tedious one, and yet raising to it every day with a smile is what, I am sure, make many of them so sincere in their life.
So, hail the lady at the coffee shop at PCL, who listens to my daily rhetoric "A Tall Latte Please" and smiles every day and wishes me everyday, and does that to all hundred odd people that visit the coffee shop in her hours everyday. Hail the lady at ClayPit who works till late in night, is always cheerful and makes dinner a pleasant experience. I hope you guys finish school soon, and have a wonderful future ahead.
I have a soft corner for the undergrads who work and support their education. Or who work and earn their monthly expenses. When I see an undergrad working at a restaurant or in a shop somwehere, there could be three reasons why he is working there. Either he needs money to pay his tuition or he needs money to meet his montly expenses, or he wants to earn money to support himself.
1. I am sympathetic towards those who had a difficult time meeting the school fees. Having been in their situation for more than a dozen years, I can appreciate how desperate the situation is, how much is at stake; and often times the feeling is that "I am working out of need, not by choice".
2. I am also sympathetic towards those who have to earn their pocket money to pay bills. Probably their parents are trying their best to pay the school fee, and they want the student to work atleast a bit to pay his way through.
3. I have respect for those who choose to earn their money. It simply indicates that they have self respect,a nd they want to really earn the right to spend the money that they spend.
Having said all this, I will say that there is nothing wrong with using parents' money in going to school. If my parents had money, I would have done that. My kids may end up going the same way. If some one has money, that cannot be basis of prejudice, but if some one does not have money to got school and he takes up the challange, THAT definately is worth commending.
I specifically admire those students who work in stores or coffee shops within the campus. It requires a lot of guts and self respect to sit in one class with some one and then ask him in the evening, "What would you like to have Sir?" or tell him, "Have a good night Sir". Many immature classmates may be tempted to comment on the situation, and the student working in the coffee shop himself may feel embarrased. But at the back of his mind, he knows that he has to show up again in the evening so that he can be in college next semester. Knowing that the embarrassment is a long and tedious one, and yet raising to it every day with a smile is what, I am sure, make many of them so sincere in their life.
So, hail the lady at the coffee shop at PCL, who listens to my daily rhetoric "A Tall Latte Please" and smiles every day and wishes me everyday, and does that to all hundred odd people that visit the coffee shop in her hours everyday. Hail the lady at ClayPit who works till late in night, is always cheerful and makes dinner a pleasant experience. I hope you guys finish school soon, and have a wonderful future ahead.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
God Bless You!
Five years back, I had a good friend in Roorkee. Abhendra Singh came to his forefathers' land - India from Fiji to do undergrad. I am not sure if he was Christian when he came here or he converted after coming here, but his religious affiliation became very clear in fourth year when he started inviting people to accompany him to Church. Some people went, others refused. Some people said that they did not like him for that, and some people said that they could observe a change in him. He had become more serene.
I first noticed it when he started saying "God Bless You" everytime we finished talking in classroom, or in hostel room or anywhere else. Many times I would be irritated, but stayed quiet. I thought he was too young to use these words.
Fiye years down the line, I meet people everyday here who say, "God Bless You" and I like it. I am not very religious and do not believe that collecting more "God Bless You" will be actually good for me. The older a person is, the more sincerety is present in his blessings. Again, i am not sure if the blessings actually change things, however I have come to realise that a religious person would not use the phrase unless he really means it. So when some one says "God Bless You" to me, in my mind, he really wishes me well. And meeting people everyday who send positive thoughts and energy my way is definately my idea of a happy life. Religious implications or not, their wishes do help me to feel better and be cheerful.
Five years back, I had a good friend in Roorkee. Abhendra Singh came to his forefathers' land - India from Fiji to do undergrad. I am not sure if he was Christian when he came here or he converted after coming here, but his religious affiliation became very clear in fourth year when he started inviting people to accompany him to Church. Some people went, others refused. Some people said that they did not like him for that, and some people said that they could observe a change in him. He had become more serene.
I first noticed it when he started saying "God Bless You" everytime we finished talking in classroom, or in hostel room or anywhere else. Many times I would be irritated, but stayed quiet. I thought he was too young to use these words.
Fiye years down the line, I meet people everyday here who say, "God Bless You" and I like it. I am not very religious and do not believe that collecting more "God Bless You" will be actually good for me. The older a person is, the more sincerety is present in his blessings. Again, i am not sure if the blessings actually change things, however I have come to realise that a religious person would not use the phrase unless he really means it. So when some one says "God Bless You" to me, in my mind, he really wishes me well. And meeting people everyday who send positive thoughts and energy my way is definately my idea of a happy life. Religious implications or not, their wishes do help me to feel better and be cheerful.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Need to make sense out of these numbers:
100 0.5 99.5 0.304958922
99.19504108 0.5 98.69504108 0.333403679
98.3616374 0.5 97.8616374 0.370199059
97.49143834 0.5 96.99143834 0.540818404
96.45061994 0.5 95.95061994 0.737503887
95.21311605 0.5 94.71311605 0.35993426
94.35318179 0.5 93.85318179 0.676766292
93.1764155 0.5 92.6764155 0.333585313
92.34283018 0.5 91.84283018 0.372819927
91.47001026 0.5 90.97001026 0.460624528
90.50938573 0.5 90.00938573 0.463089505
89.54629622 0.5 89.04629622 0.69104975
88.35524647 0.5 87.85524647 0.490036057
87.36521042 0.5 86.86521042 0.631164455
86.23404596 0.5 85.73404596 0.420062155
85.31398381 0.5 84.81398381 0.352629501
84.46135431 0.5 83.96135431 0.805495538
83.15585877 0.5 82.65585877 0.647860301
82.00799847 0.5 81.50799847 0.486528206
81.02147026 0.5 80.52147026 0.820003422
79.70146684 0.5 79.20146684 0.812151844
78.389315 0.5 77.889315 0.820192806
77.06912219 0.5 76.56912219 0.602449439
75.96667275 0.5 75.46667275 0.55802714
74.90864561 0.5 74.40864561 0.823255786
73.58538983 0.5 73.08538983 0.606849148
72.47854068 0.5 71.97854068 0.873782465
71.10475821 0.5 70.60475821 0.840385015
69.7643732 0.5 69.2643732 0.935944897
68.3284283 0.5 67.8284283 0.837129403
66.9912989 0.5 66.4912989 0.760875381
65.73042352 0.5 65.23042352 0.959617835
64.27080568 0.5 63.77080568 0.683642045
63.08716364 0.5 62.58716364 0.720685284
100 0.5 99.5 0.304958922
99.19504108 0.5 98.69504108 0.333403679
98.3616374 0.5 97.8616374 0.370199059
97.49143834 0.5 96.99143834 0.540818404
96.45061994 0.5 95.95061994 0.737503887
95.21311605 0.5 94.71311605 0.35993426
94.35318179 0.5 93.85318179 0.676766292
93.1764155 0.5 92.6764155 0.333585313
92.34283018 0.5 91.84283018 0.372819927
91.47001026 0.5 90.97001026 0.460624528
90.50938573 0.5 90.00938573 0.463089505
89.54629622 0.5 89.04629622 0.69104975
88.35524647 0.5 87.85524647 0.490036057
87.36521042 0.5 86.86521042 0.631164455
86.23404596 0.5 85.73404596 0.420062155
85.31398381 0.5 84.81398381 0.352629501
84.46135431 0.5 83.96135431 0.805495538
83.15585877 0.5 82.65585877 0.647860301
82.00799847 0.5 81.50799847 0.486528206
81.02147026 0.5 80.52147026 0.820003422
79.70146684 0.5 79.20146684 0.812151844
78.389315 0.5 77.889315 0.820192806
77.06912219 0.5 76.56912219 0.602449439
75.96667275 0.5 75.46667275 0.55802714
74.90864561 0.5 74.40864561 0.823255786
73.58538983 0.5 73.08538983 0.606849148
72.47854068 0.5 71.97854068 0.873782465
71.10475821 0.5 70.60475821 0.840385015
69.7643732 0.5 69.2643732 0.935944897
68.3284283 0.5 67.8284283 0.837129403
66.9912989 0.5 66.4912989 0.760875381
65.73042352 0.5 65.23042352 0.959617835
64.27080568 0.5 63.77080568 0.683642045
63.08716364 0.5 62.58716364 0.720685284
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Some final comments
On my TA class. Rather, a few questions that this class has raised.
1. Since I TAed for this class, i know the answers for all the assignments. If any of my friends takes this class in future and asks for help without knowing that I know the answers, should I help him?
2. If I took a class last semester, and have all the solution keys, I do not mind passing them along. So what difference would it make if I had been the TA of that course. I sense a thin line here, a thin but a sharp one.
3. My proff thinks that I am a hard grader. But at the same time, he expects me to keep the curve. I do not know how to do it.
4. I graded the exams, and now some students want to have a look at it. Perfectly normal request, but what bothers me is that with so many places of "judgement call", many questions can be asked. Students will raise questions, my professor will tell them that I graded the assignments, and then all students will start coming to look at their exams. I have realised that a TA is a much softer target fro students for grade issues than the professor.
5. I will TA for a honors management science class next fall and a finance MBA class next spring. That should be fun!
6. I have planned the following for an exam that I will give 2 years from now:
"Plan your time you must.
20 questions there are in this exam, and minutes remaining are 100 by far. Ask me questions, and start churning your calculators.
May the Force be with you."~ Obi Van Bansalobi
On a sidenote, I want a saber and a Darth Vader costume on my birthday.
On my TA class. Rather, a few questions that this class has raised.
1. Since I TAed for this class, i know the answers for all the assignments. If any of my friends takes this class in future and asks for help without knowing that I know the answers, should I help him?
2. If I took a class last semester, and have all the solution keys, I do not mind passing them along. So what difference would it make if I had been the TA of that course. I sense a thin line here, a thin but a sharp one.
3. My proff thinks that I am a hard grader. But at the same time, he expects me to keep the curve. I do not know how to do it.
4. I graded the exams, and now some students want to have a look at it. Perfectly normal request, but what bothers me is that with so many places of "judgement call", many questions can be asked. Students will raise questions, my professor will tell them that I graded the assignments, and then all students will start coming to look at their exams. I have realised that a TA is a much softer target fro students for grade issues than the professor.
5. I will TA for a honors management science class next fall and a finance MBA class next spring. That should be fun!
6. I have planned the following for an exam that I will give 2 years from now:
"Plan your time you must.
20 questions there are in this exam, and minutes remaining are 100 by far. Ask me questions, and start churning your calculators.
May the Force be with you."~ Obi Van Bansalobi
On a sidenote, I want a saber and a Darth Vader costume on my birthday.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Of Women
The Ray of Moon often tells me that I have quite a negative opinion of women. She says that by default I assume that women may be catty creatures, and this attitude shows up a lot of times in very little things. I try to tell her that you feel really really crappy when you realize that a girl used you, but my arguments do not have anything tangible to support my opinion. So, Ray of Moon, here are a few things that I see happening all around me daily that reinforce my belief:
1. Many women I have known demand treat for everything. Dude, if you are so happy about something that is happening to me, why don't you cook something for me?
2. Some women need chauffeur service. Even three blocks down. Or even to the places where you can easily go by bus. Dude, my time is as precious as yours, why don't you go by bus! This hasn't happened to me because I do not have a car but I have seen that happening to my roomy a zillion times.
3. Some women want to be treated like really tender girls when it comes to a few problematic things, and after that they want the equal share of fun things. I can do it once or twice, but from third time on I start wondering why should I give her preferential treatment over others.
4. Women screw up relationships with roomies. Take a bunch of all happy male gang, and introduce just one available woman to them. They will start competing, taking her around, cooking for her, taking lunch for her, taking her for shows and in general adjust their own schedule according to the dame. The time that roomies spend with each other drops drastically, and the camaraderie vanishes in a jiffy.
5. Finally, I have been in 2 relationships. The first one was a very good friendship that somehow ended on a sad note, and a second that is my anchor. And what I have learnt is the following:
No matter how close you are to some one, you will always always need your own space. Atleast a few times. Sometimes you might just crave for a change. Sometimes you just want to watch TV and talk about women and baseball and tennis. Sometimes you want to see new faces. Being with some one should increase the total joy and company in your life. When one person involved in the relationship starts demanding space that belonged to friends, that is trouble. When one person in the couple does that voluntarily, it is even worse. He will focus all his energy on just one person, and in those situations where he will need someone else, he would be alone.
Personal space is necessary, and maintaining personal identity and relationships with other people is necessary. As Khalil Gibran said somewhere, "Marriage is like a temple. Sacred. But for the temple to be strong, the pillars need to have some minimum space between them."
The Ray of Moon often tells me that I have quite a negative opinion of women. She says that by default I assume that women may be catty creatures, and this attitude shows up a lot of times in very little things. I try to tell her that you feel really really crappy when you realize that a girl used you, but my arguments do not have anything tangible to support my opinion. So, Ray of Moon, here are a few things that I see happening all around me daily that reinforce my belief:
1. Many women I have known demand treat for everything. Dude, if you are so happy about something that is happening to me, why don't you cook something for me?
2. Some women need chauffeur service. Even three blocks down. Or even to the places where you can easily go by bus. Dude, my time is as precious as yours, why don't you go by bus! This hasn't happened to me because I do not have a car but I have seen that happening to my roomy a zillion times.
3. Some women want to be treated like really tender girls when it comes to a few problematic things, and after that they want the equal share of fun things. I can do it once or twice, but from third time on I start wondering why should I give her preferential treatment over others.
4. Women screw up relationships with roomies. Take a bunch of all happy male gang, and introduce just one available woman to them. They will start competing, taking her around, cooking for her, taking lunch for her, taking her for shows and in general adjust their own schedule according to the dame. The time that roomies spend with each other drops drastically, and the camaraderie vanishes in a jiffy.
5. Finally, I have been in 2 relationships. The first one was a very good friendship that somehow ended on a sad note, and a second that is my anchor. And what I have learnt is the following:
No matter how close you are to some one, you will always always need your own space. Atleast a few times. Sometimes you might just crave for a change. Sometimes you just want to watch TV and talk about women and baseball and tennis. Sometimes you want to see new faces. Being with some one should increase the total joy and company in your life. When one person involved in the relationship starts demanding space that belonged to friends, that is trouble. When one person in the couple does that voluntarily, it is even worse. He will focus all his energy on just one person, and in those situations where he will need someone else, he would be alone.
Personal space is necessary, and maintaining personal identity and relationships with other people is necessary. As Khalil Gibran said somewhere, "Marriage is like a temple. Sacred. But for the temple to be strong, the pillars need to have some minimum space between them."
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Good to Bad and Bad to Good
Good to Bad
I two two courses with a greek proff last year, and my major complaint with her was that she was super smart, and did not care to grade homeworks and simply gave an A to everyone. My concern was that I do not learn anything because I do not know how I did on my homework, and I have no incentive to do better since I know I will get an A.
Two days back, one student asked my professor if he could give the exam early. My proff agreed, and I supervised the exam yesterday. The student was having some problems, and I listened to him, and then I started telling him how to solve it. Just then my proff came around and jovially asked me if I was helping the guy in exam. I said something to the effect that I was giving a hint to the student. My proff did not press further. I guess, he knows that often times it is a judgement call about how much you want to tell a student in exam.
But I know I would have very well done the problem for the student if my proff had not showed up. I tried to figure out later why I was doing this, and I realised two things. First, my sense of fairness in grading homeworks and exams has blurred. Grading case studies is so much of judgement call that I might as well be giving grades using die. The A homeworks stand out but A- and B+ are same. B- and C are same. How do you differentiate between the two.
Second, I realised that I have stopped bothering about grade. As a student and as a TA both. My requirement for minimum GPA is clear, and even if I end up with Cs in rest of my PhD courses, I will be fine. As a student, in an ideal world, I should not be worrying about grades anyway. But as a TA, I should be keeping some fairness in mind. And not helping people in exams is a part of it. I enjoy teaching, but I need to be aware of the basic responsibility of grading too!
Good to Bad
I two two courses with a greek proff last year, and my major complaint with her was that she was super smart, and did not care to grade homeworks and simply gave an A to everyone. My concern was that I do not learn anything because I do not know how I did on my homework, and I have no incentive to do better since I know I will get an A.
Two days back, one student asked my professor if he could give the exam early. My proff agreed, and I supervised the exam yesterday. The student was having some problems, and I listened to him, and then I started telling him how to solve it. Just then my proff came around and jovially asked me if I was helping the guy in exam. I said something to the effect that I was giving a hint to the student. My proff did not press further. I guess, he knows that often times it is a judgement call about how much you want to tell a student in exam.
But I know I would have very well done the problem for the student if my proff had not showed up. I tried to figure out later why I was doing this, and I realised two things. First, my sense of fairness in grading homeworks and exams has blurred. Grading case studies is so much of judgement call that I might as well be giving grades using die. The A homeworks stand out but A- and B+ are same. B- and C are same. How do you differentiate between the two.
Second, I realised that I have stopped bothering about grade. As a student and as a TA both. My requirement for minimum GPA is clear, and even if I end up with Cs in rest of my PhD courses, I will be fine. As a student, in an ideal world, I should not be worrying about grades anyway. But as a TA, I should be keeping some fairness in mind. And not helping people in exams is a part of it. I enjoy teaching, but I need to be aware of the basic responsibility of grading too!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Cyptics
1. Good manager ask for advice from employees. Better managers thank employees after receiving advice. Best managers implement the suggestions. Using some one's advice is the best form of recognition, especially when coming from seniors.
2. Austin is bristling with new Roorkeeites. Welcome Sood, welcome to the club. Itisha, I hope all of us will have a good time when you come!
3. I lovely woman recently decided to be with a jovial guy. Good luck to the ambitious development. I hope they get married eventually.
4. Why do I resent women who keep on asking for parties? Is it a vestige from the past that had turned into a prejudice? Or is it just my sixth sense at work?
1. Good manager ask for advice from employees. Better managers thank employees after receiving advice. Best managers implement the suggestions. Using some one's advice is the best form of recognition, especially when coming from seniors.
2. Austin is bristling with new Roorkeeites. Welcome Sood, welcome to the club. Itisha, I hope all of us will have a good time when you come!
3. I lovely woman recently decided to be with a jovial guy. Good luck to the ambitious development. I hope they get married eventually.
4. Why do I resent women who keep on asking for parties? Is it a vestige from the past that had turned into a prejudice? Or is it just my sixth sense at work?
Finally
When Neil turned in his blog, I had a gut feeling that a similar end will soon come to my blog as well. Well, here it is.
I do not think I can post frequently on my blog, due to various reasons.
1. I found a wonderful friend, Rashmi. Sharing things with her is more pleasurable than writing them down here, and what's more, she'a a good critic. I hope we remain good friends when we are married as well.
2. I have slowed down on thinking about what people do, and why they do it. I guess I am like a stunned crab who can think only about the last thing he saw. Grad school is becoming more and more involving, and I tryt o save my energy to go to gym or fnish up my weekly work where I seem to lag behind a lot.
I will continue to post weird things, but they may be infrequent.
When Neil turned in his blog, I had a gut feeling that a similar end will soon come to my blog as well. Well, here it is.
I do not think I can post frequently on my blog, due to various reasons.
1. I found a wonderful friend, Rashmi. Sharing things with her is more pleasurable than writing them down here, and what's more, she'a a good critic. I hope we remain good friends when we are married as well.
2. I have slowed down on thinking about what people do, and why they do it. I guess I am like a stunned crab who can think only about the last thing he saw. Grad school is becoming more and more involving, and I tryt o save my energy to go to gym or fnish up my weekly work where I seem to lag behind a lot.
I will continue to post weird things, but they may be infrequent.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Happy for the new bundle of joy?
Sreelata came yesterday and said that she had a good news. I asked why, and she smiled wide and put one hand on her tummy. The baby is due in December she said. I was very happy, and congratulated her and asked her if that has been the reason for the glow on her face. She chatted happily and went away some time later.
After she went, I was thnking what makes up happy when we hear the news of a new arrival in our family? Is it because we feel that a baby will bring so many tender moments of his birth, his small clenched fists, her eyes with a lost look, his smiles and whelps of joy....But then, a baby also brings a world of responsibility. Expenses increase, time for spouse decreases, and child raising is invariably filled with some very dark moments. Is it a feeling of achievement that we proved something by having a baby or is it something else? Or is it simply an anticipation of a lot of new things to come, and hopefully new joys to come?
What is it?
Sreelata came yesterday and said that she had a good news. I asked why, and she smiled wide and put one hand on her tummy. The baby is due in December she said. I was very happy, and congratulated her and asked her if that has been the reason for the glow on her face. She chatted happily and went away some time later.
After she went, I was thnking what makes up happy when we hear the news of a new arrival in our family? Is it because we feel that a baby will bring so many tender moments of his birth, his small clenched fists, her eyes with a lost look, his smiles and whelps of joy....But then, a baby also brings a world of responsibility. Expenses increase, time for spouse decreases, and child raising is invariably filled with some very dark moments. Is it a feeling of achievement that we proved something by having a baby or is it something else? Or is it simply an anticipation of a lot of new things to come, and hopefully new joys to come?
What is it?
Notes to Myself : Never Go After appearances
1. I went to San Francisco in November last year. I kind of befriended an assistant professor from Ohio State, and we spent two hours together on dinner table figuring out who is the cutest female professor in the business schools and Decision Analysis departments through out the USA.
My impression was that he was a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy. Only after reading his work I realized that he is a first class researcher and has won the best paper award at INFORMS a bunch of times.
On a side note, he voted for an assistant professor at Naval Post-graduate school, while I was lobbying for an associate professor at Clemenson. This lady knows my professor very well, and my professor treats her like her daughter. Incidently the proff from Ohio state is also a former student of my proff.
2. I met a weird looking guy in one of the gatherings at the conference. He had very long and unkempt hair. He asked me about my research profile, and I wasn't too enthusiastic about talking to him. Next morning, I went to a paper presentation session only to realize that he is doing the most recent work in utility theory, and is highly regarded in the academic community.
3. There was this guy who won the best dissertation award. His dissertation is on quite an esoteric topic, and I had a difficult time understanding his presentation. However, he dressed very well, looked serious but a genuine kind of guy.
He came to my university two weeks back to present his latest work. My proff asked me to take the guy around and entertain him. Contrary to his dressing, he came across as a...let me use politically correct words....quite a confident guy, probably a tad bit too much confident.
1. I went to San Francisco in November last year. I kind of befriended an assistant professor from Ohio State, and we spent two hours together on dinner table figuring out who is the cutest female professor in the business schools and Decision Analysis departments through out the USA.
My impression was that he was a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy. Only after reading his work I realized that he is a first class researcher and has won the best paper award at INFORMS a bunch of times.
On a side note, he voted for an assistant professor at Naval Post-graduate school, while I was lobbying for an associate professor at Clemenson. This lady knows my professor very well, and my professor treats her like her daughter. Incidently the proff from Ohio state is also a former student of my proff.
2. I met a weird looking guy in one of the gatherings at the conference. He had very long and unkempt hair. He asked me about my research profile, and I wasn't too enthusiastic about talking to him. Next morning, I went to a paper presentation session only to realize that he is doing the most recent work in utility theory, and is highly regarded in the academic community.
3. There was this guy who won the best dissertation award. His dissertation is on quite an esoteric topic, and I had a difficult time understanding his presentation. However, he dressed very well, looked serious but a genuine kind of guy.
He came to my university two weeks back to present his latest work. My proff asked me to take the guy around and entertain him. Contrary to his dressing, he came across as a...let me use politically correct words....quite a confident guy, probably a tad bit too much confident.
Monday, April 03, 2006
World's Best Cereal
The French Toast Crunch is the best cereal ever. I tried it from roomy's box and loved it so much that I finished it. I got my own box today in the evening and have been eating it ever since.
I am going to take it to school tomorrow and eat for breakfast and lunch.
The French Toast Crunch is the best cereal ever. I tried it from roomy's box and loved it so much that I finished it. I got my own box today in the evening and have been eating it ever since.
I am going to take it to school tomorrow and eat for breakfast and lunch.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Waiting to make my mind for
1. If men should always say the truth to their wives - Two men and one woman has told me that some thinsg are better kept hidden from wives. I was surprised when the men adviced that but was shocked when the lady said, "Women do that all the time, they say something else and mean something else. So learn to hide things from your wife, it may help you".
I am not sure but probably this is something I have to figure out over time.
2. How good is good enough? When do I know that I am ready to move out? I was talking to an assistant proff today who was with me in grad school for 2 years and I am wondering when would I know if I am like him and ready to move out?
3. What my proff thinks of me. Would I ever know that? Is knowing that necessary?
1. If men should always say the truth to their wives - Two men and one woman has told me that some thinsg are better kept hidden from wives. I was surprised when the men adviced that but was shocked when the lady said, "Women do that all the time, they say something else and mean something else. So learn to hide things from your wife, it may help you".
I am not sure but probably this is something I have to figure out over time.
2. How good is good enough? When do I know that I am ready to move out? I was talking to an assistant proff today who was with me in grad school for 2 years and I am wondering when would I know if I am like him and ready to move out?
3. What my proff thinks of me. Would I ever know that? Is knowing that necessary?
The Right Way?
1. I look at where I have to go, and I wish that I could reach there safe and sane. Then I look at where I am. I got here from some place else, and I really wanted to be where I am today. And that time I wanted to reach here safe and sane. And somewhat bruised and almost sane I did make it here. But now I look back and think that how I reached here matters also.
When I look at my past, the path is as important as destination. When I look at future, I cannot seem to value the path as much as I should.
2. Why do we compare ourselves with some people and don't do it with many others? Why do we feel jealous with some people and rejoice at the successes of others?
3. I realized something weird few days back. All those people who are somehow able to suppress all negative emotions succeed more in life than those who are given to harsher emotions towards others. Nice guys seem to be more happy and successful in general. What is it that makes things this way? Is it because the good guys channelise their energy better? Or is there a greater cycle of retribution playing its role in our lives?
1. I look at where I have to go, and I wish that I could reach there safe and sane. Then I look at where I am. I got here from some place else, and I really wanted to be where I am today. And that time I wanted to reach here safe and sane. And somewhat bruised and almost sane I did make it here. But now I look back and think that how I reached here matters also.
When I look at my past, the path is as important as destination. When I look at future, I cannot seem to value the path as much as I should.
2. Why do we compare ourselves with some people and don't do it with many others? Why do we feel jealous with some people and rejoice at the successes of others?
3. I realized something weird few days back. All those people who are somehow able to suppress all negative emotions succeed more in life than those who are given to harsher emotions towards others. Nice guys seem to be more happy and successful in general. What is it that makes things this way? Is it because the good guys channelise their energy better? Or is there a greater cycle of retribution playing its role in our lives?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Yet more messy TA stories
I am TAing for a MBA course for the first time. I have been a TA for MS in Engineering Management program and for MS Software Engineering program, and a bunch of undergrad courses in Statistics, Project Management and Engineering Economics and all of them were smooth rides.
But the MBA class is different.
1. I gave 21 A, 35 A-, 8 B, 10B- and 2 C. I have been told by atleast 10 people that I have been grading harshly!
2. Atleast 8 of these 10 people argued with me for atleast 20 minutes telling me that since I am young and haven't worked, I do not know how things are done in "Real World".
3. The people who got A- minus are real mad because they think I deliberately pulled down their grades. People who got B- are mad because they are real close to C and C in even one homework is scary.
4. One person wrote to me saying that my grading policy is unfair. He says that others lost half a grade when they turned in a late homework and still got an A-. He turned in homework on time and still got a C. He has a legitimate point!
5. I received 75 homeworks from a class of 76 students. When I was uploading the grades, I uploaded all 76 students. I realised that after distributing the homeworks back. There was no way I could figure out who got an extra grade. I was hoping they will say it themselves. But no one has emailed me as yet.
Even more funny, another guy who got a C wrote me saying that he knows the guy, and would not tell me his name, and thinks that it is highly unfair that he got a C while some one who did not turn in assignment got a B-.
Is that really an MBA class that I am teaching?
Resolution for today: When I teach an MBA class, I will hire a TA with a really thick skin.
I am TAing for a MBA course for the first time. I have been a TA for MS in Engineering Management program and for MS Software Engineering program, and a bunch of undergrad courses in Statistics, Project Management and Engineering Economics and all of them were smooth rides.
But the MBA class is different.
1. I gave 21 A, 35 A-, 8 B, 10B- and 2 C. I have been told by atleast 10 people that I have been grading harshly!
2. Atleast 8 of these 10 people argued with me for atleast 20 minutes telling me that since I am young and haven't worked, I do not know how things are done in "Real World".
3. The people who got A- minus are real mad because they think I deliberately pulled down their grades. People who got B- are mad because they are real close to C and C in even one homework is scary.
4. One person wrote to me saying that my grading policy is unfair. He says that others lost half a grade when they turned in a late homework and still got an A-. He turned in homework on time and still got a C. He has a legitimate point!
5. I received 75 homeworks from a class of 76 students. When I was uploading the grades, I uploaded all 76 students. I realised that after distributing the homeworks back. There was no way I could figure out who got an extra grade. I was hoping they will say it themselves. But no one has emailed me as yet.
Even more funny, another guy who got a C wrote me saying that he knows the guy, and would not tell me his name, and thinks that it is highly unfair that he got a C while some one who did not turn in assignment got a B-.
Is that really an MBA class that I am teaching?
Resolution for today: When I teach an MBA class, I will hire a TA with a really thick skin.
Yet more messy TA stories
I am TAing for a MBA course for the first time. I have been a TA for MS in Engineering Management program and for MS Software Engineering program, and a bunch of undergrad courses in Statistics, Project Management and Engineering Economics and all of them smooth rides.
But the MBA class is different.
1. I gave 21 A, 35 A-, 8 B, 10B- and 2 C. I have been told by atleast 10 people that I have been grading harshly!
2. Atleast 8 of these 10 people argued with me for atleast 20 minutes telling me that since I am young and haven't worked, I do not know how things are done in "Real World".
3. The people who got A- minus are real mad because they think I deliberately pulled down their grades. People who got B- are mad because they are real close to C and C in even one homework is scary.
4. One person wrote to me saying that my grading policy is unfair. He says that others lost half a grade when they turned in a late homework and still got an A-. He turned in homework on time and still got a C. He has a legitimate point!
5. I received 75 homeworks from a class of 76 students. When I was uploading the grades, I uploaded all 76 students. I realised that after distributing the homeworks back. There is no way I could figure out who got an extra grade. I was hoping they will say it themselves. But no one has emailed me as yet.
Even more funny, another guy who got a C wrote me saying that he knows the guy, and would not tell me his name, and thinks that it is highly unfair that he got a C while some one who did not turn in assignment got a B-.
Is that really an MBA class that I am teaching?
Resolution for today: When I teach an MBA class, I will hire a TA with a really thick skin.
I am TAing for a MBA course for the first time. I have been a TA for MS in Engineering Management program and for MS Software Engineering program, and a bunch of undergrad courses in Statistics, Project Management and Engineering Economics and all of them smooth rides.
But the MBA class is different.
1. I gave 21 A, 35 A-, 8 B, 10B- and 2 C. I have been told by atleast 10 people that I have been grading harshly!
2. Atleast 8 of these 10 people argued with me for atleast 20 minutes telling me that since I am young and haven't worked, I do not know how things are done in "Real World".
3. The people who got A- minus are real mad because they think I deliberately pulled down their grades. People who got B- are mad because they are real close to C and C in even one homework is scary.
4. One person wrote to me saying that my grading policy is unfair. He says that others lost half a grade when they turned in a late homework and still got an A-. He turned in homework on time and still got a C. He has a legitimate point!
5. I received 75 homeworks from a class of 76 students. When I was uploading the grades, I uploaded all 76 students. I realised that after distributing the homeworks back. There is no way I could figure out who got an extra grade. I was hoping they will say it themselves. But no one has emailed me as yet.
Even more funny, another guy who got a C wrote me saying that he knows the guy, and would not tell me his name, and thinks that it is highly unfair that he got a C while some one who did not turn in assignment got a B-.
Is that really an MBA class that I am teaching?
Resolution for today: When I teach an MBA class, I will hire a TA with a really thick skin.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Getting old and weird
1. I was talking to the Ray of Moon.
She:"What are you doing?"
Me:"Hmm? Nothing?"
She:"Are you studying? You have an exam tomorrow"
Me:"No, not really....I am just thinking"
She:"Hmmmm... So what else?"
Me:"Nothing new. How was your meeting?"
She:"Okay types....You are worried about something?"
Me:"Oh good, everything went fine in meeting?"
She:"Yes...you okay?"
Me:"Cool...what's the plan for lunch?"
She:"What are you thinking?"
Me: "Oh,I have an exam tomorrow, and I am wondering how to get notes for the class..."
2. Yesterday night before I slept, I listened to Rod Stewart's song, "Wake up Maggie", and the song has stuck in my mind overnight. So I wake up on the futon in the morning, step down, take two steps and softly call, "Maggggiiiiieee". My roomie looks at me weirdly. I take another 5 steps, and again call, "Maggggggiiiiiieeeee". A friend is visitng, and he looks at me and I again call the lady. I do not notice anything unusual till I am in bathroom and realise that I have to stop shaving every 2 minutes because I want to call "Magiiieee".
3. I worked on something at IBM. The project didn't go a lot far, we had some communication issues. When I presented my work last time, two students from my TA class showed up. I TA for an excecutive MBA class and most of the students are working engineers at IBM and Motorola. In the next class, one of the students comes and tells me that he wants to work on his term project using my model and extending it. I tell him it will be good. Next, I sit in class and totally forget who the student was. I think hard and conclude that it was the second guy who talked to me. So I go the second student, and start throwing ideas at him. He is very enthusiastic and listens to all my ideas (why wasn't he surprised?????). I get back to my office and receive an email from the original student about the project. I wonder why the second guy listened to me patiently. Anyway, I meet with the first person and discuss my ideas. Now the second guy emails me and asks me about my ideas for his term project.
I have to actually think about some thing that the second guy can work on....:(
1. I was talking to the Ray of Moon.
She:"What are you doing?"
Me:"Hmm? Nothing?"
She:"Are you studying? You have an exam tomorrow"
Me:"No, not really....I am just thinking"
She:"Hmmmm... So what else?"
Me:"Nothing new. How was your meeting?"
She:"Okay types....You are worried about something?"
Me:"Oh good, everything went fine in meeting?"
She:"Yes...you okay?"
Me:"Cool...what's the plan for lunch?"
She:"What are you thinking?"
Me: "Oh,I have an exam tomorrow, and I am wondering how to get notes for the class..."
2. Yesterday night before I slept, I listened to Rod Stewart's song, "Wake up Maggie", and the song has stuck in my mind overnight. So I wake up on the futon in the morning, step down, take two steps and softly call, "Maggggiiiiieee". My roomie looks at me weirdly. I take another 5 steps, and again call, "Maggggggiiiiiieeeee". A friend is visitng, and he looks at me and I again call the lady. I do not notice anything unusual till I am in bathroom and realise that I have to stop shaving every 2 minutes because I want to call "Magiiieee".
3. I worked on something at IBM. The project didn't go a lot far, we had some communication issues. When I presented my work last time, two students from my TA class showed up. I TA for an excecutive MBA class and most of the students are working engineers at IBM and Motorola. In the next class, one of the students comes and tells me that he wants to work on his term project using my model and extending it. I tell him it will be good. Next, I sit in class and totally forget who the student was. I think hard and conclude that it was the second guy who talked to me. So I go the second student, and start throwing ideas at him. He is very enthusiastic and listens to all my ideas (why wasn't he surprised?????). I get back to my office and receive an email from the original student about the project. I wonder why the second guy listened to me patiently. Anyway, I meet with the first person and discuss my ideas. Now the second guy emails me and asks me about my ideas for his term project.
I have to actually think about some thing that the second guy can work on....:(
Monday, February 20, 2006
Responses:
1. AVS: That was the story. I think it disappointed you, but I have to say that I had a great day!
2. Anonymous 1: Do not envy the kid. I promise to play with your kid too when you have one :)
3. Anonymous 2: I apologise. I will correct the mistake.
4. Anonymous gang adjudging the quality of my posts: How about reciprocation?
1. AVS: That was the story. I think it disappointed you, but I have to say that I had a great day!
2. Anonymous 1: Do not envy the kid. I promise to play with your kid too when you have one :)
3. Anonymous 2: I apologise. I will correct the mistake.
4. Anonymous gang adjudging the quality of my posts: How about reciprocation?
The V-Day Story
I had invited over a cute dame for dinner and a cuddling session on the valentines' day. To set the record staright, I know her since one and a half years, and was smitten by her the very first day I saw her.
She has big eyes, and a real sweet accent resembling half american and half indian. She also has a kind of code language that takes some time to understand.
We do not get to meet a lot, so I wasn't sure of th ebest way to break the ice. So I had secured a CD that she liked hoping that if the conversation did not flow smoothly, I could use the CD to start talking.
As it turned out, she wasn't in a very good mood that evening, so I had to start the CD pretty much within the first fifteen minutes. Then I cooked for her, but she ate little. She said she was feeling claustrophobic, so we went out for a walk. That was the best time of the day. I first took her to post office, and we made faces at the security camera there. Then we sat outside the post office, and we talked quiet a bit. It is amazing what a two year old kid can do to you. She was sitting there, looking curiously at the people passing by, and I was telling her how much stressed I am and what I need to do in the next week. She listened patiently, gave yelps of joy, and smiled.
I took her in my hands, kissed her, and rocked her. Even though it may sound trivial; the feeling you get when you rock a child to sleep and look at her sleeping blissfully with her hands clutching you tightly is unmatchable.
Her parents, who were out for a romantic v-day dinner after 6 years came back around half and hour later, and I handed over the serenely sleeping Chaitra to them.
So, that was my V-Day. Akansha came over, and she also had a great time with Chaitra.
Next, my baby sitting facility has been reserved for April 3, when her parents plan to go out for their wedding aniversary.
I had invited over a cute dame for dinner and a cuddling session on the valentines' day. To set the record staright, I know her since one and a half years, and was smitten by her the very first day I saw her.
She has big eyes, and a real sweet accent resembling half american and half indian. She also has a kind of code language that takes some time to understand.
We do not get to meet a lot, so I wasn't sure of th ebest way to break the ice. So I had secured a CD that she liked hoping that if the conversation did not flow smoothly, I could use the CD to start talking.
As it turned out, she wasn't in a very good mood that evening, so I had to start the CD pretty much within the first fifteen minutes. Then I cooked for her, but she ate little. She said she was feeling claustrophobic, so we went out for a walk. That was the best time of the day. I first took her to post office, and we made faces at the security camera there. Then we sat outside the post office, and we talked quiet a bit. It is amazing what a two year old kid can do to you. She was sitting there, looking curiously at the people passing by, and I was telling her how much stressed I am and what I need to do in the next week. She listened patiently, gave yelps of joy, and smiled.
I took her in my hands, kissed her, and rocked her. Even though it may sound trivial; the feeling you get when you rock a child to sleep and look at her sleeping blissfully with her hands clutching you tightly is unmatchable.
Her parents, who were out for a romantic v-day dinner after 6 years came back around half and hour later, and I handed over the serenely sleeping Chaitra to them.
So, that was my V-Day. Akansha came over, and she also had a great time with Chaitra.
Next, my baby sitting facility has been reserved for April 3, when her parents plan to go out for their wedding aniversary.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
V-Day Plan
I have asked a real sweet girl to come over to my place for dinner. If things go right, we will get to talk a lot, and smile a lot. As a backup plan, I will have a CD that she likes.
Wish me luck ;)
I have asked a real sweet girl to come over to my place for dinner. If things go right, we will get to talk a lot, and smile a lot. As a backup plan, I will have a CD that she likes.
Wish me luck ;)
Monday, February 13, 2006
From here, and there, and everywhere
1. The more time I spend at the university here, the more I realise that people are not super heros in everything that they do. Some professors have excellent research, but have a bad personal life. Some of them have a great personal life, but do not get a lot respect in school. Among all of their stations, people soon understand their strengths and start to derive more and more pleasure from them. Fifteen years from now, I wouldn't be surprised if I would come in afternoon from office just to play with my kids.
2. The more time I spend at the university, the more I become aware of my weaknesses. And it is a revealation. Because with all my weaknesses that I know and my advisor knows, and probably a few other people know, I will (atleast I hope) never have arrogance to not respect a person for being a good guy than being a famous or a successful guy.
What I said above has to be taken with a grain of salt because I met some one who did not have a glorious year, and I realised that it did change my attitude towards him.
3. The more time I spend here, the more I realise that a stable home is much more important than an exciting job. The latter can be replaced or subsituted, but the former cannot.
4. I met a 21 year old girl the other day who said, "Friendships are a result of circumstances." It sounded bad, but after reflection, it appeared right. Live friendships are a result of circumstances. However, what we always have from these circumstantial friendships are memories cherished for a long long time.
1. The more time I spend at the university here, the more I realise that people are not super heros in everything that they do. Some professors have excellent research, but have a bad personal life. Some of them have a great personal life, but do not get a lot respect in school. Among all of their stations, people soon understand their strengths and start to derive more and more pleasure from them. Fifteen years from now, I wouldn't be surprised if I would come in afternoon from office just to play with my kids.
2. The more time I spend at the university, the more I become aware of my weaknesses. And it is a revealation. Because with all my weaknesses that I know and my advisor knows, and probably a few other people know, I will (atleast I hope) never have arrogance to not respect a person for being a good guy than being a famous or a successful guy.
What I said above has to be taken with a grain of salt because I met some one who did not have a glorious year, and I realised that it did change my attitude towards him.
3. The more time I spend here, the more I realise that a stable home is much more important than an exciting job. The latter can be replaced or subsituted, but the former cannot.
4. I met a 21 year old girl the other day who said, "Friendships are a result of circumstances." It sounded bad, but after reflection, it appeared right. Live friendships are a result of circumstances. However, what we always have from these circumstantial friendships are memories cherished for a long long time.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I hope I can hang on. I hope I can see throgh this.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
TA Experience
I am TAing again. So back to the same old fun, thrill, grade dilemmas and surprises.
1. Few days back, I was telling my professor, "It is very easy to figure out who will be the top students in the class. People who turn in the first assignment well are usually the ones that end up having a good grade. These people start early, finish early, and do it well. It is more of an attitude."
Last week, I turned in the first homework for one of my classes. It was incomplete. I started late, and did not quiet finish. I was very very busy in something else, but is that a fair excuse?
2. I know that there are some students who wake up after the first homework, and then turn in very good assignments and also get an A. But I always wonder why do they need that awakening bell in the first place?
I was writing an email to the professor of my class whose incomplete homework I turned in, and realised that I should be turning in good assignments from next time if I want him to be on my committee.
3. As a TA, I am very liberal while grading. Partly because I do not like grading hard, and partly because I know I will be soft anyway when a student will come back saying that he received a lower grade. Already I have increased the grade of a student by half a grade.
When I am in a class, even if I get bad grades on homework, I never go back to the TA for getting a raise in grade. It has come back to hit in final grades at times, but I still have a mental barrier.
So is being lenient a good policy or bad?
I am TAing again. So back to the same old fun, thrill, grade dilemmas and surprises.
1. Few days back, I was telling my professor, "It is very easy to figure out who will be the top students in the class. People who turn in the first assignment well are usually the ones that end up having a good grade. These people start early, finish early, and do it well. It is more of an attitude."
Last week, I turned in the first homework for one of my classes. It was incomplete. I started late, and did not quiet finish. I was very very busy in something else, but is that a fair excuse?
2. I know that there are some students who wake up after the first homework, and then turn in very good assignments and also get an A. But I always wonder why do they need that awakening bell in the first place?
I was writing an email to the professor of my class whose incomplete homework I turned in, and realised that I should be turning in good assignments from next time if I want him to be on my committee.
3. As a TA, I am very liberal while grading. Partly because I do not like grading hard, and partly because I know I will be soft anyway when a student will come back saying that he received a lower grade. Already I have increased the grade of a student by half a grade.
When I am in a class, even if I get bad grades on homework, I never go back to the TA for getting a raise in grade. It has come back to hit in final grades at times, but I still have a mental barrier.
So is being lenient a good policy or bad?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Randoms
1. How much beauty is actually there in random thoughts? They may sound cool, but they are perhaps more difficult to take to a logical end. On the other hand, most good ideas come from these random thoughts. So hopefully, one of these days, a random thought in a not so random arena will click.
2. What I learnt in last one month? I learnt that I am really bad at bringing things to their end. My "chalta hai" attitude is the major culprit, and I cannot seem to puch myself to get over it. Hopefully before I graduate, this is something that i will no longer would have to worry about.
3. Hamas won in Palestine. If the world needs a small spark to blow it up, this is the spark.
4. Ghoul: If it is an attitude, do you have an idea how to develop that attitude?
1. How much beauty is actually there in random thoughts? They may sound cool, but they are perhaps more difficult to take to a logical end. On the other hand, most good ideas come from these random thoughts. So hopefully, one of these days, a random thought in a not so random arena will click.
2. What I learnt in last one month? I learnt that I am really bad at bringing things to their end. My "chalta hai" attitude is the major culprit, and I cannot seem to puch myself to get over it. Hopefully before I graduate, this is something that i will no longer would have to worry about.
3. Hamas won in Palestine. If the world needs a small spark to blow it up, this is the spark.
4. Ghoul: If it is an attitude, do you have an idea how to develop that attitude?
Monday, January 23, 2006
Random Notes
1. How much passionate should you be about your work? Should you care so much that when people suggest corrections, you feel incompetent or wonder why can't they accept your work? Is the attitude, "He's the boss, let me give him what he wants and keep my life simple" more appropriate than "He is missing something, and probably he will realise it later on. I should discuss it with him even if he is not keen, after all the work should be done well."
2. Some people have tremendrous positive energy. They are always cheerful and smiling, and talking to them for 15 minutes induces the same energy in the other person. What is the secret of these positive vibes? Do people who are very happy in their personal life have these vibes, or is it just an attitude?
3. You never know what you can do until you try. But trying in an unchartered territory is streesful and brings tension to life. At what point should a person realise that his attempts at new things should give way to things at which he is really good at, and settle for a calm life?
In other words, when is it worthful to break the calmness of life to take up more challanging but more stressful offers?
1. How much passionate should you be about your work? Should you care so much that when people suggest corrections, you feel incompetent or wonder why can't they accept your work? Is the attitude, "He's the boss, let me give him what he wants and keep my life simple" more appropriate than "He is missing something, and probably he will realise it later on. I should discuss it with him even if he is not keen, after all the work should be done well."
2. Some people have tremendrous positive energy. They are always cheerful and smiling, and talking to them for 15 minutes induces the same energy in the other person. What is the secret of these positive vibes? Do people who are very happy in their personal life have these vibes, or is it just an attitude?
3. You never know what you can do until you try. But trying in an unchartered territory is streesful and brings tension to life. At what point should a person realise that his attempts at new things should give way to things at which he is really good at, and settle for a calm life?
In other words, when is it worthful to break the calmness of life to take up more challanging but more stressful offers?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Saturday, January 21, 2006
For the ray of moon
Dear Ray of Moon,
I have often heard you getting upset while talking about the food you like. You often recall the wonderful food that your mother cooked for you. And then you feel sad that you don't have that luxury any more. Many times you wonder why did god had to call her. Many times you feel that probably you were not a good daughter. And many times you pine for those days, and wish that you could redo a few things probably in a better way or go back in time and appreciate her for all that she did for you.
I hear your voice drifting into sadness, and I want to pull you out of your trance and tell you that I was an equally bad son, and probably an equally bad brother. Probably all of us either feel that we have been bad kids or we feel that we didn't have a good childhood. I guess this is how raising a kid works out. If the kid has his say, the mother suffers and the kid feels guilty. If the mother is very strong, kids have a not so pleasant childhood. In our case too it was one of the two things.
We can feel bad about it, and wish that we could go back in time and be more polite to our parents. But now that is impossible, and probably they have forgotten all about it, we can still do something about it. We can pass it on.
Hopefully, someday you will have a little daughter that you will name Moon. Hopefully, you will cuddle the little one, and tell your mother silently that you appreciate everything that she did for you silently, and as a token of gratitude, you are trying your best to be a good mother to the Moon. Hopefully, with the same name, you will feel that your mother has come back to you, though in a different role. And hopefully, you will be able to say proudly to your daughter, "You can afford to be a bad daughter, because I am going to be a real good mother".
Dear Ray of Moon,
I have often heard you getting upset while talking about the food you like. You often recall the wonderful food that your mother cooked for you. And then you feel sad that you don't have that luxury any more. Many times you wonder why did god had to call her. Many times you feel that probably you were not a good daughter. And many times you pine for those days, and wish that you could redo a few things probably in a better way or go back in time and appreciate her for all that she did for you.
I hear your voice drifting into sadness, and I want to pull you out of your trance and tell you that I was an equally bad son, and probably an equally bad brother. Probably all of us either feel that we have been bad kids or we feel that we didn't have a good childhood. I guess this is how raising a kid works out. If the kid has his say, the mother suffers and the kid feels guilty. If the mother is very strong, kids have a not so pleasant childhood. In our case too it was one of the two things.
We can feel bad about it, and wish that we could go back in time and be more polite to our parents. But now that is impossible, and probably they have forgotten all about it, we can still do something about it. We can pass it on.
Hopefully, someday you will have a little daughter that you will name Moon. Hopefully, you will cuddle the little one, and tell your mother silently that you appreciate everything that she did for you silently, and as a token of gratitude, you are trying your best to be a good mother to the Moon. Hopefully, with the same name, you will feel that your mother has come back to you, though in a different role. And hopefully, you will be able to say proudly to your daughter, "You can afford to be a bad daughter, because I am going to be a real good mother".
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Who is the right woman for me?
1. The one who sees me passing through a tough patch, and lends me her hand to hold myself.
2. The one who can see through my facade of flippancy and levity.
3. The one who can see me doubting myself, and yet not lose respect for me.
4. The one who makes me feel cared for.
5. The one who makes me feel needed.
6. The one who I can look at, and decide every day of my life that my family is what is really really important for me.
7. The one who is not scared of contradicting me if I am wrong.
8. The one who can teach me a few missed lessons of morality.
9. The one who will be really kind to my kids, and tell them the difference between the right and wrong thing.
10. The one who is not ashamed of her mistakes, and is courageous enough to stand for her beliefs.
To, the ray of moon, you are the one!
1. The one who sees me passing through a tough patch, and lends me her hand to hold myself.
2. The one who can see through my facade of flippancy and levity.
3. The one who can see me doubting myself, and yet not lose respect for me.
4. The one who makes me feel cared for.
5. The one who makes me feel needed.
6. The one who I can look at, and decide every day of my life that my family is what is really really important for me.
7. The one who is not scared of contradicting me if I am wrong.
8. The one who can teach me a few missed lessons of morality.
9. The one who will be really kind to my kids, and tell them the difference between the right and wrong thing.
10. The one who is not ashamed of her mistakes, and is courageous enough to stand for her beliefs.
To, the ray of moon, you are the one!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Courage, my friend, courage. It is all gone the day you give up.
Patience, my friend, patience. All good things come to those who wait.
Work, my friend, work. Trust god to give you courage and patience. But row your own boat.
Patience, my friend, patience. All good things come to those who wait.
Work, my friend, work. Trust god to give you courage and patience. But row your own boat.
Random Musings
1. The favorite past time of many people is watching movies. Movies that are colorful, shot at breath taking locales and have beautiful people. I was riding a bus sitting opposite to a blind man, and was wondering what is their mode of entertainment. Isn't it unfair that they have to miss on so many wonderful things due to a condition for which they are not to blame?
2. What is a reality check? Thinking that people living in mountains and rearing cattle have a more peaceful life, or thinking that their life must be darn dull, and the hectic schedule that wears me out everyday is actually a good thing to happen to me?
3. Loads of Hollywood couples have two really attractive people living together. And then they divorce. Does this tell us something about the importance of nature over physical charms? If yes, then how come we refuse to take lessons? Why do we still chase the physically attractive people? I guess a big part of growing up is to understand what has to be enjoyed for its face value, and what has to be admired and bonded with for its intrinsic value.
1. The favorite past time of many people is watching movies. Movies that are colorful, shot at breath taking locales and have beautiful people. I was riding a bus sitting opposite to a blind man, and was wondering what is their mode of entertainment. Isn't it unfair that they have to miss on so many wonderful things due to a condition for which they are not to blame?
2. What is a reality check? Thinking that people living in mountains and rearing cattle have a more peaceful life, or thinking that their life must be darn dull, and the hectic schedule that wears me out everyday is actually a good thing to happen to me?
3. Loads of Hollywood couples have two really attractive people living together. And then they divorce. Does this tell us something about the importance of nature over physical charms? If yes, then how come we refuse to take lessons? Why do we still chase the physically attractive people? I guess a big part of growing up is to understand what has to be enjoyed for its face value, and what has to be admired and bonded with for its intrinsic value.
Monday, January 16, 2006
My New Year Resolution
Few days back, I wrote that the problem with women friends is that they keep on changing rules without telling you, and you get frustrated in the end. Well, in the rare case when you do find one or a bunch of women who stick to their rules and play fair, the men in the group play spoil sport for themselves.
Let me explain.
If the women in a group of men and women are easy going and communicative, the group outings will increase. The men will like women's company and will seek for more instances to hang around with women. This is quite natural. The catch comes when any one or more women are unattached. A subtle and unconscious rivalry grows up over time : rivalry to impress the "still available" women.
Men, or rather atleast one of them will contradict every one else, and try to gain brownie points by putting other men in really embarrasing situations. He will have opinions about everything and everyone and will dismiss others' views as "kuch bhi bakwaas kar raha hai". It is all fine for a day or two. But I guess after a while it starts getting on the nerves of people who can see the whole ploy clearly. The game of upmanship does not last long, and some day or the other one guy breaks out.
I am that guy.
My resolution for new year is to stay away from all groups that have reduced to cackles for scoring brownie points at the expense of others in front of women. I quit. I am not willing to listen to some one contradicting everything that I say, and I am not in a chase for women.
Few days back, I wrote that the problem with women friends is that they keep on changing rules without telling you, and you get frustrated in the end. Well, in the rare case when you do find one or a bunch of women who stick to their rules and play fair, the men in the group play spoil sport for themselves.
Let me explain.
If the women in a group of men and women are easy going and communicative, the group outings will increase. The men will like women's company and will seek for more instances to hang around with women. This is quite natural. The catch comes when any one or more women are unattached. A subtle and unconscious rivalry grows up over time : rivalry to impress the "still available" women.
Men, or rather atleast one of them will contradict every one else, and try to gain brownie points by putting other men in really embarrasing situations. He will have opinions about everything and everyone and will dismiss others' views as "kuch bhi bakwaas kar raha hai". It is all fine for a day or two. But I guess after a while it starts getting on the nerves of people who can see the whole ploy clearly. The game of upmanship does not last long, and some day or the other one guy breaks out.
I am that guy.
My resolution for new year is to stay away from all groups that have reduced to cackles for scoring brownie points at the expense of others in front of women. I quit. I am not willing to listen to some one contradicting everything that I say, and I am not in a chase for women.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Two facts to admit
I have to admit two facts. First, I do not like watching ghost movies. Second, I like sweet romantic movies.
My room mates often make fun of me that I am scared of ghosts movies. And upto an extent they are right. I have no idea if ghosts exists or not. But I have seen a bunch of things that I have utterly failed to explain by reason. I have no reason how my father dreamt that two of his uncles were about to pass in two hours. I have no idea why I get really weird dreams when my father is tense. I have no idea why I dreamt that one of my uncles will die around rakhi. I have no idea why I could see a temple in my dreams in Roorkee that is being built now in Jaipur. I have absolutely no idea how my father knows when I am tense.
I am not sure if there are other worlds or other creatures or demons or ghosts. Maybe they exist. Maybe they do not exist. I do not care. But if there is a one in a million chance that my interference or irreverence of any kind would mess up situation, then I'd rather stay away from their world. I am neither scare of them, I am nor in love with them. I simply make a conscious effort to stay indifferent, and keep myself in my world. I will not do smething superstitious, but I will as well not poke my nose in their affairs. I believe if they exist, they will accept it.
Watching a ghost movie simply pushes me to think in a direction for which I have no explanation. It makes my life complicated. I can shrug it off and say that it is all rubbish. But as soon as I say that my memoies tell me otherwise. So i prefer to avoid the whole issue, and focus my energy for whom I care for than ghosts and demons.
And there is a similar reason why I like "chick flicks". First, they always have a nice end. I always like finishing up a movie feeling good. And when the guy hugs the girl, and they start dreaming about their future together, I feel happy. Not happy for them, I feel happy in general, like when I feel happy after seeing a little baby smiling or laughing.
Second, these movies though touted stupid, are actually realistic portayal of human emotions. I still feel uncomfortable talking to women whom I do not know very well. Pretty much like the guys shown in movies. I still feel lost in the first day of class if I do not know any student.
Third, I believe that if I have an option between watching a movie that makes me feel good and a movie that makes me so tense that i cannot do my work or a movie that makes me depressed, my choice is very clear. I like to see movies that make me happy and cheerful.
And many sweet romantic movies do just that. For a short while, they make me believe that good things are possible, and they do happen.
So while I am at it, let me say that Never been kissed is a rea; swet movie. People, go and watch it!
I have to admit two facts. First, I do not like watching ghost movies. Second, I like sweet romantic movies.
My room mates often make fun of me that I am scared of ghosts movies. And upto an extent they are right. I have no idea if ghosts exists or not. But I have seen a bunch of things that I have utterly failed to explain by reason. I have no reason how my father dreamt that two of his uncles were about to pass in two hours. I have no idea why I get really weird dreams when my father is tense. I have no idea why I dreamt that one of my uncles will die around rakhi. I have no idea why I could see a temple in my dreams in Roorkee that is being built now in Jaipur. I have absolutely no idea how my father knows when I am tense.
I am not sure if there are other worlds or other creatures or demons or ghosts. Maybe they exist. Maybe they do not exist. I do not care. But if there is a one in a million chance that my interference or irreverence of any kind would mess up situation, then I'd rather stay away from their world. I am neither scare of them, I am nor in love with them. I simply make a conscious effort to stay indifferent, and keep myself in my world. I will not do smething superstitious, but I will as well not poke my nose in their affairs. I believe if they exist, they will accept it.
Watching a ghost movie simply pushes me to think in a direction for which I have no explanation. It makes my life complicated. I can shrug it off and say that it is all rubbish. But as soon as I say that my memoies tell me otherwise. So i prefer to avoid the whole issue, and focus my energy for whom I care for than ghosts and demons.
And there is a similar reason why I like "chick flicks". First, they always have a nice end. I always like finishing up a movie feeling good. And when the guy hugs the girl, and they start dreaming about their future together, I feel happy. Not happy for them, I feel happy in general, like when I feel happy after seeing a little baby smiling or laughing.
Second, these movies though touted stupid, are actually realistic portayal of human emotions. I still feel uncomfortable talking to women whom I do not know very well. Pretty much like the guys shown in movies. I still feel lost in the first day of class if I do not know any student.
Third, I believe that if I have an option between watching a movie that makes me feel good and a movie that makes me so tense that i cannot do my work or a movie that makes me depressed, my choice is very clear. I like to see movies that make me happy and cheerful.
And many sweet romantic movies do just that. For a short while, they make me believe that good things are possible, and they do happen.
So while I am at it, let me say that Never been kissed is a rea; swet movie. People, go and watch it!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Perils of a Consultancy Job
I have had an off-hand experience with consultancy in the last three years, and my interactions with industrial people has left me red-faced, confused, cautious and amused.
1. Many times, consultants are hired by a manager to simply do the dirty job, for example firing, or to lay the blame on a particular person. The reason could be simply that the manager does not want to be perceived as the "perpetuator" of the lay-off process or evaluation process, and a consultant with his "unbiased" outlook may be the best guy to give the boot to people.
2. Sometimes, consultants are hired to provide a proof of concept. The manager thinks that something is right, other people disagree, and so the manager hires a consultant to have his stand vindicated. The consultant has to walk a real thin line here because he wants to give results that are useful to manager, but the only useful results for the manager are those that vindicate his earlier stand. Ethics and pragmatism - the trade-off is really close.
3. Managers have egos, big ones, and they employ consultants to boost these egos. My experience has been that the managers feel quite proud when they introduce a consultant to their peers and say, "He's a professor emeritus at this university, and I have hired him to investigate the issue of release". Probably gives them a sense of power.
4. A whole lot of times, managers don't have a clue what's wrong with their project/product. Probably they are so much embroiled in their work that they cannot evaluate performance objectively. In these situations, the trouble is that the consultant is clueless what he is supposed to do. He talks to people, "thinks" that he has identified the problem, and works on it. The manager, even though clueless about the actual issue, does not agree with
I have had an off-hand experience with consultancy in the last three years, and my interactions with industrial people has left me red-faced, confused, cautious and amused.
1. Many times, consultants are hired by a manager to simply do the dirty job, for example firing, or to lay the blame on a particular person. The reason could be simply that the manager does not want to be perceived as the "perpetuator" of the lay-off process or evaluation process, and a consultant with his "unbiased" outlook may be the best guy to give the boot to people.
2. Sometimes, consultants are hired to provide a proof of concept. The manager thinks that something is right, other people disagree, and so the manager hires a consultant to have his stand vindicated. The consultant has to walk a real thin line here because he wants to give results that are useful to manager, but the only useful results for the manager are those that vindicate his earlier stand. Ethics and pragmatism - the trade-off is really close.
3. Managers have egos, big ones, and they employ consultants to boost these egos. My experience has been that the managers feel quite proud when they introduce a consultant to their peers and say, "He's a professor emeritus at this university, and I have hired him to investigate the issue of release". Probably gives them a sense of power.
4. A whole lot of times, managers don't have a clue what's wrong with their project/product. Probably they are so much embroiled in their work that they cannot evaluate performance objectively. In these situations, the trouble is that the consultant is clueless what he is supposed to do. He talks to people, "thinks" that he has identified the problem, and works on it. The manager, even though clueless about the actual issue, does not agree with